This is a promising start for what looks like a good series. The club
names were hilarious, and it looks like you've got Kuno-ranting down
perfectly.

A couple of continuity notes, which you may or may not care about: If
the fic takes place early enough that the Furinkan students don't know
about Ranma's curse, then Ranma won't have learned the Kachuu Tenshin
Amiguriken yet. He learned this after his first battle with Mousse,
during which his secret was, um, exposed... and only Kuno still didn't
get it. Also Ukyo didn't show up until long after that, and the name
"Ranko" wasn't invented until quite late in the series (the arrival of
Nodoka).

Now some minor nitpicks....

Carlin92 <Carlin92@aol.com> wrote:

	When questioned about the morality her gambling

morality of her gambling

Furinkan's dynamic and often unorthodox social milieu. Every
sports team had it's own table, even the full-contact chess

its

	Today, though, two groups were conspicuous in their
absence. The Drama Club, which included the infamous Tendou
Akane, was currently away for two weeks on a tour of Japan's
historic stage theaters. The Kendo Club was also currently
missing. It's Team 

its

Captain, Kunou Tatewaki had actually 

Tatewaki,

deigned to attend school that day but, with his club, they had not
yet graced everyone in the lunch room with their exalted presence.

This is confusingly worded. Try something like

deigned to attend school that day, but he and his club had not
yet graced everyone in the lunch room with their exalted presence.

	"Oh come on, Kunou. We're eating. What do you want now?"
replied Ukyou, with an inpatient glare.

I think you mean "impatient".

	"Vile Dog!! Only you, a lowly cur, an evil sorcerer and
Beguiler of Innocent Women would dare take that tone with one
such as I, The Blue Thunder of Furinkan High School, Captain of
our Undefeated Kendo Team, Rising Star of the Kendo World, 
and Hero to all, Kunou Tatewaki, Junior, Class E," he
countered with a proud tone, drawing his Bokken.

Bokken shouldn't be capitalized. Neither should a lot of the stuff in
Kuno-chan's speech.

	"Silence!!!" roared Kunou with a mad look to his face.
Breathing heavily, eyes wide open, the veins in his neck
visibly throbbing in time with his pulse. The crazed swordsman

throbbed (otherwise this sentence has no verb)

went on to say, "Thou art an uncouth Barbarian, a lowly
peasant, not fit even for the lowliest of menial labors and
most certainly unfit to marry the picture of Amazon grace and
Fighting spirit that is Tendou Akane much less she who is the

fighting (no caps)

blossomingwild flower, the embodiment of grace and delicacy, 

blossoming wild

the one I have seen fit to christen my 'Osage no Onna' and while 
it would please me to no end to simply drag your diseased 
carcass from our esteemed Cafeteria and strike you down with 

cafeteria (no caps)

the sheer force of the righteous fury that is mine to command-- "
	"More like the sheer force of his Heinous breath. Which

heinous (no caps)

could take down anyone, even me," Ranma countered under his
breathe to Ukyou. His best friend looked at him and put a hand

breath

over her mouth, trying to hide her amusement.

	Meanwhile, Kunou had been oblivious to the exchange
between fiancees and still raged at Ranma. "-- mine to 
command Honor demands that I not and so I will postpone 

command.

	"But I've never called you 'that', Kunou-chan," oozed
Nabiki with the false sincerity most commonly seen on
Politicians and Used-car Salesmen. Her posture and expression

Uncapitalize P&US.

	Nabiki stood there, the picture of calm calm in the face

Take out one "calm"

End Part 1

In Part 2: Find out why Kunou seems to have finally lost it 

Assuming he ever had it....


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics