(Earlier parts available at <http://www.tfs.net/~tbutler/fanfics/>)

Can you picture,
   You've got to see it in your mind!
Can you picture,
   It's quick and easy to find!
Can you picture,
   You don't have to buy a frame!
Can you picture,
   Can you picture that?
   Can you picture that?
     -- "Can You Picture That?", Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem

[The story so far:

Kaede: I'm starting to get very worried. Lyra, Windir, and Frito haven't 
been around for two days. No one I've talked to has seen them in that 
time. No one. The last time they were spotted was when Dr. Breckenridge 
came up to them at the 9th Ave. Ucchan's and talked them into coming with 
him. I'm afraid he might have been working for whoever framed the Dirty 
Pair. <Pause> Yes, I said framed. I don't have any proof... but now... 
I'm sure. I think. Maybe. <Pause> I've been hearing things from a few 
friends in the DA's office. The prosecutor, Inaba, is a good sort -- but 
I *don't* like that research assistant they gave him. I don't trust him. 
Not that the guy they got for the Pair's Fan Defender is much better. I 
mean... him? The one who -- Well. <Beat> Let bygones be bygones, I 
suppose.]



A vending cart sat by itself in front of the department store. This was 
rather unusual; even if this was a fairly nice part of town, things 
tended to wander off if left alone for too long. The store's clock chimed 
a quarter 'till three; despite the sunny day, the street was quiet. A 
bird began chirping, perched on a window ledge above the entrance.

Moments later, a head popped up over the edge of the cart. Kaede looked 
around carefully, blinked, and stood up slowly, her posture relaxing a 
little... until a knot of about 20 midgets in white ninja outfits, with 
what looked like ping-pong balls for headgear, tumbled down on her from 
an awning above. She disappeared beneath a sea of flailing white limbs 
that strangely enough didn't seem to be inflicting much damage. 
Occasionally one of the figures would be flung about five or six feet 
away, before running back into the fray.

With a loud clanking noise, underlaid by the smooth purring of a 
well-maintained engine, a large mecha came rumbling around the corner, 
followed by a small black-and-white Honda police car; both stopped as 
they saw the fight. "Freeze!" an amplified female voice boomed out from 
the mecha, which lifted an arm to point menacingly at the melee. A head 
popped up out of the cockpit. "You're under arrest!" 

Her companion, a serious-looking woman with long blue-black hair tied up 
in a rather sloppy braid, sighed and lightly bapped herself in the 
forehead. The ninjas jumped up, eep'ed, and scattered in all directions.

"I always love doing that," the mecha driver said with a grin as she 
pulled off her helmet. She shook her short brown hair back into position, 
climbed down from the cockpit, and walked over to her companion.

"You would, Natsumi," her companion said, sighing. She got out of the 
car, looked around, and shook her head ruefully. The pair walked over to 
the cart, where Kaede was checking herself for bruises. "You all right 
over there?"

"I've been through worse," Kaede replied with a slight grimace, 
stretching and brushing dust off her outfit. "Thanks for the 
distraction." She looked up, to catch a thoughtful look from the 
black-haired officer. 

"You're that new information broker I've been hearing about, right?" the 
officer asked.

Kaede nodded.

"Hmmm... we might just have some business for you," she said, tapping her 
chin. "Oh... I'm --"

"Kobayakawa Miyuki," Kaede finished for her. "And Tsujimoto Natsumi. A 
pleasure to meet you." She gave them a broad smile; Miyuki gave a 
soundless whistle, while Natsumi looked slightly boggled. 

"Wha --"

"I think we have a friend or two in common." Kaede smiled again.

"Or three." Miyuki frowned. "That's what we were hoping you'd help with. 
We haven't seen or heard from Windir, Frito or Lyra in days, and we've 
heard some things that have us worried."

"From someone in the ADP?" When Natsumi nodded reluctantly, she 
continued. "I... know a couple of people there, and asked them if they'd 
heard anything. So far..." She sighed. "Well, nothing. Nothing from 
anyone else, either."

"Nothing at all?"

"I don't know where they've gone. Neither does anyone else I've talked 
to. The last time anyone saw them was at the 9th Ave. Ucchan's, when 
Breckenridge --"

"Breckenridge??" Miyuki asked. Natsumi just growled.

"Yes, him," Kaede replied. "Mad Breckenridge himself. I haven't found 
anyone close enough to hear what they said, yet --"

"Breckenridge is still around?!" Natsumi sputtered. "I thought they 
locked him up after that last scheme of his wiped out half his investors!"

"He got time off for good behavior," Kaede replied with a straight face.

"GOOD --"

"Well, he got the automated food-delivery system working for the first 
time since DIA installed it."

"Oh."

"He had investors?" Miyuki murmured, looking slightly bemused.

Natsumi blushed. "Um... yeah," she muttered.

"Oh." The other two met each others' eyes for a moment, then silently 
dropped the subject.

"So, Brain-dea -- OK, OK, Breckenridge -- was talking to them," Natsumi 
said, still growling a little. "So, like, what happened?"

"Natsumi," Miyuki said with a sigh.

"All right, all right already! I still say it's that studio's fault, 
giving me Frank Zappa records to study for the dub."

"So *that's* why Frito likes you so much," Miyuki responded with a slight 
smile and a wink at Kaede.

