Subject: [Humor] Fics we probably won't see in '98
From: Mike Loader
Date: 1/5/1998, 12:16 AM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com

Another bright new year rolls around, and I post the second annual list of
Great Works of Fanfiction that we probably, certainly, absolutely, almost
assuredly will be seeing this year at about the same time Hell opens a ski
lodge.

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1. WAFF, by Lara Bartram

   A story about Shampoo, Tarou, and Ryouga going on a picnic. 
After a pleasant outing, they go boating on the lake. All of 
them are portrayed as nice, wise, and intelligent. A G-rated 
fanfic with no swearing, sex, or adult situations. Authors 
notes at the end complain about all the smut on the FFML, and 
how people should write cleaner fics.

2. The Sweeter End, by Zen

   Ukyou, never the most stable of people, violently snaps and 
tries to kill everyone. Only Akane (who's annoyingly saintlike 
in this fic) can stop the evil okonomiyaki chef from killing 
the rest of the cast! Mostly a comedy. Contains three parts, 
all of which were released in quick succession with hardly 
any waiting time at all.

3. Reservoir Fanfiction, by Stefan Gagne

   A plain, straightforward continuation series. No hidden 
references, no injokes, nothing. Although a drama devoid of 
humor, the story lack a gritty, realistic feel, instead being a 
serious exploration of the love a man feels for a woman. No 
inner lesbians are put to the rack. Written to the music of 
New Kids On the Block; authors notes at the end complain 
about that icky industrial stuff.

4. Regiment's Search, by Edward Becerra

   A dry, emotionless, humorless narrative story told in 
rhythmic prose. No action; the fic consists almost entirely of 
angst-free romance as told from a Biblical perspective. 
Lengthy author's notes at the end condemn self-insertion fics 
as garbage; the author insists that he can write ten times 
better than the Eyrie people or Bert Van Vliet 

5. Elseworlds #7 - Kuno's Episode, by David Tai

   David writes the Elseworlds story we've been waiting for 
for two or three years. Biles drops dead of shock.

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For the new or forgetful, here were the 1997 uns. I'm pleased to report
that not one of em got wrote. Thank heavens.
----------------------

1. The Wedding, by Kun-chan

   After Ryoga's tragic death via sausage grinder, Shampoo and 
Ranma finally confess their love for each other and get 
married. Akane (who in a long monologue reveals that she's 
actually a violent, psychotic lesbian) utterly fails to notice. 
Although the author assures us that they go at it every night 
like rabbits on aphrodisiacs, no actual lemon scenes.


2. Within the Candle-Wick, by Chris Willmore

   Ranma and Akane spend a pleasant day together, and then 
have a romantic candlelight dinner. No-one goes mad, kills 
anyone, performs any kind of cannibalism or perversion, 
travels through time, or rapes any water ladies.


3. Housework, cowritten by Jeff Rutsch and Susan Doenime

   Kasumi reveals herself to be a genius. After cooking dinner, 
performing complex calculus equations in her head, and saving 
the world as we know it from complete destruction, she 
marries Dr. Tofu. Both of them are deliriously happy together, 
and Kasumi turns out to be the best mom in the world.


4. Thy Sideways Cream Pie, by Richard Lawson

   A slapstick comedy making fun of fics that pair up Nabiki 
and Kuno, have Ranma attracted to men, and end the series. A 
sizable portion is also devoted to putting down the Nuku-Nuku 
series of anime. Written in script format.


5. Stabbing the Heart in the Right Place, by John Biles

   Ranma and Akane have a horrible, angst-ridden fight, 
resulting in Ryoga and Nabiki's accidental deaths. Ukyo throws 
herself off a cliff, and the Sailor Senshi make a cameo in 
which their school bus explodes in a massive fireball, 
charbroiling them and a nearby Gosunkugi. Then nuclear war 
breaks out, and everyone dies. A chilling darkfic with no 
jokes, no romantic bits, and not a single damn wombat.  
Written in prose format; author's notes at the end contain a 
lengthy rant on how script format is for losers.