Carlin92@aol.com wrote:

Carlin <quickly putting the remote-control back in
his pocket>: As I was saying before that unfortunate
interruption... Today the Chorus will review the Ninth
prelude to Hearts and Minds, by Gary Kleepe.

Gary: Great, but my name is spelled....

Daisuke: What's this? Carlin's Chorus? C.C. C&C?

Hiroshi: Si, Senor!

Gary: Beat it, you guys! I'm replying to this MST by myself!

<Gary punts H&D into LEO>

Pansuto Tarou: <Speaking up> Damn good writer too, loved 'A 
Peaceful Life', Fem-boy got what was coming to him. 

Good thing Pantyhose hasn't read "Pools of Horror..."

	"Thanks! They had to promote me when I threatened to switch to
another company."

Chairman Quincy: An effective power-play parlayed into a higher 
position with more power. Ms. Tendo could be Genom material,
I shall have to study the situation... personally.

Hiroshi: And leave behind the exciting world of forensic medicine?

Daisuke: Wrong Quincy. This one owns a chain of steak houses.

	"Basically, I'm the company's 'designated problem solver.' When
any of our division heads has a situation he can't handle by himself, it
gets dumped in my lap. Fortunately, I've been able to assemble some
pretty good staff." She leaned back in her chair. "How long can you stay

Nitpick: might want to substitute 'a' for 'some' , sounds better out loud. 

Gary: Will think about it.

	"Oh yeah, Akane called yesterday and told me a little about it."
A new military dictatorship controlled parts of China. The Amazons
expected to be attacked. "I've got some time off saved up. I'll see what
I can do about joining you over there. Nothing I like better than
vacationing in a war zone!" Nabiki grinned. "Besides, Ranma and friends

Kei: How come when I say that all I get are strange looks?

Hiroshi: 'Cause for you it's work, not vacation.

Gary: Good answer.

mattered. Now it was a different story. She was a completely
unpredictable element, and Nabiki didn't like that. It put the dream at
risk.

Carlin: What dream? 

Pessimist: I have a bad feeling about this.

Professor Charles Xavier: There is nothing wrong with having a 
dream. 

Daisuke: Is that Prof. X? I thought it was Dr. King.

	"Hiya, sis." She sat down on the bench. The sun overhead shone a
vibrant yellow in the cloudless sky, casting considerable glare on the
table. Nabiki was glad for her sunglasses.

Agent Mulder: Don't think that's why she brought them. Won't have
to look her sister in the eyes. 

Dr. Freud: A way to protect herself. 

Daisuke: (Dr. Ruth voice) She Zhould use a...

<Gary boots H&D back into LEO>

	"Oh my, yes! The farmers are such nice people. I told them about
my family and the people in my old neighborhood. I don't think they
believed me."

Ryouga: Wonder why?

Ranma: <Shrugging> Beats me

Akane: Hmpf...as if Kasumi would lie...

Yeah, but they don't know her.

Carlin: The only complaint I have so far is I'd like to see more
of Mrs. Tendo. 

Coming up....

	The inky fluid swirled around her, coalescing into the forms of
Father, Nabiki, and Akane. They flitted about in the dark liquid,
circling Kasumi as they were joined by Ranma and Mr. Saotome. They
converged into a tight huddle, surrounding her, as the voices from
nowhere continued their taunts. *Kasumi the robot. Wind her up and she
cooks and cleans for you.*

Ranma: Akane!!! Calm down!! <Holding her back, barely>

Akane <Furious>: That's MY sister!!! <Throwing Ranma aside>
KLEEPE-SAN HOW DARE YOU?!!?! 

Gary: It's just an expression of Kasumi's repressed self-doubts. And
besides, my name is spelled....

Daisuke: M-Y-N-A-M-E.

<BOOT!>

	School was an obligatory rite of passage, nothing more. It was a
way of establishing credentials, a way of getting noticed and making
connections. Nabiki always took the maximum allowed number of credits
per semester, to get the obligation out of the way as fast as possible.
It wasn't as if the University had anything to teach her. Like
everything else useful in her life, she had developed her business skill
on her own.

Carlin: Consistent with the character but with a schedule like
that when did she ever sleep?

