[We see an empty theater. The door to it is suddenly flung open and
two figures march in. One is a white cat with an eyepatch over one
eye and a man who suspiciously looks like King Endymion without
the mask. The two march up to the front seats and sit.]
Man: Welcome to the Synopsis List Review !
Cat: Yeah, where we pull apart the fics submitted to the Synopsis list
and give them C&C whether you like 'em or not.
Man: And to those Mama's Hand readers in the audience I am not King
Endymion from Mama's Hand...
Cat: Yeah, he's someone much worse.
Man: Shut up , Apollo. My name is Lavender. You don't know me yet
cause my author [ looks up] hasn't posted my fic yet.
Voice from above : Hey !
Lavender: And as you can see she's having trouble with my costume.
Voice: It's just a prototype !
Apollo: Anyway folks, were here to review all fics submitted to the
FFML Synopsis List. Our author suggested the idea to one
of the moderators and he told us she could do it if she wanted
to. By the way, she forgot to say this:
Disclaimer:
The opinions in this review are not shared by the Synopsis list
moderators. They are the opinions of the reviewer, namely one
Elsa Bibat. And since this is the first time anyone has done
this, she's asking if she can be the official synopsis list
reviewer.
Lavender: We'll be using a simple rating system ranging from one
rose for pukin' bad [ throws a purple rose to a nearby wall ]
to ten roses for something that really kicked ass [ a volley
of roses are thrown out of his hand and ten of them embed
themselves in the wall] The average FFML fanfic is usually
a five, seven and above are usually truly excellent works and
recommended reading.
Voice: Enough with the small talk ! Get to work !
Lavender: SHUT UP ! [ Throws a rose to the roof, moments later a
stereo speaker falls to the floor]
Apollo: [ muttering] And he says he's not psychotic.....
Lavender: As she said, on with the fics !
* * * * *
[Ah! Megamisama!]
- - - - -
Title: Life Lines
Series: Ah! My Goddess! others
Genre: Somewhat dark
Author: Jusenkyo Guide
Lavender: It's good....but.....
Apollo: I'll be handling the grammar parts and the spelling errors
and I have to say a few cropped up, but there's always
some in a fic.
Lavender: One thing I don't get is what the hell happened. Did the
Goddesses erase Third Impact or something ? A few
confusing parts but still an overall good fic. I give it
seven roses. [sends seven roses into the wall]
* * * * *
[Ah! Megamisama!/Urusei Yatsura]
- - - - -
Title: "Chaos and Death", Chapter Eight: "Dates and Events"
Series: Ah! Megami-sama! and Urusei Yatsura
Genre: Romantic Comedy (Epic Tragedy?)
Author: Henry J. Cobb
[Lavender and Apollo are laughing madly in their seats]
Lavender: BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Apollo: A real funny chapter to the 'Chaos And Death' series
it's flawless in grammar and spelling.
Lavender: Any new guys on the list should get all the current
chapters and read it. It's a truly great fic. I'm giving
you nine, Mr. Cobb. [ you know what happens next
don't you]
* * * * *
[Bubblegum Crisis/AD&D]
- - - - -
Title: Nightmare & Dreams - Sylia's choice pt 2
Series: Bubblegum crisis/Advanced Dungeon & Dragons
Genre: Crossover
Author: David Lindquist
Lavender: Uhhmmm....what the hell is going on ?
Apollo: Due to Lavender's total ignorance of the rules of
AD&D I'll be the one to review the fic. Though I am
totally unfamiliar with the Kara-tur expansion of
the RPG, I'd say you did a good job. But the
problem is as you said, you're slipping a bit.
A few more revisions should clear the fic up.
Again a few misspellings and I have to admit
my pet peeve on attachments. It is a good
fic and there's nothing on the ML to compare
it to except if you count Mark Doherty's
unreleased and unfinished 'Knights of the Saber'.
If anyone out there wants BGC/Fantasy fusion
then this is one to read. Boss give him seven.
[Lavender throws - hell you know what happens]
* * * * *
[Dirty Pair/Evangelion/Heinlein]
- - - - -
Title: Won't Get Fooled Again, Part 2
Series: Dirty Pair, Evangelion, Robert Heinlein's Future History
Genre: Crossover, serious, angst
Author: Sean Gaffney
Apollo: Three words, Mr. Gaffney: We love you.
Lavender: Heinlen, Dirty Pair _and_ Evangelion...It's going to
be really messy when the shit hits the fan. It's a good
fic. Let me rephrase that: It's one helluva fic !
