[The camera swings into the new, improved Mental library(tm), where our
three intrepid-yet-insane reviewers are lounging in comfy new recliners in
front of their own personal Home Theatre System 2000.]

Cerina: Nihao! Welcome to our new and improved world!

Tommy: Several people were nice enough to assist in the rebuilding after
the old one was trashed by that flaming incident, so now we're back and
better than ever!

Cerina: (muttering) The better part remains to be seen.

LilTigre: So domo arigato gozaimasu to all the people who helped out!

Tommy: And to inaugurate our reopening, we're MSTing a fic by Lurker! 

 On Sun, 8 Feb 1998, The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:

Theoretically, I should be waiting until I hear back from all the
prereaders for this, but knowing how anxious everyone (myself
included) is for this...
C&C/MST welcome!

Cerina: We now have official permission to respond, guys, so LET THE
MSTING BEGIN!!!
 
(Tommy and LilTigre clap their hands over their ears)

Tommy: Cerina, put down that damn megaphone!

-----------------------------------------
The Eternal Lost Lurker (EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net)

Disclaimers: Ranma 1/2 property of Takahashi Rumiko, Sailormoon
property of Takeuchi Naoko. 

Cerina: And Lurker property of Shidou Hikaru.
 

(What has gone before: After the fall of the Black Moon Family, a new
monster appeared which proved too powerful for the Sailor Senshi, and
critically injured Sailormoon. When the news spread, Saotome Ranma
and Hibiki Ryouga attempted to defeat the monster and avenge the
Sailor Senshi. During the battle, Ranma was visited by the spirit of
Princess Serenity, and asked to take her place as Sailor Moon. Ranma,
as Shin Sailormoon, defeated the monster, and met up with the other
Senshi, who soon learned the truth about her curse. Ryouga's cursed
form, meanwhile, was possessed by the disembodied Charon, a member of
the Mau, the race of beings to which Luna and Artemis belong.
Following the latest monster attack, the Senshi learned that their
new enemy appears to be the Fil, ancient enemies of the Mau. When
called to visit the bedridden Usagi at the hospital in Juuban, Ranma
was followed by most of the crazies from Nerima, who were quickly
ejected by the Sailor Senshi...)

Tommy: And thus, the story in a nutshell.

Cerina: A very BIG nutshell.

LilTigre: Pecan or walnut?
 

NIBUN NO SENSHI SAILORMOON

a magical girl crossover series by The Eternal Lost Lurker

Tommy: With special effects by the Amazing Rondo!!

Cerina: (whaps him) No more MST3k for you, fanboy.

Episode 6: Another dojo destroyer? The Blood Moon attacks!

	"Ranma-kun! I almost forgot to give you this," Ami said as Ranma
prepared to leave the hospital. 

Cerina: Nannichuan water?

LilTigre: A new henshin wand?

Tommy: A condom?

(The girls promptly boot him into LEO)

	"Huh? What is it, Ami?" Ranma asked. Ami handed him a wristwatch
with a small, round, covered face. The watch's casing was silver, and
etched with a barely visible crescent moon. The band was made of a
black, elastic-like material. 

Cerina: It's now official. With the "inconspicuous" wrist thingy, Ranma
has now become a Power Ranger.

	"It's a Senshi communicator," Ami said. "We use these to contact
each other when there's an attack or a Senshi meeting." She paused.
"The band on yours stretches, so that it'll fit your wrist in either
form."
	Ranma slipped on the communicator, and fastened the strap. "Thanks,
Ami. This'll help out a lot. It's a lot less suspicious when there
ain't a bunch of phone calls for me at the dojo." He waved, and
departed for the bus station, Charon trotting behind him.

	Adonais, shrouded in a dark grey cloak and cowl, strode into his
throne room. He stopped and blinked as he saw Apollo hunched over in
the center of the room, shuddering as if bearing some unknown strain.
Dryly, he commented, "Apollo, it would be extremely rude of you to
conduct...personal business within my chambers."

LilTigre: (Apollo) Well, I wouldn't HAVE to if SOMEONE hadn't forgotten to
empty my litter box....

