At 06:08 PM 2/7/98 -0600, you wrote:

Yahoo!  A continuation of one of my all-time favorite Ranma fics!
You were robbed, RPM.  You shoulda won the 'fic of the year. :)
Now, on to the C&C.

Deuce:    Guest-hosting this session of MST are some fine fellows from
          the world of Samurai Spirits... Haohmaru, Kibagami Genjuro,
          and their sensei, Caffeine Nicotine.
Nicotine: Why am I listed last?
Deuce:    Gesture of respect, sensei.
Genjuro:  Respect.  Hah.  For HIM?
Nicotine: Sounds fishy.  *whaps Genjuro with his hat*
Deuce:    Let's get on with it...

  The door slammed.  Both liked to believe it was them that slammed
it.

Nicotine: This sentence is a bit awkward.  Since "them" is plural, this
          really could use rewording somehow.
Haohmaru: Sounds fine to me.
Genjuro:  You wouldn't know proper grammar if it bit you in the ass,
          Haohmaru.
Haohmaru: Oh, like you're one to talk, Mr. "KILL YOU!!!!"
Genjuro:  SHUT UP!

  Ukyou smiled, ever so slightly, and sighed in relief.
  Were she able to see through walls, she'd see that Ryouga was too.

Haohmaru: Ryouga was... what?
Genjuro:  Able to see through walls?  Haoh could sure use that ability.
          Nothing like a peeping tom with bedhead and x-ray vision.
Haohmaru: HEY!
Nicotine: Silence, both of you.  I think this would work better as
          something more like "If she could only see through the wall,
          she would have noticed Ryouga doing doing the same" or
          something of that sort.
Haohmaru: Wise as always, master.
Genjuro:  Ass-kisser.

  If anyone were to ask if the boy and girl were a couple, they'd
have been mauled (possibly to death) by both parties.

Nicotine: This one/they thing again.  Mixing plurals and singulars is
          one of my pet peeves, sorry.
Genjuro:  *mutters* So is an empty sake bottle...

  Now that the opening insults were traded,

Genjuro:  I have to say, Ryo is my kind of guy.  Nothing like a healthy
          desire for revenge.
Haohmaru: You don't give up easily, do you?  I rather like Tanya,
          myself.
Nicotine: Revenge is a poor source of light on the dark road of life.
Genjuro:  *yawns*

They watched impassively as the
people on the street buzzed back and forth in the 'rat race', not
envying them at all.

Nicotine: Hmm... this is a little vague as to who's doing (or not
          doing, actually) the envying here.
Haohmaru: Envying?  Genjuro always envied me...
Genjuro:  Yeah, like a a jailor envies a prisoner...

  She took a deep breath, then told it. [her story]

Haohmaru: Oh, sure.  KEEP me in suspense, why don't you.
Genjuro:  Where's that author!  I'll kill him!
Nicotine: If you kill him, you'll never find out why she's after
          Ryouga.
Genjuro:  Damn.

  "Sentaro, the time is coming soon."

Genjuro:  AAAGH!  NO NO NO, I hate Sentaro so much.
Haohmaru: Because he's cultured.
Genjuro:  Because he's ANNOYING!  Much like you, you idiot.
          *sigh*  Oh well.  Time to swallow the bitter pill.
Nicotine: Both of you, quiet.  And pass the popcorn.

  Ranma hopped around clutching his rear.  "Hey!  What'd I do now?!"

Genjuro:  He's had that coming for ages...

  "Y-yessir," stammered Noriamo.  He breathed a sigh of relief after
the feel of a cold blade was removed from the back of his neck.

Haohmaru: Oooh.  The plot sickens.
Genjuro:  That's "thickens."

 It wasn't often that the old freak wrote to anyone, and it was even
more unusual that Happosai wrote a letter to him.   Life was either
about to become a little more interesting or a lot more aggrivating.

Genjuro:  Aggravating gets my vote.  Few things are as annoying as
          crotchety old senseis who think they know what they're doing.
          *whap* Ow!
Nicotine: Ingrate.
Haohmaru: I'm glad to see Pantstocking Tarou around again, as he was
          always one of my favorites.
Genjuro:  What spring did he fall into again?  Drowned eskimo-riding-
          a-polar-bear-with-a-gorilla-and-a-mongoose or something like
          that?
Nicotine: *sighs* Something like that.

  As was typical of the Hibiki line, Ryouga was... well... you know.

All:      Yes we do!

  "Tell your fortune?" asked Mio, smiling slightly.

Nicotine: Hmm.  Was this girl's name given previously?  The name seems
          to come out of nowhere...

  Ryouga's ego was swelling.  Badly.

Haohmaru: Yes!  In fact, I can see it from here!
Genjuro:  Your ego is even bigger than your appetite, Haohmaru.  Of
          course you'd know one when you saw it.

  The Master was probably very, pardon the pun, Happy.

Genjuro:  I've killed for less than that...
Haohmaru: Or tried, anyhow.
Genjuro:  I could kill you right now!
Haohmaru: I'll kick you in the nuts!
Nicotine: Haohmaru!  That's not very honorable!
Genjuro:  What a shock...

  Happosai pulled out a clipboard, checked two names off, then
resumed watching Keiko's Aerobics Workout.  These were good days
indeed.

