After 8 months, it is finally done. Ranma 1/2 and all of its characters are
owned by Rumiko Takahashi. All lyrics are owned by Andy Partridge, Colin
Moulding, and Dave Gregory. All other characters are owned by me. If you
have a problem with that, see all of us, respectively.

This is a work of fiction. It will get dark in places. You have been
warned. C&C, MSTs are invited and encouraged.
============================================================================
=========

				Reunions: Ryouga
				1000 Umbrellas

Cueing up: Skylarking
Artist: XTC

Even before the dream dissipated, I could feel my heart pound in nervous
quick excitement.

_Today will be the day._

I must have overslept again, but instead of flinging myself out of bed, I
lazily roll over, feeling the hot sun streaming across my face, noting the
subtleness of the air drifting gently across my body.  I've noticed I've
been doing that a lot lately, actually stopping to notice little things and
seeing their magic.

Maybe it's because for the first time, I'm truly experiencing life.

A few rooms away, I can hear her footsteps patter on the wooden floor,
followed by the sharp bang of the screen door.  As if on cue, the CD player
in the kitchen starts up, echoing loudly through the house, but reaching my
ears as if it is playing through honey.  

Track one: Summer's Cauldron
o/~Drowning here in Summer's Cauldron, under mats of flower lava.
Please don't pull me out, this is how I would want to go...o/~

Never knew anyone who was so much into XTC as she was, especially since she
lives in a place where barely any radio signals come through clearly.
What's worse, she's playing my least favorite CD.  In random order, too, I
bet. She never plays her CDs in order--she says she likes to be surprised.  

Not that the music on it isn't awful. It's just that most of those songs
could easily pass for theme songs to my life.

Without getting out of bed, I roll over to peer out the window.  She is
there in the backyard, in cutoff jeans and a T-shirt, slowly performing the
katas I taught her.  It looks a little jagged, but that could be my fau--

No. I'm going to stop that thought right now. Chaste might catch wind of
it, and give me one of those looks that always seem to bore right through
me. She'll say, "I thought I told you to stop berating yourself? Not every
little thing that happens to you isn't your fault, or anyone else's fault.
Things happen, Ryouga."

Chaste can be rather blunt sometimes.

I can watch her for hours. The way the sun glints off her caramel skin, her
slight yet muscular frame.  When she talks, I think of panthers stalking in
the moonlight, chuckling quietly with glee as they approach their prey.
She's the type where you mention 'protect' and she'll give you that glance,
black marble boring deep inside you. Not because she thinks she doesn't
need to be protected, but she knows she does. Her pride won't allow her to
think she needs protecting, after all, wasn't she the daughter of a mighty
chieftain? Wouldn't some of that mightiness rub off on her? Before we truly
began to know each other, she used to carry that spear with her all the
time to prove to herself that she could hunt--a sharp, serrated thing where
she used to stalk antelope and Tasmanian devils.  One time, she nearly
speared a little black piglet...good thing that she, like always, was a
lousy hunter.

I'm certain about it now.  Today will definitely be the day.

Track two: Grass
o/~Laying on the grass my heart it feels like fire...o/~

Carefully, so she won't see me through the window, I slide out of the bed
onto the floor, reaching under the nightstand for that loose board I hope
she doesn't know about.  It doesn't do to hide things from her--she may be
a lousy hunter, but she's an excellent tracker and has the uncanniest knack
for finding things. Even if she does know about the board, she wouldn't
have gone snooping in it. Like I said, Chaste love surprises.

And it's still there, completely undisturbed. With steady hands, I undo the
pink ribbon around the tiny box and carefully crack it open. It is only a
plain gold band, terribly simplistic with very little detail other than the
rose vine I had inscribed on its inside. But to me, it is the symbol of
Chaste, so simple, yet so precious.  Chaste was never one for lots of
frills and fancy things.  

Now nervousness is growing in me, but that's okay.  I never thought that
this day would come.  I wonder what she will say when I will give it to
her. Should I go out now, or wait until she comes back? The idea of me
prostrating before her in the backyard brings a slight smile to my face.
Chaste will never get over that. Until she'll see the ring, that is. Will
her face melt tenderly, or will she jump on me right on the spot, and...

o/~I will pounce on you, just us and the cuckoos...
You are helpless now. Over and over we flatten the clover...o/~

One thing I know for sure: she won't say no.  She hasn't dropped subtle
hints about that aspect of our relationship, but I can sense it, in the way
she looks at me when we sit on her porch at night. She loves me, she really
loves me. She told me in so many ways, in speech and in her actions, even
when we are arguing. Just in a look. And this time, I can recognize that
this is real love she feels. Not that hopeless, faraway in-the-clouds
worship that I know so much about. What I see in Chaste is true love.

I hope she sees the same in me.  Up to today, I wasn't sure that I would be
able to love her as totally as she deserves. Now I know for certain, or at
least I think I do. The last dream I had was the sign I was waiting for.

Six months ago, I had placed the ring underneath the floorboard, telling
myself that I would never see it again until I was completely over _her_.

Last night, I did not dream of her. I've dreamt of her for several weeks,
off and on, but when she did appear, she would grow less substantial, until
all she became was a hazy mist, mournfully trying to get my attention.  The
visions of her appearing before me when I was awake ceased long before
that, sometime around the cliff episode.

_She_ no longer dominates my life. God, how I waited for this day.

Thinking about it brings back the hurt, but now it is a faint ache at the
back of my head. I can't even see her face clearly anymore, and that's
good. Before I met Chaste, I would see her face wherever I went. She would
stand over me when I laid in gutters, hover in front of me as I ran through
forests and jungles. In the cheap hotels, she would mold herself to
whatever woman was there that night.

Those were dark days.

Track 6: 1000 Umbrellas
o/~One thousand umbrellas upturned couldn't catch all--

I spring to my feet and dash down the hall into the kitchen, my finger
automatically punching the skip button to the next song.

Track 13: Dying
o/~It frightens me when you come to mind,
And my heart beats faster when I think of all the signs...o/~

Nothing personal, but I _hate_ that song. It reminds me too much of when it
all started. I can't afford that, not now, but the emotions are now riding
over me. That's okay. Take it slow, Ryouga, and let the memories come.
Perhaps it is the last thing I must do to purge myself of _her_.

Of Akane...

Akane Ten...no, now Akane Saotome...

Right after the first, heh, wedding fiasco, I had left on a long training
trip. In fact, I don't think I did much training, though. Just walked
around, confused as hell...holding that picture of Akari, but my eyes would
always fasten to that jagged edge of my wallet...where Akane's picture was
supposed to be.  Akari. Akari Unryuu.  I wonder what she is doing now?   I
hope she's okay. I hope she's found a good man, one who deserves her more
than...

Out of sheer hopelessness did I leave Nerima. The wedding fiasco had jolted
some sense into me, particularly after seeing Happosai drink all the
Nannichuan. When Ukyou and Shampoo began 'disrupting' the ceremony, did I
rush to save my beloved Akane from their clutches? Did I go mad with
jealousy and follow the jealous fiancees' actions by pounding Ranma into
the dirt? 

No. I sat and cried because my one chance of becoming a true man was now
swishing around in an old hentai's stomach.

Later, when all the festivities were over and all was quiet, I sat by the
carp pond, realizing what I have done. I used to pride myself on always
being there to protect Akane, but that night merely proved what I had
suspected all along: as long as I possessed that cursed pig form, I would
never be able to love Akane as a true man. 

Akari, on the other hand, accepted me just as I was...she was gentle,
patient, caring. She would do anything for me. It was as if she had been
created only for me, and yes, I felt joyous about that, but at the same
time, it made my heart ache.

You see, even though I knew how Akari felt about me, I didn't know if I
felt the same about her. And that's where all reasoning falls to a halt. If
there was some magic potion I could have taken that would make me instantly
have the same feelings for Akari as I had for Akane, I would have taken it
with no questions asked. And trust me, I tried and tried to change my
feelings towards her.  I was even on my way to see her when I accidentally
wandered into the wedding, just to see how I truly felt about her.  

But what I felt for Akari simply wasn't the _same_ love I thought I had.
Oh, there was some genuine warmth in my heart for her, and a gentle smile
will come on my face when I think of her. But when I thought of Akane,
instantly the storm clouds parted and sunshine would alight on parched
earth, washing it in a wave of goodness and pureness that could only come
from her smile.  And _nothing_ would compare to that feeling, that feeling
of elation, that feeling that soars beyond words...

When I thought of Akari, I felt warmth spreading in my heart. That was all.

It was enough to drive me to my feet and start walking. I figured it was
time for training--some good exercise will focus my mind, help me sort out
my feelings.

Some good that did.

I had stumbled into Ucchans still holding that wallet, still trying for the
life of me to sort out my feelings. It wasn't until an okonomiyaki smacked
me in the face that I realized where I was.

"You've haven't showed your face around here for a looooong time, honey."
Ukyou said with that smile of hers. "We were beginning to wonder if you had
lost it for good, lost boy."

She looked different somehow, more subdued around the eyes. It occurred to
me that she looked older, also. Had I been away that long?

When I ask about Akane, something changed in her. She stiffened slightly.
She looked away. She pursed her lips. Then she gave me a long, hard look.
"Ya know, Akari's been looking for you. You should go to her. She misses
you." she says.

No wild schemes of me and her breaking up Ranma and Akane. Which meant...

I was out of there before she could finish explaining. What else can I do?
I didn't expect to be gone so long. And while I was away, wrestling with my
indecision, time allowed Ranma and Akane to--to--

I spotted him, walking on a fence as usual. I was so pissed I couldn't even
scream out his name. Just took one swipe at his head with my umbrella. He
was already ducking. I was already yanking a bandanna off my head.

"Oh. It's you. Long time no see, P-chan."

"SHUT UP!!! JUST SHUT UP!!!"

"I take it then you heard of our engagement?"

That stopped me in my tracks. I was so furious I couldn't move.  "WHA--?
HOW--?! YOU'RE LYING!!! AKANE DOESN'T LOVE YOU!"

He didn't even smile. Instead, he held up one hand. His left one. The one
with the gold band.

I could hear the blood roaring in my ears and colliding with the scream in
my heart and head and mouth as I charged him, refusing to believe my eyes,
denying what I knew to be true.

For someone who had been training for four years, my skills sure could have
used improvement.

Track 12: Dear God
o/~Dear God, sorry to disturb you but I feel that I should be heard loud
and clear.
We all need a big reduction in amount of tears, and all the people that You
made in Your image, see them fighting on the street, 'cause they can't make
opinions meet about God...o/~

He had the audacity to come to the hospital the next day. Luckily, he came
alone.

"Sorry I had to bust you up like that, but it was long overdue. I was all
ready to give this little speech to you after our first wedding attempt but
you disappeared, as usual. So listen up."

I swore at him until I was nearly lightheaded, but seeing that my jaw was
wired shut, it came out as grunts.

"Akane loves me, and I love her. It took me so long to realize that, and
now that I have, I'll never let her go and she'll never let me go.  She
loves _me_ Ryouga. Get that through your thick skull. You will never gain
her love, no matter how much you'll try. She never was in love with you to
begin with. So stop thinking that she does. You're only fooling and hurting
yourself--and someone else who truly cares for you."

_Bastard!_ I screamed in my head.

He hesitated, then leaned closer towards me. Being in a full body cast, I
couldn't back away from those eyes that suddenly blazed with a fury I had
never seen in him before.

"So when I say 'stay away from my wife', Hibiki, I mean it...and that
includes any appearances from P-chan. In fact, if that little pork-chop is
ever seen in her presence again, a bucket of hot water won't be too far
behind. Got that, _pig_?"

I hated him. I hated him for all he was worth. I tried to convey that
through my own eyes, but he was already turning away. I could have wept
with anger and shame.

"Besides, I thought you were giving up on Akane anyway. You were going to
go out with Akari. What happened with that? She's been coming over, hoping
you would write or even give some sign of you still being alive. She's a
real nice girl, Ryouga. You'd have to be some kind of idiot not to fall for
her. And don't give me that crap about you being in love with the both of
them. Bad enough we have Kuno still moaning about his two loves. If I were
you, man, I would be crawling on my knees and begging for Akari to marry
me. Because it ain't gonna happen with Akane, no matter what you think in
that little peabrain of yours."

For an entire week I raged silently, bitter tears dripping down the side of
my face. When the doctors released me from the hospital, they were amazed
at how quickly I healed. If they had the technology to see inside my head,
I would have been strapped down on that bed for years. As it were, I had
already determined in my head that Ranma would die a slow, rotting death. I
could not, _could not_ fathom Akane going along with such a ruse. She hated
his guts...didn't she?

Only one thing kept me from running to his doorstep. Something he had said
was finally beginning to force itself through my white-hot ire. 

"She's been coming over, hoping you would write..."

I confess, my letter-writing skills aren't that great. I did remember
writing a quick postcard to her somewhere around Hokkaido, but I honestly
didn't think that I would be gone so long.  And to think, for four years
she had been waiting all this time.

Waiting for me.

This little revelation somewhat knocked me off my feet.

I took out the wallet picture of her and stared at it. She looked so
vibrant and happy.  How could she wait so long? Surely there were other men
who could had conquered her heart. None of them would be stupid enough to
get lost for years, and none of them would definitely not be in love with
two women at the same time.

She was still in love with me. After all I had done to her.

In those circumstances, what else could I do?

Track 3: The Meeting Place
o/~Meet you in the secret place, scuffing in the dirt I wait
Whistle will blow, whistle will blow. 
Share a joke, the laughs on me, but when I get you on your own, we'll see.
Someone might hear, someone might hear...o/~

The farm was just as I remembered.  All those pigs and boars were just as I
remembered. That huge sumo pig of hers...same evil glint. I did my best to
skirt around him.  Being around pigs always made me slightly nervous.

She was wearing that yellow dress, her brown hair floating in the wind. Her
back was to me; she was hanging up laundry. I couldn't approach her--I was
mesmerized. At that moment, a stray gust of wind whipped a shirt from her
hand, she turned, hair streaming into her face...

Akari.

Her eyes widened. For a brief second, I thought she would scream, but then
she was running, running with her arms flung out. Through my numbness, I
saw a wetness in her grey eyes. Why would she be crying?

Then she tackled me, hard enough to make us both fall to the ground. She
clung to me in a death-like grip, crying over and over, "Ryouga-sama! I
thought you were gone! You came back to me! I knew you would! You came back!"

Within me, the warmth spread. I tightened my arms around her, amazed at how
small she felt in my arms.  For that moment, that was all that existed.

The next few days went by in a strange, dreamy haze. All I can remember is
staring at Akari as she would go around doing her chores, or when we were
out shopping.  She looked the same, as if she hadn't aged at all. I was
mesmerized by her voice, her looks, her smile. I didn't care where we were
going; as long as I was by her side, all life was bliss...reflecting in
those misty pools of grey...

I was still in one of those dazes when we were strolling down the street
one day. Akari was beautiful when she giggled. "Ryouga, how long are you
going to look at me like that? You're acting as if you're afraid to take
your eyes off of me."

"Dunno. I don't want to lose you from my sight." I think I mumbled.

She laughed as we passed through a gate. In the back of my mind, something
was clanging in warning, but the rest of my mind blissfully chose to ignore
it.

"Oh, Ryouga," Akari laughed as she knocked on the door of the house. "You
shouldn't be so worried. It's not as if I'm going to disappear when you
turn away. I'll always be here for you. Besides, we supposed to be having
tea here and you'll get me flustered if you keep looking like that."

Tea? Since when did she mention us having tea?

Then Akane opened the door.

And instantly, everything because so sharply focused, I had to blink
several times, because Akane was there, standing there, and my God, she was
radiant, standing there in a yellow sundress that was similar to what Akari
wore when I first saw her, and her eyes, her gorgeous, gorgeous eyes were
twinkling as they widened, and she spoke and the clouds parted to shine
upon her as she turned into a glorious angel, and she spoke and her voice
was melodious, bringing tears to my eyes, and she smiled at me--she
_smiled_ at me!--her face glowing with joy.  "Ryouga-kun! We thought we
would never see you again! It's so good to see you at last!  Where have you
been?"

"A-Akane-san! I--er--uh--"

But she was coming towards me, and before I knew it she was wrapping her
arms around me, exclaiming, "I missed you so much!"

Akane...

Somewhere, I heard a giggle. "Oh, look at him. He's so happy. He's been
like that ever since he came back."

She had led us into the living room, where the girls sat and drank and
chatted, occasionally looking at me and giggling.  My body had gone on
automatic--I would hear myself talking about all the places I thought I had
been, but really I was only looking at Akane, watching her laugh and lean
back. Feeling the sweet ache spread through my body at her every move, her
every glance towards me, her smile as she lifted the teacup to her
lips...And the sunlight illuminated her hands. Particularly her left hand,
where something sparkled.

She saw me staring, and she blushed slightly. "I'm sure Akari told you.
Ranma finally admitted his love for me. We're getting married next May.
Isn't that wonderful?"

Wonderful? _Wonderful_?! In my head, I was roaring, destroying everything I
could touch, denying what I knew to be true all along. It wasn't fair! Damn
Saotome...damn him to hell! How dare he how dare he...

And she was _radiant_, her head dipping slightly as Akari patted her arm
and said, though her voice came echoing to me. "We're so happy for the both
of you! I hope you send us an invitation..."

"But of course, I'll be happy to! So does this mean that you two will be
coming together?"

"I certainly hope so. What do you think, Ryouga?"

They both turned towards me, and it was as if I had somehow become trapped
in a photograph with colors so bright and vivid it hurt my eyes. I looked
at the both of them, kneeling at the table, both of their heads cocked
questionably, and a startling revelation came to me--

Akari looked an awful lot like Akane.

Her hair were longer, of course, and her voice, like her manners, was
softer, more demure. But in the face, they could have been twins. If I
closed my eyes and touched their faces, I wouldn't know which one was which.

Akari...Akane...Akari...Akane...even the names were similar!

What did it mean? Was it a mere coincidence? Did someone up there take pity
on my unhappiness? Or was it all some type of cosmic joke?

"Ryouga?"

The spell broke as Akari leaned forward, concern etched on her features.
Akane merely looked at me, one eyebrow raised inquisitively. Two women who
had made such an impact in my life. So similar in appearance, yet so
different in personality.

I swallowed hard and looked at Akane, speaking quietly over the screaming
of my heart. "Yes, congratulations. Akari and I would be happy to come to
your wedding."

Then I turned to Akari and reached for her hand. My voice quavered slightly
as I said to her, "Only if you promise to come to ours..."

Track 8:Earn Enough For Us
o/~I've been praying all the week though at home, at work and on the bus.
I've been praying I can keep you and to earn enough for us.
I can take humiliation and hurtful comments from the Boss. I'm just praying
by the weekend I can earn enough for us...o/~

To this day, I'm amazed at how calm I was.

Akari was ecstatic, to say the least, over my impromptu proposal. She
couldn't stop crying, even after we returned to her farm. The week after, I
scrounged up enough money to buy a ring. She would look at it for hours,
hardly believing that it was now on her finger.

