On Fri, 16 Jan 1998, Shuma Gorath wrote:

On Fri, 16 Jan 1998, Mike Noakes wrote:

     The problem as I see it is that you've inserted a very real,
dangerous, and deadly level of violence into the Ranmaverse, without
giving an equivalent boost to the cast (ie. realistic consequences to
their martial arts (broken bones, etc.), chi attacks (blasting people in
two), and skills (danger sensing, or whatever).  Well, in my opinion. . . .

In hand to hand combat, there wouldn't be a problem for the Ranma cast.
This isn't the case and will never be the case in this story.  At least,
not that I have planned thus far.

As for inserting in a deadly level of violence, well that's why there's
the dark tag.  I wanted something more real and more substantial than
anything I'd done before.

If another Mike can put in his two cents, my problem is that everyone in 
Nerima is reacting to that "very real, dangerous, and deadly level of 
violence" the same way they do to the standard "exaggerated for comedic 
effect, massive property destruction but no one is permanently injured" 
violence: ignoring it.  There was a firefight with fully automatic weapons in 
broad daylight leaving most of the participants dead and no one is talking 
about it?  And it's not like they're quiet from fear but rather nobody
noticed.  
Otherwise the place should be swarming with news media, police 
investigators, etc.

There are also a couple of points that may be problems or author 
foreshadowing.  Your protagonists group is buying these guns from a group 
based in Nerima, but the Nerima group is surprised by the Happosai chase 
running gag?  Even if they were outsiders why would they assume that an 
angry mob of ordinary women using blunt instruments to chase an old man 
and a teenage boy was part of a double cross and react violently?  Or did the 
gun suppliers plan their own double cross all along and just used the chase 
as an excuse?

Also, does your protagonist realize he is acting the same way as his Oyabun 
ie deciding a persons guilt on very flimsy evidence, and then striking at 
people only because they have a connection with the person believed to be 
guilty.  In fact, he seems worse than the Oyabun-the Oyabun at least didn't 
have any other obvious suspects, where your protagonist saw the punks who 
raped and killed his sister and niece, and heard the mid level guy give the 
orders and say they came from the boss.  Ranma ought to be way down this 
guys get even list

After all this carping let me finish by complimenting you on your ability to 
write a scene that makes the reader feel as if they are actually present.  In 
fact I had to skim the rape and murder scene in chapter 2 because the sense 
of being there and unable to stop an act of great cruelty and evil was just too 
painful to read thoroughly.