Apollo: And we're not just saying that cause you're married to
Saturn.
Lavender: Yeah, I can take on Hotaru anytime of day...
Apollo: Need I remind you of the last time you did that ?
Lavender: Hey ! I knocked her out !
Apollo: She was unconscious for three hours. _You_ were
in a full body cast _and_ traction for over a year.
Lavender: Hey, I'm alive aren't I ?
Apollo: [sighs] Let's forget about that...anyway this fic
is recommended reading.
Lavender: Yes, I give it the first ten roses that I'm giving out.
* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2]
- - - - -
Title: ...Cats and Dogs Part 4
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Adventure
Author: Carlin92
Lavender: A bit short.....
Apollo: No complaints in the grammar department.
Lavender: Ranma should be going nuts right about
now....Interesting fic. Your fight scenes
are remarkably good. But, the fact is my
author and I have read way too many
Ranma fics so unless it's going to start
becoming remarkable like 'The Plan' or
LaWR I give your fic six roses.
- - - - -
Title: Long and Winding Road 2 - Rocky Roads
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Happyfic
Author: Zen
Lavender: Question, Apollo, when was part 1 released ?
Apollo: The fall of the Silver Millenium ?
Lavender: Near enough...well , this is what I was talking
about earlier: remarkable, original, breaks the
norm. But the wait was.......
Apollo: Irritating ? Maddening ? Drove you up the wall ?
Lavender: Yes... still a very good fic. I'll give it eight roses.
- - - - -
Title: Mother's Son Part 2
Series: Alternate Universe
Genre: Ranma 1/2
Author: Shaule Sachs
Lavender: As said before, I'm getting jaded with Ranma
and this is starting to become tiresome...
Apollo:No problems with grammar and all that....
Lavender: Well, you passed the grammar test....though
the fic does have potential...I'll give you five
roses for now.
- - - -
Title: Nekoken Is Out Of The Bag
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Continuation Lemon
Author: Lord Archive
Lavender: Another kick ass chapter of something I like....
Apollo: Yes, the Nekoken angle of things has not been
explored much I think, and since me and Lavender
are waiting for the next installment of 'Tiger's Claw'....
Lavender: Plus the fics a lemon....
Apollo: We liked the earlier chapters and we think you're
doing a really good job.
Lavender:[drooling] Plus it's a lemon.....
Apollo: That is what happens if you go 4000 years without sex....
Lavender: [ regains composure] Stop revealing personal facts
Apollo ! Anyway we're giving it eight roses !
- - - - -
Title: The Return of the Sisters Chapter 8
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Continuation
Author: David A. Tatum
Lavender: Why does this fellow always have to have
a person with Desaix as a name in a fic ?
Apollo: Dunno. Grammar and spelling check out.
Lavender: My author and I have been following the fic
and I say the thing keeps the quality of the
earlier chapters. It's gone a long way from
a cancelled project by Lurker. I'll be with
this fic till the end so I'll give it eight roses.
- - - - -
Title: Rift Asunder
Series: Ranma 1/2 and Many others...
Genre: Science Fiction/Martial Arts
Author: David Snider aka KnightHawke
Apollo: Big....
Lavender: Really big.....
Apollo: No grammar problems from me. Though I think
I missed some since I was too damned concerned
of finishing the fic in under two hours.
Lavender: The story has that distinct....you know .... I can't
put my finger on it. Anyway, storywise and all that
the fic is good. But I have to reread it just to make
sure....the current rose number is six, Mr. Snider.
Ask us again in a few days, maybe I'll give it a nine.
* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2 / Ah! Megamisama!]
- - - - -
Title: Change,Grow,ToLive Part 1
Series: Crossover
Genre: Ranma 1/2 and Oh! My Goddess
Author: Shaule Sachs
Lavender: Good fic.
Apollo: Very good fic.
Lavender: It does have a similarity to the other fic
with having Urd as Ranma's mother but
that's where the similarity ends. This is
a must read for anyone who has not read
it yet.
Apollo: This fic is _clean_. I mean the grammar and
the format is very good. He gets an A from me.
Lavender: Well, I agree. Very good fic with great potential.
I give it ten roses.
* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2 / Sailor Moon]
- - - - -
Title: Awakening of the Dragon Part 2
Series: Crossover
Genre: Ranma 1/2 and Sailor Moon
Author: Shaule Sachs
Lavender: Oookay, this one I have a few problems with...
Apollo: You reduced one of the sharpest minds in the
Ranmaverse to a blubbering idiot, that's what he
means.