I could scarcely believe I put it there.

The days hurtled past in a blur. I had moved back to my parents home,
whenever I could find it; otherwise, I camped out on the farm. My father
called from the Antarctic to wish me congratulations. My mother left me a
note to bring Akari home sometime so they could meet. I figured that she'll
probably show up on the actual day of the wedding.

Akari's own parents were handling all the details, which was good, because
I had no clue on what to do. At the rate things were going, I would have
settled for a simple ceremony the next month and be done with it.

It was a good thing I didn't.

I got most of my money working odd jobs, and whenever I could, I would
spend time at Akari's farm.  Oftentimes, I would find myself somewhere
else, and I would simply call Akari to let her know I was lost again. She,
of course, would patiently tell me how to get back. Nine times out of ten
it worked.

Our personalities changed when we got engaged. Before, Akari was just
satisfied with being with me. Suddenly, she became very interested in our
future. She would go to marriage seminars. She got information on making me
co-inheritor of the farm. She would hint at me getting some form of
education. Once, I even caught her reading a book of baby names.  The idea
of her suddenly gaining a family will cause her to glow brightly, as if it
was her one main purpose in life.

I, on the other hand, became maniacally attached to my umbrellas.

It wasn't as if martial artists were suddenly coming out of the woodwork to
beat me up. We would have an occasional wacko trying to harass us, and I
would pound him into mincemeat with just one fist. 

I always kept an umbrella on me because I couldn't stand becoming a piglet
anymore.

Helping Akari at the farm certainly did not help. All those pigs, grunting
and pushing and rolling in the mud...I never really liked pigs before, and
ever since I got the curse, well, I won't go into all the troubles I've
been through when a sow would mistake me for one of her own.  But since the
engagement, somehow, my aversion for pigs intensified. And heaven forbid me
of the times when I was hit with water.  Feeling my body contract into a
small, squealing mass made my very stomach roil. Before, I would just be
resigned to my fate and find my way home, hoping that no one would pick me
up as their dinner. Now, I would instantly rush to find hot water, not
caring how idiotic I looked (well, okay, I cared about the little episode
of me running into a public female's bath by mistake. Luckily, that little
freak Happosai was there at the same time, so I was able to sneak off with
only a few scratch marks and a very bloody nose).

I didn't tell Akari, though. I already knew how she would react to that. I
refused to force her to give up the life she had always known, what she had
lived for. Akari's life was her pigs. She loved them, just as they loved
her. I would never take that one source of happiness from her, even if she
would voluntarily do it to please me. I loved her too much for that, at
least I thought I did.

So I would keep silent, smiling sweetly at her as I would stand in the sty
and pour the slop into the troughs, feeling their rough skin brush and bump
into me and their harsh voices keening in my ears, and trying desperately
not to bolt with my hands pressed on my lurching stomach.

To quote another singer I like, "Isn't it ironic, don'tcha think?"

So I avoided cold water like the plague, but at the same time I was
avoiding the Tendou household like cold water.

It wasn't because of Ranma. Believe it or not, it was finally getting
through my thick skull that jumping him wasn't accomplishing anything other
than getting myself beaten to a bloody pulp. Besides it was too late anyway.

Akane loved Ranma, not me.

Late at night, I would lay awake wondering what would have happened if I
had the guts to tell her how I felt instead of constantly babbling like an
idiot. If only I wasn't a stupid coward that blanked out all the time, I
wouldn't have wasted all those moments that we were together. Then,
perhaps, there would have been a chance...

But instead of expressing my feelings, instead of facing my fears like a
man, I foolishly expressed my love in the form of a piglet. Pigs can't
talk, anyway.

I didn't trust myself after I got engaged to Akari. Who knows when I could
have seen Akane and simply broken down, or worse, destroy the neighborhood
with a Shi Shi Houkouden. I couldn't afford Akane to hate me. Not now.

Besides, my mind would argue, I have Akari.  Akari, who looked uncannily
like Akane.

o/~Just because we're on the bottom of the ladder we shouldn't sadder than
others like us who have goals for the betterment of life...
Glad that you want to be my wife, but honest...o/~

I got what I wanted, right? A beautiful woman, gentle, loving, sweet,
someone whom I can protect and care for, who in turn would love and care
for me.  In fact, being engaged to Akari was a good thing.  She was the
very picture of tranquillity. No one could ever accuse her of being a
tomboy. Whenever she was upset, she didn't yell or beat me over the head
with a mallet. Her grey eyes would mist even more, and I would already be
apologizing, attempting to make everything better. 

In a sense, Akari was Akane glorified.

I should have been happy, right?

One night, out of curiosity, I asked Akari if she had ever thought of
cutting her hair.  She didn't even blink. She jumped up and ran to get the
scissors. It took me twenty minutes to convince her that I was only
kidding. I was mollified, however, of even having the gall to ask her to
cut her hair. It was as if she was willing to do anything to make me happy.
If I had asked her to start calling me 'baka' or start hitting me with
mallets, I was certain she would do it.

That frightened me because there was always the chance that one day, I
would do that.

So I attended the seminars. I read the articles. I spent every waking
moment with her. I showered her with presents and kisses. I told her I
loved her over and over again until it was nearly a mantra in my ears. I
stayed away from cold water, and not once did I go near the Tendou
household, which was easier said than done.

All the while, a blackness deep and empty continued to spread within me,
mournfully echoing Akane's name.

I didn't see Akane until the night before the wedding.

Track 6: 1000 Umbrellas
o/~One thousand umbrellas upturned couldn't catch all the rain that drained
out of my head--

Argh...that damn song again. Skip to the next one.

Track 4: That's Really Super, Supergirl
o/~I can't hold you down if you want to fly.
Can't you see I'm all broke up inside? Well just you use your two x-ray eyes. 
Hurt like Kryptonite...put me on my knees, now that I've found out just
what you're doing with your secret identities...o/~

I actually thought I would succeed in avoiding her. After all, I managed to
stay lost for four years--it would be no problem in staying lost for a few
more months. I would go to the wedding, endure that, then they would come
to our wedding, endure that, then Akari and I would move the farm far, far
away from Nerima, where we would never have to deal with Ranma and Akane
again. Simple, ne?

So I knew I was in trouble when I stepped out to go to the corner store and
found myself wandering in the Nerima district. Without an umbrella.

The forecast said it would be a sunny, mild day. The gods said that around
6 o'clock in the evening, a sudden freak shower will render a young man
helpless in the form of a small piglet, and panicking, he would run in the
opposite direction he would want to go.

Around 9 o'clock that night, P-chan returned to the Tendou household after
a four year absence.

I was completely bewildered. For one thing, it was dark, so I couldn't
recognize my surroundings. For another thing, it had been a while since I
had been P-chan, so the change threw me off-balance for a long time. In the
past, I would walk about until I could find a quiet corner where I could
make a quick fire without people staring at the suddenly dexterous piglet.
That night, the horror of being a pig, compounded with all those months of
being around Akari's pigs, and the fact that Akane and Ranma's wedding was
the next day, nearly drove me mindless. For hours I wandered in and out of
houses, trying desperately to figure out where I was, looking for any
familiar landmark or sign.

I was futilely scratching against a closet, trying to make it open, when a
voice came from the other side, a voice that froze me on the spot. Once
upon a time, the sound of her voice would flood me with relief.

"Akane, the bathroom is free. You can go in anytime."

Kasumi's voice was never scratchy or irritating, but the sound of it that
night raised my hackles, so to speak. If Kasumi was there, then that meant...

Visions of a red-eyed, wild haired Ranma hefting a steaming vat of water
filled my head and frantically I threw myself against the door, all
thoughts of finding safety vanishing and instead just getting the hell out
of there. Luckily, the door popped open and I tumbled out into a
bedroom--Akane's bedroom. She must have just left to go to downstairs, for
her bedroom door was wide open. But I didn't care.  The only thought
running through my head was _I gotta get out I gotta get out I gotta get out--

An interesting trait of us Hibikis is the magnitude of our getting lost.
The more emotional you feel, the more easier you get lost.  How I wound up
in the bathroom, I'll never know. One moment, I swore I was upstairs, then
suddenly I was in the Tendous' bathroom. And of course, the floor tiles
_would_ be wet.

So it was with very little grace that I slid across the bathroom floor,
squealing in terror as I tumbled head over hooves into the bathwater, which
was steaming hot, ready for Akane.

I was going to die that night.  That, I was very certain.  I saw the scene
unfold before me as swiftly as my human limbs were unfolding.  First Akane
would scream, then she would pound me with her mallet.  Then Ranma would
pound me with his fists, then it would occur to Akane that I was really
P-chan all 
along, and she'll pound me again. Then her father would finally make the
connection and he'll pound me--

It suddenly occurred to me that while my mind was running through these
painful visions, Akane hadn't done any of those things yet. In fact, she
wasn't even there.  I was all alone in the Tendou bathroom.  I was also
very wet and very naked.  This did not improve the situation, let alone my
morale.

The first thing I did was out of self-dignity. I grabbed the nearest towel
and hastily wrapped it around myself, hoping that Kasumi wouldn't miss the
disappearance of a pink towel. With that covered, I went on to
self-preservation. It took me a few minutes of searching before I came to a
window and carefully squeezed out.  

Outside, I quickly glanced about, looking for a way out of the backyard. I
couldn't believe what was happening to me--it was too much to hope, but I
was sneaking away from the Tendou house with no one discovering me.  Part
of me nearly broke out into a run in a panic while another part reluctantly
wanted to return, just for one more glance at--

"Ryouga-kun! What are you doing here?!"

After leaping a good mile out of my skin, I slowly turned to see _her_
standing there with a slight frown on her face and very much clothed.  She
cocked her head slightly and asked, "Ryouga, are you okay?"

"A-A-Akane-san! What are you doing here?"

"I live here, Ryouga."

"Oh-oh yeah. Heh, heh."

"What are you doing out here? And why are you only wearing a towel?"

"Umm...I can explain this. Umm..." Yes, how _can_ I explain this? It was
near impossible, not without telling her everything.  Even as I pressed
against the side of the house, trying to meld into the shadows, I could
imagine my face glowing like a bright red dot as my mind slid closer and
closer to panic. The humiliation...the sheer humiliation..!

Akane stood there, frowning before saying slowly, "Wait a minute...don't
tell me...oh, Ryouga, you weren't at the public baths, were you?"

Public baths?

She shook her head, a small smile lighting her features just as the clouds
above shifted to allow the moon's light to shine down upon her. "You really
should do something about you getting lost all the time, Ryouga-kun. If
Ranma was here, he'll find a way to make fun of you creeping around here in
the buff, even if you did lose your way to the baths." She giggled.

The more I realized Akane wasn't going to pound me, the better I felt.  And
it was rather funny, in a way. I found myself chuckling with her,
scratching the back of my head while keeping a tight hold on my towel.

"So," I asked, "what are you doing out here?"

"Oh, I wanted some time to myself. After all, tomorrow's the big day."

My humor disappeared. For a moment, I had forgotten about that. Now the
impending wedding was looming, and each hour Akane was slipping further and
further from my grasp. 

Then it hit me--Ranma wasn't there.

"Where's Ranma?"

Her face softened at the mention of his name. She didn't see me flinch
slightly. "He's with his parents. You don't think he'd stayed here with
what's happening tomorrow, do you? I can call him if you're looking for him."

"No, no! That's okay." I hastily said. "I can, um, see him later on. Yeah."

"Oh, okay. You know, while you're here, can you do a favor for me?"

Ranma was away and I was alone with Akane, which meant that it was my last
chance. One last chance to tell Akane how I felt about her.  All I had to
do is muster up all my courage, open my mouth, and say "I would do anything
for you, because I love you." That's all I had to do.

She was standing there with moonlight illuminating her dark hair, making it
a beautiful holy nimbus around her head. She was smiling up at me, her
brown eyes glowing, showering me with happiness. All I had to do was open
my mouth. It was that simple.

I struggled to open my mouth.

"Can you ask Akari if she had seen a little black piglet with a yellow
bandanna around anywhere?"

o/~That's really super, Supergirl. How you saved yourself in seconds flat 
and your friends are going to say 'that's really super, Supergirl.'
How you're changing all the worlds' weather, but you couldn't put us back
together..
Now I feel like I'm tethered deep inside your Fortress of Solitude
Don't mean to be rude, but I don't feel super, Supergirl...o/~

My mouth opened...and hung there.

"I've asked everyone. He's geen gone for the longest time. I keep having
all these awful visions of him being trampled, or captured, or something
worse than that..." She had no idea how true that was. "I was ready to give
up hope of ever seeing him again until Happosai said he saw him wandering
about in a bath a few months ago. Since then, everyone's been catching
sight of him; even Ranma said he'd seen him." I felt the blood rush to my
face again.  "But even he said that he didn't know where he was. I feel so
terrible knowing that he's out there, all alone with no one to care for him."

My emotions were being tossed to and fro. She missed me! Well, actually,
she missed P-chan, but still! I was filled with inexplicable joy. Then
suddenly I remembered Ranma's threat and felt horribly bitter. But Akane
missed me! She cared for me! But it wasn't me, it was a little piglet that
she cared for. But I made her happy in my piglet form...which I can never
show to her again...because of Ranma and his damn threat...it was all his
fault...

Akane had turned to look up at the moon, a slight frown on her face. "You
know, if I didn't know any better, I would even go so far as to say that
P-chan's avoiding me. Even though he was just a pig, I felt like he knew
exactly how I felt and he tried his best to make me happy when I was sad. I
felt like he was trying to protect me in his own way, which is why he
didn't like Ranma all that much." A faint giggle escaped her. "In fact, I
think he was rather jealous of Ranma. That may explain all the squabbles
they would get into." Her face saddened. "Maybe that's why he's staying
away. Maybe he heard that I was getting married and that I wouldn't need
him anymore. But I still do need him. I love him so much for what he has
done for me. I wish he was here. Especially tonight. He would be so helpful
for getting through this last night. Then I wouldn't feel...so alone
tonight." She swiftly looked at me, her eyes widening slightly. "Do you
know what I mean? You probably think I'm crazy for feeling this way about a
piglet, huh?"

For once, I was grateful that I stood in shadows so she couldn't see my
tears, trickling silently down my face. To hear her say those magic words
at last, to hear her say that she needed me--loved me. I have waited years
for this moment to happen. It was almost a dream come true...

Except the object of her love was a pig.

A pig.

With a sudden cold clarity, I realized that I could give Akane what she
wanted at that very moment. I could step out and plunge into the koi pond
right in front of her and emerge as her precious pet. Yes, that may mean
exposing my secret once and for all, but I would rather do it here than
having her find out through Ranma. With one step, I could show her that
P-chan had never been far from her, had been standing in front of her all
this time. She will see me emerge from the pond and she would be so happy
to see me that she'll take me in her arms and hold me and cuddle me and
tell me over and over how she missed me, and I would playfully lick her
beautiful rosy cheeks, and huddle together and I will fall asleep in her
arms, and Ranma would never have to know; I could always sneak out while
she sleeps. And if Akane wished, I would even go all the way to China and
seek out the Spring of Drowned Pig and dip myself in once more, so I would
always remain her beloved P-chan and I would always remain by her side,
loving her and adoring her with all the love I could give her as a man
should...

But it would be a man's love, trapped forever within a pig's body. She
would never get a man's love from a pig. She would want something more than
that. She would want strong arms to hold her, a gruff voice to whisper
tender words in her ear. She would want a _man_ to love her.

Damn Ranma. Damn him to all hell.

And yet, as I stared at her, I realized that it didn't matter how I felt.
If it meant that I would be confined to a pig's body for the rest of my
life, I would only do it if I could wake up every morning to her sunny
smile, to hear her laugh joyously, to listen to her thoughts, to comfort
her, to be with her. I would do anything for her. Anything.

"Ryouga?"

"No, I do know what you mean." I said with a deep breath, struggling to
keep my voice steady from the overwhelming emotions within me. "I doubt
P-chan could ever hurt you enough to avoid you. P-chan...P-chan loves you.
He loves you...so much..."

She blinked as I stepped forward. "Really? How do you know?" Her face
brightened. "You've seen him? Do you know where he is?"

For her, I would do anything. Even if it meant showing her my deepest,
darkest secret...

"Ryouga! There you are! I've been looking all over for you!"

Her voice had snapped me out of the trance-like state I was in and for the
second time that night, I nearly lost my towel from leaping in the air in
shock. Or rather, in this case, terror.

Akari entered the yard, her face lit with joy at finding me. "I was looking
all over for you. I thought something horrible had happened to you."

Akane smiled. "I'm afraid he got lost somewhere around the public baths and
wound up here somehow. He's safe and sound."

Akari giggled. "He'll also catch his death of cold if he continues standing
there with only a towel around him."

Akane gasped. "Oh, I didn't even think! Why didn't you say something,
Ryouga-kun?"

Akari took my arm. "Come on, let's take him inside before he gets even more
embarrassed."

Akane led us towards the house. "Look at his face! Have you ever seen such
a look on him before?"

Akari replied softly, "Only when he proposed."

They both giggled conspiratorially as they tugged me over the threshold to
the house. Akane paused as Akari went inside. She cocked her head and
smiled at me gently before saying, "You know, you're so lucky to have
Akari. She is so perfect for you. I think you two will make a beautiful
couple."

_Why didn't you say something, Ryouga?_ I asked myself _Why?_

Track 5:Ballet for a Rainy Day
o/~Orange and lemon raincoats roll and tumble together, 
just like fruit tipped from a tray.
Pineapple wet heads watch new hairdos crumble as 
scenery sunlight shifts away.
Ballet for a rainy day, silent film of melting miracle play
Dancing out there through my window to the backdrop of a slow descending
gray...o/~

As we walked back to the farm, it began to rain again. Luckily, Akari
brought an umbrella--not mine, of course. She wouldn't be able to lift it.
This was one of hers...it was decorated with tiny pink pigs.  While Akari
latched happily onto my arm as I held the umbrella over us, my thoughts
were awhirl. My last chance for happiness was gone. Or would it have been
happiness? It was finally beginning to hit me what I had nearly done. What
was I thinking?! Did I actually think that Akane would be delighted in
knowing that I was her beloved pet? Would she had run towards me with open
arms? Heck, I would've been lucky to run out instead of being punted into
the atmosphere, which would definitely be her main reaction. I shuddered
when I thought how close I came to exposing my secret.

"Ryo-chan? Are you alright?"

"Sure. Fine."

"Good, because I was worried about you."

I stared down at her silky brown hair. Exactly how much had she heard? I
felt so guilty. Akari cared so much about me, yet there I was, professing
my love to Akane, or rather professing P-chan's love for her. How could she
love a two-timing coward like me? She didn't deserve such a loathful,
stupid, arrogant idiot. She deserved someone who truly cared for her.
Someone who could protect and love her, like she loved me. I couldn't
understand why she would love me.

"Akari?"

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course!"

"Um...if I hadn't accidentally defeated Katsunishiki like I did, would you
still have liked me?"

"Ryouga, what kind of silly question is that? You defeated Katsunishiki."

"But what if I hadn't? What if I had tripped at the last second? Or what if
someone else had stepped in? What if I had run off in another direction?"

"But you didn't."

"But I could have, Akari. Would you had to marry someone else? Would you
even look at me if..."

She laid a finger on my lips. "Oh, Ryo-chan, stop worrying about such
things. You defeated Katsunishiki, which no one, I mean no one, else could
do. And I do love you. I love you because you're big and strong and gentle
and sweet, and you go out of your way to make sure I'm safe."

"And you love me...even though I have this curse..."

She reached up to lightly ruffle my hair. "Silly. That's the best part."

I stopped right there on the sidewalk. "What do you mean?"

"Well, think about it. You can turn into my most favorite animal on the
face of this planet. And such a cute one, too. It couldn't be any more
perfect. It was as if we were destined to be with each other."

Destined. Everyone kept saying that: Ukyou, Ranma, even Akane. We were
destined to be together because we were perfect for each other. The more I
thought about it, the more depressed I got.  Just because I happened to
defeat her sumo pig, just because Akari happens to look just like Akane
with long hair, just because I happen to turn into a _pig_, that makes us
automatically perfect for each other? 

Somehow, I felt something was terribly wrong. I didn't want to love Akari
just because she resembled Akane in her purest form, and I didn't want
Akari to love me just because I defeated her pig. Maybe her feelings for me
did deepen into love during the time I was gone, but before Akane, no girl
ever told me that she loved me for who I was. I hadn't the faintest clue
how to love a girl before Akane came into my life.

Did I love Akari for who she was, or because she resembled Akane, who I
could never have? I didn't know.

Akari was looking at me, anxiously. For her sake, I mustered up a smile.
She certainly was beautiful, her grey eyes misting slightly. She was so
innocent and so pure; she could never fathom the confusion and loneliness
I've endured. Nor would I want her to. No one should ever go through what I
went through...well, except Ranma.

Then her face changed slightly, and my perspective slowly changed, and for
a second, she was Akane. Who was getting married tomorrow...

I blinked and looked away suddenly, my heart pounding.

"Ryouga?"

"Can--can we just go back to the farm, Aka-Akari? I-I feel tired after
running around all day."

She nodded and slipped her arm around mine. As I looked up at the stars, I
heard her whisper, "Don't worry, Ryo-chan. After tomorrow, you'll feel so
much better. And then we'll have our own wedding, and you can live with me
forever, and you'll never have to worry about not having a home because
you'll be with me, and we'll run the farm together. Just as it was meant to
be."

The rest of that night was spent staring up at the ceiling of my tent,
hearing Akari's words revolve over and over in my mind, hoping desperately
that they would be true and trying desperately to keep Akari's image in my
mind from slipping over to someone who I would lose the very next day.

Track 9: Big Day
o/~So you want to tie the knot. Tie it tight; don't let it rot the memory
of this day.
Are you deafened by the bells? Could be heaven, could be hell in a cell for
two.
Big day come and big day go. Life goes on after the show. Will your love
have the fire and glow like on the big day...o/~

This song is bittersweet to me. The first few times, I couldn't listen to
it like that other song, the umbrella one. It brought back so many painful
memories I would curl up and cry, without letting Chaste comfort me. Over
the past year, however, the words have taken on a whole new meaning for me.
I now see a second chance at life.  Instead of shame and pain, it gives me
hope. Especially now.

As I turn on the stove to start breakfast--or lunch, I glance out the
window to see Chaste winding up her kata and bowing. She then tosses a
mischievous look at the window and begins pulling the t-shirt over her
head. I'm far beyond the days when a mere suggestion of a woman's body had
me unconscious on the ground in my own blood. Yet, even though we're in the
middle of the Australian outback miles from civilization, I can feel my
face flush with heat that's not from the stove.

I have nothing to worry about anyway. Beneath her shirt is a halter top,
and she pokes her tongue out as she tosses the shirt onto a basket of
laundry I've missed seeing and struts over to the shed where the washer is
located. I can't help but chuckle. For all her little quirks and teases,
Chaste lives up to her namesake without being overly so. Not that I don't
mind. In fact, it's refreshing. I don't constantly have to put her up on a
pedestal or fear that my own darkness will taint her. It's hard to bring
someone down who is just as screwed up as you.

One thing I do know for certain. Chaste's love definitely lives up to her
name.

After setting rice to boil, I pick up the ring and run my finger across it.
So smooth, so simple. Nothing like the first ring I bought, a long, long
time ago, it seems. This time, I know what is in my heart. This time, I
won't screw up. I won't run away. My mind is clear.  This time, there will
be a wedding. I know who I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Circumstances won't be driving my actions. There will be no doubts...not
like the last time.

I remember waking up in a haze. Washing up. Putting on my tuxedo. Waiting
for Akari. Watching her come out, dressed in pure white. Seeing the hair
float behind her like a dark cloud. Her smile piercing through the haze.
Thinking how beautiful she was. Seeing the drizzle outside. Opening up my
umbrella. Being careful not to get her or me wet. Walking with her. Talking
with her. Hearing myself think over and over, _Today's the day. It's not so
bad. Today's the day. But I have Akari. Today's the day..._

Walking. Talking. Approaching the Tendo gate. Saying something to Kasumi.
Removing our shoes. Shaking the rain from the umbrella. Sitting down.
Taking Akari's hand in mine. How radiant she looks. Touching the ring on
her finger. Remembering my promise to make her happy. Trying not to think
why I am there.

Watching Ranma. Watching him fidget. Pushing the hatred and bitterness
down. Turning to Akari. Smiling as she touches my face. This is all that
matters. Just one smile. I will spend the rest of my life with that smile.

Hearing murmurs. Looking up. Seeing _her_...

Oh, God. Seeing _her_.

She stood on the stairs dressed in complete white. It floated around her,
like the heavens. I stared up at this image of beauty, seeing her smile
light up her face, the veil a shimmering halo around her head. Feeling the
pain and heartache rise inside me. I wanted to tear my eyes away and look
at the other vision of beauty sitting beside me, holding my hand, but I
couldn't. She was too beautiful, standing above me, so out of reach.

She finally descended, but not towards me. She floated to Ranma's side, who
was for some reason looking more nervous than before. She turned to him
and, as impossible to believe, she became even more beautiful than before.

Squeezing Akari's hand, trying to keep my mind focused upon her, trying to
ignore the glass inside me shattering...

_She chose Ranma. You have Akari. Akari is all you need. She chose Ranma._

Watching her go through the ceremony. Following her every move. Her every
touch. Trembling with want, need, longing, despair. Quelling the desire to
run and rip Ranma limb to limb.

She would hate me if I did that. But she wouldn't love me either. She never
did.

She never did.

My heart was shattering.

The ceremony was ending. Ranma was lifting her veil. Couldn't bear to
watch. Burying my face in Akari's hair. Breathing in the clean scent.
Realizing to my amazement that her hair smelled exactly like Akane's pillow
when I slept in her room as P-chan. Trying desperately not to sob. Telling
myself, _I will not sob_. I was happy for her. I had Akari. Akari was
patient, sweet, beautiful. I will marry her. We will live happily ever
after on her farm. Our wedding will be beautiful.

Hearing the cheers. Feeling my tears. Pulling back to see wetness on
Akari's cheeks. She turned to me and smiled. "It's so beautiful. I hope our
wedding will be just like this."

She stood there, her arms around him. She was radiant. She was beautiful.
She was out of my reach. Forever.

Oh, Akane, my love, I lost you.

Surprisingly, I felt numb. I should have been ranting, tearing up the
walls, beating Ranma to a bloody pulp. But I felt so numb.

But I was free to love Akari now. Nothing could hold me back. I could be
completely hers now and she could be mine. Streamers and rice were being
thrown everywhere. I reached for Akari's hand and felt the ring on her
finger, feeling its warmth on my palm. I was destined to be with her.

Walking again, walking into the hall. Everyone was lined up there, waiting
to give their congratulations to the new couple. Gripping Akari's hand,
feeling the ring imprint itself on my palm. My promise to love Akari
forever. Clinging to her hand as if it was a lifeline. Because it was. I
didn't want to see Akane--even though I wanted her to be happy, I wanted to
be the one to cause that happiness. 

Ahead, there was a sharp cry of pain, followed by a shrill voice saying,
"Mikado!" It barely registered in my conscious...because we were
approaching her...

"Ryouga," Akari said under her breath, "My hand. You're squeezing it too
tightly."

"I-I am?" I blinked, and everything came sharply into focus.

She leaned over, this vision of loveliness, and touched Ranma's arm, who
had his fists clenched as several people picked up a blond man and carried
him to the door (why was he on the floor and why did he look so familiar?)
followed by a short, cutsey girl sobbing (why did I have a sudden urge to
shudder?).  He lifted his eyes and looked directly at me. For a moment,
those eyes pierced through me, daring me to just try something. Then they
flickered to my hand, still clasped around Akari's, and the swirling
emotion within them relaxed, but only slightly.

_She_, on the other hand, brightened visibly, growing so beautiful that I
couldn't breathe. "Hey guys! I'm glad you were able to make it! Isn't this
great?"

Akari hugged her, a tear sliding down her face. "Oh, I can't believe it
finally happened. I'm so happy for you!"

"Yes, it's about time, isn't it? Oh, I'm so happy!" She smiled at Ranma,
his face unreadable.

"Yeah, glad that the both of you could make it."

Akane rolled her eyes. "Sheesh, Ranma, glad to see you so excited. But
don't mind him. I'm really am glad you both could come here. Now, we get to
go to your wedding!"

Akari giggled as Ranma blinked. "You guys are engaged? Whoa, I didn't know
that!" He gave me a half-hearted punch in the arm that I barely felt.
"Congratulations you two. Ryouga, you sly dog, why didn't you tell me?" 

I could hear the relief in his voice, but I didn't answer him because Akane
had release Akari and was now approaching me, her arms wide. "I'm so happy
for the both of you!"

She was going to hug me.

Immediately my mind went on instant-lock as I watched her float up to me, a
goddess out of a purest dream. I couldn't force my body to move; I couldn't
even blink. She was coming towards me to place the final nail in the coffin
of my adoration of her. She was out of my reach forever, yet here she was
coming towards me to hug me, to touch me the way I always wanted her to.
But instead of a lover's embrace, she had her arms opened in friendship.
Friendship!

I couldn't let her touch me. Who knew what would happen? I could snap,
start screaming and never stop or maybe collapse dead on the spot. Or... 

As she neared, I could feel a power rising inside me and with terror I
realized that I was charging up for a Shi Shi Houkouden. Oh no. Not here.
Not now. But I could feel all of my emotions boiling to a critical point.
At one touch of her soft hand, they would explode out, and I was helpless
to stop them. I'll destroy the home, ruin the wedding, cause so much damage.

Akari will hate me for that. _She_ will hate me for that.

So when her soft hand, now adorned with a shiny gold ring, brushed against
my arm, I freaked.

o/~Statistics, they don't say a lot, but can you keep what you have got
forever, together?
There's a lesson to be learned. Many fingers have been burned with the
touch of gold...o/~

Screaming, I bolted towards the nearest exit...and missed. Instead, I went
crashing through the hallway wall out into the backyard. At the same time,
the power within me jolted forth, crackling through the air to blast
through the Tendou back gate. I threw up my arms to ward off the rocks and
debris, until the pelting on my body became painless, cool and wet.

Wet...

Four thoughts went through my mind simultaneously: (1) I'll never get the
deposit back on my rental tuxedo now. (2) Soun Tendou will have a cow when
he notices a huge hole in the side of his house and gate.  (3) I should've
grabbed my umbrella before I had gone bye-bye in the head. (4) I am going
to die.

I struggled out of the tuxedo as the coughing behind me waned and looked
over my shoulder. There was a gaping hole in the side of the house where
Ranma, Akane and Akari were peering through with wide eyes. Akari stepped
out, waving her hands to dispel the smoke. "Ryouga?" She called out anxiously.

"Aww geez, what the heck was that about?" Ranma mumbled, leery of stepping
out so he wouldn't trigger his own change. "It wasn't as if you weren't
going to bite him. Were you?"

Akane turned and gave him a sound whack with her hand, making him stumble
further back into the house. "Ranma no baka!" She hitched up her dress and
stepped out into the rain with Akari, her voice turning more concerned.
"But why did Ryouga react like that? Is there something wrong with him?"

"I don't know!" Akari replied. She sounded close to tears. "He seemed fine
before. I hope he hasn't gone far because in this rain he'll--"

Akane interrupted, "Hey, there's his tuxedo on the ground! Why would he
take it off? That doesn't make any sense--" She blinked, and despite the
rain plastering her hair down and making her dress soggy, her face suddenly
went radiant with joy. "P-CHAN???"

I froze, unable to even squeal in shock as Akari's head turned to look,
scattering silver droplets from the now slick-down brown hair and the
terrified look on her face melted into relief and joy, making her just as
radiant as Akane...

...and this is the part that forever sticks in my mind. This is what
started it all...

Unmindful of the rain and the mud spattering her white dress, Akane dropped
to her knees, held out her arms, and called out, "Come here, P-chan! Come
to Mama!"

Unmindful of the rain and the mud spattering her white dress, Akari dropped
to her knees, held out her arms, and called out, "Ryouga! Come to me,
Ryo-chan!"

The rain was dripping into my eyes. I shook my head as two similar voices
called out in stereo. "Come here, come here! Don't be scared!" When I
looked up again, it was as if Akane had split in two. With Akane's veil
matted down her back, it was nearly impossible to tell who was who.  The
two Akanes held out their arms, imploring me into their arms, calling to
me. Too much rain was dripping into my eyes, making it hard to see.  My
head whipped between the two of them, bewildered. Which one was mine?

Another noise made me look up. Ranma was standing behind the two women, her
body looking quite small inside her large tuxedo but her face smoldering
with rage as she hefted a steaming teakettle. She was waiting to see who I
would run to.

And somewhere in the back of my mind, it suddenly dawned on me...only one
of them was really calling me. The other was only calling for a pig. One
wanted only me...but the other, the one I was sure I truly loved, wanted
her pet. 

And neither was aware of what I was to the other.

And as this thought occurred to me, one turned to the other. "Ryouga? Why
are you calling Ryouga? Do you see him?"

"Why yes. He's right there before you."

To love Akane forever...that was all I ever dreamed of doing.

"Where? All I see is P-chan."

"P-chan? No, that's Ryouga. Don't you know he's been cursed?"

I could settle for Akari. I suppose that is my destiny. But I will always
love Akane.

"Cursed?"

"Why, yes. He fell into the Spring of Drowned Pig some years ago. I'm
surprised you haven't noticed. But it's okay. That's what makes us so
perfect for each other. His curse fits me so perfectly."

Akari loved me. But whenever I looked at her, I always saw Akane. And if I
ever had my choice between the two...

"Ry-Ryouga's a pig? P-chan is...Ryouga?"

"P-chan? Who's P-chan? You mean...you know him?"

At one time, I would have done anything to gain her love. Anything. And now
it was too late.  Nothing I would do, absolutely nothing, would ever have
her notice me as a man. And now...

She still had her arms stretched out as she stared at me, her eyes wide.
Akari looked to her, to me, then back to her, deeply confused. Ranma had
lowered the teakettle and was no longer looking at any of us, suddenly
finding the ground to be more interesting. Funny, for a second, I could've
sworn she looked apologetic.

"A pig," she whispered. Slowly she rose to her feet, her voice shaking.
"All this time...he didn't tell me. All those times of holding him, feeding
him, letting him sleep..." Her breath caught. When she looked back to me,
her face, her beautiful face was so twisted with rage that involuntarily I
stepped back.

"A PIG!!" she snapped. "YOU WERE A PIG ALL THE TIME! HOW COULD YOU!!!" Too
swift for human eyes, her mallet appeared in her hands and she charged me,
screaming, "YOU PERVERTED BAKA _PIG_!!"

Squealing, I leapt just as the mallet buried itself in the spot I was. 

"TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME! SLEEPING IN MY BED! YOU DIRTY-MINDED PERVERT!! YOU
PIG!! YOU'RE NO MAN, RYOUGA HIBIKI! YOU'RE JUST A PIG! PIG!!!"

I slid about and found myself facing Akari. She was still kneeling in the
mud, completely drenched and gazing blankly at her hands, folded neatly on
her lap. When I tumbled before her, she stared at me with wide eyes. With a
pang, I noticed her face was wet, but not from the rain.

She hesitantly stretched her hand towards me, the one with the gold band.
"Ryouga?" she asked timorously.

And if Akane had caused my heart to shatter like panes of glass, seeing the
hurt on Akari's face grounded each piece of my heart into bitter grains of
sand.

Whirling, I scooted away from her, just barely missing another swing from
Akane's mallet. Dimly, I could hear Ranma shouting at Akane, but it didn't
matter anymore. Nothing mattered. I had disrupted an important event,
nearly destroyed the dojo, turned everyone against me, took advantage of
the only woman I had ever loved and shattered the heart of probably the
only woman who would ever love me.  It was all my fault.  All my fault...

Doing a Shi Shi Houkouden takes a lot out of a person.  I was already tired
from performing one already--not to mention I was in pig form. Therefore, I
was completely unprepared for the power abruptly rushing upwards in me
again. It happened so fast, in less of a second, that I was powerless to
turn or do anything to warn anyone.

The power shot out of me in a pure bolt of yellow.  Its power ricocheted me
backwards, but in that brief moment of time I saw where the bolt was
heading: directly towards Akari.

She was still sitting in the mud, still holding her hand out.  The bolt
illuminated her features as she turned her head at the sound, casting her
face in stark relief as she stared at the light rushing towards her.  To my
horror, there was no fear on her face, just a strange blankness as she
watched it approached, as if...

Then there was a red and black blur, and the bolt crashed through the north
wall of the Tendou's gate, its destruction evident in the cascading
explosions as it plowed from one backyard to the next.  At the same time,
my own body chose to collide with the south wall, punching through it and
landing in the next yard with concrete and rock raining down on me.

It wasn't until the last explosion died away and a deep silence filled the
air that I stirred.  Every part of me ached with bruises, but I didn't
care--I've taken worse.  However, Akari's placid face filled my mind and I
hurriedly scrambled from beneath the pile of debris and scampered back
towards the house.  Akari, my love, what have I done?

The Tendou yard was a wreck, with only the west gate standing.  There was a
huge furrow directly in the center of the yard, the beginning of my path of
destruction, and kneeling next to it was Ranma, her tuxedo no more than
shredded rags, staring worriedly at Akane who was lying on the ground.

No. Oh God, no. No.

At my approach, Ranma stiffened and turned to me, her body shaking with
rage.  "Have you gone out of your tiny little mind!" She yelled. "If I
hadn't pushed her out the way, she'd be dead by now! What were you
thinking, you stupid--"  Akane groaned and Ranma abruptly broke off her
rebukes and stared anxiously down at her.  "Aww man. Are you alright? You
need any help?"

