Christopher "God-boy" Angel elucidated his feelings thusly:
 

-BTW, do me a favor, people: Next time I start a project like this (which
so far is probably going to be about 30 parts, even if I am ending it on
Ep 24 of the original series) someone hit me.  Hard.

Sort of the opposite of a taskmaster, then?  ("What are you doing?  Get
back on your ass and stop writing!")  ^_^

All C&Cs are totally IMO, so feel free to disregard them entirely.

3 - Repercusions

The heads of SEELE exchanged surprised looks.  "Excellent," Blue finally
said for the other men, his voice full of satisfaction.  "We should never
have doubted you, Gendou."

Come on, they're never all -that- nice that I remember.  Three months or
five months, the scenario's still behind, so they should leave him with
some kind of minor "get on it" warning rather than this full apology,
methinks.

Misato noticed her look and waved it off as she went futher into the
apartment, slipping of her shirt on the way.  "Don't mind the mess, just
put the groceries in the fridge."

Nice to see that you -don't- describe in detail things we already know
about, but still give the impression the characters are getting the impact
of it.  The state of Misato's apartment is the example I'm thinking of
particularly, but good show in general.

*Him?" Rei wondered.  

Opens with an *, ends with a ".  Which one am I supposed to believe?

"Don't you get a headache doing that?" Rei asked.  Misato gave her a
quizical look.  "Like when you eat ice cream too fast."

Should be 'quizzical.'

"Aww, don't be fussy!  It may be instant, but it's good!"  With that,
Misato plopped down in her seet 

'seat'

"Alright," Rei said.

For some reason I find myself wanting a little more description of Rei's
expression right here (as she agrees to take a bath).  Dunno why, just
seems like we haven't gotten a good emotional EEG for a while...

The girl was lying on her side in the bed, her face turned away from the
door.  She shivered and began to cry.  "I remember it, Misato.  I
remember the battle," she stammered through the sobs.  "What happened to
me?"  Rei felt someone sit on the bed and a hand stroke her hair.

While I have no burning desire to see the same exact scene in the bath as
we did with Shinji in NGE, I can't help but feel that this is a very abrupt
jump from where we last left Rei.  Just a thought.

A few minutes later, Misato was soaking in her own bath, a lit cigarette
and a beer within easy reach.  "I'm worried, Ristuko," she said into the
cordless phone.

Misato smokes? <racks memory>  It's probably just one of those nights for
my brain, but I definitely don't remember this.  I take it it's
intentional, as you specifically refer to her in the act of smoking in the
next paragraph...which leads me to ponder just how much the gender switch
at the core of this fic has affected.  Neat touch (if it's intentional..).

/Somehow, the thought of you as a mother bothers me," Ritsuko said with a

Opens with an /, ends with a ".  Which one am I supposed to believe?
 

"Yeah, I she's the new Eva pilot."

I wot?  Hear, perhaps?  ^_^ ;

"Listen to me, Touji, it wasn't their fault!  It's a war out there!"  He
put his hand to restrain the larger boy, and his hand was thrown off.

Wot'd he do with his hand?  It was thrown off of...wot?

Rei looked up into Touji's angry face and gulped.  "I'm...I'm sorry?"

Probably could do more with her thoughts here.  It sounds like she knows
why he's angry, but is just thrown off by his manner.

"Don't," he said in that cold voice.  "Ever."

<ponder>  Familiar, this is..

(Author's Note:  I'm using the original Japanese word for the Class Rep,
since there's no real English equivalent.)

Good idea, but maybe you should put this note at the beginning or end of
the episode, rather than breaking up the scene here.

Kensuke jumped to his feet.  "You really ARE a pilot!" he yelled.  As if

Woah, wait, what?  Something here needs to change (or I need some
quinine)...because I thought through this whole scene that he already
believed her to be a pilot.  The message he sent certainly suggests it.  Or
I need some quinine.

"Howcome they use kids like us?"

Could be intentional, but if it's not, just calling your attention to the
lack of spacing here.

The teacher looked on with a mixture of amusement and dismay, and almost
visably relaxed when the bell for the end of class rang.

Hey, the Eva teacher isn't supposed to be aware when his class stops
(pretending to be) listening to him!  OOC!  <giggle>

Oh, and it's 'visibly', not 'visably.'  

A sigh of great suffering came from the other boy.  "Hikari.  The iincho.
 The girl who all the guys have agreed is the cutest girl in class.  She
is sitting with the transferee, who is arguably cuter, and is a new
student..." he trailed off and understanding lit up Touji's face.

They think Hikari is the cutest girl in class?  I never picked up this idea
in the series, but ah well.

"It's Nerv's job, we'll just be in the way!"

Who's Nerv?  Did you mean perhaps NERV?


More of a nitpick C&C than usual, as I couldn't really grab anything
overall that needed serious shifting about.  I'm quite enjoying watching
this alternate reality play out, mainly because Sir Angel has produced such
an appealing Rei Ikari (though I think a -little- less of the "But he sure
is CUTE!" vibe and a fair deal more in the way of facial expressions,
thoughts, etc, might be Good Things).

---Addison
| Check out the Umgurai Saga, my classic comic-book creation, at my web
page!
| www.avana.net/~agodel/index.htm 
| "Nobody move or I'll cut off your heads like a bunch of dead chickens'!"
--- Mendoza
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