Kaede nodded. "Yes, with his doctorate in Music Theory, it's the sort of 
thing he'd apprec..." Her voice trailed off, as she looked puzzledly at 
the officers. "Did I say something wrong?"

"A doctorate," Natsumi said.

"Music Theory," Miyuki said.

They looked at each other for a moment, lips twitching, before breaking 
out laughing.

"But he does," Kaede protested innocently. "You didn't know? He tried to 
get me a position at the Ayukawa Conservatory, but I turned out to be 
tone-deaf even if they did like my voice... anou? Are you okay? I don't 
think it's good for people's eyeballs to bulge like that."

"Um... why don't we get back to Breckenridge," Miyuki said faintly, after 
a long pause. 

"Oh. Well, Breckenridge found them at the 9th Avenue Ucchan's, talked to 
them for a little bit, and got them to follow him somewhere else." Kaede 
rubbed her chin. "I found someone who saw them heading towards the 
Ten-Kai, but no one saw them go in."

"I'm not surprised," Natsumi interjected, a sour smile on her face. "I've 
heard about what the proprietor plans to do to him next time she catches 
him. He's *really* late on his rent."

"Uh, yes." Miyuki swallowed.

Looking a little pale at the thought, Kaede leaned against her cart, and 
continued. "Later that afternoon, there was an explosion in 
Breckenridge's room at the Ten-Kai. No sign of blood, so it doesn't look 
like there was anyone in the room... surprisingly little damage, in fact."

Natsumi muttered something under her breath.

"But that's been it. No trace of them since they were seen in the street. 
*Nothing*. Breckenridge's assistant is worried. He said Breckenridge was 
working on some major new invention, but wouldn't tell him what it was."

"Hmmmm." Miyuki stared thoughtfully at her mecha.

A few doors down the street from them, a siren began sounding. Not loud 
enough to cover more than a few blocks, it still seemed to alert the 
neighborhood quite effectively. Windows began slamming shut up and down 
the street.

"What? What's happening?" Natsumi looked around hurriedly, trying to 
figure out what was going on.

"Oh," said Kaede, standing calmly. "It's rehersal time. The neighbors are 
kind of used to it by now." She smiled. "Why do you think the streets are 
so empty?"

The clock chimed three.

"Cover your ears for the first bit," Kaede advised. After following her 
own advice, she crouched behind her cart. Exchanging puzzled looks, 
Miyuki and Natsumi followed suit.

There was a slight rattling noise from a building down the street, where 
the siren had sounded. Then, without further warning, the scream of a 
bass guitar rang out, like the wrath of Asuka. Miyuki and Natsumi 
shuddered, glad to have the sound partly blocked; Kaede just looked 
slightly resigned. After the initial onslaught, the noise quieted to a 
low roar, and all three uncovered their ears.

"Does this happen every day?" Miyuki asked dazedly.

"No, just once a week. It's too much work to clean up otherwise."

"Clean up?"

The noise seemed to swell in intensity, though it didn't increase in 
volume. Loud crashing noises came from a few neighboring buildings, and 
then figures began stumbling out into the street. Most of them were 
chunky, with metallic blue skins, though a few looked human.

"Poor souls," Kaede said sadly. "They never learn."

One of the figures began clutching its head, staggering around and 
groaning in pain. The others followed suit, some quickly, some slowly. A 
rather handsome fellow, wearing a sequined jacket over a white spandex 
jumpsuit, screamed and tore at his hair, hitting himself in the ears as 
if trying to destroy his auditory nerves. Another one, carrying a 
half-completed sign that read "Equal rights for --", lowered his head and 
charged at the nearest wall, sending bits of brick flying as he hit and 
stumbled back. Then he charged again. And again, and again, until his 
head exploded. One by one, the others' heads began exploding as well, 
scattering metallic debris across the street. A plaintive wail of "I love 
you... you love --" drifted out of the chaos, cut off sharply by a 
particularly nasty-sounding blast. Finally, the last one fell, its 
headless body slumping to the pavement. A last bit of metallic skin 
jingled mournfully as it dropped, spinning round and round until it 
eventually came to rest. 

Miyuki and Natsumi facefaulted.

"They *never* should have intoduced Minmei to Priss," Kaede continued, 
shaking her head.

Natsumi just stared. "H... hai," she agreed faintly, after a moment.

Miyuki sighed and nodded, then looked over at their mecha and car. "We 
really need to be getting these back to the shop, so I can finish off the 
overhaul," she said, a pensive look on her face. 

Kaede nodded.

"Look... I'm really getting worried about this thing with the gang," 
Natsumi said. "I think we need to get to the bottom of this, and fast."

"I know they were looking into this whole thing with the Lovely Angels 
when they dropped out of sight," Kaede said. "I've been following up on 
that part of it; I've been hearing some very disturbing rumors about 
things, and, well...  I figured it needed to be checked into. A few too 
many unfriendly eyes might be looking at things." 

Rubbing her forehead, Miyuki sat on her car's fender. "So. It's that way, 
is it?" She looked down for a moment. "I was beginning to wonder."

"Yes. Well, maybe... I don't know." Kaede hung her head. "I might just be 
getting paranoid."

Miyuki looked at the scuffs on Kaede's clothes and raised an eyebrow, but 
said nothing.

"Well, I mean it's all just... you know, instincts and impressions. Not 
proof of anything."

