On Wed, 7 Jan 1998, Scott Schimmel wrote:

WAI!!! Let's look at my MST score card and see where this fit's in...
So far this is the 2nd fic I've had MST'ed (this becoming a verb now,
isn't it...:), with Natsumi the magical girl part 1 being MST'd
twice....(The Biles version and one that I found only late last year...)

So I guess I should replay to some of the points in here, and to do that I
need to warm up...

Must be witty...Must be witty..Must be witty...:)

Madoka:  What do you mean, you don't have one?

Scott:  Well, New Years' resolutions always seemed kind of silly to
me.  I mean, why would you make a special effort to change just
because of the date?  You should try to change when you realize you
want to.

Me, I moved so I forgot to make one...Nothing like moving on New
Years...:P
 

Scott:  Oh, Maison Ikkoku.  It's been a while since I've seen one of
those...

Maison Ikkoku has never been big in Fanfic has it. I mean KOR had a decent
following of fanfic for awhile but MI just seems to have an occasional
story now and then followed by a cameo or two in anime...

Of course I never really read/watched Maison Ikkoku untill last year so I
really didn't keep track of Maison Fic's (except for the fact that I
knew.....[Random Spoiler deleted for everyone's sanity...])
 
Speaking of MI, I really should start reading KOC again...I've only read 4
epsiodes so far and I'm a huge fan of KOR....

Yuu:  It's a spamfic, so we'd better try not to be too hard on grammar
and spelling.

So if I label all of my first rough drafts Spam fic's people will go easy
on the grammar...Hmmm....
 

Madoka:  The Ghosts of Richard Beaubien Pasts and Futures had the day
off.

The past one was passed on the coach after having too much Spiked Punch
at an X-mas party. The Future one's where cursing yet another AFC Super
bowl loss and the continued suckiness of the Vancouver Canucks...So they
where busy at the time...:P
 

Yuu:  Insanity checked?

Scott:  I think he's saying that the insanity in this fic might not be
as intense as it could be.

Not really, it implies that the Insanity hasn't been checked by the proper
authorites which can mean everthying from an ultra sane UY fic to Godzilla
chasing the casts of Miracle Girls and Hime-chan's Ribbion....

Hmm, that's not a half bad idea actually...:P
 

Yuu:  Oh.  Of course.

Madoka:  That explains the wrapping.

I never could wrap presents proparly, though I never take advantge of the
store based wrappers..I wonder why...:)
 

Scott:  This... guy... sure... likes... ellipses...

<Why not, Elipses are cool...:>
 

Yuu:  Why use one period, when three will do?

{Again, three periods are much Cuter than one... Of course you can all
just chalk this up to bad e-mail habits coming into the comments
section.:)

Madoka:  Ranma-chan visiting the kitchen after marrying Akane and
moving away a year ago?

*WHAM*
 

Yuu:  Ukyou visiting the chapel where that marriage took place?

*WHAM*

Scott:  Nabiki visiting the stock market after a crash?

*WHAM*

Madoka:  Murphy's Law pretty much guarantees that, actually.
 
Scott:  I knew they shouldn't have trusted those remedies... bad to
the bone, I told them.  But did they listen?

Well, when the got the bill they began to listen...:)

Cancer choose to strike him as a
vicitm, for a reason the Doctor's did not understand.

Yuu:  The blue pencil chose to strike this sentence from the fanfic,
for a reason the Editors understood all too well...

It is a bit awkward isn't it. Perhaps if I rewrite it into...

"For reasons unknown by his Doctor's Tofu had manged to contract the
disease called 'Lung Cancer'"

And Tofu had tried
his best to fight it off, using all the knowledge he had to delay his
death. But karma was against him,

Madoka:  Cause of death:  Hit by a speeding karma.

I dunno, I found Karma worked here better than fate. At least I thought it
did.
 

Yuu:  Must run in the family.

Not really.Kasumi really did have a reason to cry while Soun tends to
blow up over the smallest things most of the time....
 