Lavender: Well, Nabiki should have taken the trauma a bit
more easily. And a few problems on the casualties
in the chapter. I think you know who I'm talking
about.
Apollo: No grammar problems. He passes my test.
Lavender: Anyway where the heck are the Senshi ? They
would have been attracted to the monster attack
and at least arrived.
Apollo: Don't worry about my Boss, Sachs. He justs wants to
see some skimpy skirts.
Lavender: Shut up ! Seven roses for now, Mr. Sachs. I want them
skir- *ahem* Senshi in the next part.
* * * * *
[Sailor Moon]
- - - - -
Title: "Justification" Pt. 1
Series: Part 1 of 4
Genre: Sailor Moon
Author: Robin "Lunari" Seabaugh
Lavender: I'm going to kill you if you say I look like _him_.
Apollo: Nothing of the sort, Boss. Good grammar. One
problem, I _hate_ the dubnames.
Lavender: They're not so bad.
Apollo: For _you_, for me it just makes it lose the flavor.
Lavender: OK. No problem from the aesthetic department.
It has 'urgency' as some proffesional writers would
call it. It also has avery interesting problem in it. I
can't wait to see what happens when Queen Serenity
meets up with her 20th century version. I'll be hunting
this man down if he doesn't continue the fic. Also a
must read. A _definite_ must read. Ten roses wrapped
in a bouquet would be more appropriate.
- - - - -
Title: The Love of a Lifetime (or two)
Series: Sailor Moon
Genre: WAFF?!
Author: Lord Talon
Lavender: Peter Cetera rules !
Apollo: Peter Cetera rocks !
Voice: [off key] / You're the reason in my life /
/ You're the insp-/ [stops as a rose is sent
up to the speakers once again]
Lavender: My author can't sing to save her life.
Anyway, another must read for anyone
who likes sweet little stuff for Valentine
and those who are Peter Cetera fans.
Apollo: A few mispellings and all that.
Lavender: Nine roses for you , Talon.
* * * * *
[Sailor Moon/MST3000]
- - - - -
Title: "That Girl" Pt. 1-2
Series: Mystery Science Theater 6.7
Genre: Sailor Moon/Mystery Science Theater 3000
Author: Megane 6.7
[Lavender and Apollo are puking into paper bags.]
Lavender: Don't get us wrong. The MST was good...
Apollo: Real good....
Lavender: But, Oscar....
Apollo: Oh gods, Oscar.....
Lavender: The MST receives ten roses from me.
The fic is gonna receive this.
[ throws one rose at hard copy of fic]
Lavender: PETAL WHIRLWIND !!!!
[ The rose explodes into a whirling tornado of razor
sharp petals that shred the fic to bits.]
Lavender: I feel better.
* * * * *
[Tenchi Muyou!]
- - - - -
Title: Tenchi Muyo: Exile! #1: Day of Reckoning <continued>
Series: Tenchi Muyo!
Genre: comedy
Author: Trakal
Lavender: Let me guess....Your favorite character is Trakal,
right ?
Apollo: No problems with grammar. He passes by me.
Lavender: The fic was good in all terms. The Mihoshi scene
with her groaning Kiyone's name is quite funny.
An average six roses for you.
****************
Lavender: There ends this week's synopsis review.
Apollo: Anyone who disliked their review have our
permission to flame our author's pretty little
ass off.
Lavender: If you want your fic reviewed send to the synopsis list
and the review will come out a day or so after the list
comes out.
Apollo: Well, until my Boss doesn't look like King Endymion....
Lavender: Until my author finally learns how to sing...
Voice: Until I finally finish my VP Miyu lemon....
[ Lavender and Apollo look up glaring]
All: See you next week.
____________________________________________________________
' Writers are the torchbearers of civilization. We're set in a corner only we
can illuminate.Some of us are searchlights, able to cast a beam into the
far reaches of the human soul.Some of us are candles , barely able to
sustain a glow against the darkness. Nevertheless the words I write
are important, because light is additive. Another's light doesn't diminish
my own. Our lights together make us stronger.'
- (After much paraphrasing and reaaranging) Roger Martin
' There is no such thing as fiction. There is no such thing as imagination.
Everthing's friggin' real.Everything's also one hell of an illusion. What that
mean's ,my dear reader, is that you, me , the chair you're sitting on,
the chair I'm sitting on, are participants in one of the biggest fucking lies
in the history of Time: Reality'
- Elsa Bibat, 'The Reality Manifesto'