"Maybe so." Miyuki nodded judiciously. "But from what I've heard, I'd 
trust your hunches more than official reports from the ADP."

"That's no joke," Natsumi growled, as Kaede blushed.

"Um. Well..." Kaede clenched her hands. "I was hearing rumors even before 
the Lovely Angels were arrested. Most of the authors were worried, or 
even upset, you know --"

"Angry because *they* weren't the ones killing Ranma?" Natsumi asked, 
sotto voce, a nasty grin on her face. "Like a certain Ranma-hating 
spatula-lover we could name?" She snickered.

"Hush," Miyuki muttered repressively. 

"Natsumi might be closer than she thinks," Kaede said seriously. "The 
Ranma writers were up in arms... but a few of the others didn't seem 
unhappy at all. A few were making noises like 'about time he got his'... 
and a very few..." She swallowed.

"A very few what?"

"Well, a very few seemed happy for a moment, and then got very worried. 
Didn't say anything, but..."

"Uhn-hmmmmmm." 

"Look, it's sounding like you're gonna need some help on this," Natsumi 
said. "Can we give you a hand?"

"Natsumi!" Miyuki hissed. "Look, we don't have *time* for that --"

"The mecha can wait," Natsumi replied angrily. "You think I don't know 
that? This is more important." She looked at Miyuki. "You just don't want 
to get involved, do you?"

"It's... not our jurisdiction," Miyuki said, looking frustrated. "You 
know what the ADP would say --"

"And you don't want to twist their tails?!?"

Miyuki said nothing for a long moment, before smiling grimly. "All 
right," she said, then turned to Kaede. "We're in."

"In?" Kaede looked slightly stunned, and more than a little unnerved. "In 
*what*?"

Natsumi shrugged. "In on the investigation," she said. "We gonna nail 
these guys, or what?"

"*Nail* them?" Kaede asked, now looking thoroughly alarmed. "Look, I 
really don't think you two should --"

"Should what?" Miyuki frowned. "Look, if this thing is as bad as you're 
hinting, you're going to want a police officer or two on your side." She 
smiled venomously. "Even if we're not *real* cops."

"Uh... right."

"Look... you keep checking your sources, and we'll start checking some of 
ours. Then we can get together and compare notes... hmm, when?"

Kaede shook her head. "I'm not sure. Some of them are kind of skittish, 
and it might take a little while to track them down... say, tomorrow 
afternoon, or early evening? Or the morning after if we can't make it by 
tomorrow?"

"We've only got three days until the trial, you know --"

"I know, I know. OK... tomorrow evening, then?" She smiled. "With our 
contacts, we ought to be able to find each other, ne?"

"Hai," Natsumi said. "Um, we really do need to get these back to the shop 
and finish the overhaul... later?"

Kaede nodded. "When we meet again."



Niccolo perched on the corner of Inaba's desk, pointing out items in the 
pile of documents he'd just delivered.

"You might find this case of interest... the Poisonville incident. 
Trouble Consultant Kei actually falsified a mission request to the 
planet, just so her partner could visit a childhood friend on company 
time."

Inaba said nothing, just looked sadly at the file. "How did they get away 
with this for so long?" he finally murmured.

"Well, when the truth about her tricks came out, T.C. Kei argued that 
they engineers they found and rescued justified falsifying the report. 
Claimed that the 3WA knew about the planet, but wouldn't move without 
being hired to do the job, so she faked the hire to take care of the 
problem." Niccolo snorted in disgust. "Played real well with the public 
after the story broke."

"I can see that." Inaba nodded, looking disturbed.

"Yeah, and so can their Fan Defender. You can bet he's gonna bring that 
up if we use this in the trial. We need to get there first, and make sure 
the jury gets the right slant on the matter."

"Slant?" Inaba's lips tightened. "I don't like that. We're here to expose 
the facts, not bias the jury."

"Friend, you still believe in the Easter Bunny, dontcha? This is the 
Court of Otaku *Opinion*, remember?"

"I *know* that," Inaba replied angrily.

"Then what the heck d'ya think the Fan Defender will be doing?! All he 
has to do is make 'em look good to the jury, convince 'em that they 
couldn't have done such a nasty thing, and they *walk*!" Niccolo took a 
deep breath, and seemed to visibly get a grip on himself. "The Fan 
Defender is going to pull every extenuating factor he can to make 'em 
look good," he continued in a calmer tone, "and it's our job to make sure 
they don't lose track of the *real* facts."

Inaba squeezed his eyes shut, rubbed his forehead for a moment, and 
finally relaxed back into his chair. "All right," he said, his eyes still 
closed. Then he sighed, leaned forward again and opened his eyes. "So we 
do it. What's next?"

"This," Niccolo said, smiling predatorily. He slapped a thick stack of 
computer printouts on Inaba's desk, collated into separate bundles.

Looking curious, Inaba picked up the first bundle. "'Undocumented 
Features'," he read. "'The Collected Works of Ryan...'" His voice trailed 
off. "What is this stuff?"

"Motive," Niccolo replied, still with the predatory grin. "Look at 'em. 
These were the top stories of the early Fanfic Era, and they all star the 
Dirty Pair. Until the Ranma crew came along, they were *the* most 
sought-after characters in Anime Town. Then Ranma came along, and they 
got shunted into the background, faster 'n Erik Estrada." His eyes 
glittered. "Oh, sure, you still have some hopeless romantics writing 
about them, but nobody cares anymore. What better motive could you want?"

