Oh! My Brother!

Chapter 9


All Oh! My Goddess (Ah! My Goddess, Aa! Megami-sama, whatever)
characters owned by Kosuke Fujishima.  We're poor, don't sue us.

***

COLIN:

My best friend's become a god!  Suddenly the world no longer is the
orderly, predictable, and logical place I'd always believed it to be.

I came out of the exam all full of adrenaline.  I always finish tests
feeling like I could run a marathon, and since it went well, I was
feeling pretty good.

So I went along when, totally to my surprise, Chris shows up after eight
months without a word and uses that tired joke.  Back in second year,
another friend of mine started going "I blame Simmonds" when anything
bad happened to him (which was often).  Somehow, my other friends picked
it up, and I wound up getting half-seriously blamed for all sorts of
things that were never really my fault.

His use of the joke, tired as it may be, confirmed that it had to be the
Chris Angel I'd known, even if he looked like he'd spent the eight
months visiting plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills.  Still surprised, I
babbled some pleasantries. "Hey, wow.  It's been a long time.  You've
sure changed."

Chris sighed.  "Long, LONG story."  He looked around.  I was one of the
first people to finish the exam, but others were starting to leave, and
the lobby of the Physics building wasn't terribly quiet and private even
when classes are over.  "There someplace we can talk? Privately?"

"Um, not around here, I guess." I said, still reeling from the shock.
In case you hadn't already noticed, I don't react well to surprises. "I
rode my bike to the exam, and I'm done for the day, so we could go
somewhere.  I gather you drove up to the University?"

For reasons that weren't clear to me then, transportation was obviously
an issue.  Chris gave a sore look to his companions, and it was then
that I finally realized he wasn't alone.

There was a woman and a girl with him.  The former was breathtakingly
beautiful, and had the attention of all the guys around (since this was
an Engineering exam, there were a lot).  The girl was short and cute.
Both were dressed, well, oddly, to say the least, and their hair was
pretty wild.

I blinked, as I suddenly noticed something.  Was that a tricorder that
the girl was pointing at me?

"Hi.  I'm Colin." I introduced myself with a little half wave. "Chris
and I have been friends since elementary school."

"Colin, meet Urd and Skuld." Chris introduced the woman and
girl, respectively.  Urd gave me a scarily appraising look from head to
toes, and Skuld glanced up briefly from whatever it was that she was
doing on that tricorder-like thing.

"Oniichan, we need to track down that other wish." Skuld said
impatiently.  "Ask him what he knows."

Chris looked around nervously, obviously not wanting to discuss whatever
it was in front of the other students.  "I've got something important to
talk to you about.  Like I said, can you find someplace close by for us to
talk in
private?"

I thought for a moment.  "I suppose not all of the classrooms are being
used for exams.  Maybe we'll find one that's free."

Chris nodded in assent, so I led them down the little hall past the labs
with the Physics classrooms I'd spent many hours in.  The second one was
empty, and I sat perched on one of the tables.

"I'll make sure we aren't disturbed." Urd offered.  She closed the door,
and then spoke to it in musical-sounding words I couldn't quite make
out.  I thought I was imagining things when I saw a brief fluorescent
glow.

I rubbed my eyes, since I was obviously seeing things.  "So what is it
you have to tell me?"

Chris gave a little smile, and then just disappeared.  I mean, literally
vanished before my very eyes.  Before I had time to even think about him
no longer being there, I felt his hand on my shoulder and heard him say
"Boo!"

I went "Aaah!" and jumped in fright, falling off the table in the
process.  I heard Skuld snickering as I got to my feet again.  Just when
I realized that Chris was now behind me, he was suddenly in front of me
again.

I leaned carefully back against the table.  "How did you do that?" I
asked nervously, my voice wavering.

"I'm a god," he said matter-of-factly, obviously enjoying himself.
"See?"  And then suddenly he was in different clothes, armor I guess,
with these metal things on his arms.  I had no idea what they were, but
they sure looked nasty and sharp.  "Nice outfit, hey?"

At this point, my legs decided they didn't want to support me anymore.
I quickly grabbed the table before I fell to the ground again, and
carefully swung myself around and settled into the reassurance of a
chair.  Somehow I had a feeling I'd want to be sitting down for what was
to come next.

"However on Earth did you manage that?" I asked inelegantly.

"It all started when I got this weird email." Chris began.

***

Chris went through how he slipped in making his wish, and wound up being
brother and protector to the trio of goddesses.  He told me about
training to become a warrior god and gave me gossip on the Norse
pantheon.

I'll never look at mythology in quite the same way anymore.  Although I
have to admit that the stories Chris told me about the Norse gods were a
lot more interesting than the ones I'd learned in school.

He told me about Belldandy answering Keiichi's wish, and the living
arrangements they had in an abandoned temple in Tokyo.  He explained how
he'd discovered the way his traveling ability worked.

I listened with suspended disbelief.  I would have taken it for an
elaborate late April Fool's joke, except for two things.  I'd seen Chris
do things that were flat out impossible, and I trust the evidence of my
senses.  And, in all of the years I'd known him, Chris had never been
much of a liar.

Chris continued, telling me about how he'd answered his first wish, and
wound up with two possible girlfriends as a result.  I wasn't quite sure
how to take that.

Then he wound up with a description of the bug exhaust port in his
stomach (which Urd thoughtfully made visible to gross me out with), and
how they'd traced it back to a conflict between wishes.  Those he'd just
told me about, and one due to me.

"A wish?  Me?  I think I'd remember if a goddess popped out of a pot of
water or a mirror to give me a wish."

Skuld looked uncomfortable.  "There was a runaway wish-handling process,
so anything you said that may have been phrased as a wish could have
been granted."

Chris snorted in derision.  "Right.  And my wish just happened to get
through the rejection process and my first wish just happened to be with
Ami."  He jerked a thumb in an upward direction.  "Boss is playing games
again, and this time it's Colin who's the pawn."

"Boss?" I asked.

"God."

"God?"  I'm sure my eyebrow must have been raised to Spock-like levels.

"God.  Kami-sama.  Buddha.  Odin.  Jupiter.  Zeus." Chris paused for a
second as he tried to think up more names.  "Ra-wait is it Osiris?
Damnit, I can't ever remember the Egyptian pantheon."

Urd sniffed.  "Bunch of stuck-up twerps anyway."

"Okay, sure, uh-huh," I said disbelievingly, and then tried to think
back about what I'd said over the past few days.  I'd been mostly trying
to study for my exams, although I hadn't done too good a job of it.  I'd
wound up reading a lot of books instead of studying, not to mention
playing computer games.  "Oh no." I said with dread, as a memory came
back to me.

"What is it?"

"Well, I was playing on the Playstation yesterday, and I got stuck
fighting this one boss.  No matter what I did, he kept killing my party.
So, I might have said something like 'I wish I had Chris around.  He'd
know how to defeat him.'"  In all of the years I'd known Chris, he'd
been a computer game player extraordinaire, and I'd grown to rely on him
as an info source for games.

Of course, it is a little embarrassing that the only reason I'd missed
my best friend was wanting his help on games, but I'd had a heavy course
load at university the past two semesters.  I didn't have time to worry
about anything besides getting my homework done.

Skuld punched some buttons on her tricorder, and then nodded at what she
saw on the display.  "Yes, that's it."

Chris looked at Skuld in amazement.  "You're kidding me."  She shook her
head in negation.  "Still think it was luck?"

"Why would He do something like that?" Skuld demanded.  "What possible
use could He get out of doing this to Colin?"

"Why did He set up Bell-chan to live with Kei-san?" Chris countered.
"Why did He set me up so that I've got not one, but two girls to deal
with?  Why have I been getting portfolios of guys I should introduce
Urd to in my email?"  He threw up his hands in frustration.  "Because
He's a matchmaking busybody, that's why!"

I felt a hand on my arm, tugging me away, and I looked into Urd's
panicked face.  "You might want to stand back," she said as she pulled
me back.  Skuld was slowly backing away from Chris as he ranted on.

*CRACK-THOOM!!!!!*  A bolt of lightning came through the ceiling and
struck Chris, and he was lit up like a bulb for a second.  He stood
there for a moment, and then crashed to the ground.

"Oh, Oniichan," Skuld said in a dismayed tone.  "You were just asking
for that," she continued, as Chris groaned on the floor.  She walked
over and began to help him get up from the ground.

I looked up at the ceiling, and discovered something missing - the hole
that should have been there.  I looked askance at Urd, who smiled
enigmatically.

At least this "Boss" was being thoughtful in squashing Chris like a bug.
The last thing the university needed now was another building in need
of repair.

Then something occurred to me.

"Wait a minute.  With this wish, I could have gotten just about anything
I wanted, right?"  Chris nodded, and winced as he finally made it
completely to his feet.  "I mean, you got to become a god, this Keiichi
guy gets a beautiful goddess as a girlfriend, and all *I* get is the
magical equivalent of a bungee cord tying me to you.  I feel gypped,
somehow."