"Of course she needs help, you idiot!  Don't just sit there, go get Dr.
Tofu or someone!"  My senses reeled as Akane came over to kneel beside
herself.  She patted her own face and murmured, "She's coming to. Akari,
can you hear me? Can you sit up?"

Akari?  But...how...

The girl wearing Akane's face groaned again and allowed herself to be
lifted up to a sitting position.  She had a few scrapes and bumps from
being thrown violently out of harm's way, but perhaps the most noticeable
difference was her hair, or rather her lack of hair.  Hesitantly, she
reached up to touch the shorn locks.

Ranma scratched the back of her head.  "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.  I
guess that I couldn't get you out of the way fast enough.  It looks like
that blast went right through your hair."  She blinked and did a double
take.  "Whoa, this is weird. Do you know that you guys look just like each
other?  I never noticed that before.  Akari's even got that same spaced out
look on her face that  you had a long time ago, Akane, when you got your
hair cut off by one of Ryouga's bandan--" She suddenly realized what  she
was saying and her voice trailed away. "Ooohhh..."

The first Akane made as if to smack Ranma at first, but as his words sunk
in she stared at him in shock.  The second Akane stopped fingering her hair
and looked at Ranma in confusion.  Then, slowly, all three girls turned as
one to stare at me.

It made for a grim tableau: I barely regarded Ranma's face, simplistic in
its shock.  The two Akanes' faces were harder to determine. But it was
those eyes that bore into me, steady, piercing, eyes that penetrated into
my very core.  We see no man here, those eyes said. All we see is a small,
cowering  piglet.  

And the worst thing of all was that  I still couldn't tell which woman was
Akane and which was Akari.  

Faintly, I heard Ranma ask, "Hey, Ryouga. You okay? You're shaking.  You
really didn't hurt her all that much. You aren't hurt, aren't you, Akari?
Maybe we should go inside.  Man, we didn't know this would happen..." His
words became a babbling din as one of the Akane/Akaris leaned forward.

"Ryouga?" After all I have done, she still speaks to me?  "Ryouga, it's
okay. Really.  Come here and let me take you inside. I--I forgive you."

And those words struck me in the heart more than all the poundings, the
malleting, the harsh name-calling.  After all I have done...she _forgave_ me?

That was the final blow.

With a shriek, I hurled myself away, away from their teary eyes and
accusing faces.  I ran right out of the Tendou's garden and down the
street, my vision blurred, but not daring to look back. Behind me, among
the voices of bewilderment and hubbub, two similar voices were shouting. 

"RYOUGA! WAIT! COME BACK!"   "DON'T LEAVE ME RYOUGA! PLEEEEASE!!!"

Track 6: 1000 Umbrellas
o/~One thousand umbrellas upturned couldn't catch all the rain that drained
out of my head when you said we were over and over I cried...o/~

Oh no. Not now. Especially not now. Skip.

Track 14: Sacrificial Bonfire
o/~"Fire," they cried, "so evil must die and yields are good."
So men pulled back hoods and smiled...o/~

I don't remember how I got back to the farm. In fact, it didn't register
that I was back in my tent until I stumbled over one of my umbrellas. I
stared at it for a long time. My head was still reverberating with Akane
and Akari's voices.

By and by, I started setting up a campfire, taking out a kettle of water to
heat, going through the usual motions. Amazing how dexterous I can be as a
pig. But it seemed to take forever for the water to boil. I sat there,
watching the flames flicker, casting dancing shadows on the walls of my
tent. It wasn't until the flames had turned into dying embers that I
realized that the water had been ready long ago.

I could have waited for the water to cool. Strange, though boiling water
cascaded down my back, I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel a thing.

The rain had stopped, but the sky overhead was a misty grey. Devoid of
color. I dressed, not even bothering to put on my shoes, then stepped
outside and took down the tent, sweeping everything into my backpack. I
took my umbrellas and the belt I would sometimes use as a sword, and went
toward the pigpens.

The pigs were all huddled together for warmth. Katsunishiki immediately
grunted at me in a not-so friendly way. Guess he never really got over the
day when I accidentally defeated him. I simply stared at him before setting
my backpack directly before the pen's door and walking away. Akari would
come to this spot first before she goes anywhere else.

In my head, Akane shrieked, "You're no man, Ryouga Hibiki! You're just a
pig! A pig!"

A little ways from the farm was a river that Akari and I used to picnic
next to all the time.  Now, it was muddy brown and a little swollen from
the rain that was pouring on it earlier. Amazingly, I found it in very
little time. I dropped the rest of the stuff I was carrying and went over
to stare at the water. A young man with dark rings under his eyes, pale and
looking grossly distorted by the silently rushing water, stared back.

A detached part of me noted that despite the fact I looked like hell, I
wasn't crying like I should. In fact, I haven't shed a tear ever since I
left the wedding. I couldn't explain why; I should be tearing up the
landscape, roaring out my distress with Shi Shi Houkoudens until all of
Nerima was in flames. But I wasn't.

I felt so...numb.

I went over and spread the weapons I had carried since junior high into a
straight line between me and the river.  The five umbrellas, each a
different color (I believe the sixth one was still at the Tendou's house),
fragile paper soaked to the heaviness of cement. The belt, once the
softest, most pliable leather, honed to slice through steel like butter.

Then, slowly, I began to peel the bandannas from my head, one by one,
letting them drop to the ground besides the belt in an unruly heap.
Bandannas I had fashioned myself for weeks, barely sleeping as I sharpening
each silky swath--yes, my bandannas were made of the finest silk in China;
figured while I was there I might as well make the most of it--suffering
constant nicks and cuts on my hands to make each strip of smooth cloth an
instrument of death: sharp enough to slice through skin, bone and
hair...like the fight that resulted in Akane's hair being cut off.
Interesting. I had forgotten Akane had long hair once. I can't recall if
she looked like Akari did, but with blue-black hair instead of brown.

"Ryouga! Come back!"
"You're no man, Ryouga. Just a pig!"

All my weapons and the constant search for new martial techniques. I had
fashioned them out of rage towards Ranma with the intent to pay me back for
the indignities I endured at Jusenkyou. My entire life had been bent
towards one goal: kill Ranma. It had become the litany of my life: Because
of Ranma, I had been through hell. It's all Ranma's fault.

But that day, as I sat crosslegged before my weapons and stared at them,
another thought surfaced and began to slowly wind itself about my head. All
those fights we had, they weren't initiated by him. I started them.

I started them all.

All those fights we had. All the tussles and the arguments. The constant
teasing. It was because I was a stubborn fool who refused to see the truth.
My hatred stirred constant trouble. And who knows how many times Akane was
in danger because of my temper? When I nearly decapitated her with my
bandanna the first time we met...when she nearly drowned as Ranma and I
battled on the ice rink...

It wasn't Ranma's fault.

And even that first time when I appeared to her as P-chan. Did I explain to
her my curse? Did I run away instead of coming to her call? No. I allowed
myself to take advantage of her kindness by appearing to her as P-chan time
and time again. I would fool myself into thinking that I was protecting
her, yet I was using her. And I dug a hole so deep that it was too late to
tell her of my identity. I had to make Ranma promise not to tell her,
either. What a cowardly deed. In the end, he was the one who had greater
courage than me, though, if he had told her, it wouldn't had matter how
angry I was. I deserved it. 

And I had nearly done it again.  If Ranma had been a moment too slow, or if
Akari had been an inch closer to me...

_It's shock. You're just in shock, that's all,_ I told myself. _You just
need to go home and sleep for a good long time and tomorrow you'll go to
the farm and beg for Akari's forgiveness on bended knees, then you will go
to the Tendous and try to put things right again and take your punishment
like a...like a..._

Who was I fooling? Akari was never going to forgive me, no matter what she
said back there at the Tendou's (or was it Akane who had spoken?). And even
if she did say that she forgave me, Akane was probably telling her of all
the things I did as P-chan.  Akari will never see me as a true man again.
I would always be someone acting on his base desires. No man would have
done what I have done. No man would carry his obsession to such an extreme.
No man would have run off, leaving his true love(s) behind in the rain.
And no man would lose control like that and nearly kill an innocent person,
accidental or not.

Sitting there, I wanted to cry so badly. But I couldn't. All my emotion was
gone.  But emotion made me who I was: deep love towards Akane, hatred
towards Ranma, kindness towards Akari. Without emotion, what was I? 

Who was I?

In the void, two voices echoed, "Ryouga, come back!" "You're no man,
Ryouga! You're nothing but a pig!"

And suddenly, it became startlingly clear what I had to do.

o/~Change must be earned...sacrificial bonfire must burn.
Burn up the old, ring in the new...o/~

I stood up and took off my shirt and pants, and after a slight
consideration, dropped my boxers. I neatly folded my clothes next to my
bandannas.  Then, I slowly slid off the engagement ring from my finger and
laid it on the clothes. It was worth all of my savings.

Would it heal a broken heart?  Somehow, I doubted it, but at least it was a
start.  Chances were that Akari would come to this river after she saw my
pack, and once she saw the ring, I hope she would understand.  My life with
Akari was over.  Even if she was to forgive me, the shame of knowing I
nearly killed her would never end.  I would never forgive myself for that.
Maybe in time, she'll forget me...even find a man who was more deserving of
her love. One who would always hold her first in his heart., not one who
had always worshipped another with her same face.

There were about 500,000 yen in the backpack I left at the farm, including
some very valuable knick-knacks I've incurred over four years of travel,
like a garnet necklace that was given to me as payment for chasing away
thugs from some lady and some pearls I found digging up some clams at some
beach (Hokkaido? Hawaii?).   Hopefully it was enough to repair the damage
to the Tendou dojo...or perhaps I should call it the Saotome dojo now.  If
it wasn't enough, well, there were all sorts of odd jobs I could take.
Perhaps 500,000 yen was more than enough. I didn't know.  I had a feeling
that it would take a lot of jobs before I felt that the debt I owed Soun
Tendou was paid.

I doubted 500,000 pearls and garnet necklaces would ever make Akane forgive
me. It wouldn't help if I crawled back on my knees, naked and wailing.  No,
the best thing to do was to just stay away, never foul her presence again.
I would always be a constant reminder of my betrayal, and I never, ever
wanted to hurt her again.  Or Akari. Or anyone else.

The only way I could ensure that I would never hurt anyone, emotionally or
physically, was to give up martial arts altogether and become a wandering
hermit.

I was always destined to become one, I guess.  I can't ever recall a time
when I was able to go directly from one place to another.  I always wound
up lost, confused, and horribly alone.  Perhaps that's how it was meant to
be.  Forever lost, forever wandering, without any hope of human
companionship.  In fact, people seemed to like me more when I was in my
cursed form than when I was a human.

This made me chuckle harshly, but the more I thought about it, the more
rational it sounded.  Maybe my cursed form wasn't a pig at all, but my
human form. As a man, I was very liable to hurt people, harm them, maybe
potentially kill them. But pigs could never harm people. They would never
trample on girls' hearts. They will never betray them.  All they do is roam
about, minding their own business, right up until they're turned into pork
chops, I guess.

Self-exile as a pig.  What a perfect idea. I could leave Nerima, go to
China instead, and find the Chiitsuan. Then I would never hurt anyone
again. I could wander the earth forever wearing my punishment, and I would
never break a woman's heart or disappoint her, or allow her to get close to
me and capture my heart only to break it over and over again...because pigs
had no feelings and pigs didn't care. They just existed.  And if a
wandering pig just so happened to get caught and put up as next week's
breakfast...well, that would be the fault of the pig, wouldn't it? 

It was the only honorable thing I could think of.

"You're nothing but a pig!" Akane screamed inside of me.  

Yes, I silently agreed.  

I stepped over the lonely pile of umbrellas and bandannas and clothes lying
on the ground and went to the river.  Once upon a time, they belonged to a
hot-headed, stubborn, lovesick fool.  Now, they were welcome to whoever
stumbled upon them. They didn't mattered anymore.  And as I stepped forward
and the rush of cold water filled my ears and my world became an immense,
churning world of mud-brown, Akane's voice continued to rebuke me, which
was what I deserved.  Nothing mattered anyway, because the man who was once
called Ryouga Hibiki was dead.

Track 6: 1000 Umbrellas
o/~One thousand umbrellas upturned couldn't catch all the rain that drained
out of my head when you said we were over and over I cried 'til I floated
downstream to a town they call Misery...o/~

Again?  What is with this CD player? Does it enjoy tormenting me?  Next track.

Track 11: The Man Who Sailed Around His Soul
o/~The man who sailed around his soul from East to West, from pole to pole
With Ego as his drunken captain; Greed, the mutineer, had trapped all
Reason in the hold...
The man who walked across his heart who took no compass, guide or chart,
to rope and tar his blood congealed when he found his self revealed ugly
and cold...o/~

Ah, that's better.  Now, if there is any song that can best describe me, I
would mention this one without batting an eye. It describes my -um- little
problem to a tee. A few years ago, I would have beat up anyone who had
merely mentioned my little habit of getting lost.  It was a sore point for
me back then.  Ironically, now that I think about it, I haven't gotten lost
for about, oh, a month now.  Chaste thinks my knack for getting lost is
horribly cute. But then again, Chaste has an uncanny knack of finding me,
no matter where I have disappeared to.  Now if I can only find where she
put the eggs at...ah, there they are. Hmm...some scrambled eggs will go
nice, I think.

People ask me how I can get lost so easily.  I can't help it.  I get
distracted easily. I have too much stuff on my mind to think about. I don't
know south from shinola. My family was exposed to radiation when I was a
kid and now we all have super magical powers to vanish at will. Hell, I
don't know.  I can tell you one thing, though: until Jusenkyo, I thought
that getting lost was the worst of my problems. And then, when I went to
China, I thought turning into a pig was the worst of my problems. It wasn't
until I began my self-exile that the true horror of the curse made itself
known.

I'm no authority on Jusenkyo curses, but I believe the way they work is
based on how much you detest that cursed form.  It never allows you to
become comfortable with it; otherwise, it wouldn't be a curse anymore.
So three days after my self exile, somewhere around Hokkaido (or was it
Kyoto?) I was wandering about minding my own business, when somehow I
slipped and tumbled into a spring.

A hot spring.

Luckily there was no one about to see a red-skinned male pop out of
nowhere.  I thought of it as mere chance and went searching for a cold
brook and reverted with no problem.

But then a week later, I stumbled onto another hot spring.  Then a few days
after that, I fell into a jacuzzi.  Then, while I was resting against a
building, a water pipeline broke somewhere, spewing -yep- hot water all
over me.  And then right after I found some cold water, a little old lady
threw a cup of hot tea at me...

As I ran away with her scream still ringing in my ears, I couldn't help
wondering if there was a pattern forming.

It was like my earlier days of the curse in reverse.  The more I avoided
hot water, the likelier the chance that I would get hit by it. No matter
how hard I tried, I simply could not escape hot water. It had me utterly
baffled--not to mention horribly embarrassed, since I had left all my
clothes back in Nerima and had to resort to cowering in alleys and behind
large objects until it was dark enough for me to sneak out and find cold
water.  And then it dawned on me.  Since I was determined to stay a pig for
the rest of my life, the curse simply adjusted itself.  Now that I was
ashamed of my human side, I was doomed to keep reverting to it when I least
expected it. And even that wasn't the worse of it.  

I was still hearing Akane and Akari's screams at me.  It didn't matter if I
was lost in a crowd or wandering a forsaken countryside.  Their voices
always accompanied me, circling in my head, alternately crying out my name
then cursing me as the pig I was.  Strangely, their screams were more
piercing whenever I was in my human form, almost painful.  I don't know
why, but I never had a moment's peace inside my own head.  Not even when I
slept.

I would find myself reliving that fateful moment over and over, with both
of them clad in those white dresses stained with mud, Akari holding out her
arms and pleading while Akane shook her fists and crying out, "Pig!".
Sometimes, only one of them would appear, and then the dream would turn
very strange, because I could not determine who it was: It would appear to
be Akane, but she had long hair and tears in her eyes.  I'd scamper to her
and she would pick me up, cuddling me in relief, "You came back to me,
Ryouga-sama! My little P-chan, my little pig! Pig, piggy, pig, pig, PIG!".
Her voice would abruptly change and I'd glance up to see that what I
thought was Akari's hair was actually Akane's veil, strewn with mud, and
she'd sneer at me while her grip tightened around me, screaming that word
until I awoke, gasping for breath, shivering against an alley wall or out
in an open field.

And I thought I saw hell when I first met Ranma.

o/~And the sirens that sing by your nose with its ring will drag you in for
your sins.
Now he sits all alone and it's no place like home. It's empty skin, a bag
to keep life's souvenirs in.
The man who sailed around his soul...o/~

As days turned into weeks, I was no closer to China than when I started,
but I was a lot closer to insanity.  Those voices would echo in my head,
and I couldn't think straight, when I could think at all. In my pig form,
at least, it was bearable. As long as I stayed in unpopulated fields and
forests, I could manage. 
But in towns and in cities, somehow hot water always managed to find me.
And then the voices would beat mercilessly within me until I couldn't take
it any longer and I would run, pounding at my head, screaming for cold
water, anything to make those voices in my head shut up.

Running naked through city streets pounding at your head and screaming is
not a wise thing to do.

One time, a group of men thought I was coming on to a young lady on the
street. Well, actually, I was in my pig form and she so happened to be
standing next to a restaurant whose owner, for some inexplicable reason,
threw a huge tureen a hot soup at me (maybe he was hoping for pork soup?).
Anyway, the girl screamed when a steaming naked young man appeared before
her, and the chase was on.  

The men chased me into an alley and started beating the living daylights
out of me.  And all the time, I kept thinking to myself, _Fight back! You
can take all of them on easily! Don't just lie there! Fight back!_

But the voices, which were deafening in my ears, screamed, *Fighting was
what you got into this mess in the first place.  It only shows what a pig
you truly are, Ryouga Hibiki. And who's to say that you weren't leering at
that girl in the first place? Maybe you were leering at her.  Maybe instead
of saying, "Do you know where I can find some cold water, miss?" you
actually said, "Hey, baby, I got a lollipop for you to lick!" Stupid
Ryouga, can't even remember what you say or do, can you? So maybe you
deserve being beat up for the pig you are! You're nothing but a pig,
anyway. Pig! Look how easily these wimps can beat you. You can't even fight
back, can't you?*

And it was true. I couldn't. I was still relatively in shape due to my
constant wandering, but my strength had waned.  I hadn't eaten well, and I
was so tired I could barely hold my arms in front of me.  And the worse
part was that while my strength was low, my ki was non-existent.  All the
emotion I had had shut down on that fateful day, and since my ki was tied
deeply with my emotion, it was thrown off-balance.  There was a time when I
could look at an object and automatically see its Breaking Point.  Not
anymore.  I couldn't even muster a Shi Shi Houkouden because even as those
men pummeled my body, I couldn't for the life of me, feel anything. Oh, I
felt pain, but there was no anger, no fear. Perhaps a little resignment,
but that was all. I just couldn't fight back...and the men came to realize
this as well.  And that was when they began to do...other things...