Inaba sat lost in thought.



"...he crashed back here early this A.M., after he got the server back 
up," the manager of the CSprings CyberCafe said softly as she eased the 
door open. "Look -- could you try not to upset him, OK? I really don't 
need my network going down again."

"Um... we'll try," Miyuki answered just as quietly. "No promises, 
though," she continued with a slightly lopsided smile. The manager nodded 
nervously, sidling back out the door and closing it quietly behind her.

Miyuki and Natsume looked around the dimly-lit room, scratching their 
heads at the apparent lack of a volunteer system operator. Finally, 
Natsumi called out, "Yo. Siggie?"

There was a stirring in the shadows. "Wha?" an Australian-accented voice 
grunted sleepily. "G'way," it slurred on, "I'm tryin' t'sleep."

The two moved forward, and from this vantage could just make out a long, 
lanky figure stretched out on a cot in the corner. "Siggie, it's Officers 
Miyuki and Natsumi. We need to talk to you."

With another grunt, the figure rolled over, and sat up holding its head. 
He moaned inarticulately before opening his eyes. "Oh. It's you two," he 
said glumly. "Look," he continued in a tone of mounting exasperation, "I 
*paid* those parking tickets already, OK? Now *go away*!"

"Parking tickets." Natsumi bit the words off, before Miyuki caught her 
eye and shushed her. Steam seemed to be rising out of her ears, and 
Miyuki quickly clamped a hand over her mouth. 

"That's not what we're here for, Siggie," Miyuki said seriously. "You ran 
the TempFFML while the main ML was down, right?"

Siggie nodded slowly, rubbing his neck.

"So. You've got connections with the authors... but you don't write 
yourself. We need someone with insider connections to the authors, 
without having any conflict of interest. You're perfect."

"Joy and thrillsville," Siggie muttered under his breath. "So what do you 
want to know? Maybe if I tell you what you want to know, you'll go away 
and let me sleep?" He yawned pointedly.

Miyuki cracked a smile. "Maybe."

"Great." Siggie buried his head in his hands. "Just great." He looked up. 
"All right, let's get this over with. What d'ya want to know?"

"The Dirty Pair," Natsumi said bluntly. "The authors. The Ranma murders."

"Why not throw in a partridge in a pear tree, while you're at it?" Siggie 
grumbled. "You could get Oprah in here lecturing for a week about 'em. 
You wouldn't care to narrow that down a bit?"

"But we've heard so much about how witty you can be!" Natsumi leered at 
Siggie. "Why should we miss out on any of it?"

With a sigh, Miyuki hushed Natsumi. "We've heard that a few of the 
authors weren't especially upset about Ranma getting killed. A few even 
seemed happy." She observed Siggie with a raised eyebrow, waiting for him 
to respond to the cue.

"Well, yeah. What d'ya expect?" Siggie shot her an 
are-you-really-that-dim? look. "We've always had our share of complainers 
on the list, you know, ragging about 'why are there so many Ranma 
'fics?'" 

"No, we *don't* know. We're not exactly insiders in the authoring 
community. None of us characters are, really."

"Yah, right. Like the clan of .sigs that keeps trashing the area 'round 
here, hmmm?" Siggie shook his head. "Well, if you really don't know, take 
my word for it. You get 'em popping up every month or so."

"Any of 'em sound like they'd do something about it?"

"Naaah." Siggie shrugged. "Most of 'em are just newbies whining, anyway." 
A massive yawn split his face, and he rubbed his eyes and blinked.

"Whining?" Miyuki asked coolly.

Flushing slightly, Siggie rocked his hand back and forth. "Maybe not 
*that* bad. But they're always popping up, complaining about there being 
so many Ranma 'fics... then when one of the old-timers explains why, and 
suggests the guy actually *write* for one of the other series, you never 
hear from 'em again." He paused in thought, and pursed his lips. "Well, 
most of the time. Anyway, if they don't have the gumption to get out and 
write, d'you think they'd psych themselves up to do something physical?" 

Miyuki nodded. "All right... so what about the rest of them? The ones who 
aren't whining?"

"The intelligent ones? *They've* got enough sense not to go popping off. 
Even if they don't like Ranma 1/2, they're smart enough to know that kind 
of thing isn't good for anybody." He quirked a grin, then yawned. "The 
sane ones, at least."

"Point." Miyuki grinned wryly.

"Yeah." Natsumi set hands on hips, and leaned forward aggressively. "So 
what about the nutcases? Ghu knows, there's enough of *them* running 
around. Like that Ranma 1/2 fan who keeps going on about what a creep 
Ranma is..."

Siggie grinned. "Him? He's harmless." He leaned back on the cot, the grin 
growing smug. "The ones you really have to watch out for are the quiet 
ones. You'll never know they're coming, until... wham!" He snickered. 
"'Course, none of the real old-timers are like that. A lot of 'em grew up 
on the Pair, and aren't too happy with the Ranma takeover, but they're 
generally good sports about it. Kinda disgruntled, sure, but it's not 
like they don't have a good reason."

Leaning against a wall, Miyuki shot him a cool gaze. "All of them, 
Siggie?"