Scott:  D'oh!  Make up your mind... ^_^

But I like being wishy washy!!!!

(*Rapidly dodges incoming mallets*)
 

though she still felt pain for the loss.
This time she just stood in silence as she lit a piece of incence, placing
it down next to the flowers on the shrine. And as the sweet smeel reached
her nose Kasumi managed one more tear

Scott:  Wait, I thought she wasn't crying.

Madoka:  No, she cries whenever she visits.

Yuu:  But she wasn't crying this time.

Scott:  But she just did.

Yuu:  But that was later.

Madoka:  Let's move on before -I- start to cry.

[Scott and Yuu nod.]

Was it really that confusing? 
I thought I made it clear enough, though perhaps I should add something to
the fact that Kasumi wasn't going to cry anymore but she couldn't hold
back one more tear for Tofu-sensei.

But I thought it worked out okay.
 

"Are you sure about this Onnechan?" Akane asked in a concerned voice as
she helped Kasumi to pack her bag's. 

Yuu:  Her bag's what?

Madoka:  For that matter, whose bag?

Okay, I'll change this to "...as she helped Kasumi pack her final suit
case
 

Scott:  Kasumi's, I guess.  And I take it from this that she got a
life at some point.

Yuu:  Well, she did marry Tofu.

Well it's amazing what tragedy can do to people. Kasumi has been able to
avoid it for most of the series (unless you believe that Kasumi is a even
better maniuplator than Goto-san from the SV2) because the events in
Ranma 1/2 never effected her. But now she's faced something that does
effect her, and it caused a change in her life...
 

Scott:  Paragraphs to break up dialogue by different people.  Please?

Ami: I tried to warn him, but he just wouldn't listen to me.

Richard:...
 

Madoka:  Akane should charge for those emotional roller-coaster rides.

Nahh...She let's Nabiki handle all of the fee's for things like that...
 

Scott:  As long as you're related to her, don't mind her skimming off
the top, or both.

Yuu:  Which describes Kasumi.

Scott:  Point.

Assuming that this Nabiki does that...I tried to be really vague about the
future of most of the Ranma characters, including not mentioning anything
about marriage's beyond the Tofu/Kasumi one. 
 

Scott:  Dog?

[Four and a half glances are exchanged.]

Heh heh...:)
 

Madoka:  You can tell Kasumi's distraught.  Not only is she
exclaiming, but she gets a double point.

Scott:  As opposed to her usual dialogue in the manga, which has very
little point.

Yuu:  You've been waiting to say that, haven't you?

Madoka:  Sorry, I guess it was my double-fault.

Yuu:  (groans and buries his face in his hands)

Okay, that's 2 major pun fouls already in this review. That's be a 10
minute penalty plus a game misconduct. And if you keep it up the
punishment will just get worse and worse....
 

Yuu:  If it wasn't obvious where this was going before, it sure is
now.

Well I don't think it's that obvious....If I drop the Maison Ikkoku tag
that is. 
 

"Sure, anyway where going now!!

Scott:  Apparently, in this reality, Ranma is the son of Ryouga and
Shampoo.

Ami: And that's a 10 minute penalty for bad grammar Richard. Your in
Unversity and you can still make a simple error like that?

Richard: Hey, I'm a Chem major not an English major dang nab it!!!
 

The truck slowly pulled away from the curve, with Akane waving from the
door of Kasumi's old house.

Scott:  So Akane and the door were on the truck?

Madoka:  I thought we weren't going to be picky about grammar.

Scott:  Well, this one was pretty confusing.

Hmm...Perhaps if I rewrote it too...

"Akane waved goodbye from the front door of the house as she watched the
truck slowly pull away from the curve."
 

Madoka:  (Ranma) So, Kasumi, how about we forget all this and elope
together?

Ami: (Kasumi) But I just don't like Younger men....
 

Yuu:  Don't you think Ranma's questions sound like statements.

Madoka:  He's trying the 'confidence' approach.

The Question mark key broke, honest....^^
 

Scott:  (Ranma) Besides, nobody else can cook.  We haven't had a
decent meal all year.

Ami: (Kasumi) Cook for yourself, you know how to do it. Or you could at
least show some effort and phone for a pizza or something.
 

"Yeah, you owe that to your self. And we owe that to you...". And with
that Ranma pulled the truck into the freeway and started to drive towards
Kasumi's future.

Madoka:  Pretty short future, if he's just driven the truck -into- the
freeway.

Yuu:  Either that, or a really original euphemism.

Either that or the author missed the o key and hit the i key instead...^^

Perhaps I should of called this a real first draft because I just typed
this in and sent into the list with nothing checked at all. I tend to make
alot of stupid mistake when I get to the end of a long typing session that
I can catch if I look closely at the fic...:)
 
Or I could always blame it on my text editor, Pico and it's lack of a good
spell checker.:P

Scott:  Yeah.  The Tendo "Contantly Under Construction" Dojo is -much-
better.

Yeah, but you always tend to look at your house with rose coloured glasses
while you can look at other a bit more honestly.
 

Yuu:  Mrs. Ichinose might not like that.

Madoka:  (shrugs) She'd probably just move into the manager's room
instead.

Scott:  And get Kasumi to pay for the next party or two out of guilt.

Ami: (Glares) You know what I told you about doing research before
writting a fic...

Richard: But I did do some, honest!!!

Ami: I don't call reading Urusei Yatsura reaserch for a Maison Ikkoku
fic...

Richard:...
 

Kasumi
couldn't help but smile at this, Ranma had changed a lot but he still kept
some of his old, less desireable habits. 
 
"That's it!!! I Really am Leaving this time!!!" The yelled voice
interrupted Kasumi's train of thoughts. 

Yuu:  Ranma's sure in a hurry to get out of there.

Scott:  Maybe he should change that to "a voice Kasumi didn't
recognize," or something.

Right, Will do...
 

Madoka:  Peeping on him?

Yuu:  Don't ask.  You don't want to know.

Yotsuya:(from a recently made hole in the wall I prefer the term Voyerism
actually. It sounds much more dignified..
 
 

Yuu:  We're up to three exclamation points.  Going once, going twice...

It helps carry over the emphesis of the scene. That and I got a good bulk
deal on exclamation marks.... 

[*snip*] 

finally heard the word's beef bowl mentioned and saw that this Yotsuya's
lips curved into a smile. 

Madoka:  Meanwhile, the Yotsuya across the room remained carefully
neutral.

New this was kinda of awkward when I wrote it, but I thought it
worked...Now that I look at for a second time it really does look awkward. 
Let's change it to 
	
     ".... and saw the man named Yotsuya's lips slowly turn into a smile."

Scott:  Oh, yes.  Maison Ikkoku fics are always welcome.  Any last
words, guys?

Madoka:  Not really.  Clean it up a little, and you have a good
conceptual short.

Will do, though I have my fears of throwing this out the r.a.a.c crowd
because they may want to see this turned into a long running story...
 

Yuu:  I don't see why this was tagged "spamfic," really, but I guess
that's author's discretion.  And while I applaud the decision not to
write a series that would be essentially identical to the original
MI--

Madoka:  Which it wouldn't.  Not necessarily.

I dunno, I seem to think it will move along almost like the orginal MI
except for the parts that involved the Tendo's. Of course I could be
wrong on this, but that's the way I feel...
 

Yuu:  (continuing) --I hope to see some more MI fics from him.

Well before I do more I'll want to get the rest of the series. Unless I
have Ataru and company drop in for a spot of tea....

Anyway, thanks for the comments and I'll probably do a quick grammar check
on the fic in the near future before I post it on the web or the
newsgroups...

Ja ne!!

Richard Beaubien
----------------
Matsunaga Mikage "Chemistry Forever!!!"

Fanfic homepage http://www.anime.usacomputers.net/~beaubird