From: Sebastian Weinberg
Sent: Monday, January 05, 1998 4:20 PM
Mina-san, Ohayou!
In message <199801041033.CAA28582@m3.sprynet.com> Richard Lawson wrote:
: Comments of any kind, as always, appreciated. I'm especially
interested
: in better titles. :)
Again? It doesn't *have* to be Shakespeare, you know? (although I
was impressed with the one you found for the _Bitter End_
crossover).
Took me a long time to find that one, too. I'm beginning to weary of
Shakesperian sonnets. :)
So what is it they have forgotten? Everyone seems to live at
home, still, so it probably isn't the 25th anniversary of her
wedding to Ranma. :)
Hehehehe... no, not that. We're still in the manga timeline.
: She began to grip her teacup tightly. Idiots, all of them.
Surprised? Must run in the family, then.
:D
: The hot tea burned her throat, improving her humor not at all.
Hmm, "improving her humor not at all" is correct, but somehow it
sounds awkward to me. Would "not improving her humor at all"
work? I dunno.
Well, this is stylistic, to at first set up "improving her humor" and then
negating it. It's a grammatical trick I've used before.
: Ranma, one hand on his father's gi and the other holding something
between
: his chopsticks, paused and looked up. "Hey! How come she gets to
choose?
: I never get to!"
Because nobody can remember when your birthday actually *is*. :)
Be thankful for that, though - you haven't aged any, during the 9
years you lived at the Tendou's, because of that.
Hehehe, yup. Time doesn't pass in the Ranmaverse. :)
Hey, there's a fic idea!
"Mother, how come I've been going to school for twenty years, and I'm
still only a junior in high school?"
"Be quiet, Nouma, Hinako-sensei is talking. I don't want to stand out in
the hallway again."
: Ranma was looking over at Genma, an annoyed look on his face. He
spoke in
: a distracted tone of voice. "I don't care, as long as you don't cook
it
: yourself."
*Nice* going, boy. You'll get her to strangle you, yet.
Hehehe. I had fun making Ranma the jerk - it's been a while. :)
: She got angry all the time, and acted so unfeminine, and couldn't
: cook worth a damn.
On the contrary. Many a curse and oath was uttered due to her
cooking.
Hehehehe.
: "Would I lie to you?"
:
: Ranma snorted. "Without skipping a beat."
Oooh, he must've been hit by a perceptiveness particle.
Pratchett reference? :D
Oh, BTW, I didn't like "Men at Arms". We'll talk about it someday.
: Ranma tsked silently; she'd been like this all day at school,
irritable
: and downright morose. Ranma had tried a couple of times to shake her
out
: of it by pointing out who stupid she was being.
"You're as stupid as Ryouga. No, like Kunou. No, like - dare I
say it - anyone who believes a word Rush Limbaugh says."
On the other hand, you might have meant "*how* stupid". :)
Nick already caught this for me, although not as... creatively as you just
did. :)
: It hadn't worked this
: time. Come to think, it hadn't ever worked before, either. One day
it
: would, though. He was certain of that. Somewhat certain. He had
trouble
: thinking of a better way. Other than doing something really icky,
like
: talking all mushy.
:D :D :D :D
Wonderful!
:) Glad you liked it. This is the crux of the mental block Ranma has to
overcome eventually.
: Dammit, why should he feel all bad because she was being
: all moody? It certainly wasn't his fault.
:
: Almost certainly.
:D
The two "all"s in the first sentence are a bit redundant.
Right.
: Nabiki opened the door to her room and walked in. Ranma peered around
as
: he entered, trying to see what the present was in the dim room.
Nabiki
: closed the door and flipped on the light.
:
: Ranma tried to scream in a mouth gone dry.
I don't know if that last description works as you intended it.
The only thing it got from me was puzzlement.
Which one, the first paragraph or the last one? Or both?
: She looked around at everyone and forced a smile. "Thanks everyone.
: They're all lovely."
Oh God, oh God, oh God. It's the birthday from hell. Next thing
they'll sit around, drinking tea in silence, while smiling
desperately and saying "Isn't this *nice*" every now and then.
Hehehehe.
: She broke off. Ranma was on his haunches, batting at a pinwheel
Nabiki
: was waving. Akane turned halfway around, still sitting on the porch.
: Nabiki was smiling somewhat wickedly as Ranma stared at the pinwheel
in
: fascination.
Ah, the reason for the, um, dried up scream. You know, I had all
*kinds* of ideas what Nabiki might do in a darkened room that
would lead Ranma to scream if he witnessed them - but this was not
really at the top of the list.
Heh, I'd love to see what you would come up with. :)
: Ranma looked up at her. He smiled, meowed, and jumped onto her lap.
He
: rubbed his nose against her cheek before settling down on his
haunches,
: still smiling.
Awww, I *see* now. What a nice birthday present for Akane. And
how thoughtful of Nabiki to combine it with a punishment for his
rudeness in the morning. And she kept her promise to Ranma, too!
Right. Exactly what I was going for.
: Akane turned her head slightly so that she was speaking into Ranma's
hair.
: "Thank you, Ranma. I know you didn't do this voluntarily, but I know
: that... that when you're like this you're... I mean, emotions and
stuff...
: you don't hide what- what you..." She closed her eyes. "Anyway,
thank
: you."
You know, this could have come out easier if there was a way to
get *her* over her inhibitions, too. :)
Hehehehe, exactly. I've always been of the opinion, however, that Akane
would overcome her inhibitions quite easily if Ranma would give her a
chance to.
No, I don't mean *that*, hentai. Down, boy.
And thus the title. Nice choice.
Thanks. I decided to keep it for this reason.
: I don't know if this fic has been done before. It sure *seems* like
an
: idea someone should have thought of already, but I haven't seen it.
Let
: me know if this is something that somebody else has already written.
Nope, not that I know of. And I have to admit that I'm a bit
surprised, seeing it come from you. Usually your fics are deeply
grounded in realism (as is this one, for the most part), but when
you look at the cat phobia realistically, then Nabiki has done
something unproportionally cruel to Ranma here, by triggering his
psychosis and taking advantage of him.
Well, the thing is that the psychosis *isn't* realistic; there's nothing
that remotely resembles it in real life. So I've always equated it with
the hammers to the head or LEO launches; things that just don't happen in
the real world, and therefore don't need to be dealt with realistic.
Ranma's and Akane's emtions, however, *are* realistic, so can be dealt
with realistically.
Only when seen in the
context of the usual Ranmaverse, where the Cat Fist is just
something funny that happens to Ranma, this can be viewed as the
mischievous but benevolent trick as which you obviously intended to
portray it.
Right. After all, Ranma has put *himself* into the nekoken state of mind,
so it can't be *that* cruel.
I know how it's meant, and I think it's cute, but you should be
aware that the usual realism in your prose and character
interaction may be working against you in this setting.
Quite right, given some of the reactions I got. Quite frankly, they
surprised me; I *do* think my reputation of taking the Ranmaverse quite
seriously worked against me in this story.
Sebastian
Thanks as always for the excellent C&C, Bast. ^_^
-Richard