A far-off look entered Siggie's eyes, and he started staring at the 
ceiling. His grin faded into an increasingly sober look, as he slumped 
tiredly against the pillow, propping himself up on one elbow. "All of the 
public figures, yeah." He frowned, forcing his eyes open. "Don't know 
about the lurkers. After all, they don't exactly advertise their 
thoughts."

"Well, duh!" Natsumi glared at Siggie.

"Don't knock it," Siggie advised, rubbing his eyes again and turning a 
somber gaze on her. "Over three-quarters of the list are lurkers, you 
know. Some of 'em have been there for a *long* time."

Silence filled the room for a moment, broken by another massive yawn from 
Siggie. "Look, I'm really runnin' down here, OK? Much longer an' I'm 
gonna star' libble schlings out. I gotta get some sleep." He turned over 
and buried his head in the pillow. "Hey," he said, the muffled words 
emerging from the pillow, "y'might check w'the guy outontha coast who 
does th'FAQ... he might be aaabllll..." Snores filtered out a moment 
later.

Miyuki shot a questioning look at Natsumi.

"Either he's a heck of a good actor, or he's coming down off a massive 
caffeine high," she said, studying the limp form on the cot. "Probably 
the latter."

"You'd know, wouldn't you," murmured Miyuki. The two quietly let 
themselves out of the room.



As the elevator door opened, Zen no Itan-sha let out a soundless whistle. 
*Very* nice lobby. The executives at Mishima Heavy Industries obviously 
believed in treating themselves right. He walked up to a cockpit mock-up 
and smiled appreciatively, patting the seat and looking over the 
controls, before turning around and walking down the hallway. At the door 
marked "Chairman," he stopped, swallowed, knocked, waited for a moment, 
and went in. "Please excuse Zen, but there's a small matter -- Nuku 
Nuku!" He smiled warmly. "How are you doing?"

Nuku Nuku smiled, then shot out of her chair behind the receptionist's 
desk as she recognized Zen. "You! What are you doing here!?!"

"Um..." Zen paused, looking flustered. "Um, Zen was going to ask you the 
same question."

"Nuku Nuku is helping out Mama-san while poor Kyoko-san is in the 
hospital," she replied proudly, before glaring at Zen. "Now you!"

"Ah, Zen was hoping to talk to Akiko-sama about --"

"No!" Nuku Nuku grabbed Zen by an arm and by the neck, and frog-marched 
him out the door. "Mean nasty man, making Akane look bad like that! 
Killing Ranma and Ukyo. Mama-san doesn't want to talk to you!" She 
dragged him down the hallway.

"But, but, Zen was just writing a story, Zen likes Akane, really Zen 
does..." The window at the end of the hallway grew closer.

"Bad man!" With a humph!, Nuku Nuku threw Zen out the window. Briskly 
brushing her hands off, she turned around and walked back to the 
Chairman's office.

Outside, a tangled mess of limbs slowly straightened out as Zen extracted 
himself from his moment of one-ness with the sidewalk. "Ite..."



Kaede looked uncertainly over at Nikaido. "Um... is there some reason we 
had to meet *here*?" She continued the visual circuit of their hiding 
place, taking in the surrounding bushes and the waist-high embankment in 
a nervous glance.

"Uh-huh," Nikaido replied, nodding vigorously. "We gotta be here, if it's 
going to work right."

"If *what*'s going to work right? You did find some of the information I 
was looking for, didn't you?"

"Well... not quite, you see --"

"Not *quite*?!"

"No, really, Miss Kaede! I found something better."

"Better?" Kaede gave him an incredulous look.

A rustling noise came from the bushes above, followed by a loud snap. 
With a shower of leaves and twigs, a tall gentleman in a grey suit and 
hat tumbled over the embankment and landed at their feet, a bear trap 
locked around one leg.

"Better," Nikaido said with an earnestly innocent look. "See?" He 
gestured at the body.

Kaede looked down into a pair of slanted eyebrows, set in a suave face 
framed by a lacquered hairdo, and gulped. "Y-Yotsuya-san!"

"Ah, young Nikaido," Yotsuya said calmly. "It seems you have improved 
since our last encounter. I fear you and the young lady have me at a 
disadvantage." He pulled himself up into something resembling a normal 
seated position.

"That'll be the day," Nikaido muttered.

"And to what purpose do I owe the pleasure of your company today, Miss 
Kaede?" Yotsuya continued without missing a beat. Nikaido just looked 
upward for a moment, before giving Kaede a 'what else did you expect?' 
look.

Kaede looked over at Nikaido. "Yes... to what *do* we owe the... um, 
pleasure, of his company?"

"Oh, it's easy." Nikaido said, shrugging. "You wanted information on what 
the criminal underground was doing, right?" He nodded over at Yotsuya. 
"Why not go to the source?"

"The... source," Kaede said slowly. "Right."

"Ah, yes, the investigation you are conducting on behalf of your vanished 
friends," Yotsuya said, easily prying the bear trap off his leg. He 
seemed faintly amused, though it was hard to tell from his bland 
expression. "And how may I be of service?"

"More like how much you're going to extort from her," Nikaido chimed in, 
unfortunately not *quite* under his breath.

Yotsuya's mouth didn't even twitch. "I must admit, a little liquid 
refreshment does wonders for my memory."

"*Thanks*, Nikaido," Kaede muttered, shooting him a nasty look. 

No one said anything for a moment, though Yotsuya managed to look bland 
at a noticeable volume. Finally, Kaede sighed, and rummaged around behind 
her back for a moment, before coming up with a bottle of sake.

