With thanks to Gary Kleppe, Kent Armstrong and Lord Archive. ^_^
~abc~ = sound

That Memory 
~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes I just sit at my desk and think about the unusual life I lead,
wondering when all this craziness will end. Today is different, there is one
issue which won't leave me alone. I've tried to dodge it, think of other,
more frivolous things but... no. And it's all thanks to the past month, to
the trip abroad...
   
This confusion is all his fault. What I saw of him and heard of him was a
different person to how he normally acts. A side I rarely get to see of the
usually macho guy. A caring, noble side that cares for _me_. How much I don't
know, for he has since closed up and locked his emotions away. All I know is
that his feelings go beyond friendship, maybe even... love. If I only knew,
then the uncertainty wouldn't be dragging me so far down.

He gave up so much to save me. I know how much it meant to him, so I... I
must have meant more. I  had to. He was so crushed by his loss but tried to
hide it, to spare me guilt but I knew him better than he thought I did. You
could see the hurt in his eyes, unguarded pain.

I was told by a friend of mine who was there with him for most of the
journey, that they had to drag him away from danger when he thought I was
dead. Apparently, he was inconsolable and grief-stricken. How long would he
have been like that if I really had died? ...Forever, perhaps? I don't even
want to think about that...

I probably would have been shocked by that if I hadn't remembered hearing his
soft, caring, guilt-ridden voice when I lay in a coma-like state in his arms,
instead I just felt almost lifted by this revelation -- that he cared for me
so much -- and I knew that my friend wouldn't lie, having no reason to. I
still puzzle over the melancholy, resigned look on their face when they told
me of his actions. Why did they look like they had lost someone? No-one had
died...     

But my thoughts soon turn back to _him_. I can't shake the words which he had
whispered to me, having not known I could hear all he spoke. I wish I didn't
have to feel the need to banish them, I wish that he hadn't denied their
meanings so intensely, making me doubt what I thought I heard -- the unspoken
feelings and emotions conveyed in an almost unrecognisable, vulnerable voice
which would have had me close to tears if I had been able to cry. His voice
was so full of despair and remorse. And when he desperately cried out my
name, bursting into tears and fast losing hope, that's when I was so sure
that all the insults tossed back and forth during the past year were
meaningless. That this was how he really felt about me, that he... he...
loved me. The more I think about it, the more real it seems.

And I was so happy, happier than I've ever felt. I couldn't stop smiling. But
soon after I woke up, that side of him disappeared, having realised that I
had heard everything. His heart left his sleeve and hid under his
embarressment, scared. I miss that side... I hate his constant denial more
and more each day making me doubt our relationship. Doesn't he know I care
for him? How long will it be before this is resolved? I can't deal with all
of these new feelings on my own. I've never felt so unsure of something and
yet so sure. I just wish... I wish --

~Knock, knock.~

"Come in," I say, trying to wipe the unwelcome tears off my face. I turn
round to see who has disturbed my thoughts. It's... him. Before the trip I
would have told him to get out, but now... "Hi."

"Kasumi says that dinner's ready..." he seems to be studying my reddened eyes
with veiled concern. "You OK, Akane?" he asks me.

"I'm fine, Ranma, I'm fine," I reply unsteadily. One day, perhaps...

~The end.~

Notes:
I know, I know, it was probably pretty obvious who it was from near the start
but it was just something I had to write, to get out of my system. I changed
the title from "Remembering That Memory." Any C&C is happily received!
Oh, and the Ranma 1/2 characters are from the genius of Rumiko Takahashi, the
creator of the Ranma universe!! I have no claim on them at all! 

~K-chan 

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**If at first you don't succeed...  redefine success!**