Chris laughed weakly and the goddesses burst into laughter.  Life isn't
fair, sometimes.

***

CHRIS:

We watched Colin take off on his bike, and I swore.  "This really isn't
right, you know."

Skuld looked at me in surprise.  "But if Kami-sama wants it to happen, isn't
it really for the best?"  We started heading on the path to my parents
house.  Good thing I lived close to the university.

"I'm sure it is in the long run, but..."  I trailed off as words escaped me.

"You're convinced there has to be a better way," Urd said.

I nodded.  "I know this won't be something Colin regrets, hell, I never
regretted my wish, but is it really fair to just pick him up and force him
to move to Japan just to fulfill some plan?"

"You can never second guess Kami-sama, 'Niichan," Urd sighed.  "You know the
hell he put Belldandy and Keiichi through over their relationship."

"Yeah, but where does Colin fit in?" I demanded.  "I mean, to be honest, if
anyone deserved a wish, it was Colin, but what kind of crap does the Boss
have planned?"

An ominous roll of thunder echoed from the heavens, and we nervously looked
up into the clear sky.  "Maybe we should talk about something else?" Skuld
said faintly.

"Good plan," I agreed.  We walked on in silence for a few minutes.

"'Niichan," Urd said suddenly.

"Hmm?"

"What's this about you getting portfolios on men for me to meet?" she asked,
grabbing my arm and hugging it tightly.  I felt a sudden sinking feeling.  I
wasn't supposed to have told her about that.

"Nevermind, Urd, just a project He has me working on-ow!" I yelped as her
grip suddenly became painful.  She grabbed the front of my shirt and yanked
my face down to her level.

"When we get back home you are going to show me those files," she growled.
"Am I understood?"

To quote a phrase, discretion is the better part of valor. "Yes!" I
promised.  "Sure!  Whatever you say!"

Her bad humor disappeared in an instant and she kissed me lightly on the
cheek.  "Good boy.  Come on, shrimp.  Let's let him visit his parents,
there's got to be something interesting to do in this place."

"If you find something, tell me," I called after them as they walked off.
Then something occurred to me.  "Wait!  How are you going to find me to get
home?"

"Trust us," Urd called back.

Now I was REALLY worried.

I'd tell you about my visit to my parents place, but frankly, that's none of
your business.

***

COLIN:

I biked home in shock.  I spent the whole trip thinking over the
conversation, and reeling over what I'd seen.  My whole worldview of a
nice orderly universe without gods or divinities of any sort had been
completely overturned.

It's a good thing there wasn't much traffic, or the wish conflict would
have been resolved by my death.  I was so distracted that I didn't pay
any attention at all to the road, going the whole way on autopilot.

Cars rather pale in significance next to divinities and the nature of
the universe, right?  And the fact that a mere slip of the tongue made
Chris a god, and another was threatening to wreck my life, really,
really disturbed me.

I didn't want to think even a little bit about the almighty ruler of the
universe personally meddling in my life.  Just the tidbit that was Chris
was now a god didn't exactly inspire much confidence in the universe on
my part, either.

I recalled what happened before I begged off and frankly, fled the trio
of divinities.  Chris had insisted that I'd be coming back to Japan with
him, and gave an annoying knowing smile when I told him how unlikely
that was.

So I was really ticked off when I found a letter from Japan waiting for
me at home.  Especially when I opened it up and found out that some
place called the Nekomi Institute of Technology was offering me a full
scholarship, including room and board, starting the next week.  To add
insult to injury, under that was a letter telling me that my summer job
had just been canceled.

"Why those sneaky..." I started to curse Chris and his "sisters", until
I noticed the date on the first letter.  Had my wish actually propagated
back in time far enough for a letter to come to Canada from Japan?

I felt a heavy weight in my stomach that had nothing to doing with it
being lunch time.  I realized then that it was time to give in to fate.
When the Powers That Be are that powerful, mere mortals like myself
don't stand a chance of any meaningful resistance at all.  I took a deep
breath, and dialed the Japanese phone number Chris gave me.

He answered on the first ring.  Prescience?

"Looks like I'm coming with you to Japan after all."  I said
reluctantly, staring at the letter I held at arm's length, still not
fully believing what it said.

I guess that sums up my life now.  I don't know what to believe anymore.

--
Christopher "God-boy" Angel
cja124@mail.usask.ca
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Pagoda/7040/
"PERSONA!"