"Miss Kaede!" Nikaido burst out, looking shocked.

Yotsuya merely raised an eyebrow. "Ah. Not quite the innocent you once 
were, young lady?" He opened the bottle, and looked expectantly at Kaede; 
with another sigh, she produced a large glass.

"I... well, I've been stuck 'round here for a while." She directed a 
meaningful glare at Yotsuya. "And I've *learned*."

"Indeed." Yotsuya poured himself a glass, and downed it in one swig. 
"Will you join me in a glass? No? Young Nikaido?" Nikaido accepted the 
glass, drank, and coughed hoarsely. "Now, then. What was it you wished to 
ask me?"

Half the bottle later, Nikaido lay passed out under a bush, Yotsuya 
exhibited a most merry, rosy-cheeked visage, and Kaede was getting more 
than a little frustrated. "Yes, I appreciate hearing that Godai and Kyoko 
are doing well, that Maison Ikkoku is in as fine a shape as it ever was, 
and that you have a 'marvellously attractive' new tenant." She put her 
hands on her hips. "Now do you suppose we could get to business?"

"Oh... <hic!> I don't know that I want to share with someone so gloomy." 
He pouted, and frowned in Kaede's direction. "You won't even have a 
friendly little drink with me."

Kaede grimaced, and looked down at the glass he was holding out to her. 
She sat for a moment, nerving herself up, then grabbed it and drained it 
in one gulp, gasping for breath when she finished. The dell wavered 
around her.

"Ah, I knew you had it in you! Here, have another." A tablespoon or two 
of sake sloshed out on his hand as he handed the glass over; the level 
didn't diminish noticeably.

"<Gulp>... <Cough-hack-wheeze!>"

"Cheers! It doesn't take much practice, you know. Soon you'll be imbibing 
with the best of us." He smiled. "It's amazing the things you can pick up 
in a short while, isn't it? New habits, new desires, even whole new 
roles."

Kaede looked blearily up at Yotsuya. "Roles?"

"Why, yes. I'm of the firm opinion that anyone can learn to play any 
role." He drained his glass and refilled it; at his insistent gesture, 
Kaede reluctantly held her glass out for one as well. "Oh, you may need 
some coaching, a bit of this, a bit of that... but anyone can be anyone."

"*You* would think tho." She blinked, and took another swig. How many did 
that make? "You tryin' t' tell me somethin'?"

"Who, me? No, merely making conversation." He beamed approvingly at her 
confused nod, then looked thoughtful for a moment. "Although there is the 
odd matter of what the Lovely Angels did after they were arrested..."

"Wha... wha? T'Dirty Pair din't do nothin' after they were 'rested!"

"Really." Yotsuya smiled. "Cheers!"

"Cheersh..." The cup slipped out of her hand as she flopped over onto the 
ground. 

"Dear me, such a pity," Yotsuya said, looking down. "And just when things 
were going so interestingly, too."

"Inter... ohhh." Kaede's eyes fell closed.



Zen walked into the cavernous office, feet sinking deeply into the 
carpet. Behind the glossy black desk, a figure sat hooded in shadow, his 
back to the door. Slowly, the figure swiveled around, to reveal a glossy 
half-moon'ed face atop a rotund figure in a black pinstripe suit. "Ah, 
yes," the figure rumbled. "Zen no Itan-sha. At my service, I presume."

"Ah... yes, C.M.--"

"Ahem." The temperature dropped a few degrees.

"--sir." Zen grinned nervously. "Zen doesn't know if one has heard, but 
Zen has been assigned as the Fan Defender in the Lovely Angels case."

"And lovely they are, no doubt," the figure said dryly.

"Um. Zen dropped by because Zen needed some information. The apparent 
murder weapon was stopped with one of your sausages, sir, and Zen was 
needing to get the ingredient list so Zen could check it against the 
ADP's chemical analysis and --"

"Trade secrets," the figure interrupted, the words rolling ominously 
around the room. There was a long moment of silence, before a rumbling 
laugh came from behind the desk. "You wish *me* to give out trade 
secrets." He steepled his hands in front of his greying beard. "Most 
amusing. But I believe we have other business to conduct first."

"We do?" Zen said, trying for an innocent look and failing miserably.

"We do." The figure frowned. "You have a certain story still in progress, 
do you not?"

Zen nodded, gulping slightly.

"Well, then." The figure gestured out the window. "Out there, I have an 
entire warehouse filled with 'Long and Winding Road' merchandise," he 
said. "Waiting for a certain author to finish his story. I seem to 
remember a clause in the licensing contract, specifying that certain 
items could not ship before the section of the story that they were 
featured in." He frowned again. "The author seemed most insistent on the 
presence of that clause, and at the time I didn't think it was a matter 
for concern."

A large sweatdrop formed behind Zen's ear.

"Now, if that author were to *finish* that story, then I might see my way 
clear to freeing up a bit of information, yes?" He leaned forward in his 
chair, eyes boring into Zen's. "Do we understand each other?"

"Um... yes."

"Good." The figure leaned back. "And may you commit honorable seppuku if 
I don't come through." 

"Er, shouldn't that be 'And may *I* commit honorable seppuku if I don't'?"

"Precisely." An malicious smile seemed to linger in the air as the figure 
swiveled back to face the window. "You may go," he said, waving 
offhandedly. 