	The tiger-striped cat glared up at him. "Don't be disgusting," he
said. "I'm trying to regain an old ability..." he closed his eyes and
concentrated as Adonais took his place upon his throne, resting his
chin on his gloved hands. "Almost...got it...THERE!" his eyes snapped
open, and glowed briefly. His shape began to distort, expanding. Paws
elongated, tail shrinking and disappearing, ears flattening to the
sides of his head, Apollo metamorphosed into a completely different
being. Adonais blinked once more. Standing before him now was a
massive humanoid male. Easily two and a half meters tall, the man
wore a blood red uniform, with an iron-colored crescent moon badge on
the breast, and orange piping. His collar-length hair was an odd mix
of black and a coppery color, as was his crisply trimmed beard. Two
feral green eyes blazed from his face, topped by a small red crescent
moon. An oddly shaped sheath hung at his hip, from which a long chain
trailed, looping back up towards an unseen object on his belt. He
snapped off a salute to Adonais. 

Cerina: O_o

LilTigre: =o_O=

 	His master raised an eyebrow. "Impressive. How--?"

	"It is an ancient ability possessed by both the Fil and the Mau,"
Apollo said. "With the passage of time, our bodies weakened, and we
lost first the strength to transform, and soon the memory of how.
I've been studying our old records, however, and rediscovered the
technique. Since I've been keeping myself in top form..."

(Tommy takes this opportunity to crash-land head first into his recliner.)

Tommy: I...te.....

	Adonais chuckled. "How long can you maintain that form?"
	"As long as neccessary," Apollo grinned. 
	"I take it then that you have a plan to deal with these Senshi?"

Cerina: Naw, he did all that just to pick up some earth women.

	The towering man nodded, stroking his beard. "The humans in this
part of the world...they have many religious beliefs. One of their
philosophies I've studied depicts two ancient enemies locked in
eternal struggle: the tiger, and the dragon." Adonais nodded
impatiently. Apollo grinned most evilly. "Shin Sailormoon and the
Sailor Senshi now represent the dragon. It is time that they met the
true power of the tiger which will crush them." He began to laugh
maniacally.

LilTigre: Cerina-neechan?

Cerina: Yeah, Tigger?

LilTigre: If tigers and dragons are ancient enemies, does that mean that
we can't be sisters anymore? I don't wanna be enemies...

Cerina: Aww, Tigger, it's OK... it's just some dumb philosophy. We'll
always be sisters!

LilTigre: Great!... Does that mean I can share your Sundrop and drive your
car and-

Cerina: Don't push it, kid.

	Adonais smiled. "Very well, Apollo. Succeed in this mission, and you
will become my top General. Fail..." he let the implied threat trail
off, his green eyes flashing in the shadows of his throne. 

Tommy: Fail and he'll make you read "Artemis's Lover"... the UN-MSTed
version!

All: Ewwww...

	"I can change shape as well, you know," said the red-furred cat as
she stepped into the center of the chamber. Slowly, gracefully, her
limbs and torso stretched, until a tall, slender, beautiful woman
with luxurious, waist-length red hair stood before Adonais. She was
built in a way that would make her namesake proud, and was sure to
drive any human male wild with lust.
	It didn't hurt that she was also quite naked. 

(Tommy begins to get a severe nosebleed.)

	"Mmmmm, very nice," Adonais said. "Every ruler, after all, needs a
queen..."
	The red-haired beauty strode up to the throne, and perched herself
in Adonais' lap, wrapping her arms around him and purring in his ear.

Tommy: Ah man..... :)~~~~

(The girls peel him from the TV screen with a giant spatula.)
 

	In the Tendou dojo, Akane set up several tall stacks of cinder
blocks, and began demolishing them with a vengeance. "Baka," she
exclaimed, cracking ten bricks. "What was he up to at that hospital?
Why wouldn't he tell the truth about it?" She frowned. "What were the
Sailor Senshi doing there, anyway?"
	"Gee, I dunno Akane," a voice spoke from the doorway, making her
jump. "Maybe they thought you were a buncha monsters after their
friend." Ranma stood in the entrance to the dojo, arms crossed,
looking *very* upset.

Cerina: I think everyone at the hospital probably thought they were
monsters.

	"And what's THAT supposed to mean, you stupid jerk?" Akane shouted.

Tommy: That's the pot callin' the kettle black...

	Ranma walked slowly into the dojo. He shook his head. "Try to think
for once, Akane. A buncha really strong martial artists, crowdin'
into a hospital room, most of 'em plannin' to try to beat someone
up--namely me--while a defenseless girl is lyin' there in really bad
shape. Tell me somethin'...if that was *your* friend on that bed, an'
you were in the same situation, how would you react?"
	Akane blinked. "I...I hadn't..." She then clenched her jaw. "But
that still doesn't excuse you running off to Juuban without so much
as a word to anyone!"
	"No," Ranma said, "what it doesn't excuse is all of you chasin'
after me like a pack of rabid animals. It's like you all think I'm
not s'posed to have some kind of life other than fighting and dodging
fiancees." He scowled. 
	Akane was about to retort, when what he said sank in. She stared
down at the floor guiltily. "Gomen nasai," she muttered. 

Cerina: You don't sound very sorry... get down on your knees and beg!

LilTigre: If you can't tell, we all agree with Zen's philosophy. =^_^=

	Ranma nodded. "Anyways, if you just gotta know, the girl I went to
see was a victim of that first monster. Y'know, the one that killed
Sailor Moon."
	Akane looked up. "Really? Someone you rescued when you went there?"
	Ranma smacked himself mentally, but was quick to recover. "Ahhh, not
really. The Senshi were already gone with her when I got there. I
didn't find out about it till I got that phone call."
	"Oh, I see." Akane paused. "But you knew her before?"
	"Only in my girl form," Ranma lied. "Well, I'm gonna go take a bath
now. Seeya." He left for the house.
	Akane frowned. Something just didn't add up about Ranma's story. 

Tommy: Ranma's never realy been known for concocting believable stories..

	"Think he's tellin' the truth, Akane-chan? Sounds awful suspicious
to me," another voice interrupted her musings. She looked up, and
noticed Ukyou standing in the entrance to the dojo. 
	"I...I just don't know what to think, Ukyou," Akane said. 
	Ukyou nodded. "Yeah, I know. I mean, it makes sense, but...why would
the Sailor Senshi show up just to protect that one girl? Why not
leave it to the hospital security? And for that matter...where was
that new leader of theirs?"
	Akane blinked. "You're right...Shin Sailormoon wasn't there!"
	Ukyou nodded. "Somethin' else too...did you get a good look at the
girl on the bed? She seemed awfully familiar..."

Cerina: Maybe that's because you've seen her on TV as Sailor Moon.
 

	Ranma sighed as he sank into the furo. He heard a series of grunts
and a splash, and looked up to see Ryouga sitting across from him.
"You okay, Ryouga?" Ranma asked.
	Ryouga nodded. "Yeah...it's weird, y'know? Being possessed, I mean."
	Ranma nodded. "I can imagine. So what happens to Charon when you're
not a pig?"

LilTigre: He goes and lives in Ryouga's Mental Library like we do!

Cerina: Ok.........

	Ryouga shrugged. "He's still in there, but he's not conscious. It's
got something to do with that crescent moon mark on the
forehead...Charon said if it gets covered up, his conciousness is
sealed away."
	Ranma nodded. "So, for all we know, that mark is on *your* forehead
right now, but it's under that bandanna." 
	Ryouga nodded. Then, frowning, he said, "But we have more important
things to worry about than that. Ukyou showed up in the dojo just
after you left. They're still suspicious, Ranma."
	Ranma groaned. "Jeez, I *told* 'em it ain't another fiancee..."
	Ryouga whapped Ranma. "Not about that, you moron! About Shin
Sailormoon, and why she wasn't there."
	Ranma blinked. "Oh."
	"They think they recognize Usagi also. It may just be a matter of
time before they figure it out..."
	Ranma groaned. "Aw jeez. I needed that like I need--"

Cerina: ---another fiancee?

	"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"
	The two martial artists bolted upright in the furo. "What the hell?"
Ranma asked.
	"Someone screaming," Ryouga said. "It sounded like Akane."