Uh oh.  The rice is overcooking.  I come to my senses with a start, leap up
and quickly turn off the fire.  
Chaste is not in sight yet. I hope she doesn't mind sticky brown rice.

I realize that I'm holding the ring very tight in my fist, my knuckles
white with tension.  I force myself to calm down and relax my grip, but the
rage is coursing through my veins, strong and clean.  I allow myself to
revel in its strength before letting it go.  Some days, it takes all my
willpower not to go charging into the wilderness to find those men,
wherever they are, and beat them for what they did to me until the streets
turn red with their blood.  My face now grows red with shame at the thought
of what they did.

A noise cause me to look out the window again.  Chaste has come out of the
shed with a basket full of  wet clothes.  She gives me a brilliant smile,
dazzling in her dark face, and begins to sing along with the CD as she pins
a skirt onto the clothesline strung between the house and the shed.

If there was any chance to avert the past...if there was some way to ensure
that Chaste will always stay like this, forever happy and content, and that
she would never wake up in the middle of the night screaming, and backing
away from me to huddle in the corner like some madwoman, then I would
willingly go back to that alley and those men and let them do what they did
to me ten thousand times over.  I would take their abuse just as I took it
that night, silently and without tears, but I would be comforted and at
peace to know that each punch, each grab, each thrust would be one less
obscene hand on Chaste.  It wouldn't be punishment for me. I was already
numb that night, but the alley inured me for what was to come.

I remember waking up in a soft bed, too much in anguish to notice my
surroundings, so puffy-eyed I couldn't see them if I tried.  All I was
aware off was a soft cloth gently dabbing my forehead and a female voice,
soothing, "There...there..."  For one delusional moment, I thought I had
somehow made my way back to Nerima, and Kasumi...or worse, Akane, had taken
pity on my broken body and was trying to mend it.  I had lurched to my
feet, screaming "No! Don't look at me!" but my sudden motion set my head
whirling violently and I was sucked down into an abyss that echoed with
mocking female laughter.

When I had come to again, I could see more clearly, the pain had lessened,
and there was a woman in her early forties, hovering over me, chuckling
quietly as she wiped my forehead.  "Heavens, boy," she said. "The next time
you decide you're well enough to go out walking on your own, wait for a
second opinion. You nearly scared me to death with all that hollering you
did, then keeling over like death already claimed you.  But don't you
worry. Everything is alright.  You're safe with me now."

Her name was Margarita Towns or Townsend, or something like that and she
lived in a mansion by herself  (her husband died a few years ago) on the
outskirts of San Francisco (or was it San Jose?).  By sheer chance her
chauffeur had turned down the wrong street and ended in the same alley I
was sprawled in, on the verge of death.  Being a former nurse, she took
pity on me and took me back to her mansion. I never thought of asking her
why she didn't take me to a  hospital.  Instead, I laid in a spare bedroom
while she hovered over me, feeding me, dressing my bandages, fussing over
me like I was some kind of child.  It kind of reminded me of the time when
I was picked up by that old rich couple when I was a pig, and doted upon
like I was their long lost son...or pet...or whatever.   It was actually
kind of nice being doted upon, for a while.

As weeks went by and I got better, Margarita found things to keep me
occupied: I helped with her gardening, or did odd jobs around the mansion,
which was odd indeed because although the place was nicely kept, there
weren't any servants around that I could see.  In fact, the only other
person I saw was the chauffeur, and he was the silent sort that looked at
you as if you were meant to be crawling in dirt. Margarita barely spoke
with him, except when she needed something from the store and had him fetch
it for her. But she was a regular chatterbox around me, chattering about
all the places she traveled to or the latest fashions in Paris.  And she
never exactly left me alone, either.  She would talk to me as I work, talk
to me over dinner, which she prepared herself, and talk to me as I fell
into bed, too exhausted to think of anything.  She seemed genuinely
distressed whenever I left her sight, and I always felt guilty whenever
nature called.

In hindsight, I should have turned back into a pig and taken off when I had
a chance.  But I figured, well, it was her place I was staying at, and in a
sense I was paying her back for rescuing me from death, I guess.  So she
had her little eccentrics.  And there was a part of her I recognized in
myself many, many times: the craving for companionship, however strange it
was.  It broke my heart to see her that way, so desperate for someone to
talk to, even though I never spoke much to her.  I had already determined
in my head to never, ever, tell anyone about my past. Margarita never asked
about it, either.  She just talk, while I nodded my head from time to time.
 I wasn't really bothered by all her talk.  It was a fair trade for her
help, and most of all, her presence seem to quiet the voices that were
circling within my own head.  I didn't understand why, but for that alone,
I was very grateful.  So I stayed, keeping Margarita company while telling
myself to ignore the feeling that she was staring very intensely at my back
as I worked.

I should have known.  It's amazing that despite all that had happened to
me, I was still pretty much naive about such things.

One night, I awoke to find her next to me in bed.  With all those years of
sleeping as P-chan in Akane's bed, I had thought for a strange moment that
somehow I had reverted to my pig form and had gone sleepwalking, mistaking
Margarita for Akane.  Then, as the woman beside me pulled me closer, I
realize that not only was I still in my human form, Margarita was very
awake--and very naked.

I immediately jumped up and tried to disentangle myself, cover my eyes, and
pinch my nose at the same time. She retaliated by latching onto me.  It was
remarkable how much strength that woman had.  She then began to sob and
cry, which made me freeze in my tracks: "No Ryouga! Don't leave me! Stay
with me! Please!" 

Then another voice echoed those very words, but to my shock, it wasn't
inside my head, but to the left of me. I turned my head and _she_ was
standing there.

It was as if she had just stepped out from the Tendo household on that
fateful day. She was beautiful. She was radiant. She was glowing. She
looked right at me, opened her arms and said, "Don't leave me Ryouga!
Pleeeease!"

And then, just like that, she was gone.

Margarita took my immobility for something else and yanked me back into the
bed. "Please Ryouga," she whispered, running her fingers across my chest.
"You have no idea how it's been, living here all by myself, with no one to
talk to. When Remy was here, life was such absolute bliss. But he's gone,
and I have no one, absolutely no one. Do you know what it's like, waking up
to find the one you've lived your life with no longer at your side. It is
an ache that can never be filled. I feel so horribly alone, Ryouga. Please,
just stay with me, just this once." Tears were trickling silently on my
chest. "Your arms...are so much like his was..."

What could I do? Tell her no because the woman I loved intensely and had
hurt tremendously was just now standing in front of me like some ghost?
Maybe it was the shock.  Maybe I wanted to deny what I saw.  Maybe I wanted
to stop causing everyone I met pain...and maybe there was another part of
me who deeply understood Margarita's aching need, or maybe because my body
was responding to what was long denied it...I remained at her bedside,
holding her, stroking her hair, feeling miserable, guilty, and rapture,
until instinct naturally took over.

I remained at Margarita's mansion for several weeks. In the daytime, I
worked as her Man Friday. At night, I was her man. I was a man to her. How
ironic.

I knew I should have left or tried to sneak out or something. But if
Margarita had kept a careful eye on me before, she virtually became my
shadow after we started sleeping together. I couldn't do anything out of
her sight now. She hungered for my sight, yearned for my touch. Any other
man would probably get a swelled head from so much attention, but it was
making me ill to the stomach. And no matter how many times I told myself I
would never sleep with her again, I would always lie alone in the dark,
waiting for the door to creak open, for her to slide into the bed with her
beautiful long dark hair.  Every night, I looked at that door with intense
dread and deep longing. And after the deed was done, and she was asleep
with her hair across my chest, _she_ would appeared. 

I was never sure who she was. Her hair was short but not neatly, like
someone took a dull blade to it.  Her dress was white, but dingy like it
had been washed a hundred times in filthy water.  But it was her eyes,
neither dark blue nor misty gray, but an inky blackness that bore through
me with no emotion -- just a dark void.

*Pig,* she would sometimes whisper, drifting towards me but not close
enough for me to touch her.  *Look at you. Sleeping with a woman twice your
age. You've done it this time, Ryouga. Not even a perverted man would do
this to her. But then again, you aren't a  man, aren't you, Ryouga? You're
nothing but a pig. Pig!*

And sometimes, tears would drip down her cheeks.  *How could you, Ryouga?
How could you leave me for her?  Wasn't I enough for you?  I could have
given you anything you want. I would have even been Akane for you, if you'd
let me.  But you left me all alone, Ryouga. How could you? How could you?!*

And sometimes, she would say nothing at all, just stare at me with those
soulless eyes until the morning sun caused her to fade and vanish.

To say that I was disturbed by these nightly visitations is an
understatement, but I never told Margarita of what I saw.  That did not
mean that Margarita knew something was wrong.  She began watching me
closely, well, even more closely than she ever had.  And for some strange
reason, she began wearing makeup and combing her hair all the time, even
when we were in bed.

"Ryouga, why aren't you paying attention to me?" She asked one day.  "It's
like you're distracted by something. Is it my hair?  Do I look all right?
Is it my voice? What?"

I didn't have the heart to tell her that a ghostly apparition of my love
was haunting me (especially since as far as I knew, she wasn't even dead),
but then again, I didn't know if telling her would make a difference.  Her
craving for attention was beginning to stifle me, but I didn't dare leave
her. I didn't want to hurt her, not like I've done Akane and Akari.  But it
just seemed the more I tried to appease, the more desperate for my presence
she became.  I was trapped in an emotional box with no clue on how to get out.

In the end, it was my curse that saved me.  I was in her indoor garden,
tending her flowers. Margarita kept pressing against my back, which was
irritating me but I didn't want to tell her to let go.  Without warning,
she nestled too far and we both went sprawling, the water hose spattering
its contents everywhere.  It must've been a shock for Margarita to see me
suddenly disappear and a small black piglet take my place. She stared at my
clothes, then at me, then back at my clothes. "Ryouga?"  I oinked a bit and
nuzzled her leg, but she pushed me aside and began combing my clothes
wildly. "Ryouga? Ryouga?"

I only backed away a few steps, but that was the last image I had of
Margarita, kneeling on the ground and going through my clothes while
calling my name frantically.  Then, before I knew it, I was lost. Again.

I wish I can say that after that, I was a wiser man.

I was barely on the road more than three days (stumbled into another hot
spring to change into a human again) when I found myself talking with a
middle aged woman named Delana while she was sunning herself at a nearby
cafe. One thing led to another and...

They say sex is more powerful than any drug, and twice as addicting.  It
wasn't long before I realized that something was missing ever since I left
Margarita.  For the first time in my life, I could recognize that emptiness
within me, and I desperately needed something to fill it in, something that
could make me whole.

I needed a woman.  

It wasn't all that hard.  It's amazing how many women go to karaoke bars
hoping to find someone who would lavish attention on them. Most of the
women I met had so many excuses; I'm a widow. My husband left me. I need a
change in my life. I'm so alone. Why older women? I never saw myself, at
first, going for women around my age. They probably would've thought me too
much of a pervert anyway, and plus I didn't have any money. Older women are
charming, discreet, and they don't beat around the bush like their younger
counterparts. And considering that when I first started, I was still pretty
much clueless on what I was doing.  I learned pretty quick, though.
  
I would listen to them, offer them encouragement, take them home, and give
them what they need.  I was rather surprised when word got around and women
started coming up to me, but what did I expect? In exchange, I got a place
to stay, free meals, all sorts of good stuff. Lots of times I was offered
money, but I always turned it down. Somehow, to take it always seemed...wrong.

Besides, I wasn't just doing it just for sex. It was because of _her_.

She barely resembled Akane or Akari after I started my new 'profession'.
Her face grew more sharp, more cunning. She would appear earlier and
earlier when I was with a woman in bed, smirking at me, calling me a pig
over and over...and now my face burns again, because I am ashamed to admit
that her words, echoing within my mind, excited me even more.

One day, I asked one of my 'employers' to call me that. She later told her
girlfriend over the phone that it was the best lovemaking she ever had. "It
was like he was some wild animal or something. It was wonderful!"

I had a new name after that. I became known as Inoshishi, or the Wild Boar.
Word on the street was that if you just whisper the word 'pig' in his ear,
you'll never leave the bed for a good eight hours. Women would stop me on
the street to try to get me to come to their homes. One woman wanted me to
work at a very special 'dance' parlor. Another wanted to become my own
personal manager and had some ideas for several movies she personally
wanted to try. 

And always lurking in the shadows was _her_, smiling perversely, calling my
name. Sometimes, I would open my eyes and _she_ would be lying there
beneath me, her beautiful face twisted in disdain. *Look at you,* she'd
whisper. *You think you're a true man now. When will you ever learn? You a
pig, Ryouga. You'll be nothing but a pig.* And, before I could blink, she'd
disappear, leaving the woman who've hired me for the night, sleeping
peacefully in my arms.

And then I would weep silently, because no matter how many appearances of
her slid me further into madness, and no matter how many women I slept
with,_I_still_hungered_for_her_!! 

With all the women I had, of course I used protection. But how can you
protect your heart? Or your sanity, for that matter?

o/~The man who sailed around his soul came back again to find a hole 
where once he thought compassion and the truth had laid to warm his
freezing carcass on return.
The man who walked across his heart was doomed to journey to the start of
every love affair he'd broken,
All the lies he'd ever spoken tattooed on his arm...o/~

As time went on, my 'clientele' began to change. They became slightly
younger, more aggressive, more eager to play 'games', especially a special
game they always wanted to play based on word that I was absolutely the
best. It was referred to as the 'Tomboy Schoolgirl' special. The sessions
would be so, um, demanding, that I found myself taking the money I was
offered so I could buy more props just for general upkeep, right down to
the mallet.

Deep down, I knew what I was doing was harmful to my psyche, but I couldn't
help it. In a perverse way, it felt good. The women seemed to have a fun
time chasing me around while I teased them, calling them 'kawaiikune'. So
what if they had to cut their hair short and dye it a bluish-black? So what
if they could only answer to the name Aka-chan? They got to chase me
around, beat me up with the plastic mallet I had bought, then play hard to
get while I wooed them, and it always ended with them cradling me in their
arms--in human form, of course. I never, ever showed anyone my pig
form--calling me their 'darling P-chan'.  Kinky games, true, but it was
better than whips and chains. The women were getting what they wanted,
right? Right?  

*Of course they are.* _She_ would whisper in my ear while I laid in bed
beside my latest client, telling myself the ache inside of me was just some
shrimp I had for dinner and planning my next session.

But then, one day, one of my clients refused to play along. 

"This is it?! This is all I get to do? Dress up in a sailor uniform and
shake a hammer at you? This is borrrrring!  I want some real action!"

"Look," I said, growing irritated, "you knew what you were getting when you
asked for me. You knew up front what was going to happen. So why don't you
just relax and have fun with it. You'll get what you'll want out of it
anyway."

"Bull! This wasn't what I had in mind! I did not pay to act like some silly
schoolgirl. What's the deal with this anyway? Did some girlie dump you or
something?" Her voice grew sly as she sidled up to me. "Did she get you all
hot until you couldn't take it anymore, then turned around and gave you the
cold shoulder? Huh?  Maybe that's all you can handle, huh? Real men don't
need girls to turn them on. Let me show you what a woman can do..."

And it wasn't the way she had said it, nor was it the way she had slid her
fingers down my chest.  It was the way she insinuated that the woman of my
dreams could be reduced to a mere "girlie"...something in me just _snapped_.

She hadn't even finished speaking before she was flying across the room to
crash against the wall, knocking over the nightstand before tumbling to a
heap upon the floor.  Dazed, she raised herself on one elbow and touched
her reddened cheek.  She then touched her hand to her lip, which had split
open, and her eyes widened at the drops of blood on it. 

My hand is tingling.  It always does whenever I think back to that day.

She had licked her lips, and whispered. "So, you really are a man, after
all." Then she smiled, a smile that sickeningly resembled _hers_, and all
of a sudden, the realization of everything that I had done, _everything_,
came crashing down on me, pressing me on all sides. I, Ryouga Hibiki, who
used to uphold honor to its highest esteem, had sunk so low that I had hit
a woman without even thinking about it! A defenseless woman! My God... what
had happened to me? Oh my God...my God...

I backed away from her and fumbled at the door, not even bothering to grab
my clothes. I had to get out there, fast. My client was calling my name--or
was she laughing?--but the door wouldn't open.  I stumbled into the
bathroom, eyes darting wildly. Where? Where? There! I grabbed a pitcher of
chilled wine resting next to the bathtub and dumped it over me, triggering
the change. My client started screaming, but I didn't care--I had to get
out, get out, get out. I dove through the window and started running, my
ears burning, my eyes streaming, and mocking laughter in my ears, within
and without.

*Look at the man, running down the street with his tail between his legs. A
real man, indeed. Nothing but a cowardly pig.*

Oh, God, what had I become? Even as I ran, I could still see that woman's
face with the imprint of my hand on her cheek.  Except it wasn't my
client...it was _her_--and as she licked her lips and whispered, *A real
man after all,* And I was raising my hand again...and again...

I dropped to my knees and retched, screaming in my mind, "STOP IT! STOP
THIS! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!"

*Ah, but Ryouga, this is what you wanted, right? You wanted me, right? She
was only giving you what you wanted. And let's face it, you were enjoying
the power you felt over her, didn't you? The rage, the fear, the lust.  You
wanted to possess me, and you got exactly what you wanted. And just think,
you could possess me in the next woman you meet, and the next, and the
next...*

With dawning horror I realized her words could be true.  There was a time
when even looking at a half-dressed woman made me blush madly in
embarrassment, whereas slapping a woman was just unthinkable. But now--now,
I was turning into a beast.

What went wrong?  What had happened to me?  Somehow, the pure, holy love I
had for Akane had become dark and warped as my very own soul.  I had become
a lustful, twisted parody of myself, chasing after dreams just as sick, and
I didn't know how to make everything right again.  My sobs were coming out
as squeals, but I didn't care. I was truly an animal, and I was going to be
that way for the rest of my life.

*Not really,* I heard _her_ whisper softly. *There is another way. You can
make it so you'll never have to worry or suffer again...if you're man
enough to do it, that is.*

Suicide? I never considered that before, but lying there in the middle of
nowhere, it suddenly made sense.  Committing seppeku was definitely
out--what little honor I had left had disappeared the moment I had slapped
that woman. As I thought, I felt droplets on me, and suddenly it was
pouring rain.  _How perfect_, I thought.  _I'll just give up and lie here._
No one would think too much about a dead piglet lying in the middle of the
road.  Which would take me first, pneumonia or starvation?  I didn't care.
I deserved to die like an animal anyway. And it would stop all the pain,
all the madness, the voices, inside of me.  I would be free, finally free
of _her_.

Too bad a spear chose to nearly disembowel me at that point.

Track 10: Another Satellite
o/~My heart is taken. It's not lost in space. And I don't want to see your
moony, moony face.
I say why on earth do you revolve around me? Aren't you aware of the gravity?
Don't need another satellite...o/~

At first glance, it appears that nothing is in the Outback.  Okay, maybe a
few rocks, some scraggly bushes, and lots and lots of dirt.  No
restaurants, no stores, no shopping malls, no people.  But despite its
sparse terrain, the Outback actually teems with all sorts of wildlife:
rabbit, jackalope, wallaby--and boar.

My first memory of Chaste was her dark toe poking me in the side while
muttering, "The only thing in this godforsaken place and I _still_ miss it!
Oh well. I guess this will have to do. God, I hate pork."

She slung me over her shoulder and took me to her place, a modest flat with
a large fenced-in yard for her chickens and her nanny goat, which to this
day stares at me like I'm some tasty morsel, regardless of what form I'm
in.  It seemed rather odd that a young woman, aboriginal from the looks of
it, would be living by herself in the middle of nowhere.  Not that I was
cared at the time. As far as I was concerned, if I was going to be this
woman's dinner, then so be it. I just didn't care about anything anymore.

What I should've cared about was the way Chaste was preparing for my
demise.  You would think that I would learn from past experience what was
going to happen, right?  But no, I just laid there until Chaste gripped my
hooves and tossed me headfirst into--yes, a pot of boiling water.  What's
with that anyway?  Why do people plunge their game into hot water while
they're still alive? I mean, (and this really, really bugs me) is it
because people get some sick, sadistic thrill from being cruel to animals
or something? I've lost count of how many times I've been dunked in boiling
water!  Don't people have any idea on how much that hurts?! It pisses me
off so much how people--

Whoa!  Whoops.  Heh, heh. Um...broke the stirring spoon.  Oh well.  If I
had stirred the rice any more, it would've turned to gruel anyway.  I toss
the broken spoon in the garbage, then start setting plates out on the
table, this very table where I had laid in all my splendid naked glory
after Chaste had triggered the change. Usually, people tend to respond to
my curse in three ways: shock, hysteria, or an overwhelming curiosity (man,
I remember one time when I stumbled into a laboratory and there was that
weird short lady with the spiky red hairdo--nope, not gonna think about
that).  

Chaste did not scream or make a fuss.  She just calmly pounded me really
hard with her spear to make sure I wasn't going to do anything to her.
Then she asked questions.

"What the hell are you supposed to be?"

"Ughhhh...."

"Hold it. You are not gonna speak to me dripping blood on my table.  I got
a bed in the shed you're free to bleed on.  Of course, just to make sure
you're not going to try any funny stuff..."

*WHAP*

The next thing I knew, I was lying on a futon in a small room.  Chaste
must've felt a little guilty knocking me out, for I was tucked in rather
comfortably underneath a thick blanket while she was perched at the foot of
the bed. "So, like I said, what are you?  I mean, if you're supposed to be
some kind of shape-shifting demon, you ain't much of one.  I can't imagine
any demon masquerading as a cute little piglet."

I was in another bed, with another woman hovering over me.  My heart sank.
She'll baby me, and take care of me, and pretty soon start asking me to do
things for her, and then, and then...

"What am I?" I replied. "I'm a pig. This isn't my real form.  I'm that pig
you saw. That's what I'm really am. All I do is eat and sleep and rut and
roll around in the mud.  That's all I'm good for anyway! I can't even be a
regular person anymore because I never do things right! All I do is mess
things up! I drive people away from me because I'm a pig! I don't care
about anybody! I can't care about anybody because I'm NOTHING BUT A PIG!
CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?! I'M A PIG! A PIG! A DIRTY-MINDED, LOW-DOWN, HENTAI
PERVERTED DISGUSTING IDIOTIC STUPID--!!!"

On and on I ranted, the rational part of me aghast at what I was doing in
front of this woman.  But I couldn't control myself. Something had to be
released.  And in a weird way, it felt good to throw caution to the wind
and go plain fuckin' nuts.

Chaste didn't react at all.  She just kept staring at me with a cool
expression until I winded down, panting.  Then she asked, "Are you finished?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

*WHAP*

I spent a lot of time in that futon over the next couple of days. Most of
that time was spent sleeping; I didn't realize how exhausted I was until it
occurred to me that I couldn't remember dreaming.  In fact, it occurred to
me that _she_ hadn't showed up yet.  There were no voices in my head in my
head, either. Just a silence.  A deep, deep silence.  It was a godsend.  

When I wasn't sleeping, I just laid there, staring out of the tiny window
in the shed at the blue, blue sky.  I felt disjointed, like my mind
couldn't connect.  It was very weird.  Chaste came in occasionally,
bringing me food or drink.  If my outburst had fazed her, she didn't show
it.  We didn't speak much except to exchange names; I asked where I was and
was surprised to hear that I was in Australia.  Funny, I could've swore I
was somewhere in Asia, because even though Chaste didn't look Asian, she
was speaking perfect Japanese.  Weird.  I wanted to ask how she learned,
but by that time, she was gone, leaving me alone to think.  Really, really
think.

For the first time in my life, I thought about my family.  I barely
remembered my Dad, seeing that he was more of a businessman than a martial
artist.  My Mom was less shadowy, though her voice I would always remember:
warm, full of life, though a bit bewildered.  I wondered what it would be
like if they knew what I was doing those past few months.  Would they be
shocked? Or would they shrug, saying that it was something all Hibikis went
through. But what did my Dad do when he was on the road and lonely?  Did he
just sit around and mope, or did he accept it, threw honor out the window
and enjoyed himself?  How did Mom cope with a lot of lonely nights?  We
were doomed from the start to be forever wandering the earth, forever
lonely:  that was what my grandfather used to say.  Even in death, it held
true: the funeral home lost his body and as far as I know, haven't found it
since.

I remember those nights, way before I knew there was a Akane Tendo.
Sometimes the loneliness would be so great that I would sometimes sneak
into the backyard of a house--just be near a family.  I would peek into the
windows and watch them eat dinner, or argue, or whatever else families
would do, and I would dream of having a home that I could find easily, of a
woman who would always be there for me. A place where I could lay my weary
head. Then, usually, the family would spot me, and I had to hightail it out
of there, thinking furiously, "It's not fair."

But then there was Chaste, who seemed to be content to live in a wilderness
by herself, with no civilization for hundreds of miles.  Sometimes, I would
wake to hear her singing as she worked in her yard and she sounded
genuinely happy. Why was she living in the middle of nowhere?  And why was
she so content with it?  It intrigued me so much that one day I got out of
bed, put on some clothes that she had thoughtfully laid out, and went
outside and started helping her pull weeds.  She just gave me a glance, but
continued working without saying a word to me.

We quickly established a routine.  I would help out in the yard, and
sometimes do housework while she went hunting.  Not that we ever had any
meat. Chaste never caught anything; at the most, she would catch a rabbit,
and that would be by pure accident.  I never asked if I could tag along for
help.  For the most part, we rarely spoke to each other. I had the feeling
that she was coolly keeping her distance from me just as I kept my distance
from her.  It didn't bother me, though. It felt very comfortable to not
speak, and I had a hunch that she felt the same.  

Of course, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.  The past few months
had taught me that no woman wanted a man around her house for so long
before wanting something back.  I kept expecting her to make the first
move.  But she never did.  Sometimes, I would catch her looking at me, but
it was more out of curiosity rather than the piercing gaze I knew far too
well.  She never touched me, never did anything overly nice.  She just gave
me space, and at the end of the day, she'd say "G'night, then," and go into
her house, without inviting me in for tea or anything else.  That kind of
baffled me, and made me wonder about her all the more.  Until one night...

*You're getting too comfortable, Ryouga.*

I had shot up straight in bed, looking wildly about.  

*You're thinking about her too much.  You're getting soft.  Look at you.
Acting like a decent person.  What's next--will you show up at her doorstep
with a bouquet of flowers?  If she knew what you've done a few weeks ago,
do you think she would let you stay here?  I'd be surprised if she doesn't
decided to have that pork dinner after all.*

Oh, no, it was _Her_ again.  

*And what would she think when she learns about your _real_ profession,
hmmm?  Wouldn't she be thrilled to know that there's a male prostitute
sleeping in her shed. She is pretty, isn't she?  Makes you want to...how do
they say it in the States...pork--?*

"No," I whispered savagely.  "Not Chaste.  Not her."

*And why not?  Please don't tell me you actually like her.  You're not
supposed to like her. You're not worthy to like her.  You like me! If she
finds out what you're really are--*

"Shut up! Just shut up and leave me alone!"

*As you wish.  But give it up, Ryouga.  You're dreaming again. You're a
pig, Ryouga. Pigs don't live happily ever after.  They get roasted after a
while, and if you stay around here, you'll get burned too.  She's too good
for you, Ryouga. Remember that. Who can love a molester? *

Yes. Who can?  That was what I was.  It was only a matter of time before
Chaste found out.  I couldn't allow myself to get close to her.  I was
peeking in windows again, dreaming of things that could never be.  I
already overstayed my welcome.  I felt so guilty--I was practically
mooching off of her.  And if I got too close to her and she learns who I
really was, she'll hate me.

Like Akane...

She'll hate me and she'll push me away and tell me to get out and I would
cry and beg and she'll start hitting me and I'll raise my hand and...

Oh, God. I couldn't handle that.  I didn't want to hurt Chaste.  I had to
get away from her.  I had to go.  Quickly, I scooped up some clothes and
scribbled out an apologetic note.  Then I left, feeling more alone than I
ever felt.  I kept telling myself that it was for Chaste's own good, yet I
felt that the hole inside of me widen by leaps and bounds.  I knew that I
would never feel as comfortable as I felt when I was at Chaste's ever
again.  The loneliness rolled in me, driving me to despair.

And then _her_ voice again, sweet and cloying. *So you're lonely, Ryouga.
Where does one go when one is lonely?*  I blinked my eyes, and found myself
at the steps of a comfort hotel.

O/~I'm happy standing on my feet of clay. I have no wish to swim your
milky, milky way.
I say why on earth do you send your letters 'round here only to gum up the
atmosphere.
Don't need another satellite...o/~

Ah, it was like being given another shot of drugs after going through
withdrawal for so long.  It was intensely pleasurable, and wild, and crazy,
and all sorts of things.  When I stumbled out of there the next afternoon,
I felt intensely sick to my stomach.

"Make that the two of us, bucko."

Chaste was standing there.  Standing there just as ordinary as you please,
wearing a t-shirt and jeans and a wide floppy hat.  She peered at the hotel.

"Geez, so is this where you spent the night?  If I had known about this I
would've made the shed, I don't know, a little more homelier for ya."

"Wha--?  How--?  How did you find me?"

She smiled and pointed to her eyes.  "You're looking at the world's best
tracker.  I may be lousy at hunting, but give me a speck of dust and I can
point out which mosquito's back it settled upon, which dog the mosquito had
been snacking on, and which kennel the dog's at.  Now, I don't suppose you
wouldn't mind telling me what you're doing at a hellhole like this?"

I couldn't believe it. She _tracked_ me down?  She wasn't supposed to do
that! "I can't tell you.  You don't want to know."

"Don't want to know? You spend three weeks sleeping in my shed, eating my
food, working on my place, and then you turn around and leave, I have to
track your sorry carcass to this dump, and all you can tell me is 'I don't
want to know?'"

"Well, it wasn't as if I had any choice to come to your house in the first
place.  You nearly had me for dinner, remember?"

"Excuses, excuses. I still think you owe me an explanation.  You can't just
up and walk out like you own the place or something!"

"And who says I can't? You've done a lot for me, and for that I am
grateful, but you don't own me.  I returned the favor by helping you out,
and I feel that I've paid my due to you. Whatever I do after that is my own
business."

"Like hell it is!  Who are you to say that you've paid your dues to me?"

I began to grow genuinely angry at that point.  "Now look, if you wanted
something else from me, you should've said so! Or at least done something!
Every woman I've stayed with made their intentions known from the start!"

"Intentions?! Oho! And what makes you think I had _intentions_, Ryouga
Hibiki?!"

"Oh, come on, Chaste! _Every_ woman has intentions!  Letting a nubile young
man sleep on the premises..."

"Nubile?! Ha!  Look at you...if I haven't found you lying on the ground
like some unresponsive piece of meat, you would've been vulture food by now."

"Are you making fun of me?!"

"Damn straight!  Where do you get off thinking that you're God's gift to
women...therefore _every_ woman wants you?"

"Because I've had experience, Chaste.  Tons of experience! More experience
than I care to know!"

"Ohhhh! Experience! He has _experience_, he says. Give the young man a
cigar!!!"  Chaste started shouting at the top of her lungs. A few people
stared at us before a glare from me made them start walking again.

"Lower your voice, Chaste! You're making a scene!"

Abruptly, she got in my face, hissing, "Let me tell you something, Ryouga
Hibiki. Just because you have so-called experience on how women think
doesn't make you an expert. And you're making a big mistake if you even
_assume_ you know what they want."

"That's bullshit! There is only one thing that women want..."

She cut in, her voice dangerously low, "And if I thought like you did, then
after I have met you, Ryouga, I would be convinced that all men truly are
pigs."

That left me grasping for something to say.  I stood there, opening and
closing my mouth like a fish, but her words rolled around my head.
Finally, I whirled away from her and started marching off.

"Where do you think you're going?" she called out.

"Away from here!  Away from this place!" Away from you, I thought, but I
didn't dare say it aloud. "I don't even know why I'm arguing with you.
You're all the same!  All of you!  Always wanting something from me!  Why
can't you just leave me alone!!!"

Her voice was faint, but I could still hear the words, "As long as you see
what you want to see, then we women will always be the same to you, Ryouga."

Sigh. Our first argument.  Wow, did she ever piss me off.  Her words
inflamed and confused me.  What did she mean by seeing what I wanted to
see?  And how dare she say that I didn't have 'experience'!  She had no
idea what I've been through.  It didn't matter anyway.  I was away from
her--and I no longer had to put up with her holier-than-thou attitude, or
her strange questions.

And then I really began cursing, because while I was thinking all of that,
I had not watched where I was going and wound up right back at Chaste's place.

O/~So circling, we'll orbit another year. Two worlds that won't collide.
So circling, we'll orbit another year. Moon still tries to steal the tide
away...o/~

Thus began one of the most strangest episodes in my life.

For some reason, Chaste's taunt about me not having enough _experience_
really irked me. I mean, I was still young, and relatively good looking,
and by that time, I knew what it took to charm a woman. Her words nagged at
me so much that I was determined to prove her wrong.  So I went to every
karaoke bar I could find and turned on the charm. I visited all my old
haunts.  I took up the offer of that lady who wanted me to dance, not that
I knew how, but I figured it would extend my reputation.  It worked too.
Women flocked to my side. I was never by myself at night.  I was becoming
an overnight sensation.

But I would always find myself coming back to Chaste.

Maybe my sense of direction really turned against me, for I would find
myself out of the blue approaching her door. Sometimes, she would be
working in the yard, or sitting on her porch rocking in her favorite chair.
But always, she would respond the same way. "I thought you told me you
weren't coming back again. Ever."

"Look, just get me a map, okay?!"

It was bizarre because I truly didn't have a desire to see her, though it
sometimes helped when I was really, truly lost. Chaste was rather
fascinated by it.

"Let me get this straight: You were on your way to Hong Kong, and somehow
you wound up here? Again?"

"Leave me alone and hand me that phone book."

There were times it really did come in handy, like when I had no place to
stay or if it was stormy outside. However, there were other times when I
truly, truly hated it.

"Ryouga, why are you doing this to yourself? Going to those places only
serves to make a mockery of the human body's beauty. Besides, how are you
going to explain to that strip joint that you somehow walked off the stage
and landed here? And how can you walk with that thing on anyway?"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

If that wasn't bizarre enough, I can't even number the number of times I
would be coming out of a bar or hotel to see...

"GAH! HOW D'YOU GET HERE?!"

"But Ryouga, this if Finland!  Do you know how many chances I get to go to
Finland?"

She would follow me. Standing by a side door, or lounging casually across
the street, she would stand there smirking at me. How she find me or track
me down so quickly, I don't know. But there she was, oftentimes filing her
nails while I reeled and stumbled about.  

"So, Ryouga.  You've been looking rather pasty as of late. Having fun yet?"

"Stuff it." 

Oh yes. We argued.  Every time we saw each other, we argued.  It was bad
because some of the things she said really hit home and, well, they _hurt_.
She was right, though.  In proving myself, I was growing more and more sick
of what I was doing.  Something was missing, and I didn't know what. And
being around her certainly didn't make me feel better.

"I make you sick? No, you're doing that all on your own, Ryouga. You don't
need any help from me."

"Did I ask for your help?"

"Ryouga, look at you.  You have circles under your eyes, your skin is
clammy, and your breath stink.  And you're still sleeping with every woman
on the block?"

"Chaste, lay off, will ya?  You're not my mother. You can't tell me what to
do."

"No, but I can tell you what I think.  And what I think is 'Hoooo, what
died?'"

What irked me the most is that she treated it as if it were a big game.
Like that American show: "Where in the World is Ryouga Hibiki."  It was
really wearing me down.  I wanted her to leave me alone. I tried reasoning.
I tried begging. I tried threatening (though very weak threatening).  I
tried bribing. But nothing really worked. Chaste remained in my life. And I
didn't know what it meant.

"I don't see why you keep yelling at me to leave you alone when you keep
showing up on my doorstep!"

"Chaste, this is my life and I can do whatever I want! Quit following me
like some puppy dog or something!"

"Look, if you're going to be that way, fine! You'll never see my face again!"

"AUUGHH!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M BACK HERE AGAIN!!"

Or rather, I did know what it meant, but I was afraid to admit it.

o/~Abort your mission; let's just say you tried before you glimpse I have a
darker, darker side.
I say why in Heaven's name do you come on these trips only to freeze in a
total eclipse?
Don't need another satellite...o/~

Everything changed the night of the big storm.

The monsoon literally pounded the Outback, making its presence known with
deep rumblings and constant streaks of lightning, even when it wasn't
raining.  It rained for three full days and nights. It was awesome to see. 

It also made traveling an absolute hazard. And it just so happened that I
had found my way to Chaste's house just when it started.  She didn't say a
word, just sat a kettle on the stove so I could turn back into my human
form. Once I had changed into some clothes (my occurrences had become so
regular that Chaste insisted on getting clothes for me, much to my
chagrin), we sat in the kitchen to wait out the storm. The first night
passed with barely a word between us.  The second night was pretty much the
same. The third night, the dam broke.

It started off as usual. Chaste asking me as usual why I doing the things I
did. I responding in kind that it was none of her business. Her saying as
long as I was under her roof, it was damn well her business. I yelling that
I could leave at any time. Her yelling that that was what I always did,
always running away.

Except due to the storm, this time I couldn't.

"I am NOT running away!"

"Yes, you are! You're constantly on the run! Whether it is getting lost all
the time or sleeping around with different woman, you're running from
something. What is it, Ryouga? Why are you constantly running?"

"What makes you think that? And why should you care, anyway?"

