rbarnes@moscow.com (Bob Barnes) wrote:

Hi Gary!

Howdy!

It's good to see the next installment of this story.  In each and every one
of the parts so far you've shown some fascinating insights into the various
characters, and this one is  no exception.

Thanks!

Probably should be "the robes we wear."

Oopsie!

       "Kasumi, I have something to ask you. Something important.
Will-- will you--"

       Something imperceptible floated at the edge of Kasumi's senses;
a feeling that she was suddenly being watched by something she couldn't
quite focus on. Kaede seemed to notice it too. Her gaze slowly began to
scan the darkened courtyard, fixing on something Kasumi couldn't see.

       Tofu's eyes suddenly glazed over. His nervous expression changed
to a dopey smile. "Kasumi? Wh-- what a surprise to meet you here!" He
drifted towards Kaede. "Betty? Would you get Kasumi a cup of tea,
please? It's so nice that we could run into each other like this! What
time does this train arrive in Sapporo, Mr. Conductor? It looks like
rainy weather today!" He bounded off in a random direction, continuing
to babble unintelligibly.

In re, the middle paragraph: Have I ever mentioned that I just hate it when
an author opens up a tantalizing possibility or drops a clue of something
unusual and interesting and then drops it altogether without even a line or
two of text, after, to clarify it a bit? Oh, if I have, please excuse me for
harping on it.  *grumble* *cuss*

Sorry about that, but this scene is one that you, the readers, will have
to interpret for yourselves. I'll only say that one of Kasumi's
assumptions may be very wrong.

Maybe, "Don't you like sports?"  Could be just his style of speech though, I
guess.

Yeah.

It's a real treat to read a story so technically well written.  Spelling,
punctuation, syntax and so on.  Quite a contrast from some I've seen lately
that are a struggle just to get to the point of the story.  I recall one
where I wanted to tell the writer things like: a sentence begins with a
capital letter and ends with a period followed by one or two spaces.
Sentences should be organized into things called paragraphs.  Like that.  It

I know what you mean; still, if there weren't Dr. Stinker and other
writers like that, we wouldn't have Megane 6.7's hilarious MSTings of
them. :-)

would be a waste of time, though, I suspect.  I'd make a terrible English
teacher. *sigh*  

Well, teaching science is no picnic either... :-)

At any rate, I could only find these few tiny nits to pick.
Because of that, getting to the content of the story was just about
effortless, and it was pretty good, too.  I do want to say, though, that the
real interest, here, for me was Kasumi and what she's going through.
Nabiki's conquest of the business world isn't nearly as interesting, but I
suspect that's just a matter of personal taste. 

True, opinion seems to be mixed over which part of the fic people liked
better.

I sure hope you pay off on
all those tantalizing hints about what is going on with Kasumi and the
spriits, which I only mentioned one of.  I shall not speculate, though I
could, because I have faith you'll tell all, eventually.

I'm deliberately keeping what's going on with Kasumi a bit mysterious,
so that the readers can fill in some of the details (which you might do
in different ways than I have in mind). More will be revealed in the
main HaM series, but I don't think it'll ever get to the point where
everything is spelled out.

 Keep up the good
work, Gary.  Til next time...

Thanks, always good to hear from you, Bob!


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics