On Mon, 12 Jan 1998, Deuce wrote:
In any case... I particularly liked the beginning of this. Poignancy
is remarkably effective when applied to characters such as these who
are normally shown in a very non-serious manner. That is, when it's
done well, like in this case.
Oh, ego boost. Thanks ;)
After the wish, there's a lot of extraneous dialogue... by this point,
everyone knows what the events of the first episode/issue of Ranma 1/2
are. Since there were no deviations in the events of that scene, you
could have removed it entirely and summarized it without sacrificing
the efficacy and tone of the story.
There are many small variations that I felt are important to point out.
Example: The first time around Akane glared at Ranma in anger, this time
she looked at him with longing. She also avoided her unintentional insult.
Also, I would have liked to see some more information on how Ranma's
feeling, since his thoughts are obviously not the same as when he first
showed up in the first ep/ish.
Ranma is really confused at this point. Even he doesn't know his own
thoughts and feelings. After he adjusts a little his thoughts will get
more focus (read starting next chapter).
Author's note:
This series, like the Night After series, falls under my category of
writing projects of whenever the spirit moves me to write it. The next
chapter may not be written for months.
That's a shame. This has a lot of promise, and I've always been very
fond of "alternate universe" fics (good ones, anyhow). I hope to see
more of it soon. A very good effort. ^_^
As I said, I will write as the spirit moves me. And seeing as the spirit
is moving me to write chapter 3 at least, the next post should be Sunday.
Other Fanfic News:
Also for next Sunday is The Insanity Continues: Side Story to vol 1
Square Peg, Round Hole - Just how did Nabiki convince the Kunos to stop
chasing after Ranma and/or Akane. TIC Vol 3 Chap 1 won't come out for at
least three weeks (Just starting to write it now).
I will also be posting Nekoken Is Out Of The Bag starting next Sunday,
starting with a repost of Chapter 1 & 2 and a release of Chapter 3 & 4.
-From he who has no life.
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