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|Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!|
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=> Warning! This fic contains excessive amounts of sugar! With
Valentine's day nearing, every single media in existence has been
turning out sugar bombs that try to mutate all of us into starry-eyed
idiots. Sad to say, they have converted me into their sorry lot.
=> Although I'm *not* proud to be among the few people who dread the
coming of February, I am forced, under the pain of insanity, torture,
slow death, (and lots of other horrible things to graphic to mention),
to write this fic. Writing romance stories makes me feel all good
inside. <gasp> It's starting already! Somebody! Whack me on the
head! <Whack, whack> Thanks, I needed that.
=> I'm warning you at this point in time that the fic has a *really
cheesy ending*.
=> Also, the plot (actually the ending) is not really my original idea.
I would like to thank my contributor (who still desires to remain
nameless) for coming up with the cheesy ending that started the wheels
turning in my mind to come up with a story to match. May she (and all
those other nameless people) find our own cheesy ending sometime in the
foreseeable future.
=> Some notes on notation. Things in {curly braces} are author's
comments within the fic. Signs and sound effects are in... uh...
<pointy braces>
=> The disclaimer is at the end, and the more people I would like to
thank.
=> Will somebody whack me so I can start? Thanks.
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Twenty Less Lonely People in the World
<otherwise known as Mayhem's Valentine Fic with the Cheesy Ending>
By the currently sessile (not senile) Nikholas "Mayhem" F. Toledo
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{
Hiroshi and Daisuke looked at Mayhem with disbelieving eyes.
"I SAID SESSILE! NOT SENILE!"
*BONK*
}
Chapter One
Rude Awakenings
Ranma ran through the deserted streets of Nerima, with the scourge
of hell following him in waves of pain and anger. He was afraid. He
knew he couldn't win. He hated it. He hated running away. He knew
that he should fight, and that he could defeat it, just like everyone he
had faced before, but all he wanted was to run away. Just run away. "I
can't look..." He cried out for help, but his scream died in his
throat.
The monster at his heels laughed horribly, sending its tentaculous
arms throughout the entire world, turning everything it touched into
nothingness.
Foolishly, Ranma bumped into the last brick wall in the universe.
There was nothing left, Nothing was left in the void that used to
be the universe, except for Ranma, the monster, and the brick wall.
He turned around, there was nothing left to do. He looked the
monster straight in the eye.
It said, "Goodbye, Ranma," in a voice that was both familiar and
strange.
And he shattered into a thousand pieces.
Akane never had nightmares. Unlike Ranma, who once every often
woke up screaming. Maybe it's a psychological effect of his early
separation from his mother, his fears manifesting and repeating
themselves at the subconscious level. Or, maybe, it's a dumb stroke of
bad luck.
Well, Akane's dreams were never that scary. Of course, she did
have nightmares, once in a while, but they was never so dark that she
would wake up screaming in the middle of the night and be unable to
sleep.
But this time, it was weird.
She found herself confronting a cup of instant ramen claiming to
be her inner self. Of course she was angry, who wouldn't be if you
found out that your inner self looked like such.
It said to her in a strange way, "you carry your anger around as
your shield. Stop, or it will happen again."
What followed was a pang of sadness and guilt that she had never
felt for a long time.
She called out to it, asking what the heck was going on.
It screamed back at her, loud.
She woke up with the ringing still in her ears.
Because it wasn't a dream, the Styrofoam cup was still screaming.
No... it was actually Ranma, screaming his lungs out in the other
room.
"Trust Ranma to ruin everything," she hrrumphed, tossing in bed.
A loud bloodcurdling scream shattered the early morning
tranquility of the Tendo Dojo.
Lots of things happened at the same time.
To ease the description of the scene, it could be said that the
same sequence of events that took place was similar to that shown at the
start of the Cookbook episode (OAV 2). That is, everyone fell to the
floor in surprise (except for Nabiki, who, by definition, is never
surprised, and Kasumi, who gets surprised but doesn't show it), and ran
up the stairs. History did have this thing for repeating itself.