Nicotine: The man knows how to have a good time.
Genjuro:  Old pervert...

"Hey, Nabiki, who was last year's champion anyway?"
She pulled out her laptop and showed him.
"Oooooh.  Her.  Ain't she that wanna be Ry-"

Haohmaru: Ry-- WHO?  Ryo or Ryouga?  Or someone new?
Genjuro:  Ryouga, obviously.  Idiot.
Haohmaru: How would *you* know.
Genjuro:  *rolls eyes*

[Furinkan High, the Lunch Hour]

Nicotine: Did anyone get snacks?

  "Are you worried about something?"
  "Yeah," he said absently.  "You."

Nicotine: Ahh, the joys of true love.
Genjuro:  I'd prefer cheap sex.
Haohmaru: You would.
Genjuro:  Oh please, like you've seen Oshizu in the past eight moons.

  "Hey," Ukyou nudged Ryouga with her foot.  "Is this because I'm a
girl?" 
  "Yes!  No... er... I mean..."
  "You absolute-"

Haohmaru: *winces* Ooh, that's going to hurt.
Genjuro:  Look familiar, y'little wimp?

  "It's, er, this is tournament fighting!"

Genjuro:  Bah.  Real fighting requires no rules.
Haohmaru: And in your case, no honor.
Nicotine: Pipe down!  *whapwhap*

  "Thanks for caring," said Ukyou softly.
  "Um... no problem... I mean... I..."
*
  "... love you too, Akane."
  And they kissed.

Nicotine: Excellently done scene.  I love stuff like that.
Genjuro:  So did Ryouga and Ukyou make with the kissyface too?

  And they wished each other luck.

Haohmaru: Evidently not.
Genjuro:  Poor guy needs to go into one of those sex houses...
Haohmaru: There's more to life than sex, you know.
Genjuro:  Sake and blood.  What more do I need?

  "The kind ya get when you're watching a movie with a date, only the
movie was her pick, not yours, and it's turning out to be a major
chick film with all the stupid, mushy, romantic bits."

Genjuro:  I hate that!
Nicotine: Come now, those are great.  Haven't you seen "Titanic?"

  "Ugh, nasty."

Genjuro:  My thoughts exactly.
Haohmaru: Maybe if it took place on a junk...
Nicotine: You should've seen it after the iceberg hit!  *slaps his knee*

*groan*

  "Be careful, Sentaro!" cried Miss Satsuki, holding Sentaro in a
desperate embrace.

Genjuro:  Yeah, be careful not to let the door hit your ass on your
          way out...

  Sentaro returned his beloved's embrace, his face solemn and grim. 
"Do not fear, my love.  I will have my vengence on this day.  In the
name of the Daimonji School of Tea Ceremony Martial Arts, I CANNOT
fail."

Haohmaru: Going up against Ranma and Ryouga?  Riiiight...
Nicotine: Never underestimate the power of a good tea ceremony.

  "DO YOUR BEST!" yelled his grandmother. 

Genjuro:  I liked the old ladies from their rival clan.
Haohmaru: Who?
Genjuro:  Ino, Shika and Chou.
Nicotine: You would, young one....

(Note: If you DON'T get this, and would like an explanation, email
 me and I'll tell all. ^_^)

  Ryo Muhoshin idly twirled his umbrella, looked Sentaro over once,
and said a single word.

Genjuro:  MOU KOROSU!
Nicotine: That's two words.
Genjuro:  Close enough!  Kill 'im, Ryo!

  He wished Ukyou was there, but she had a match of her own to fight. 

Haohmaru: I always THOUGHT Tachibana-san was rather effeminate.
Genjuro:  Wrong Ukyou, moron!

  Joe the crepe chef.  This was the last person Ukyou expected to see
in the match.  She hadn't seen him since she defeated him in their
crepe vs.  okonomiyaki duel a while back when he'd threatened to drive
her out of business.  She thought she'd seen the last of him. 

Nicotine: Kureipu no Joe!
Haohmaru: Creepy idiot.
Genjuro:  Agreed.

  It was at this point that someone in the stands decided to be a
wiseguy. 

  "TAAAAAKEEEEOOOUT KOOOOOMBAAAAAAAT!" 

Haohmaru and Genjuro: DEEEENNTAAAAAL KOOOOMBAAAAAT!
Nicotine: Round One!  BITE!

  Joe and Ukyou both scowled. 

Haohmaru: CHORTLE WOMBAT!
Genjuro:  What?!
Haohmaru: Oh, sorry.

  Stooge.  Fu. 

Genjuro and Haohmaru: *rolling on the floor laughing*
Nicotine: *snickering*

Great stuff, overall.  Mostly free of spelling errors, nothing a
spellchecker wouldn't catch.  I'm kinda distraught by what Ryo did
to Pantstocking Tarou though.  I didn't think he was that... well,
unstable. O.o  Definitely interesting... major character to contend
with.  And you STILL need to tell us what Tanya said to Ryo...
Very good narration on the fight scenes as well.  Heh, and you told
me you weren't very good at those, RPM.  I beg to differ. :)  Keep
up the great work, and I look forward to the rest of the fic!

-Deuce
  
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       "How beautiful is death.  Death and his brother, sleep."
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