The day dawned bright and early -- no. The day had dawned bright and 
early... several hours ago. Just now, the more adventurous diners were 
starting to seek out appropriate trysting spots for an early brunch. 
Those in a romantic mood, and... others.

Kaede, Miyuki, and Natsumi fell into the latter category, as they met in 
front of the Abcb cafe. Kaede squinted at the scaffolding sitting in 
front of the building, apparently being used to touch up the paint on the 
awnings, and winced as an especially bright reflection off the windows 
caught her in the face.

"Interesting place?" Miyuki asked curiously.

"*Nice* place," Kaede replied. "Started a few years ago by a group of 
fans; they've never hit it really big, but they've always had a core 
group of customers to keep it going. I like it a lot." She held the door 
open for the others. "Homey and relaxing." A slight, relieved smile crept 
across her face as she entered the shaded main room.

"They come for the service?" Natsumi asked, looking up at a picture of 
the cafe's raven-haired patron behind the counter.

"No..." Kaede smiled again as the mellow notes of a saxophone rolled out 
through the room. "The music."

Smiling, the three ordered and sat down near the window, Kaede shading 
her eyes and sitting with her back to the sun. She looked at the others, 
and asked, "Who's first?"

Miyuki and Natsumi looked at each other, then gestured to Kaede in 
unison, ceding her the right of first report. Kaede sighed, grimacing 
slightly, and rubbed her aching temples. "Well, after sniffing around all 
evening and the next morning, I finally got a reply back from one of my 
contacts. You've probably met him -- Nozomu Nikaido?" At the others' 
nods, she continued, "He asked me to meet him in Goto Park, early last 
night..."


"...and that's the last thing I remember him saying," she said, finishing 
her story. "Next thing I know, it's six o'clock in the morning, my head 
feels like it's been pounded on by an Angel, and the !@$@%#$^%@#!!! birds 
are singing loud enough to shatter glass at a hundred paces."

"First hangover, huh?" Natsumi looked sympathetic.

"At least he covered me with his coat before he left." 

"I'd wondered why we didn't see you last night," Miyuki said thoughtfully.

"What happened to Nikaido?" Natsumi asked.

Kaede smiled evilly, but didn't say anything.

Miyuki tapped her chin. "Did you go back and ask Yotsuya what he was 
talking about?"

"What?!" Kaede recoiled in horror. "Are you crazy?"

Behind her, Natsumi spotted Nikaido walking down the sidewalk outside. A 
few strands of duckweed were tangled in his hair, and his clothes had 
grass and water stains on them.

"Do you think I have a death wish?" Kaede continued. 

Natsumi nudged Miyuki, and pointed out the window at Nikaido. As he drew 
level with the scaffolding, a hand reached out of a sewer grating and 
nudged one of the ladders into his path. The ladder teetered slightly as 
he tripped over one of its legs, then fell with a clatter as the entire 
structure collapsed on top of him.

"You *don't* cross Yotsuya," Kaede added, oblivious to the carnage behind 
her.

As Nikaido struggled up out of the wreckage, brightly spotted with paint, 
he stumbled forward and into a heavily-muscled man in a sleeveless 
t-shirt and jeans. The man shoved Nikaido back, planting a finger in his 
chest and shouting; all that filtered through the glass was something 
about "messin' wid' da chief designer fo' Morisato Motorsports."

"If he gets annoyed... well," Kaede marched on, waving a finger in 
agitation before settling back in her chair. "You'll really, *really* 
wish you had stayed away. *Far* away." She shivered. "I just hope it was 
clear enough to him that it wasn't my idea to trap him. And that getting 
me drunk was enough to satisfy him." She hugged herself. "The coat was a 
good sign, I think. I hope."

The man kept poking Nikaido in the chest. As Nikaido continued backing 
away, a manhole cover silently lifted out of the sidewalk behind him and 
slid to one side. He stepped backwards, flailed for a moment as his foot 
failed to find purchase, then fell back into the hole, the man following 
him. Two splashes were heard a moment later, the second one strong enough 
to wet the sidewalk.

"Do you understand now?"

Natsumi shuddered. "Hai."

"It wasn't a total loss, though," Kaede said thoughtfully. "I was finally 
able to get through to a couple of my other contacts this morning, after 
I went home and cleaned up. I asked them what Yotsuya could have meant by 
that quip at the end, about what the Lovely Angels were doing after they 
were arrested..."

Natsumi tensed as Kaede trailed off, caught up in the mystery. After a 
moment, she finally burst out, "And? What did they say?"

"They've been model prisoners. Kei gets irritable a lot, but doesn't give 
them any trouble; I guess she knows what will happen if their reputation 
is confirmed..."

"Which reputation?" Miyuki interrupted dryly.

"...the only one they've seen has been their Fan Defender."

Natsumi snorted contemptuously. "Him."

Miyuki nodded. "So what's useful about that? It's interesting the they've 
been well-behaved, but that doesn't exactly help us."

"The interesting thing is what they might have been doing the day they 
were arrested. They were seen all around town that day. I'm still trying 
to pull together a little more information on what they were doing." 
Kaede frowned in puzzlement. "Some of them were just normal things -- 
grocery shopping, trips to the laundromat, and so forth. But they also 
had some meetings in some pretty scary parts of town. One of my sources 
said she saw them in Author country." She shook her head. "A couple of 
people even thought they saw them across town at about the time they were 
arrested, and that doesn't make any sense. Their watches must have been 
off -- say what you like about the ADP, at least they make their clocks 
run on time."

