JBailey906@aol.com wrote:
In a message dated 98-02-11 16:10:54 EST, you write:
Or a variation on that idea , that I've worked on for awhile after I was
struck by the idea ( I always get distracted from working on my current
fics by a new idea) we could instead of having Sailor Senshi we could
have an all male cast of tuxedo wearing, rose throwing, handsome boys.
And this time Usagi would be the one who would have to pull Mamoru's
ass out of the fire.
I toyed with doing something like that quite a while back, "Bishonen Senshi
Sailor Moon" with all the scout's nearest-thing-to-a-boyfriend as the various
Senshi (in Crackerjack box Sailor uniforms); Darien as a self-indulgent, useless
pretty boy (Darien Tsukino mind you) and Serena as a tough young woman who drew a
comic strip for the local paper (Serena Chiba). The inners would have remained
as Serena's close friends; she'd have been more of a female Moonlight Knight
sort.
But seriously, I can handle Greg as Mercury, Andrew as Jupiter, Alan as Venus but
...
CHAD as Mars? And if you apply the Davies Principle to the relationship ...
<shudder> Well, like you said. It was a pretty insane idea. <pauses & fearfully
checks hard drive> YE GODS, I actually have something written on this. <shudders
more> oh no! I'm going to embarass myself before the whole FFML and POST IT
BELOW!
Turn back!
Turn back now! This is your last chance!!
You were warned!
Does this count as a Spam Fic?
[any resemblance of any victim of the day to anyone you really know is ... well,
I DENY EVERYTHING....]
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Bishonen Senshi Sailor Moon or,
Attack of the Lunar Flower Girl, or
What if CLAMP took over Sailor Moon after watching
_To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything --Julie Newmar?_
(or maybe just after watching Sailor Stars...!)
Being an extremely silly, sometimes wicked, and vaguely lascivious
(i.e., NAUGHTY) parody of Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon. Really, I
respect the original. I do.
It was a normal day at Ryuuneske High School. Darien Tsukino was
walking down the street to his car, dressed in his normal black leather
pants, black athletic shirt, green bomber jacket and Armitage
sunglasses. His medium length black hair was tied back in a ponytail
with a handy beret. However, as he was walking along, he ran into
someone. She was a pretty blond with two ponytails, her hair gathered
elaborately into spheres atop each of them. Her eyes were a shimmering
sapphire blue. She was carrying an oversized artist�s portfolio, which
Darien almost made her drop.
Darien flustered and blushed at his clumsiness.
�Hey, Tsukino! Watch where you�re walking! You almost made me drop my
portfolio!� fumed Serena Chiba. �What�s the big idea??�
�Uh...sorry! I�m a bit clumsy for my size...�
�I�ll say!� She started to walk off.
�Uh, Usagi, uh, can I maybe, uh, give you a lift in my car?�
�Drop dead, meatloaf head! You�re the dumbest guy in school, I wouldn�t
trust you to drive a tricycle! Good Day!� And with that she stormed
off.
�Funny,� he thought to himself. �She�s always really nasty to me, but
for some reason I�m vaguely attracted to her.�
Darien got in his car and drove over to the Crown Game Center, where his
best friend Motoki worked. Darien and Motoki looked an awful lot alike
in the face, but Motoki had short brown hair and green eyes compared to
Darien�s jet-black long hair and blue eyes. Also, while Motoki was good
in a fight, Darien was usually a spastic nerfbag. To put it in a biased
and sterotypical fashion, Darien�s wrist was so limp he had trouble
carrying a cappuchino. But he did look pretty good in any combination
of black and pastels.
Motoki smiled at him when he came in and waved him over. In the
background, a boyish-looking girl with a green pageboy cut was beating a
long, blond-haired girl at the F1 motorcycle race. The blond began to wail,
�...you always win, Michelle! And then you get to be on top!! It�s not
fair!�
�Wanna arm wrestle?� came the smug reply.
�Whaaaaa!!!�
�So, Darien, what�s new?�
�Not a whole lot, Motoki. I bumped into that cute Usagi Chiba and put
my foot in my mouth, as usual.�
Motoki patted him on the back. �Don�t worry, you�re just not used to
chasing girls. Maybe Mitsuru and Shinobu can give you some tips later.�
Darien shivered.
�No, I don�t think I want to get together with them later. Shinobu�s
such an iceberg, it gives me the creeps.�
�Yeah, but he�s the smartest guy in school. Apart from Urawa, that is.�
Darien nodded. �Yeah, Urawa and I have become much better friends
lately. He�s been helping me with my homework.� Motoki eyed Darien
suspiciously, but didn�t say anything.
�So, Motoki, I can�t help but notice you�re staring at that girl in the
corner who just did an Ultra Combo with Orchid in Killer Instinct?�
Meanwhile, in the Dark Kingdom, Zoicite was reporting to Queen Beryl:
�Majesty,� he began to speak in his smooth-operator voice. �Our quest
to reunite the seven Pastel Crystals has begun with success...a success
that had eluded my predecessor Nephrite.�
�What you say is true, Zoicite, but do not let yourself become
overconfident. That way lies your failure.�
�Of course not, my queen.�
In the crowd, Lord Malachite wiped a tear off on the edge of his cloak.
He turned to a youma standing next to him. �Isn�t Zoicite magnificent?
I can�t believe I actually taught him everything he knows!� Malachite
gushed some more, and blew his nose on the cloak; the youma discreetly
sidled away.
�DimSide Crystal, show me the next carrier of a Pastel Crystal!�
Zoicite said, hurling the DimSide Crystal into the air in front of the
throne. A cone of darkened pastel colors sprayed into the air above it,
and in it was revealed the next carrier of a Pastel Crystal. Zoicite
laughed triumphantly.
Later, that afternoon...
Jessica was walking down the alley behind the Crown Game Center. She
had all kinds of Power Rangers UFO Catcher dolls in her pockets. After
she�d shown Motoki how to do that combo, he�d unlocked the crane game
and given her a set. She thought it was a pretty fair trade. And
...*sigh* ... he did remind her of Billy, her ex-boyfriend.
Just then, Zoicite appeared.
�Ha ha ha!�
�Hey! That�s a Villain Laugh, isn�t it?� she asked.
Zoicite blinked. �Why, yes, yes it is? How could you tell?�
�I�ve always been able to detect major plot elements. Like today how
the two guys at the counter almost were glowing. They must be Main
Characters.� She looked down. �Why do I suddenly feel like the Monster
of the Day??�
�Because you�re about to become one! Gimme back that Pastel Crystal!�
�IEEE!!!!� Jessica screamed. She threw the �Rocky� UFO Catcher doll at
Zoicite, thought about it a moment longer and added the �Tanya� and
�Kat� dolls too. Zoicite made a face of disgust.
�Eeww! Just for that, I hope that Sailor Moon beats you! Gimme that
crystal...NOW!!�
�NO! I won�t! I won�t! I won�t!� Jessica chanted.
�Succumb!� yelled Zoicite. �Succumb to the power of the Dim Side!!�
He unleashed a blast of greyish light from the DimSide Crystal. Jessica
was trapped by the energy field, and a pastel-tangerine crystal started
to materialize on her chest.
Just then, Motoki opened up the back door of the arcade and carried out
the trash. He saw what was going on.
�OMIGOSH!! Jessica! I�ll save you!� he cried, running forward and
opening with a jump in and a fierce kick. Zoicite was knocked back and
dropped the crystal. He then tried going down and lifting, thus raising
Zoicite above his head, ready to toss him into the garbage dumpster.
�NO!! Infidel! Die! Die Twice, Damnit!� yelled Zoicite, who unleashed
Generic Black Ink blasts down on poor Motoki. Jessica was slumped
gasping on the alley ground, unable to get up and run. Motoki gritted
his teeth.
�Run, Jessica...GYAA!! Run!� As Zoicite continued the blasts, Darien
and his black cat, Artemis, arrived.
�Quickly! Sailor Moon! You must transform!� said the cat.
�Do I have to? Why can�t we call Urawa and have Sailor Mercury take on
Zoicite?�
�Because Urawa is still in the hospital from when you made him fight
Zoicite YESTERDAY!�
Just then, on Motoki�s brow, a green symbol which kind of looked like a
distorted 4 appeared. �Hey! What�s that on Motoki�s forehead? Is that
a cheat code for Mortal Kombat 4 or something?�
Artemis got a sweat drop. �No, it�s the sign of Sailor...JUPITER!!
Yes, a REAL FIGHTER!� the cat �ya-taaa�ed� and dashed forward, somehow
doing a backflip as he did so.
Zoicite broke free of Motoki�s grip and knocked him to the ground with a
vicious kick. While Motoki lay on the ground, writhing in agony,
Artemis dropped the Jupiter transformation pen off in front of him.
�Pick up this pen and say, �JUPITER POWER�.�
Motoki bravely hobbled to his feet and did as he was told. �JUPITER
POWER!�
Green lightning flashed, and Motoki was wearing a crackerjack-box
sailorboy outfit.
�Jupiter, Supreme Thunder!� he cried, unleashing a devastating blast of
lightning.
�Sailor Moon, we need you!� cried Artemis.
Darien shrugged, and whined, �Oh, all right...!�
�Moon Prism Power, Make UP!� With a much longer stock-footage sequence,
Darien�s regular outfit was replaced with a (female)sailor fuku outfit, done in
black and white with a touch of blue. Apparently, Darien�s legs were
automatically shaved when he transformed.
�MOON TIARA, ACTION!� he cried, tossing the Tiara. As usual, he threw
it weakly and it missed.
�SUPREME LUMBER, MORON!!� screamed Jessica as she brought a 2x4 she�d
found in the alleyway down on Zoicite�s head.
CRAAACK!!!!!
�I�m out of here...� the villain mumbled and teleported away.
�Wow, Darien, I can�t believe it...you�re Sailor Moon! You look like
HELL in that skirt!�
�Whaaaa!!! Motoki-kun! You�re so meaannn to me!!!� wailed Darien.
Unseen by them, atop a nearby building, a graceful woman wearing a
flowing white combat robe outfit (think Belldandy, actually) with twin
ponytails and really funky mask-glasses oversaw this scene.
�Yup, Darien�s that dinkus Sailor Moon allright. At least I didn�t have
to save his life, AGAIN today� thought Moonlight Rose as she turned
away, vanishing.
The End for now...
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I'mSorryI'mSorryI'mSorryI'mSorryI'mSorryI'mSorryI'mSorryI'mSorry...
Nightman