Colliding SYmphonies- C&C

DRUID'S WAY

~50-60k
Self Insertion / newguy / cross


Yeesh.

Okay, first I know sometimes between mailers and WordProcessors, getting
the margins to match isn't always an easy task, but that aside. . .
The paragraph structure was PAINFUL. I had to re-read several parts to
make sure I understood it(and even then. . .)

Grammatically, there is definitive room for improvement. Spelling is
adequate, but sentense and paragraph structure need some serious looking
at. These are 8th~9th grade English lessons, here.

The character, Druid, is played out (I'm Assuming) as an incarnate from
some RolePlaying Universe, though which I'm not sure. I can't say much
for him, because he isn't catered to in the story.  There doesn't seem
to be much of a point to his being in th Ranmaverse.
The story has almost no direction from what I can tell, and in the place
of trying to foreshadow(or backshadow?) Druid's memory is mostly
confusion on the part of the readers.

My advice, pick someone at random and have them help you pre-read.
Someone who likes to lurk and knows how to help you get 'the flow' for
the reader.

There is one other thing. . .Ranma would NEVER choose anything over
martial arts, except (big maybe here) one of his fiancee's. (In my
opinion, Ukyou or Akane. . .)

Keep writing as long as its fun!

-TJ
-Colliding SYmphonies' head