Scowling, Natsumi sighed. "Great. They're starting to look awfully 
suspicious."

Kaede sighed as well. "And our friends were hoping so hard that they were 
innocent."

"Don't give up hope yet," Miyuki said softly as she sipped her cocoa. 
"It's funny -- you don't usually think of someone going to the 
laundromat, then going to some secret meeting in a back alley. I wonder 
why they felt they had to do that?"

"Ghu knows... for now."

"Hmmm."

"What did you find out from talking with the otaku?" Kaede asked. "Like I 
said before, I was hearing some disturbing things... that not everyone 
was too unhappy about Ranma getting..."

"Offed?" Natsumi grinned. "Heck, some of 'em were turning handsprings."

"Unfortunately... well, maybe fortunately for the Ranma crew, but not so 
fortunate for us... anyway, the biggest complainers about the Ranma reign 
are also the least likely ones to do anything." Miyuki smiled slightly. 
"Whining brats is what one of our friends called them. And the old-timers 
that actually have the will to do something are too mature to kill 
someone in a fit of pique."

"I see." Kaede sighed. "So we're almost back where we started."

"Not quite. Like you, we had something odd come up. We've all been 
thinking of the public figures -- the ones who are out there in the 
forum, talking. Our best source dropped some troubling suggestions about 
the lurkers."

"Lurkers?"

"Our friends up in the peanut gallery," Natsumi interjected sourly.

"You mean the ones with sense enough to keep their mouths shut if they 
don't have anything to say," Miyuki corrected, a slight note of reproof 
in her voice. She turned to Kaede. "You know what I mean -- the ones who 
follow what's going on, but hardly say anything."

"Oh. Them."

"We started checking them out..." Miyuki stared into her cup for a 
moment, before looking up into Kaede's eyes. "Kaede... have you noticed, 
there's a lot more unity among the lurkers lately?"

"Unity?" Kaede looked back at Miyuki in surprise. "How would you know? 
Hitting the cafes and muxes a lot?"

"Maybe unity's too strong a word... I don't know. More non-authors 
complaining about the same things, even using the exact same words 
sometimes. More people popping out of the woodwork. Some nasty rumors 
running around in the streets." She shook her head as Kaede nodded. "I 
don't... I *can't* believe it's organized, not that bunch. But it's like 
they're all coming up with the same ideas... or getting them from the 
same place."

Kaede frowned in thought. "A new pundit?"

"You tell me," Miyuki said, shrugging in frustration. "*I* haven't seen 
anything like a source. If they're on a site out there, they're playing 
things awfully close to the chest -- I couldn't find anything when I did 
a full-text search on some of those common phrases. Nor any of the other 
keywords I could think of. If there's something out there, it's getting 
passed around by word of mouth. And that's maybe the scariest part of 
all."

"One and a half days to the trial," Kaede said quietly. "Still no sign of 
Windir, Frito and Lyra?" She sighed as the others shook their heads. "I'm 
starting to get really worried."

An island of silence surrounded the table, shutting out the mellow 
saxophone, as the three brooded.


End part 3.



Annotations:
------------

Since a couple of the prereaders had questions about them:

Miyuki and Natsumi: Bokuto Precinct officers from Taiho Shichau Zo! 
Rather touchy about being 'real' cops, given otaku opinions about how 
lightweight their series was. Currently doing mecha repairs as their main 
vocation, though they are nominal members of the Anime Town police force.

Dr. Breckenridge: From "Spirit of Wonder". Despite the, ah, rumors 
floated in this story, he *does* make devices that work. It's just that 
no one ever believes they do...

DIA: Denver International Airport. Remember all the stories about why the 
airport was so late in opening? ^_^

Inaba: A character from Urusei Yatsura; he appears in the "Inaba the 
Dreammaker" OAV, as well as the later manga (not translated by Viz as of 
2/98). If you don't remember him from Part 2, you need to watch the 
video. Really. ;>

The Poisonville Incident: Available as a film comic from Viz, under the 
title "Ammo of the Heart"; I'm not sure what the original Japanese title 
was. :(

C.M.O.T.: Is there anyone who's read Pratchett who *doesn't* recognize 
him? :)



Acknowledgements:
-----------------

Thanks to Mike Loader, Zen, John Biles, Foxtrot and Sapphire for 
prereading. A dirty job, but *someone*'s gotta do it... :)

And thanks to the authors of all the series mentioned here -- that's, um, 
Dirty Pair, Urusei Yatsura, Ranma, You're Under Arrest, Nuku Nuku, the 
Prisoner, Maison Ikkoku, KOR, BGC, and Spirit of Wonder so far, with El 
Hazard and possibly Tenchi to come? Anyway, profound thanks again to all 
of them for writing such wonderful work. May the *real* Anime Town exist 
for all of you, out there, somewhere.


Travis Butler
(The Professor, formerly of Myth and Magick!, Lawrence, KS;
 tbutler@tfs.net, now from the Wandering Powerbook;
 <http://www.tfs.net/personal/tbutler/>;
 Mac page <http://www.tfs.net/business/tbutler/>)

...Like Alice, I try to believe three impossible things before breakfast.