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|Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!|
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=> Warning! This fic contains excessive amounts of sugar! With
Valentine's day nearing, every single media in existence has been
turning out sugar bombs that try to mutate all of us into starry-eyed
idiots. Sad to say, they have converted me into their sorry lot.
=> Although I'm *not* proud to be among the few people who dread the
coming of February, I am forced, under the pain of insanity, torture,
slow death, (and lots of other horrible things to graphic to mention),
to write this fic. Writing romance stories makes me feel all good
inside. <gasp> It's starting already! Somebody! Whack me on the
head! <Whack, whack> Thanks, I needed that.
=> I'm warning you at this point in time that the fic has a *really
cheesy ending*.
=> Also, the plot (actually the ending) is not really my original idea.
I would like to thank my contributor (who still desires to remain
nameless) for coming up with the cheesy ending that started the wheels
turning in my mind to come up with a story to match. May she (and all
those other nameless people) find our own cheesy ending sometime in the
foreseeable future.
=> Some notes on notation. Things in {curly braces} are author's
comments within the fic. Signs and sound effects are in... uh...
<pointy braces>
=> The disclaimer is at the end, and the more people I would like to
thank.
=> Will somebody whack me so I can start? Thanks.
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Twenty Less Lonely People in the World
<otherwise known as Mayhem's Valentine Fic with the Cheesy Ending>
By the currently sessile (not senile) Nikholas "Mayhem" F. Toledo
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{
Hiroshi interrupted the narration rudely. He asked, "how come Miss
Hinako only drains men? Don't you remember, Daisuke, when she came to
Furinkan, she drained only the guys. I call that sexual discrimination.
If she should drain us guys, she should drain girls, too."
Mayhem replied, "Well, she did drain most of Ranma's other fianc�es in
the manga. But do take note: the only other females in the scene were
the three Tendo daughters. Now, we wouldn't want to drain Kasumi, would
we? Nabiki could retaliate in ways that Miss Hinako can't
counterattack, even with her power, and Akane's... not the kind of
person who would be drained."
It was Daisuke who had the best answer. "Well... aren't Soun, Ranma
and Genma the major causes of trouble in the Tendo Dojo, aside from
Happosai?"
They left it at that.
}
Chapter Three
The streets of Nerima
"I can't believe we're taking this little kid around town instead
of doing my martial arts," Ranma complained as he walked on the fence.
Akane trailed on the street below, holding the little boy's hand.
"Do you always think of yourself, Ranma?" Akane asked
sarcastically. "Just like your father."
"Hey! I'm not like my pop!" he replied angrily.
Akane began ticking off her fingers. "It's there, Ranma. What
about every night, at dinner, when you and your father compete for
what's left of the food."
"He's a lot more a pig than me," Ranma argued weakly. "At least I
don't hide as a panda whenever things go bad."
"That's because you change into a girl. Like whenever Auntie
Saotome comes by?"
"At least..." Ranma came up blank with a reason. "At least I'm a
better martial artist than he is..." he reasoned desperately.
Akane laughed. "Like *that* matters..."
They walked a few minutes in silence.
"Fine," Ranma jumped down from the fence. He crouched down to the
kid's eye level. "Do you want a piggy back ride?" he asked the little
kid.
A few minutes later, Ranma was walking along the fence with the
little boy on his shoulders. "I'm not doing this for you, you know,"
Ranma retorted. "Jerk," Akane thought, "and here I was, about to thank
him."
They walked together for a while in silence.
"All right, I'm sorry," Akane broke the impasse. "I shouldn't
have joked about you and your father."
"And I'm sorry about not helping you take care of Junior. I mean,
he is our responsibility," Ranma replied, looking straight ahead.
"Yeah, what a stupid idea to use him as bridal training."
A cool breeze blew though the morning sky, tossing a few curls of
hair here and there and moved a few fluffy clouds.
Ranma jumped down the fence.
They walked side by side the rest of the way.
Ukyo was in the middle of her usual morning jog when she saw
something really unusual.
It was Ranma carrying a small kid on his shoulders walking side by
side with Akane.
She resolved to follow them quietly for a few blocks.
"Where do we go now, Akane?" she heard Ranma ask.
"Well, why don't we ask Junior over here," Akane said, tickling
the little boy.
"JUNIOR?!?" Ukyo screamed in her mind. "Is that Ranma and
Akane's..." She shook that thought off. "Come on, Ukyo, that couldn't
be Ranma's son. I mean, it couldn't be Akane's son. It's impossible."
But there was this nagging feeling. Maybe the kid was adopted or
something. She needed to find out.
She marched off in their direction.
Ranma waved to her. "Why, hello, Ucchan! Nice to see you again,"
he said.
Akane couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of jealousy. "Why
hello, Ukyo," Akane said with an even voice.
Ukyo said in an adoring voice, "well... Who is this little man you
have here," she said. She was met by a gentle splash of water from the
squirt gun, which she accepted playfully. A regular sized puddle of
water formed on the sidewalk. "I see you have a squirt gun."
"Yes!" the little boy looked at it as if it was a trophy. "My
father gave it to me..."
"Oh... Your father gave it to you..." Ukyo said in this weird
voice. "And what is your father's name?" she asked.
Ranma, in a rare flash of insight, "Ah... Ukyo..." He looked for
a good way to phrase it. "He's not related to me, at least
genetically."