Tommy: (Ranma) Oh, well, lemme finish this great bath first...

	Ranma had already toweled himself off and was getting dressed. As he
fastened the ties on his shirt, his communicator began beeping
insistently. He frowned at the thing, then pressed the hidden moon
sigil on the cover. It flipped open, and a small screen revealed a
slightly distorted image of Ami. "Ranma-kun," she said, "I'm reading
a powerful energy signal in your sector. It has the same signature as
the creatures we've been fighting."
	From the window, Ryouga yelled, "SHIT! Ranma, you've got to come see
this!"

Tommy: Somehow I don't see Ryouga cursin' in English...

Cerina: Now, maybe if he said "kuso" or "masaka"....

	Ranma moved over to the window, and looked down. Standing in the
yard was an enormous man, who was currently menacing Akane and Ukyou.
"I think we found him, Ami," Ranma said. "Big, ugly mother. He's
here, at the dojo."
	Ami nodded. "I'll call the others, and we'll get there as quickly as
we can." The communicator darkened. Ranma closed the cover, and
grabbed a bucket of cold water. As Ranma splashed himself, Ryouga
jumped out the window, already dressed and armed with his umbrella.
Ranma paused, then grasped his medallion. "Tsuki no suishou pawaa,
henshin!"
	As Shin Sailormoon leaped out the bathroom window, Kasumi opened the
outer door to the bath. "Ranma-kun, are you finished in
here...yet...ara," she said as she briefly saw the sailor-fuku and
red pigtail of Shin Sailormoon as the warrior leapt from the room.
She blinked. "That's funny, I could almost have sworn that was
Ranma-kun..."

Tommy: I bet a two-liter of Sundrop that Kasumi never figures it out.

Cerina: You're on, Tommy-chan.
 

	"What...what do you *want* from us?" Akane asked. "Are you another
Dojo Destroyer?" 
	The enormous bearded man laughed. "Perhaps," he said darkly. "Yes, I
wouldn't mind burning this place to the ground at all."
	Ukyou leapt behind the giant, smashing her spatula down over his
head. He turned around and smirked at her. "You have to do better
than that flyswatter of yours," he said. Ukyou blinked.

All: Flyswatter?!?!??

LilTigre: He must be awfully big.....

	"Who are you? Why are you here?" Akane asked.
	"Be silent, wench. I have no interest in you. I've come here to find
Shin Sailormoon."

Cerina: *snicker* I'm surprised Akane didn't explode at that "wench"
statement.

	Akane frowned. "Why would you be looking for her here?"
	"I've tracked that sailor-suited menace to this place," the giant
growled. "Now *where is she*?"
	"Right here, creep." The two girls spun, and the giant grinned
cruelly, as Shin Sailormoon appeared in the yard. "I dunno who you
are, or why you're here, but I can't let you harm any innocents. Ai
to seigi no, sailor-fuku bishoujo senshi Shin Sailormoon! Tsuki ni
kawatte, oshioki yo!" 

LilTigre: What'd Ranma-chan just say?

Cerina: Something about kicking big-boy's happy butt in the name of the
Moon.

LilTigre: Oh.

	The massive man rumbled with laughter. "Oh, that's very impressive,
little girl." He took a step forward. "They call me the Scourge of
Mau, Apollo the Blood Moon!" He snapped open the sheath on his belt,
and a massive, crescent-shaped blade, the dull color of rust, dropped
from it, cutting into the ground with a loud thud. The blade was
attached to a length of chain. Apollo produced a massive metal glove,
and slid his right hand into it. The chain was connected to the palm
of the glove, and with a great tug, Apollo sent the blade flying over
his head, where he began spinning it. "DIE!" he rumbled, striking out
with his weapon, whose chain seemed to grow in length. The three
girls on the ground scattered, desparately dodging the massive
instrument of death. 

Tommy: Cool weapon! I want one!