During Botany class, of course!

Actually, even a big overload doesn't require that much in-class time.
The most time-consuming thing would be studying and doing homework,
which we can assume went much more quickly for Nabz than it would've for
one of us mere mortals.

Mysterious One: The path to hell begins with but a single step. 

So, you whizzed on the electric fence, did you?

	"Nope. I know a lot of boys, but none of them could be called

Nitpick Guy: Isn't she a little old to be using the word 'boy' there?

Carlin: Could be a delibrate wording. 

Yup. It's meant to be condescending.

Daisuke: There is the 'Glass Half-full' view

Hiroshi: The 'Glass Half-empty' view

Sarcastic Guy: And then there is the Kasumi view:
'The Glass is beautiful and the Water is wonderful'

Then there's the view that the glass is too big. :-)

	"There's an ancient technique, known only to myself and a few
others. It involves summoning a powerful fighting spirit, and binding it
to a physical object. In this case, the robes wear.

Nitpick: 'robes I'm wearing' or just change it to 'my robes'

Oops!

	The man dressed in black moaned, attracting the two women's
attention as he began to move. Kaede and Kasumi bent down, kneeling on
opposite sides of the man. Kaede reached over and removed his mask.
Kasumi gaped in disbelief at the familiar face.

Hiroshi: Sasuke?

Daisuke: It's based on the Manga. 

Yeah. Besides, he didn't trip over anything. :)

	"Doctor Tofu?" Kasumi struggled for something to say. "You're a
ninja now?"

The Entire Chorus: O_O

Mr. Spock: o_O

LOL!

Carlin: Unless this is a sickfic, there's an explanation. 

Sarcastic guy: Did you see who was mentioned in his 
proofreader list?

Carlin <Flipping thru his printout>: Oh crap. 

Sarcastic man: Oh yeah, Bartram. 

Lara is but a prereader. Any depravity in this fic is the sole
responsibility of your humble author. :-)

	Something imperceptible floated at the edge of Kasumi's senses;
a feeling that she was suddenly being watched by something she couldn't
quite focus on. Kaede seemed to notice it too. Her gaze slowly began to
scan the darkened courtyard, fixing on something Kasumi couldn't see.

Carlin: Interesting. 

Foreshadowing woman: This matters at some point, you watch. 

Ranma: Explains a lot actually. 

Yup.

	Oops. Nabiki mentally kicked herself. Hadn't even considered
that. How could she be so smart and yet so stupid? Or had it just been a
case of willful blindness? Had she deliberately overlooked the possible
consequences of her actions?

Nitpick: If you mean for this to be done by the narrator it goes from
very simple, basic language to a longer, more delibrate wording too 
quickly. If it's done from Nabiki's PoV it's even less consistent.

Hmmm, I don't know. I'll stare at this for a while and see what needs to
be done.

	Abruptly, Kasumi's gaze focused, as she smiled. "Hello, Nabiki.
It's so good to see you again after all this time."

Carlin: You know I wonder if that flashback came from Kasumi
using her magic to look back into the past. 

Mulder: If so, it gives Kasumi's statement an interesting meaning. 

Not Kasumi... though it could've been Mom; that'd be an interesting
interpretation that I hadn't thought of.

	She remembered a promise made to her long ago. Could it be...
was it possible?

	"Wait!" she cried out. She turned to face an empty picnic table.

The Chorus: O_O

Carlin: Complete surprise. Well done. 

Thanks!

the dream still wasn't anywhere in sight. And slowly but surely, she was
becoming for real the cold, hard terror of the business world that she
had been pretending to be.

Ironic man: She told a lie so well, even she started to believe it.

Exactly.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this story. Whether you did or not, I'd
like to hear from any of you who've made it this far.

Carlin: An excellent story, convincing takes on Nabiki, 
Kasumi and Dr. Tofu. A few minor nitpicks but nothing major, 
builds on some established story elements and leaves me wanting 
to read more. 

Thanks for the MST! I really liked this "chorus" format; it's got lots
of good potential, and you gave me some things to think about for the
story too.

Hiroshi: But his name is spelled....

Gary: Never mind! <Boots H&D away once more>


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics