All is dark in the theatre, until the lights come on, and
Ash, Miyuki, and Mason enter, taking their seats.
Miyuki: Since it wasn't mentioned last time, I have red hair. and a
pigtail. I don't, however look like Hikaru. So don't make any
comparisons.
Ash:(drily) thank you for the commentary, Miyuki.
  > **** Prologue

It was all caused by an accident.

Ash: aren't they always?

A fairly innocent accident, really, as all accidents tend to be.  But
the shockwaves that the accident caused were anything but innocent.
In fact, they led to rather nasty and distasteful consequences which
threatned the very fabric of space and time (though that was rather a
common occurence in this day and age).  Yet it all started with one
rather simple and rather stupid accident that involved a Kargon
warship in a rather plain sector of space in a rather plain section
of time.

Miyuki: Ash, what are Kargons?
Ash: I have no idea. Don't worry about it. 

You see, the Kargons' ship was on its way to take part in a war the
Kargons were involved with in a distant part of the galaxy.  All you
need to know about the war is that it's a rather silly war that had
started, rather ironically, because of a rather innocent and stupid
accident caused at some stuffy shirt luncheon.  One thing led to
another, and as is usually the norm for most diplomatic incidents a
rather simple event lead to the throws of wars and millions of
innocent lives were lost because said diplomat got his sandwich
sliced diagonally instead of vertically.  Thus, said accident was the
reason one Kargon warship was in a rather plain sector of space,
ready to fight a war for the honor of some snooty diplomat who just
couldn't leave well enough alone.

Ash: heh. but then they wouldn't be snooty diplomats now, would they?

It was in this plain sector of space where another rather plain and
silly accident happened.  A rather bored navigation officer was
working late one night at his terminal when, quite by accident, he
spilled his frothy hot beverage of Quallon onto the navigation
computer., Needless to say the navigation computer did not enjoy the
hot beverage, and proceded to spark as the Quallon slowly covered
its motherboard.  The end result of said accident was a 24-hour rapid
repair job, during which the rather inebriated navigation computer
(it is a little known fact that most navigation computers have a low
tolerance to Quallon) proceded to move the ship on a rather erratic
course.  The final destination being a rather unimpressive system
devoid of any intelligent life - and, more importantly, lacking the
opponents the Kargons were supposed to be fighting.

Mason: ah, the ever popular 'Pepsi Syndrome-tm' 
Miyuki: Ash, why are doing -this- story. it doesn't read like a normal
fanfic.
Ash: Trust me, this is just a setup for the kicker.

Still, as is normal procedure for all Kargon miltary ships, the battle
computer ran a threat anaylsis on the unimpressive system.  And to the
shock of most everyone on board the ship who thought the system was a
rather wussy system the computer came to one conclusion.  It was
'Great Danger... RUN AWAY... WE WILL BE DESTROYED!!!'.

Ash,Mason:LOL

A rather puzzled Captain looked at the message and laughed
accordingly; how could a system so mind-numbingly boring as this
stand in the way of a mighty Kargon war ship?  Still, his curosity was
piqued... and the captain did wonder why his computer had such a great
fear of the pathetic place.

Miyuki: famous last words.

So he quickly checked in with his superiors on Kargon Prime, reported
his coordinates and stated that he was investigating a local anomaly
(which his superiors translated as 'Ship is going crazy, going to
kill some yokels for fun').  Slowly the ship moved into the system,
and broadcasted a message back home saying that it had reached the
first planet in the system and that all was going well except for the
all-night party that just wouldn't stop.

Ash: it'll stop, alright. but it'll just pick up some where else a few
days later.

It was the last message the ship ever broadcasted.
Which rather puzzled the warlords on Kargon Prime, who knew that the
system said warship entered should have been destroyed by now.  Or at
least turned into a Kargon amusement park.

Ash: (snicker)
Miyuki: An amusement park?

 But instead the ship just dissapeared into thin air. The Kargons, >being curious about this,
decided to send a ship to investigate the system.  That ship also
dissapeared without a trace.  So the Kargons sent yet more ships to
the system, and they too also dissapeared.

Miyuki: Disappear only has one 's' in it.
Mason: Thank you, C&C girl.
Miyuki: (whaps Mason with her tail) enough with the sarcasm already.
Mason: itai! 

Finally after 200 Kargon warships dissapeared someone finally clued in
that something was wrong with the system.  That someone also reasoned
that  the system may have the technology to wipe the Kargons off the
face of the universe or eliminate telemarketers.  Both of which didn't
sit well with the Kargons.  And so in a momentous day the Kargon
empire signed a peace treaty and ended decades of rather senseless
war.  Peace was at last achieved, and the Kargons celebrated by
sending their entire fleet to fold, spindle, and mutilate that rather
annoying system in another senseless war.

Ash: Thus causing another endless war. How typical.

If only the Kargons knew what waited for them then perhaps they could
have avoided one of the more senseless and stupid fates in the
galaxy...

Mason: They never do.

                                *****

Richard Beaubien Presents

An Eating Guide to the Silver Millenium, Part 1: The Clinical
Depression Meal

Ash: Cool.

(A Sailor Moon/Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy Crossover...)
[Edited by Mike Koo's]

Miyuki: so that's why we're doing this. you and your british humor, Ash.

                                *****

There are (were?  will be?) two problems with being the guardian of
time.

One of the problems was with birthday parties; nobody really knows
how many candles to put on the cake.  One time over 500 candles was
placed on Setsuna's cake, which promptly lead to a visit from the
local fire department.  That, and Setsuna had the knack for receiving
the same gifts over and over again.  For example, during the party
she had in 1975 she picked up a pair of platform shoes that she
politely wore once and then tossed out, never to be worn again.  But
at her party in 1993 she received the exact same pair of platform
shoes again - only this time she tossed them out immediately.

Ash: heh. 

The second problem was a more annoying one, at least for Setsuna.
It's the problem with vacations, in that every single vacation
Setsuna ever had was interupted by some major disturbance in time and
space.  And thus Setsuna had to go and save time but miss the rather
scrumptious buffet at the restaurant.  Oh, sure, she could go back
to the time she left and continue the vacation, but a vacation tended
to lose its luster after you'd slain over 100 random monsters over 5
days of one's vacation.

Mason: it does?
Ash: at least it does for her. myself on the other hand...
Miyuki: So why doesn't she go back in time after her vaction?
Ash: too complicated. besides, there wouldn't be a story then, would
there?

All in all, this rather frustrated Setsuna, who was looking to have a
perfectly normal vacation for once.  But she really couldn't do that
with all of this Guardian of Time stuff hanging over her head.  What
she needed was a temp, somebody to fill in for the role of Sailor
Pluto while she had a nice 3 month vacation.
No - make that 6 months...

Miyuki: perhaps that should read; 'looking forward to a...'
Ash: better make that a year. and another one for after you clean up
after the temp.

Of course, most temp agencies didn't have any fill-in Senshi, and
unlike the other Senshi she didn't have a replacement ready to step
in and take over the family business.

Mason: That's probably because she's been the only time senshi along.
Time travel does have its perks.

Not that anyone would want to, for Sailor Pluto was always at the
bottom of all the 'Which Senshi would you like to be?' poll held in
Crystal Tokyo.  Even Hotaru had been number one once in the poll,
mostly because people thought her Glaive was rather 'froody,' as they
put it.  But nobody wanted to be the Guardian of Time, nobody wanted
to guard the time gates or take care of the messy things like a time
pardox or new dimensions popping up.  They all thought it was rather
boring, really, not as exciting as turning your average rubber suited
monster into a pile of subautomic particles.

Miyuki: Isn't that always the case?

Yet Setsuna liked her job, liked it a lot.  She enjoyed mucking around
in time, enjoyed carrying around her time staff.  And she enjoyed
being mysterious and vague with people when she wanted something
done, even if it was only picking up a litre of milk.
She just wanted one thing...
She wanted to have a vacation without being interrupted.

Ash: how true.

Which lead Setsuna to the University of Crystal Tokyo Library and
Velodrome.  There she began to look around for any bits of info on a
successor for Sailor Pluto... someone who would take over the job
like she did way back when.  Her search turned up nothing in the
library, and thus Setsuna left rather dejected.

That is until she walked into the Velodrome quite by accident.
Sulking, she turned and saw a rather important piece of paper.  In big
Kana letters it said, 'Replacement Sailor Pluto: How to make one and
ingredients required.'

Mason:LOL

A look of pure glee overtook Setsuna as she picked the paper up,
causing the racing cyclists to run into each other.  Setsuna quickly
used her time key to dissapear as the enraged cyclists started to
yell at her.

Cyclist: I'm complaining to Neo-Queen Serenity about this!

But Setsuna didn't care.

Ash: She never does, does she?
Miyuki: aren't you worried about facing her wrath?
Ash: no.

Thanks to a completly innocent accident Setsuna was able to find a
way to go on her dream vacation.  All she needed to do was find a
replacment Sailor Pluto.  And Setsuna already had an ideal person in
mind...

Mason: now who might that be? 

                                *****

The discovery of the theory of accidents was itself an accident.

A pure stroke of luck really, as the Physics department of the
University of Womponging was known for many things except excellence
in science.  The fact that it shared a building with the department of
Gelatin and Jam was one of the major clues that the physics
department was not all up to snuff.

Peter Jones: Who is writing this tripe anyways? This is worse than what
even Mr Adams or Mr Ash would write! And why didn't they hire me to
narrate it? (storms off in a huff)
Miyuki,Mason:(blink several times) Ash, who was that? 
Ash: Just some one I hired to do bits of odd narration and asides for my
fanfics. 

But it discovered, quite by accident, the Theory of Accidents.

The Theory of Accidents states that everything in the universe
happens by accident.  The falling of the apple on Newton's head was an
accident, the fact that life exists on Zolar Zeta was an accident.
The fact that a lonely atom collides with another lonely atom to
create an molecule was also an accident.  Simply stated, the theory of
accidents states that there is no order to the universe.  Everything
happens purely by accident in the universe.

Needless to say, students loved this theory, saving minutes of
valuable test time by answering every question with 'It happened by
accident.'  The people who wrote and made all of the laws of the
universe, however, scoffed at the theory.  They stated that everything
followed an order, and the apple fell because of gravity and not just
by some cosmic accident (though they did concide that life on Zolar
Zeta was an accident...).

Ash: Those types always have to disagree. It's an unwritten law.

However the Laws of the Universe theory lost all of its popular
support when, quite by accident, all of the supporters of this theory
spontenously combusted at the last Universal Physics council meeting.

And so by yet another accident, the Theory of Accidents became the
Theory by which the Universe worked on.

Ash: heh.

                                *****

There weren't many skills needed to be a restuarant critic, especially
if you were a critic for the 'Galatic Cuisine Guide and Coster'
publication.  All one really needed was a simple vocabulary and a love
of food.

Ford Perfect had the simple vocabulary, but he didn't have the love of
food. In fact one could write down his entire list of favorite foods >on
the front of your average resturant napkin.  Still, for some weird
reason Ford Perfect was able to get a job at the Galatic Cuisine
Guide and Coster, and was sent on what was thought to be one of the
worst assignments in the Galaxy.

Miyuki: You forgot the quotes on the 'GCGC'
Ash: Now there's a man who can get a job at any publication.  

Thought to be the worst, until it was found out that the Earth
possessed the cheapest prices in the galaxy on Qwatlon Polock.  In
fact, the price was so cheap that Ford was able to eat it every night
and even got a toy with it.  It was the best Qwatlon Polock in the
Galaxy, though Ford preferred to call it by its Earth name.
The 'Happy Meal.'

Ash,Mason:ROFLOL

It made Ford very Happy indeed, so happy that he was able to keep his
job despite his gross incompetence in it.

Ash: Incompetent? Don't make me laugh.

Always making sure to mention the joys of the local Happy Meal (which
he made sure to mention was available almost everywhere), he almost
singlehandly put down every other single dish in the world.

In England, for example, he called fish and chips 'The most cruel
thing in the world to do.  Not to the fish, but to the eater who has
to eat the vile thing.'  Or in China where he aptly called a stir fry
'A novel way to eat fried food, except that having your fried chicken
go in circles as you eat still doesn't improve the taste of the
dish.'

Miyuki:Huh!?

It goes without saying that Ford was very incomptent at his job.  Yet
he still kept at it, perhaps because his expense account was the
lowest of all the staff.  Or perhaps because he kept on plugging the
Happy Meal, which managed to make everyone very happy.

Mason: all this talk of happy meals is beginning to make me sick.

At the moment Ford was working on a write-up on Sushi, and was slowly
pondering on a way to write up the dish of raw fish without making the
process of eating a still fresh and whole fish sound too disgusting.
Flying off to Japan to do his research, one of the first things he
commented on was the relative high price of the Happy Meals.

Mason: graaa...

He also made sure not to visit any Sushi resturant in case he had to eat a
whole Salmon with a side dish of rice.  That was not on his list of
things to do in Japan, a list which consisted of eating a Happy Meal
at every McDonald's and rating them and pretty much nothing else
beyond looking at the neon signs.

Mason: no more please! I really mean it.

He was working on said review when he decided to check on the local
scanner.  A small blip flashed on it and a big smile hit his face.  It
wasn't often that a ship came past here and Ford hoped to use it to travel
home.  Because while Happy Meals were all good and such, nothing
could beat Mom's home-cooking.  Pity it didn't come with a toy.       Ash:(scottish accent) look out, he's gonna blow!

Mason:aaaaaaaa!(hurls)

Besides, Ford wanted a vacation.  A long vacation....

Ash:(coming up from rear of theatre, having teleported out of harm's way
with Miyuki)Feeling better?
Mason: Yes, thank you. 

A second blip flashed across the scanner...
Followed by another.
And another.
And still yet another...

Miyuki:(taking her seat) enough already. ge to the point.

All in all about 1000 blips flashed across the screen - each one
hovering in orbit around Pluto.  A small chill went down Ford's spine.

Mason:(Kirk voice) Scotty get those sheilds up. ASAP!
Ash:(Scotty voice) Aye Cap'n!

He wasn't going to be able to hitch a ride home with these guys...

Ash: You got that right.

                                 ****

Osaka Naru was having a bad day.
Not just any bad day, mind you, but one of those once-in-a-lifetime
bad days that everyone has.  Oh, sure, one could argue that Naru could
have seen worse days, and that she should look on the bright side of
things.

Miyuki: Never, EVER, say that to someone having one of those days.
Mason: Why?
Ash: Because they'll jump.

But then it was hard to find the bright side of having two plantlike
objects sticking out of the shoulder of the man you loved.  Or three
rather insane monsters laughing at you as you tried to remove said
floral objects from the man.

Mason: Eeeeyuuu

Still, Naru was slowly pulling them out, much to the suprise of the
monsters.  Maybe things would work out... maybe, just maybe they could
go have some parfait like they had planned.  And live happily ever
after...

Ash: since when does that ever happen?

Of course, this being a bad day things didn't work out as planned.
The three youma let loose an attack at Naru and Nephrite bravely took
it for her.
Or was going to take it for her.

Ash: here it comes.
Miyuki: here what comes?
Ash: The kicker!

The attack never did hit him; it just hung slowly in the air.  Naru
looked on puzzled as both the attack and Nephrite remained frozen.  In
fact, everything remained frozen.
Everthying except her and a girl in a sailor fuku.

All: LOL

No, not a girl.  She looked more like a young woman than a girl, and
it wasn't a Senshi she had ever seen before since none of the them
had long, green-tinted hair or a staff.  Still, if this one could help
her...

Ash: don't bet on it Naru-chan :p

"Hello, Naru-chan."
"Please, help him... you must!"
"I can't."
Naru blinked.  A Senshi, refusing to help someone?  Wasn't it their
job to help people?  "But..."
"I'm afraid I can't help him.  It's against my duty."
"But he needs help... And I can't help him!!"  Naru became even more
panicked, looking at just how close the attack was to hitting the
person she loved.

Miyuki: I can see why you and Pluto don't get along Ash. 

"There is a way."
"How?"
"I can give you Senshi powers," the lips of the Senshi took on a bit
of a smile as finished the statement.
"Really...?  But..." Naru looked at Nephrite, eyes full of care for
her.  She needed to do something to repay that look.  Needed to do
something to save him.  "I'll do it.  What do I do?"

Mason: Don't do it, Naru-chan!

"Just grab the end of this staff..."

Mason: Nooooooooo...

A small pale glow came from the staff as Naru touched it, the glow
slowly surrounding her.  Her clothes began to dissapear, to be
replaced by the outfit the mysterious Senshi was wearing.  And in her
hands rested an exact copy of the other's staff.

Mason: She didn't listen.
Ash:(consoling) they never do.

A small smile came across her face; she had the power to stop this.
She could save Nephrite.  She could do...
Could do...

Miyuki: Don't bet on it, sister.

The smile qucikly turned into frown as Naru-Pluto quickly wapped
Setsuna-Pluto in the head with her staff.  "ARGH!!!  I can't save him
because it will muck up the time stream!!!!"

Ash: heh. looks like she just found out.

"Well I never said you could," Setsuna-Pluto added, carefully placing
a good distance between herself and her new apprentice.  "I just said
I'd give you Senshi powers."

Mason:(feeling much better now, thank you) She did, didn't she?

"Sod off!"  Naru-Pluto added, mentally running through a host of
devious tricks to play on Setsuna.

Ash:ROFOL

And if it wasn't clinched before, it was clinched now.  This was the
absloute worst day of her life.  Period....

Miyuki: You're right. she is going to jump.

To Be Continued.....

Ash: not bad at all. Finish this soon.

Timeline info: Setsuna here is from the end of the Stars timeline, whereas
Naru is from the first season.  Nothing really big comes from this,
but I'd thought I point it out anyway...

Mason: No biggie, since I don't know what you're talking about.

Still don't know If I will do more of this as I find it hard to write in
this style.  I hope it works, and if it doesn't well then you can
just Sod off... :)

Ash: Why would we want to?

Comments are welcome...

All: Here you go!
Ash, Miyuki, and Mason leave the theatre.