Of course, they were a bit different this time. First of all, the
mob that made its way up the stairs was fairly puzzled when they saw
Akane step out of her room, not being the person who was, in actuality,
screaming.
The second thing that made this scene different was made apparent
by the composition of the said mob.
And that made a helluva difference.
The sliding door was kicked in, and Miss Hinako was the first
person to enter the room. Taking out a fifty-yen coin, she blasted the
would-be screaming delinquent in the room.
But the problem with Miss Hinako's battle-aura-draining power was
that it only acted in a direct line of sight with the coin. If a person
were to hide behind somebody else, that person wouldn't be drained of
his battle aura.
And now, in the Saotome room, a large panda effectively blocked
whatever attack she dished out with his comparatively large volume.
Poor Genma, who was sleeping at the time, found his energy being drained
from him, and his fat furry body shrunk much like raisins exposed to the
sun.
(Of course, that analogy would be much more appreciated, given the
fact that Miss Hinako did look like the sun, 'cause she was wearing that
skin-tight one-piece yellow miniskirt and did make people, actually the
men, sweat profusely.)
Soun Tendo was the next person to see exactly what was going on.
What caught his attention was the battle-drained panda, drifting in the
wind. Of course, this was Soun's first first-hand experience dealing
with energy-deficient person, besides the time a few months back when
the skies over Nerima were filled with hundreds of shrunken, energy-
drained bodies floating in the wind. There were lots of scared people
that afternoon, and Soun was one of them.
He held on to Genma-panda for dear life. "OH, SAOTOME! WHAT
TRAGEDY HAS BEFALLEN YOU!" He wailed, flooding the room with tears.
"WHY HAVE YOU BECOME SO THIN?!?" The panda began to drift in the small
breeze that blew through the room. "Oh no! His spirit is leaving us!
Somebody, do something!"
The first thing that Akane did when she entered the room was to
run over to Ranma's side. He was in his girl form and was cowering in
one corner of the room, trying to ward off evil spirits with his... her
hands. She shook her awake. "Ranma! Snap out of it!" she said,
slapping him. "It's just a bad dream! Come on, wake up!"
"Uh... Akane..." Ranma stared at her bleary eyed. "I thought
that you..." she stammered out, still half-asleep.
"Uh... What Ranma?" Akane grew this little red line across the
bridge of her nose at the way Ranma was staring at her, with such want
in her eyes... She shook it off. "Ranma," she hissed, "there are
people watching."
Ranma was about to say (or do) something that would have ended the
entire series then and there when Nabiki chose to enter the discussion.
"Ranma," she said in the caring way we all know and love, "I can't
believe you would be scared of a little brat."
"Little brat?" the two of them echoed, and they stared somewhere
behind them.
Kasumi was holding a little boy around the age of six who held a
small squirt gun in his hand. "Hello," the boy shyly said, "my name is
Junior... What's yours?" he asked in a small-child charming way.
"Junior?!?" Akane and Ranma echoed, with a startling thought that
pierced through them like an arrow. They stared at the person who would
have most likely had an explanation.
Genma-panda took out a small sign. <Food will heal me.>
{
"Hey! You mean a kid is going to solve everything?" Daisuke asked
disbelievingly.
"And... his... he..." Hiroshi followed through.
"Watch and learn..."
}
Nikholas F. Toledo Zu @ http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3145/mezza9.html
Vector, Switch, Yebah, Rain Man, goo, Pervert, Scruples, Hollie, NomaD,
Blitz, Gee, Datzo, Jewel, Elf, Radler, Pinball, Mayhem, Chaos, Father, Attar
Fanfiction @ http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3145/fanfics.html
Warp Zone @ http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3145/thirteen.html
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The logo of the Church of All Worlds is nine concentric circles.
Word from the Laity: Wipe yer feet! Bloody 'ell...
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/3145/index.html
Currently under construction... confessional at the links.
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