Chapter Four?
Hmmm. Must've missed a few parts -- only remember seeing the
prelude, I thought.
Anyway -- seeing as how I've only seen two parts, I can't judge
much. Writing seems good, dialogue okay. Plot is interesting, though
I hope it avoids getting too needlessly dark and grim. I wonder how Ranma
and Happosai could have been involved in the death of the guy's family...
Only suggestion I have is to maybe tone down some of the hell
imagery and darker descriptions. Frequent referals to the 'fire and
brimstone that filled the emptiness that had been his heart' (loosely
paraphrased) really looses it's effect if overused -- and could be
considered a little unsubtle. Similarly, refering to his gun as being
'dressed up for its dark duty of death' (I think that's how it went, in
one of the earlier chapters) after he screws in the silencer could be
taken as a little exaggerated. <shrug> Or maybe not -- just a
suggestion.
Later!
-Mike Noakes
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