	"Alright then," Shin Sailormoon said, "Let's see how you deal with
this! MOUKOU TSUKITAKABISHA!" Her powerful, moon-shaped ki blast tore
across the ground toward Apollo...who grinned. Whipping his blade
sharply around, he brought it into the path of the blast. It flared
briefly with crimson light, and a shower of sparks rose into the air
as the blade dissipated the blast.
	Shin Sailormoon blinked. "No way," she said. The giant laughed
evilly. He swung the weapon at Shin Sailormoon again. She dodged
frantically, but got knocked across the yard by the flat of the
blade. She grunted as she rose to her feet. "K...kono yarou...!"

Cerina: Something like that, yeah.

	"Give up now and I'll kill you mercifully," Apollo rumbled.
	Akane and Ukyou, watching from the sidelines, bigsweated as Shin
Sailormoon gave Apollo the finger.

(Cerina and Tommy lok at each other and begin screaming laughter as
LilTigre wiggles her paw trying to duplicate Shin Sailormoon's gesture.)

	"Well," Ukyou commented, "at least she doesn't waste any words..."
	"FOOLISH GIRL!" Apollo rumbled, advancing on Shin Sailormoon with
fire in his eyes. "For that, I shall flay your skin from your body a
half centimeter at a time! Then I shall flay the flesh beneath it a
millimeter at a time!" 
	"Flay THIS, asshole! SONIC THUNDER!" 
	A sonic boom ripped through the area, causing a bit of damage to the
Tendou property. Apollo had a moment to register surprise before he
was flung into the air, landing directly in the pond.

All: JUPITER HAS *LANDED*!!! Go, Mako-chan!!

	"Good shot, Jupiter!" Shin Sailormoon called. Jupiter grinned as she
and the other Senshi landed in the yard.
	"Now, to put this menace on ice before he causes any more damage,"
Mercury said. "SHINE AQUA ILLUSION!" Mercury's attack froze the pond
within seconds. "Is anyone hurt?" she asked after scanning to ensure
the titan was frozen solid.
	"We're fine, Sailor Mercury," Akane said. 
	"Not entirely," Shin Sailormoon said. "We do have a problem."
	"What's that?" Mars asked.
	"What're we gonna do when that freak breaks outta there? I don't
have anything up my sleeve that can take him while he's frozen, and
the one trick I can try is more likely to thaw him out."

Tommy: Thaw him out?

Cerina: I think I know what he's up to... *grin*

	There was silence, during which the point became moot as the pond
cracked, then shattered. With a mighty roar, Apollo leapt back onto
solid ground, once again swinging his massive crescent blade.
	"VENUS LOVE-ME STRAFE!" Venus cried, unleashing a swarm of glowing,
heart-shaped bullets at the giant. Apollo laughed, and pulled the
chain of his weapon short, spinning it in front of him. The blade
deflected every bullet, causing them to sputter and die out as they
struck the ground, the dojo, the wall, or disappeared into the sky.
"You'll have to do better than that!" he bellowed.
	Mars pulled out an ofuda, and began chanting. It was only Shin
Sailormoon's quick action that saved her from losing her head, as
Apollo's blade swung through the space her neck had occupied only a
second earlier. "Thanks," she said. Shin Sailormoon nodded. Then,
they both noticed where her hand had ended up. Mars glared at the
redhead. "I'm going to hit you for that later," she whispered. They
leapt apart just as the crescent blade dug into the ground between
them. 

Cerina: That's gratitude for ya.

	The five Senshi circled the titan warily as he swung the massive
blade lazily over his head. "Give up," he jeered. "You're all going
to die anyway!"
	"Not before we send you to Hell where you belong!" Jupiter yelled.

(The trio are waving little green flags with Jupiter's symbol on them.)

	Apollo's response to that was to strike out with the blade, sending
it on a direct collision course with Jupiter's midsection.
	Rather than jumping away, the tall Senshi dove for the ground. It
turned out to be a life-saving decision.
	As the blade tore through the air, something small and indistinct
whizzed through the air from above...and cut right through the chain.
The red crescent flew true, burying itself in the outer wall of the
Tendou estate. 
	Apollo, the Senshi, and the two bystanders looked up at the roof of
the dojo. "What the--?" Apollo yelled.. A figure stood there, wearing
a tuxedo, cape, and top hat. A mask of some sort covered much of the
top half of his face.
	"Tuxedo Kamen?" Mars wondered.
	Mercury, for her part, pulled out her computer and scanned the
object which had landed in the grass after cutting the chain. "It's
not a rose," she said. "It's a..." she blinked. "A bandana?"