Ukyo gasped. "You don't mean that you're related legally---"
"YES! NO! I mean... we're... uh..."
Akane butted in before Ranma could make an even bigger fool out of
himself. "We're just babysitting." She smiled a winning smile, the way
Kasumi smiles to end any discussion. "The little kid got lost and we're
trying to find his father, right, Ranma," she elbowed him discreetly.
There was something in the way Akane said it that made Ukyo wary.
"I guess I better follow them just to make sure."
"So, where are you going, Ranma?" Ukyo asked.
The little kid blurted out. "We're going on a date!"
"I knew it," Ukyo thought.
An uncomfortable silence descended on the three of them (with the
kid too young to be stuck in uncomfortable silences). Akane silently
prayed that Ranma wouldn't open...
"Uh... Ukyo..." Ranma felt the need to break the silence. "Would
you like to come with us? The kid could be quite a handful," he
inwardly groaned.
"Sure, Ranma!" Ukyo replied quite joyously. "If you want, I'll
carry that kid for you," she reached out and tried to lift the kid off
Ranma's shoulders.
But Akane beat her to the punch. "I'm sorry, Ukyo, but this
little guy is coming with me. Come on, Junior, let's leave these two
slowpokes behind." They marched on ahead.
"Gah!" Ranma thought, "how uncute."
A few blocks behind them, a no left-turn sign began moving, then
it gained speed.
A few blocks ahead of them, two people were chasing each other.
Akane and Junior turned left at the corner.
What followed required two instant replays to be analyzed.
Ryoga, running like mad, away from something, screamed, "RANMA!
YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME!!!"
Behind him, wearing rollerblades, was the terror of all cutiees.
"CHARLOTTE!!!" Azusa Shiratori cried in that all-too-familiar excited
shriek.
And, on the other end of the street, Tsubasa Kurenai went on a
rampage, wearing a vending machine suit. "My dear, dear Ukyo!" he
called out to her in waves of pretty pink envelopes and soda cans.
Ranma, not really knowing what was going on, jumped into the air.
Ryoga jumped. "Ukyo! Watch out!" He crashed into Ukyo, the
force of the impact twisting them in mid-air.
Azusa and Tsubasa, running at high speeds, tried to stop. And, of
course, braking with rollerblades or wearing a vending machine was
pretty hard, especially if you aren't that good a martial artist. They
cracked their noggins on each other and fell instantly unconscious.
It was a general rule that if two people of the opposite sex were
to fall at the same time, they would land in a very compromising
situation.
We have here four (even if Tsubasa dressed otherwise).
Tsubasa fell on Azusa, who fell on Ukyo, who fell on Ryoga, who
fell on a regular-sized puddle in the ground.
Ranma landed a safe distance away. "Ukyo? Are you okay?" he
asked the large pile of humanity on the street.
"Ryoga?" Akane and Junior reappeared. There was no Ryoga, all
Akane saw was Ranma helping up Ukyo carrying a small black pig to her
feet. "P-Chan! What are you doing here?" She ran over and hugged the
pig, which didn't really help him to regain consciousness.
Ukyo shook the dust off her clothes. "How the heck did this
happen?" she asked, eyeing the pig and eyeing the two sub-normal people
still in a heap on the street.
Akane let go of the pig and gave it to Junior. She came over to
the two of them. "Wasn't that Azusa and Tsubasa over there?" she
asked.
Ranma grabbed her arm. "Come on, I'm not going to wait and find
out." The four of them walked a good distance away before they spoke
again. "Well, that was a weird thing."
Ukyo echoed his sentiments. "Yeah, but changing into a pig is
another," she glared at the small pig who was in Junior's arms. She
declared, "I have to go home and get for myself a change of clothes."
She picked up P-Chan by his bandanna. "And, me and a certain someone
have to one-on-one talk..." P-Chan squeaked terrifiedly.
Akane protested, "Ukyo, where are you going with my P-Chan?"
Ukyo was about to retort when she saw Ranma shake his head
vigorously. "So Akane doesn't know..."
"Come on, Akane," Ranma said. "You can't take care of the pig and
Junior at the same time. One of them is quite a handful already. I'm
sure Ukyo would be glad to take good care of P-Chan for a while, won't
you, Ucchan?" Akane couldn't help but agree to Ranma's assertion.
"See you at the park in the afternoon!" Ukyo waved goodbye.
Akane felt pretty angry, "why did you let her go with P-Chan?
Won't she use him to get back at me?"
"I think P-Chan is going to be in good hands," Ranma reassured
cryptically.
{
"Hey... This is getting to be a bit cheesy."
"'ya ain't seen nothing yet..."
}
Nikholas F. Toledo Zu @ http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3145/mezza9.html
Vector, Switch, Yebah, Rain Man, goo, Pervert, Scruples, Hollie, NomaD,
Blitz, Gee, Datzo, Jewel, Elf, Radler, Pinball, Mayhem, Chaos, Father, Attar
Fanfiction @ http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3145/fanfics.html
Warp Zone @ http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3145/thirteen.html
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The logo of the Church of All Worlds is nine concentric circles.
Word from the Laity: Wipe yer feet! Bloody 'ell...
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/3145/index.html
Currently under construction... confessional at the links.
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