Hola, Se�or Zen! Jamie here, just to eliminate any confusion as to who's
writing this.
Whew! I spent a good two hours on this one. Much pain, much angst. I'll
admit right now that I'm firmly in the Ranma and Akane as star-crossed
lovers camp. That your work was superbly written enabled me to get
through a plot which is to me, anathema.
>From what I've read, it seems as if "Long and Winding Road 2" is "The
Bitter End" with Ranma running away to Ukyo before he can get married to
Akane -and meeting his ultimate grisly death. I see the same motivations
in his affection for Ukyo and his loss of love for Akane in this work.
"Akane's Anger" and "Only Ukyo Understands Me" are the recurring themes
here, and the ghosts of "The Bitter End" just won't die. It's almost as
if you are trying too hard to justify the premise of the story (that
Ranma grudgingly rejects Akane for Ukyo) both to yourself and your
readership. I think in this regard you have (so far) failed to distance
yourself from that powerful previous work, but I shall hang in there and
see what will follow in parts to come. Please do not take this
personally, as I have enormous respect for the complexity and power of
the story you have chosen to tell. It's just that such a staggering
reversal of Takahashi's storyline may require more exposition and
painstaking care than almost any normal human is capable of.
Now that I've worked that out of my system, a few specific points both
good and bad:
Haruka Kuonji seems to be overly modern in his speech. He's been a
sequestered monk (and formerly a podunk okonomiyaki vendor) for how
long? Specifically, "outdated gender sterotypes"? That seems a little
much coming from him.
I absolutely loved your descriptive narrative of the scene when Ranma
and Ukyo approached the monastary. Kudos!
The scenes with Nodoka... I'm not sure what to make of them. Catharsis,
sure. A final breaking point that severs Ranma from his old world,
allowing him to start anew with Ukyo... I'll buy that. I think I have to
reread that whole part and get back to you on it later. Something
bothers me about it, but I can't quite place my finger on it.
I can't agree on the premise, but I can commend you on your excellent
work! I look forward to Part 3.
Jamie
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