Cerina: Wait... wait...

	The figure on the roof stepped forward, and the mask across his face
could be seen. Rather than the eyemask worn by Tuxedo Kamen, his mask
was a spotted bandana with eyeholes. "Big kids shouldn't play with
such dangerous toys," the figure on the roof called down to the
giant. "Someone might get hurt."

cerina: OK, go for it.

All: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!

	"That was the whole *idea*, you idiot!" Apollo bellowed.
	"Enough of this already," Shin Sailormoon said. She rushed Apollo,
who tried to swipe at her. She was too fast, however, and began
circling him. 
	"What's she doing?" Mars wondered. The other Senshi shrugged.
	On the sidelines, Ukyou nudged Akane. "Hey, isn't that...?" she
whispered.
	Akane's eyes widened. "It is..."

Tommy: Ranma's mistake #2....

	Apollo roared. "Stop running around in circles and do something
already!" he screamed at the red-haired Senshi.
	She grinned cutely. "Okay!" Dropping the cute act, she loosed a
fierce uppercut which didn't quite connect. It didn't have to.
	"TSUKIRYUU SHOUTEN HA!!"

LilTigre: Whee! I bet that's fun....!

Tommy, Cerina: <bigsweat>

	Apollo's eyes widened as he became the center of a massive vortex of
wind. As the wind carried him high into the air, a glowing crescent
moon emerged from Shin Sailormoon's still-raised fist. "Ya like
blades? Enjoy this one then!"
	Apollo screamed as the crescent caught up with him. The other Senshi
and the onlookers winced. 
	On the roof, the mysterious tuxedo-clad figure waved. "Ja ne," he
said simply before vanishing over the other side of the dojo. 
	The Senshi rushed over to the two girls, once again checking to make
sure they were alright. "We're just fine," Akane assured them, then
fixed her gaze on Shin Sailormoon. "But you've got a lot of
explaining to do...Ranma."
	Ranma's eyes widened. "I...anou, I think you have me confused with
someone else."
	Ukyou smirked. "Yeah, right."

Tommy: Busted!

	The rest of the dojo residents poured out of the house, to
investigate the commotion now that it was all over with. Soun wailed
as he saw the damage to the wall and the pond. Nabiki smirked.
	Kasumi walked over to Shin Sailormoon. "Anou, make sure to leave
that fuku in the laundry room if you need it cleaned and mended,
Ranma-kun."
	Ranma sighed, lowered her head, and mumbled a curse. 

(Cerina grins as Tommy reluctantly hands over a two-liter of Sundrop.)
 

	Crimson light flared in the throne chamber of Adonais. A battered,
bruised, and somewhat shredded tiger-striped cat fell into the room,
groaning as he landed.
	Upon the throne sat Adonais and a naked woman. Adonais narrowed his
eyes. "You failed," he said.

(Tommy's nosebleed starts up again.)

	Apollo dropped to the ground. "I...failed."
	"You know the price of failure," Adonais said. His eyes flashed.
	Apollo shuddered. A sphere of force shimmered into existence around
him. He screamed one final time as he exploded within the sphere.
Then, the sphere disappeared, taking his mangled remains with it.

LilTigre: <wince> Owie.
 	

	On the throne, the woman shuddered. Adonais cupped her chin in his
hand. "Remember that, my dear Aphrodite. Remember the price of
failure."
	Aphrodite nodded. "I will not fail you, my lord. You shall see...I
will dispose of the Sailor Senshi. I swear it."

Cerina: Just like every other evil person has sworn. Sheesh, they all
sound like a broken record!

Tommy: Ah, yeah.... well, good job, Lurker. A few nitpicks, but on the
whole well-done.

LilTigre: Bye-bye, everybody!

(Camera fades out....)
 	

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The Eternal Lost Lurker
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Jess, the LilTigre =^_^=