"Why shouldn't I care?"

"Because you can't care about me! You don't want to care about me, Chaste.
You don't know who I am!"

"From the looks of things, you don't know who you are either."

"Na-naniiiii?!"

"I've figured it out. You're running from yourself. You can't stand
yourself for some reason."

"I am NOT running from myself!"

"Then who, Ryouga, who?"

"No one you know about. And you the one who should talk!"

"Me?!"

"You talk about me running away, but isn't it just as strange a young woman
like yourself happen to live out in the middle of nowhere, away from
people? At least I don't hole myself up like some hermit!"

"Wha--hey! We're not talking about me, right now!"

"Oh, but I think it's very interesting. Why are you living by yourself,
Chaste? Let's turn the questions to you, now. Why would you stoop so low
that you would chase a low-brow like me across the world--"

"CHASE?!"

"Yet not once have I seen you with anyone else. I don't see any pictures of
family, nor do the phone ring except for bill collectors. And you scream in
your sleep. Yes, I heard you a couple of times!  Why do you go out of your
way to avoid people, yet take great delight in tormenting me?!"

"I--I--"

"What's with you, Chaste? Why are you living in a place like this? Is it
because you want to be alone, or are you afraid of being around people?
What happened to you?"

"Stop it!"

"Or do you even want to remember what happened? Are you afraid?"

"Stop it! Or I'll--"

"Or you what? Jab me with that spear of yours? You can't hit me with it,
you know, not with that 'hunters skill' of yours!"

Her face went deathly gray at that, and immediately I knew I had gone too
far. For a moment, I thought she would slap me, or grab that spear, but she
just stood there, trembling with fury. It ached to see her like that, until
she whispered, "At least I keep my pain to myself. I don't pass it off to
every two-cent whore who's willing to spread their legs just so you can get
something you'll never have."

The world flashed with light.

And I thought of Akane, of all the times I ached for her and of all times
Ranma saved her, and I thought of his words when I was in the hospital, and
the look on her face as she came down the steps on her wedding day, how she
glowed for _him_ and not for me, and the look on her face when she learned
of my cursed form, and the pity in her eyes at all the times she had spoken
to me before, and I thought of all the women who wore the sailor fukus and
humored me, and I thought of _her_ whispering in my ear throughout all
those sessions, and the emptiness, and the loneliness, and I looked at
Chaste and I felt such rage, because she had the audacity to suggest what I
have known for too long of time, and how dare she suggest, how dare she,
and I wanted to wipe that look off her face, that steely, knowing look, and
so I raised my hand and brought it down--

And she caught it.

She...caught...my hand.

For a moment, it didn't even register. I stood there dumbly, staring at my
hand trembling tightly in hers. For anyone to do that had to be...strong. I
raised my head to see her staring back at me, her gaze just as steely as
before.

Then, sound finally caught up with the lightning, and as the skies rumbled,
she gave a strange smile and said, "Who taught you to do that, anyway?"

I couldn't speak. I stumbled away from her, tearing my hand from her grasp
as I realized what I had nearly done. I had almost hit Chaste. It was just
like the last time, except...except...

I cared about Chaste.

I cared about her. I cared about her so much. And the thought that I was
going to strike her so casually frightened me beyond belief, because I
never wanted to hurt her, ever. It was the reason why I didn't want to be
around her, because I cared about her, even lo-lo...

And I had almost hit her.

It was too much.

"Ryouga? What's wrong?"

But I was stumbling over the kitchen chair, scrambling to get out, because
I could feel something rise in me, something that hadn't stirred in months,
and I knew in my state of mind that if I didn't get out...

I burst out of the house just as the power ripped out of me. The Shi Shi
Houkouden streaked off to the west, illuminating the countryside like some
weird yellow lightening. As it dissipated harmlessly in the air, though, I
was able to see something that I have missed many times before. 

A cliff.

It was probably about 500 meters away, give or take a few meters. I was
never good at judging distances. But as I saw it darken as the light
vanished, I knew at once what to do. It all was so clear to me.

*Yes. Before you hurt anyone else. End it now, Ryouga. End it all!*

I didn't even acknowledge _her_ voice, but immediately took off, praying
with all my might not to get lost or else I'll lose my chance. I couldn't
hurt Chaste, not ever. There was only one way to ensure I wouldn't.

"Ryouga!"

The cliff loomed before me so quickly I nearly ran off of it. I peered over
the edge. Yes, it had to be a hundred feet down, at least. I would never
survive the jump.

"Ryouga! Wait!"

I blinked. There was a figure down there, beckoning. It was _Her_.

*Ryouuuugaaaa....*

Her robes flowed around her skeletal frame. She reached out to me, and I
could almost feel her cold fingers stroking my cheek. To fall into her
embrace, to end it all, to sleep in her arms forever. It was all
so...inviting. 

"Ryouga!!"

I felt another pair of hands grabbing my arms, pulling me away from the
edge. I jerked myself away, and found myself face to face with Chaste.
Vaguely, it occurred to me that it must've stopped raining, because I was
still in my human form, but it didn't matter anymore. Chaste was staring at
me, wild-eyed.

"Ryouga, what? What just happened? What was that light? Why are you--"

*Ryouuuugaaaa...*

Behind me, _She_ was rising. I could feel her breath on the back of my
neck, warm and _foul_?

"Let me go, Chaste! Please. I'm begging you."

"Ryouga, what the hell is wrong with you?"

*Come to me, Ryouuuuugaaaaa...*

"I can't--I don't want to--It's the only way! Please! She's haunted me
enough. I just want to end it, right here, right now."

"She? Who's she?"

"She haunts my dreams, Chaste. I see her when I'm awake. I can't get her
out of my mind. And she's married, Chaste. God knows I love her so much,
but I can't have her. And even now she's telling me to end it all, and I'll
be able to stay with her, forever. I want to go to her, Chaste! I want to
so badly, even though I know it isn't her! Please, please let me go to her,
because she's calling me, and if I don't go to her, I'll go insane, that is
if I'm isn't insane already, and I can't take this anymore, Chaste! I'm
going out of my mind! Please, help me, Chaste. Help me...Help me..."

I wasn't aware of falling to my knees until Chaste stepped away, her hands
clenched rigidly to her sides. At first, I thought I had truly repelled
her, and anguish rose so quickly in me that I nearly spun around to throw
myself off the cliff, when she began to speak. Her voice was so soft, I had
to strain over _Her_ pleas to hear.

"When I was young, I lived in a village called Qyo'tha Pan. I was not an
easy child to raise, but it was something that was expected. That was what
my father used to say. For anyone else, it would said with pride, but my
father was the chieftain of our tribe.

"When I was six, my father made arrangements with another tribe to have me
marry their eldest son, who was in his late twenties. It was something that
constantly loomed over my head, and as I grew older, I became bitter over
it. My father would constantly remind me of my duty, and I would shut my
ears and pretend not to hear. On my thirteenth birthday, I was presented to
my future husband in front of the entire tribe, as well as his. When my
father asked me if I was pleased, I responded that his loincloth was far
too large and I had a patch from a doll's blanket that was far more suitable."

She raised her head, and I saw a slight smile on her face, despite the
brightness in her eyes. "I was whipped soundly that night, but I didn't
care. I decided that I wasn't going to marry anyone, and no one was going
to make me. So I ran away that night. What I didn't count on was my future
husband.

"Oh, he was clever, I had to admit. His shame was so great that he couldn't
step foot in our village again, not to mention he suffered a great loss
among his own tribe. He had meant to return that night to set fire to our
crops, but it was his luck to catch the very girl who insulted him sneaking
out by herself.

"The coward, of course, never placed a hand on me. It wouldn't do to rape
or molest his own wife before he was married. He had his own men to do that
for him. When I was dragged before my father the next night, he demanded
payment from my father, since I was no longer 'pure'. My father refused,
and the treaty between the two villages was broken. My father broke the
marital contract, then once they were gone, set towards breaking me. My
mother had to intervene, but I couldn't sit up straight for a month.

"But there was one thing still. My little 'encounter' had left me pregnant.
When I realized that, I knew that I was in more danger than ever, for being
the only daughter of a chieftain, I was now unable to marry anyone to merge
tribes. I would be an outcast. So, I decided to take my life into my own
hands again, and flee. This time, I was untouched.

"Ryouga, do you know what is like to be alone, carrying a child when you
are just coming out of childhood yourself? I was constantly on the
run--going from one place to the next. I fled the country when I heard that
my tribe was looking for me in Sydney. So I went to Asia. And it was in
Asia that my son was born. He was -- so beautiful."

Her face, throughout her tale, had been stoic, almost of stone. But a
change slowly came over it; her face softened, even though tears were
constantly pouring down her face. "He had brown eyes, which twinkled, and a
mop of brown hair that always got tangled. And when he smiled, it was like
a ray of sunshine coming from behind a raincloud--so full of life and joy
and hope. That was what I named him. Hope. And I changed my own name to
Chaste, because looking at him, I felt clean and pure. For two years, I
traveled the world with him, seeing sights, learning languages. We were
happy. Then my tribe finally caught up with me.

"My father was desperate for an heir and neither my mother nor his
concubines could oblige him. Because I was an outcast, any rights or
property I had was immediately forfeit to him--including my own son. You
won't believe how I fought, Ryouga. Hope was all I had, and I threw myself
on the entire will of the village so I could regain him. I must've done
something right, for my father finally relented and said that if I proved
myself truly worthy, in two years I could return to the village to raise
him until he was of rightful age. Until then, he would be raised as my
father's son. Desperate for anything, I agreed.

"But how could a headstrong teenager prove herself? I was approaching my
sixteenth year. I didn't know what to do. So I set up this place." She
swept a hand over her house. "I built it all, bartered for the land, and
whatever I couldn't pay for money, I paid for it in other ways. But I was
determined to prove to my father that I was worthy. It wasn't easy. I wrote
letters, though I was never answered. I never knew how life was going in
the village.  There were times where I stood in the very spot you are
standing in now, wondering if my Hope was better off in the hands of my
father. And it was those times when I would remember his smile, and the
times he called me 'Mama'. It pulled me back, always pulled me back.

"When the allotted time was up, I went back to the village. I was thirteen
when I left my home. I was eighteen when I returned to utter ruin.
Everything was destroyed, fields smoking, houses desecrated. And the
people--my people--they didn't even spare the women and children. They laid
in the positions that showed they were still pleading and praying when they
were hacked down. And my son...my son..."  Her eyes focused on me, and the
look in them would have made me step back if I wasn't standing at the edge
of a cliff. "At least they left his beautiful face alone. It was the only
part left untouched. 

"It was easy to see who had done it. I knew that the rift between my tribe
and my future husband's tribe had widened greatly, but I didn't know how
much. But when I looked among the bodies, I realized my father was missing.
And so, I took after them. It was a long chase, but I finally caught up
with them in a valley not too far from her. They had tied my father to a
stake, beaten and tortured him, cut off his tongue and manhood, and that
very night, they were going to sacrifice him to their gods.

"What was I to do? I was just a young woman among many angry men, but they
had chosen their resting spot unwisely. For I knew that the valley they
were in was nestled in a spot that was prone to avalanches easily. All I
had to do was to create a noisy diversion. So that night, while they were
dancing about like the demons they were, I crept up to the highest rock I
could find, gave a great shout, and threw the only spear I had. And for the
first time, I hit with pinpoint accuracy. I don't think my father realized
he'd got hit until he was too late. The outcry that was raised was more
than efficient to start an avalanche going, and when I finally reached the
bottom of the valley, not one person was left alive.

"Ever since then, I have returned here, because there was nowhere left to
go. Not a day went by since I was wracked with guilt. What if I was just a
dutiful daughter? What if I had tried to take my son away sooner? What if I
could have accepted my destiny? And every night, I would relive my life,
over and over, and see the anger and despair in my father's face. And my
dreams always ended with the face of my son, looking at me with those brown
eyes and smiling, as if it never my fault. That, Ryouga, nearly drove me
over this edge hundreds of times."

Her face softened once more. "Do you know the first night we met, I dreamed
of my son, and I saw that your eyes looked just like his? I said that to
him, and he said, 'No, Mama. His eyes look a lot like yours.'

"Everyone has demons chasing them. But that's all they can do. You can
either stop running and let them embrace you, or confront them and tell
them to get the hell out of your life. The night I met you, I realized that
nothing I can do can stop those men from raping me nor bring back my son. I
cannot change my past. But what I can change is my future. Do you have the
strength to change yours, Ryouga?"

I stared at her as she stood back.  "But--? I don't understand."

"What is there to understand? There are two paths before you, Ryouga. One
leads to death, the other to life. Only one of them you can take. You're
the only person who can decide which one to take. It's your decision,
Ryouga, and yours alone. I've already chosen my path, painful though it
was. My only wish is that my son was wrong...and that you really have his
eyes."

Then _Her_ voice loomed up louder than before. *Ryouga, why do you listen
to her? She's telling you lies.*

It was so tempting. 

*She doesn't care about you. She's crazy. She's just like others. Look at
her, standing there, not making a move to stop you. Only I can offer you
peace. Peace forever, Ryouga.*

But I haven't been at peace ever since I left Nerima. _She_ had hounded my
waking life and my dreams. 

*Come to me, Ryouga...I can ease your pain...come to me...*

Pain? Pain?! She had been _causing_ me pain, and now she claimed to stop it?

*Ryouga, are you listening to me?*

And the woman who chased me over the world to challenge me in thinking, in
questioning my actions, the woman who I fought so hard not to let into my
heart, was looking at me, not out of fear or pity--just waiting. Waiting
for me to make my choice.

*Look at me, Ryouga. Just turn around and look at me, and you'll forget
about her and all she's done to you, chasing you around like some slut...*

Chaste, who had looked beyond my hentai ways, and still cared enough to let
me into her home...

*She doesn't know you. She doesn't know the evil, perverted things you have
done. She'll detest you. She'll hate you. She won't understand you. She has
no idea of the hell you've been through.*

But Chaste had been through worse. Yet she could still stand there and talk
about hope. Could there be such a thing...even for me?

*Why are you still thinking about that foolish woman. Ryouga, stop it and
look at me! Look at me!*

So I did. I looked hard. I looked back at Chaste, then I looked at _Her_
again.

And I stepped away from the edge.

*What are you doing? Come to me, Ryouga!*

And I stepped back further, thinking _No more._

*RYOUGA!*

I looked at Chaste, who had let out a breath when I stepped towards her.
Chaste, who still continued to hope. _No...no more...no more lies. No more
fooling myself._ 

*Ryouga, you fool. I'll chase you down. I'll haunt you for the rest of your
life. Come back to me, Ryouga...come baaaaack...* The voice, so much like
hers at the wedding--but it wasn't the same. Those eyes, her hair. 

It wasn't Akane. It wasn't her. Standing there on that cliff, I realized
that Akane was not in my life, real or imagined. But Chaste was there
before me, flesh and blood and so full of life and _hope_. She was standing
right there, and all I had to do was to go to her, to the promise of
starting over, of doing things right.

*You don't deserve her, you'll use her, you'll hit her again, you don't
deserve her you beast you pig it will be just like Akane and Akari all over
again Ryouga listen to me...*

I gritted my teeth, and took another step.  For some reason, it entered my
head that if I could only make it to Chaste, then everything would be all
right, that if I stopped for one second, nothing would stop me from turning
around and dashing right off the edge. But if I could _keep_ her in my
sights, if I could just focus on her...

It was the longest walk of my life. I could hear _Her_ screaming, that
_thing_ made like some horrible parody of Akane, yelling my name. I could
imagine her reaching out, trying to pull me back. I kept expecting to feel
her cold fingers grab my hair or my shirt, but nothing came. She didn't
touch me.

_She_ didn't touch me. She never did. All this time, she yelled at me,
cajoled me, taunted me, teased me, berated me, haunted me. But never, ever
did she touch me. Which meant that she couldn't touch me if she tried.
Which meant she couldn't control me. I could do anything I wanted, and if
she wanted me to do something, then all I had to do was simply ignore her...

And it was that realization that made me run those final few yards to
Chaste and nearly throw myself into her arms, pulling myself so close to
her I couldn't breathe, not that I could anyway because I was sobbing so
hard I nearly threatened to turn myself into a pig, but not caring because
Chaste was holding me just as tightly and murmuring my name over and over
while her tears dripped into my hair, and neither of us caring that the
wind chose to pick up at that time, a wind so strong it seemed to howl
eerily, like a banshee that had lost its latest victim...

Track 7: Season Cycle
o/~Season cycle moving round and round, pushing life up from the cold dead
ground (it's growing green...it's growing green...)o/~

I suppose this is the part where everything turns bright rosy and gay. That
I learn that life is worth living and that from that moment on, everything
will be sunshine and flowers and Chaste and I will live happily ever after
in a castle in the clouds, with singing animals and chirping birds smiling
happily on us and our children.

Well, I like to think that still happened, even if it didn't.

I told Chaste everything that night. About my life, about Akane and Akari,
and the voices in my head. My martial arts. My prostitution. My lack of
direction. My loneliness. One of the first things she suggested was that I
see a psychiatrist.

"What?! After all the things I told you, you want me to see a shrink?!"

"Ryouga, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you are one seriously
messed up guy."

"Where the hell are we going to find one in the middle of the Outback?"

"Doo-Duh, we'll just go to the nearest town.  We aren't that far from
civilization, you know. Besides, I've been thinking about this directional
curse you have. Haven't you ever wondered how you are able to go to another
country in a blink?  There must be something to this curse of yours. All we
have to do is somehow fix it so you can actually get to where you're going."

It took a lot of missteps (though we did see a lot of countries), but we
finally found a psychiatrist who wouldn't mind staggered visits. I knew I
was messed up, but it shocked me to learn just how much. He analyzed
everything, even suggested that my lack of direction just stemmed from me
thinking so hard I wouldn't pay attention to where I was going. He had no
clue on why my entire family was like that, though.

We also never agreed on what was that harassing me after I had left Nerima.
The doctor thought it was all in my head, that it was all my doubts and
fears given the body and face of the one who had emotionally hurt me the
most. Chaste thought it was something deeper on the spiritual level.
"Sometimes, I would see his eyes go to something beside me, or he would
cock his head as if he was listening to someone. You should've seen him,
Doc. The look on his face would be so haunted."

Was it really a demon that had preyed on my thoughts, or were it just my
thoughts hounding me with guilt? I don't know. I never saw _Her_ again
after the night on the cliff. Sometimes, especially when I was feeling
depressed, I could hear her whispering my name, trying to get my attention.
And I still dreamed of her. But ever since I realized that she could never
harm me, it was as if she was diminishing over time. Not that her words had
no effect on me.

The doctor made me take Prozac for the deep depressions I would sink into.
I hated it, but I would think back to that night on the cliff, and that
usually motivated me to take it. Not that it drained my feelings any. It
just muted them somehow, and I couldn't decide what was worse: living with
muted feelings or feelings that were too powerful. When I began taking it,
I wondered what would've happened if I had chosen to leap off that cliff.
Sometimes, I wished I did. 

It took a long time for me to accept me.

Chaste asked me about that energy she saw me release that fateful night. I
had actually forgotten about it, but it made me wonder if all my fighting
techniques hadn't disappeared. If that was the case, what were the chances
that I could lose control like that once again like I had at the Tendou
wedding?

"Oh, come on. That happened because you were under very high stress. You
have to stop fearing your own abilities, Ryouga.  Your fighting skills are
just tools. They could cause harm, but they can also be used for good. I'm
sure that there are some stuff you can do that can help you. Besides, I
always wanted to know how to do that karate kung-fu jive."

After explaining that it wasn't 'karate kung-fu jive', I decided to show
her by teaching her a few basic katas. Granted, my memory was rusty and I
was horribly out of shape, but I was just as surprised to see that it did
have some calming affect on me. I guess when I first learned them, I was so
filled with revenge for Ranma that I ignored them, focusing more on
fighting rather than the beauty of the Art. Morning katas became a regular
routine for the both of us.

It took a long time for me to accept my feelings for Chaste. There was
always the doubts and fears that she wouldn't accept me for who I was.
Always, she had to tell me that she didn't care what I had done or who I
was. She cared that I was me, and she accepted every stubborn, bullish part
of me, so why I couldn't I accept that? I always retorted that I was trying
my best, but miracles couldn't happen overnight. She'd respond with
something else, and before we knew it, we would be arguing. Some things
never change.

It was funny, our relationship. Even though I had officially moved into her
place, taking up residence in her shed, we never made physical expressions
of our feelings for each other. Oh, there was always lingering looks, the
occasional blush, a brush of an arm, but it was as if we were too shy to
make the first move. I knew why on my part: for once, just for once, I
wanted this to go right. I thought I was in love with Akane, but it was
more like putting her on a pedestal and gazing at her from afar, someone
who was unattainable as a goddess. I tried to attain her through Akari, but
Akari just wasn't her--she was too innocent and sweet to be Akane. I tried
to attain her through the women I slept with, but that was just some
twisted form of lust. It was different with Chaste. I wanted to be her best
friend. I wanted to be her protector. I wanted to look at her and say, "You
aren't perfect, but you know me. I want to know you as well. I want to
stand by your side and help you when you're down. I want to make you laugh.
I want to cry with you when you cry. I want to love you, but I want our
love to be pure and true, as it should be. Even though my body cries to be
with you, I don't want to sleep with you, because after all that I've been
through, sex comes too easily to me. So I will wait until the time comes
when I am absolutely certain that my love for you is true, and then, only
then, will I ask if I could make love to you as two becoming one should."

I remember the day of the brilliant sunset. Chaste had made some lemonade,
and we were sitting on her porch watching the sky turn vividly orange, then
pink sliding into a dark purple. We sat there, swinging on her porch swing,
not speaking, yet that sunset contained all the emotion that I felt for
her. I remember looking at her, seeing her relaxed face as the colors went
across the sky, and thinking it was ten times as beautiful as the sunset,
and suddenly wanting to see her face always, every day, for the rest of my
life. She chose that moment to look at me in puzzlement. "What's wrong,
Ryouga? Why are you looking at me like that?"

I took a deep breath, a part of me clanging in fear, released it, and told
her everything that was in my heart. I will never forget her face, how it
rivaled that of the sunset. "Ryouga...how is it said in your language?
Aishteru?" And then she kissed me.

The next day, I began shopping for a ring.

o/~Season cycle go from death to life, bring a harvest or a man his wife
(It's growing green...it's growing green.)o/~

The toast just popped up. I sweep them from the toaster and toss them next
to the bowls of rice and scrambled eggs. One thing I am definitely proud of
is knowing how to cook. Just one of many things I'm learning about myself
that doesn't have the words 'bad' or 'depressing'. I then go to the window
where all I can see is lines of clothes billowing gently in the wind.

"Chaste! Breakfast!"

>From behind a wafting bedsheet, I hear her voice. "Okay. Just let me check
on the last load of wash."

Rats, I should've put my bedsheets in there when I had the chance. Ever
since I admitted my love to Chaste, my living quarters had graduated from
her shed to her house, though, through mutual agreement, we still don't
sleep together. Rather, I sleep in a room she used to use as her 'trophy
room', meant to show off all the game she had caught in haunting. The only
trophies present were a field mouse she had thrown a shoe at in her kitchen
and a scrawny looking hawk she had chased for a week and had finally thrown
her spear at it in disgust, only to have it connect. Later she learned it
was too thin to eat anyway. I tease her that the real reason why I'm
sleeping in there is to add to her collection, or at least my cursed form
anyway. She always give me the same look.

"Oh please. Next thing you'll be saying is I only like your cursed form.
Face it, Ryouga, I find you far, far cuter than any little piglet. Besides,
I want a man to keep me warm at night, not some itty, bitty pig."

God, I love that woman.

There is a high-pitched ringing sound coming near the front of the house.
That would be the mail, I suppose. We're so far off that it only comes once
a week. I'm tempted to just let it wait until after breakfast, but since
Chaste appears to be taking her sweet time with the laundry, it wouldn't
hurt to get it. I grab the ring off the table. Wouldn't do if she suddenly
decides to come back in and see it sitting on the table.

As I stroll unto the porch and start unloading the mailbox, I think about
all I have been through. It's hard to believe that two years has passed
since I've left Nerima. Only two years! It seems far longer. And now, here
I am about to make the biggest step in my life. It feels good. For the
first time in my life, I feel good about the future. I don't know what the
future holds, but with Chaste as part of it, the world isn't as dark and
lonely as I thought it once was. In fact, I'm thinking about building a
dojo here. Me teaching? I would never consider it a year ago, but Chaste
says I'm a very good teacher. If I actually put my mind to it, who knows
what could happen within five or ten years time? A dojo, a future, a
family...an ache spreads in me when I think of actually raising a family
with Chaste. I wonder what our children will be like. Headstrong, stubborn,
directional-less. Maybe we'll name our first child Hope. Hope Hibiki. A
child that's full of life and hope. A child that will never have to know
sadness, or loneliness, because his parents have been freed from all
that...finally free at last...free to love...free to live...free...free...

What the--?

My thoughts tumble to a halt. There's an envelope in here addressed to me.
Funny. I didn't know of anyone besides my psychiatrist knowing I was here.
I turn it over to look at the return address.

Oh, no.

No.

It's. From. Her.

And in my mind, I think I hear a chuckle. A chuckle that's soft and
frightfully familiar. From a distance, I watch as my numb hands tear open
the envelope and read its contents. It looks like...an invitation?

"Dear Ryouga Hibiki:

You are invited to a reunion at the Tendo-Saotome dojo on June 25, 2003. We
hope that you will be able to attend and look forward to seeing you.

						Sincerely,
						Ranma and Akane Saotome"

A reunion? They want me to come to a _reunion_? It had to be some kind of
joke, right? Some kind of sick joke.

*They want revenge on you Ryouga they finally tracked you down Ryouga she's
getting back for you leaving her Ryouga you're up shit's creek now Ryouga
she's tracked you down like Chaste's tribe tracked her down Ryouga and
they'll tell Chaste everything Ryouga and she'll despise you like they do
Ryouga and it's all your fault Ryouga they'll take Chaste away Ryouga it's
all your fault Ryouga all your fault Ryouga All Your Fault Ryouga ALL YOUR
FAULT--*

"STOP IT! STOP IT! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

There was a blinding flash and before I knew it I was flat on my back
staring up at the sky. It was happening all over again. The voices, the
doubts, the fears, the depression...

Depression?

A wave of horror swept over me as I sit up. There was a gaping hole in
Chaste's house where her front door used to be.

Oh, God, I had lost control again!

I leap to my feet and ran around the house to the back. It appeared the
blast had gone straight through the house, crashed from the kitchen and
headed straight towards the...shed.

"CHASTE!!!"

I dash to the monstrous pile of wood and  begin flinging the timber every
which way, but even then it's taking too long and in sheer desperation I
plunge a finger down and shout "BAKUSAI TENKETSU!" 

Wood explodes about me. I throw my arms up to avoid the massive splints
shooting my way, but not before I catch a glimpse of Chaste, lying in a
pool of blood.

Track 6: 1000 Umbrellas
o/~One thousand umbrellas upturned couldn't catch all the rain that drained
out of my head when you said, we were over and over I cried 'til I floated
downstream to a town they call Misery...oh oh Misery...o/~

It's been three days since I have come back from the hospital. Since then,
I have been sitting here, in the ruins of the kitchen, sitting here
listening to this damn song playing over and over. When my Shi Shi
Houkouden blast shot through here, it had knocked over the CD player, and
now it was stuck on my least favorite song. It was so damn ironic that if I
had the heart, I would've laughed until I cried. As it were, I didn't have
the strength to turn it off. And there aren't any tears left.

Mainly, I've been sitting here, staring at my left hand. The doctors were
more concerned about that than the numerous cuts I sustained from the
blast. They were baffled to see my hand was curiously gilded across the
palm, as if I had quickly dipped my hand in molted metal. I knew better,
though.

I was holding Chaste's engagement ring in that hand when I did the Shi Shi
Houkouden.

I can still move the hand with no problem, but it will always feel a little
stiff. An everlasting reminder of what had happened. A bitter pill to
swallow, considering what happened to Chaste.

She had a nasty lump on top of her head, and she was unconscious for
several agonizing days, but the worse was her foot, which had been nearly
crushed by one of the supporting beams in the shed. Doctors had placed it
in a cast, but they made it clear that once it was off, she may walk with a
limp for the rest of her life. Chaste wasn't the best hunter, but she was
proud of at least being a hunter. I dreaded telling her that she wouldn't
be able to hunt anymore.

When she regained consciousness, she barely spoke a word. Just laid there,
staring up at the ceiling. I was so frightened, I didn't know what to do. I
thought I lost her already. I sat there, day and night, talking to her,
telling her all the stories I knew, telling her about my hand, telling her
about the ring I got her, pleading her to give me any sign she heard. When
she didn't I yelled at her for giving up so easily, then immediately begged
for forgiveness for yelling at her. Over and over I told her I loved her. I
was at my wit's end without her. Everything was my fault. I didn't know
what to do anymore. And all the while, in my head, I could hear a faint
chuckling and the whispered words, *I told you so*.

Finally, after a week of this, she looked at me and spoke, her voice raspy,
"Why am I here?"

So I told her what happened, and about the invitation, and about the
reunion. She just looked at me and said, "I see." Then she went back to
staring at the wall. Despair tore into me. I was losing Chaste right there,
and there was nothing I could do about it.

I must have fallen asleep, because before I knew it, I was feeling the sun
warm on my face. I sat up in the chair I had slumped in and looked at
Chaste...or rather, Chaste's bed. Chaste was nowhere to be seen.

No one had seen her leave. For the doctors and later the police, it was
just one more mystery that they demanded I tell the secret to. I must have
sat there for hours, trying to come up with explanations on how Chaste and
I got the injuries we had, how gold managed to get gilded on the palm of my
hand, and how Chaste managed to walk out of a fully staffed hospital
without being seen. I had no idea on Chaste's whereabouts, and I was too
heartsick to care about anything else. Finally, disgusted, they sent me home.

I had a cab drive me to Chaste's house, and immediately realized something
amiss. The mail, which had been scattered about on the ground, had been
gathered up into a neat pile. On top of it, a note written in Chaste's
flowing script:

"Ryouga,

I've been thinking a lot of what you have told me.  If what you say is
true, then there's no guarantee that you and I can ever have a life
together with the way things are now, not if you keep losing control every
time you think of your past. There is only one way I know of curing you of
this once and for all. I hate seeing you hurt like this. Don't worry. Once
everything is right again, I'll be back. I love you.
						
							Chaste"

And suddenly, I knew _exactly_ where Chaste had gone. 

o/~And one million teacups I bet couldn't hold all the wet that fell out of
my eyes when you fell out with me.
Now I'm crawling the wallpaper that's looking more like a roadmap to
Misery...oh oh Misery...o/~

I had the cab driver wait while I searched the house, and my suspicious
were confirmed. Chaste's spear was missing...as well as the invitation to
the reunion. Chaste was responding just like she responded to all the
losses in her life...find a way to take out the threat.

I've been sitting here ever since, getting up only to use the washroom
(what's left of it anyway), or nibble on something. If Chaste had
definitely gone to the Tendou-Saotome dojo, then she probably would've gone
through conventional means, which gives me enough time to come up with a
plan. Chances are, Chaste will go after the one person who had been
haunting me for years. However, knowing her, she would probably wait until
the actual reunion to make her appearance. There'll be no doubt in my mind
that Ranma would protect _her_. His skills must be superior by now, in
which case Ranma would easily disarm Chaste.

But under extreme pressure, Chaste can be an excellent shot. In which case,
she could still wind up killing _her_. And if that happens, he may knock
Chaste unconscious, or even...

Oh, Chaste, what were you thinking?!

All I wanted was a peaceful life, free from anything like this. And then
just like that, my life was turned topsy-turvy again, because of
Saotome--no, not Ranma. _Her_. Goddammit, why can't _She_ leave me alone? I
was so happy! I've paid my dues. Why now...of all times now? Why does _She_
continually influence my life...even when she isn't even here?

I can't take this. I just can't take this anymore.

With trembling hands, I reach out and take hold of the bag I had gotten at
the drugstore just before I left the hospital. I take a deep breath, reach
inside, and pull out the last thing I ever wanted to see: an umbrella.

o/~How can you smile and forecast weather's getting better and you'll soon
forget her if you let the sunshine come through?
How can you smile and forecast weather's getting better if you never let a
girl rain all over you...o/~

It's not exactly a good umbrella, not like the Chinese paper umbrellas I
used to own. But this one has a good size point on it, and with just enough
work, I can get it to just the right heaviness. I just hope I remember the
correct procedure.

Chaste is not the sort to keep bandannas around the place, so I take an old
shirt of mine and start cutting it into long strips. I doubt these would
hold up my hair like true bandannas would, but once I get them sharpened
right, they'll do the job just fine.

I'm not even going to think about what will happen when it comes time to
use these things. It's been so long since I've actually fought that I'll
probably wind up hurting myself than anyone else. But I have no choice. I
must do this. It's the only way I can think of.

June 25. That's four days from now. Four days to find my way back to Japan.
Four days to train myself. This time, however, it won't be for revenge.  I
think this has been coming for a long time. If I don't go, then _She_ will
continue haunting me, for who knows how long. And that is something I
cannot take.

I've never been so terrified in my life.

But you see, this has gone on far enough.  I just can't take this anymore,
and anyway it's long overdue. For far too long, my life had revolved around
her. She has never left my thoughts nor my dreams. I can't scrub her from
my heart, no matter how hard I try. If there was anyway I could take the
feelings and the memories of her and rip them out of me, I would; anything
to gain back the life I had before I met her.  And it's funny, but I'm not
angry at Ranma anymore. As far as I'm concerned, he got just as ensnared
over her as I did. And now he's married to _her_.  I wonder how his sanity
is holding up. But if he even so much as _touches_ Chaste...so help me God...

It's time for me to confront Akane Sao--no, Akane Tendou.

I have no clue on what's going to happen when I see her.  What if I see her
and all the old feelings come back? What if I start to doubt my love for
Chaste? I don't know, but what I do know is that I am tired, tired of
running and hearing her voice in my dreams. It's time to take a stand, time
to see Akane for who she really is. It's time I stood up for myself. It's
time for me to get my life back. To get my wife back. To get my sanity
back.  To get my _manhood_ back.

*A man? Hah! You're nothing but a pig, Ryouga Hibiki!*

And I'm going to ignore that, because it isn't true. I know it isn't true.
And I'll show them it isn't true. I am a man, and I'll _make_ Her see that,
even if I have to ground her face in it. I...am...a...Man.

Here I come, Akane.

o/~And just when I thought that my skies were a June/July blue,
One thousand umbrellas opened
Two thousand umbrellas opened
Ten thousand umbrellas opened to spoil the view...o/~

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======
Author's notes:

God, it's over. It's finally over. YAAAAAYYYY!!!

As indicated in the foreword, this was done as part of a series of fics.
With luck, this just might spur the Reunions project back into action.
Let's hope it does.

Some of you are probably wondering how this came to be. Well, when the
project was resurrect in May, I was kicking around an idea to do a filk
song with Ryouga as its focus. I had gotten "Skylarking" from XTC, a
british band who's been around for quite a while, and the song '1000
Umbrellas' particularly stuck to me. Originally, I was just going to do a
story revolving only around that song, but as I listened to the album some
more and read its lyrics, the story grew and I thought 'Whoa, I can make a
story out of the entire album!'; hence, the tag. 

"Skylarking" is a particlarly lush album. It's more or less pop, kind of
quirky, but '1000 Umbrellas' is orchestrally arranged by strings. It's a
very cool album by a very cool, angst-filled band. I highly suggest it if
you're into quirky music. Perhaps, I'll do filk stories for other XTC
titles. I'm still hankering to do "The World is Full of Angry Young Men"
and "Heaven is Paved with Broken Glass (since your hammer struck my heart...)"

If you have read my fic "'Til I Wake Your Ghost", you'll notice the motif
of Ryouga marrying a daughter of a chieftain. Sorry, but I think Akari was
just created for Ryouga's benefit. I somewhat hoped for a pairing with him
and Ukyo, but in the manga, it wasn't meant to be. Oh well. Ryouga deserves
a woman who understands what he's going through. Besides, there's something
about warrior women, particular dark-skinned ones!

No, I'm not an Amazon woman. But I'm pretty sure I had ancestors who were
warriors. I don't live in Australia, and I'm not a good tracker, though I
have been known to pound certain men with broomsticks. :-) The only thing
Chaste and I have in common is our skin color. Chaste, me, Claudia in
Macross, and Nadia of Blue Water. *sigh*

Now that this is out of the way, I can go back to concentrating on my
Heart/Home series. Does anyone remember that? Hmm...looks like I'll be
doing some reposting soon.

Special thanks to my prereaders: Raymond Haney, Radler, Soren Smith, Warr,
Aiki Ayame, Wildeman, and Azatlan, as well as David Lerman (dude, we have
to get together one of these days!) Also, thanks to Java, who kept meowing
in my face to keep me awake and kept my lap warm, and thanks to my
boyfriend Jon, who has taken an interest in my writing and is now wondering
when the heck am I going to start on my book. Oh, and I can't forget Mr.
Saotome and Mr. Hibiki for putting them through hell in this fic. 

This was written from May 1997 to January 1, 1998.

And finally, this has been a T-bone productions fanfic, In Touch With Yours
Truly.
============================================================================
/===\     LaShawn M. Taylor (tbone@ccm.net)     MSTie#83924
|^ ^|\    "I am neither this nor that. I'm not here nor there.
 \v/\|    I am in between something, something and somewhere."
    |\    	-Keaggy, King, and Denté 
    \|    	 "Inventions"
My resolution for 1998 is to reopen T-bone's Cafe--someday..and somewhere..
============================================================================