"To Live On..."
Part 12: Past Lives
by: Jennifer L. Mondazzi
written: December 2nd, 1997 - January 1st, 1998
A long time ago, he had lost Kotori, and her death had nearly
destroyed him. Almost, but not quite. Kamui had survived in body, if
not in spirit.
The morning after the Fated Day, he had looked out over what was left
of Tokyo, from his vantage spot on the Tower, and had felt nothing -
utterly nothing. No remorse, no grief, no relief. It was as if a black
hole had swallowed his soul, obliterating it's light. He had been
completely emptied. When during that night, he wondered, had he stopped
living?
"*Tragedy often accompanies Necessity, my friend."*
Kamui whirled around, the quiet darkness surrounding him on all sides.
His footsteps echoed hollowly as he stepped, yet he felt as if he was
walking on air, with nothing substantial beneath him. Everything around
him was almost ethereal in it's feel, and Kamui became slightly
disoriented.
*"The dreaming does that sometimes. Just relax, and everything
will right itself as soon as your consciousness accepts it."*
Kamui jerked around, but he could find no trace of the disembodied
speaker. Quickly, he grew irritated. "Who are you?" he demanded, tiring
of the game.
*"Surely time has not dulled your senses that much...?"*
From out of the darkness, a man's shape materialized, his pristine,
white robes flowing about him gently as he moved. Immediately, Kamui
relaxed, and the world righted itself once more. "Subaru..."
The Onmyouji stopped when they stood but a few feet apart, his hands
enfolded within the sleeves of his costume in a relaxed posture. "Of
course, it has been four years, so I suppose that I
can forgive you for forgetting the sound of my voice," he said with a
hint of sarcasm, and a slight smile. Finally, he sighed and his smile
became genuine, warm. "Hello, Kamui."
"Subaru, is that really you?"
Kamui circled around his old friend, carefully taking in the entire
ensemble, the face, the eyes, carefully weighing what his mind and
heart were telling him. <It just isn't possible! >
The last head of the Sumeragi Clan arched a delicate eyebrow
in amusement, as if reading his friend's thoughts, his lips twitching
with suppressed mirth. "Yes, Kamui, it's really me," he said, watching
calmly, taking in his fellow Dragon of Heaven's appearance just as he
was being scrutinized. "You've grown a few inches, I see."
Kamui stopped short, shocked that Subaru would point out such a fact.
Then he remembered that his quiet friend had always had a rather odd
sense of humor, and couldn't help but chuckle, shaking his head. "I'm
still painfully short, though," he playfully argued back.
Subaru's brilliant smile lit up his handsome face, and for an instant,
Kamui was transported back to the time before the battle - when the two
of them had spent many days in each other's company. That old feeling
of comfort and trust returned immediately, and he knew that he was in
the actual presence of his old friend, and this was not just another
dream.
As if reading his thoughts once more, Subaru nodded, his gaiety
melting away as suddenly as it had appeared. "Kakyou arranged this
meeting for us, so that we may speak once more," he solemnly confided.
"There isn't much time, but it should be enough for you to finally
learn the truth."
"Truth?" Kamui asked, bewildered. Subaru nodded again, and gestured
for Kamui to come closer. As he did so, one of his long, slender hands
moved up to rest upon the young man's shoulder - a gesture meant to
ease him. "Do you remember when you lost yourself to your grief, Kamui?
When you felt so lost, drifting, with no sense of time or reality?" he
asked.
Kamui nodded somberly. "You mean the day that Kotori was...killed," he
murmured, as a fresh wave of sorrow washed over him, overwhelming in
its return. Bowing his head to the grief, he struggled inwardly to
control himself, not to give into the pain he could feel throbbing
behind his heart. Subaru's fingers gently squeezed the flesh of his
shoulder, comforting, offering strength.
"Yes, Kamui," the spiritualist confirmed, his voice gentle and filled
with understanding, "that was the day that I entered your mind and
brought you out from your agony. We were as one, you and I. Your
suffering became mine, your fears I knew intimately, and your will was
given up to me to do with as I wished. You were so fragile, and I knew
that you would break if you weren't rescued soon, so I took the
chance."
A finger lifted his chin, and Kamui was suddenly captured by the
intense emerald gaze before him.
"In the moment when I touched your heart, Kamui, I understood my
destiny," Subaru stated, his voice soft, barely a caress, "and because
of you, I could fulfill it. The strength to try came from my desire to
protect you. I gave up my need for revenge, and found something
infinitely more worth wanting - a soul that was free."
Subaru stepped away from him then, and a rush of cool wind filled the
space. Kamui shivered, an ominous feeling washing over him. Subaru
continued, his voice growing more distant, reverberating off of
imaginary walls. "For a time, I found that liberation, Kamui, but then,
like the jaws of a steel-trap closing around me, I was caged once more,
and now I am ensnared here, like this, possibly forever."
Suddenly, blurred, misty shapes formed around his fellow Dragon of
Heaven, coalescing into that of familiar faces and shapes. To the
Onmyoujitsu's right, stood Seishirou, somber and calm, and to his left
stood the two lovers, Arashi and Sorata, hands linked. Behind them was
Seiichirou, his nephew, Daisuke, Nataku, Kusanagi, Satsuki, Hinoto and
Kanoe. Off to the edges, silent as sentinels, stood his mother, Tooru,
Subaru's twin sister, Hokuto, and the Monous - Saya and Kouga. Two
final apparitions appeared, seeming to grow out of one. When they
finally became distinct, Kamui gasped aloud, tears springing to his
eyes.
Fuuma stood behind Kotori, his arms entwined about her lovingly, and
both smiled at him sadly, as sweet and real as how he remembered them.
"We are all trapped, Kamui," Subaru drew his attention back. "And we
need your help."
Kamui blinked in confusion, his eyes roaming from one face to another,
seeing the same hauntingly-similar disconsolateness captured in the
eyes before him. "My help?" he asked, hushed in the suddenly smothering
silence. Subaru nodded.
"As I once released you from your misery, so now must you deliver us
from ours," he declared, almost begging. The magician-priest clasped
his hands in front of his chest, palms together as if in prayer, the
verdant depths of his gaze conveying a blinding desperation. "Please,
Kamui, you must help us. You must take this chance, as
I did with you. It is the only way."
"The only way for what?" Kamui asked, confused beyond belief. He was
never one to puzzle out cryptic words, and was easily irritated with
his lack of understanding. "Subaru, tell me, what can I do?"
Princess Hinoto stepped forward then, and the others made way for her
as she left their group to head towards him, a great, silent respect
emanating from each of them for the tiny Dream-Seer.
"I will explain all to you, Kamui," she began, her calming voice in
his mind bringing back unwanted memories of the past. He focused on the
visions that the Princess cast before his eyes...
Once more, he was standing amid the rubble of Tokyo near the
still-standing Tower, glancing out over the fires that raged
uncontrollably on the city's horizon, as the sun began to rise off to
the East. One by one, the surviving Dragons approached him, drawn by
the power of the Dragon of Heaven.
The handsome Yuuto Kigai approached from the north, his fashionable
clothes tattered and blood-stained, followed closely by the Master of
Dreams, Kakyou Kazuki, whose beautiful, long hair was scorched and
streaked with grime. From the south, a badly battered Yuzuriha Nekoi,
half-hunched over the back of her protective spirit-dog, Inuki,
sauntered over to help cover-up the half-naked Karen Kasumi with her
torn school uniform's jacket. Karen's shapely, scantily-clad form was
marred by bruises and nasty slashes, and within the woman's eyes, there
was a haunted, bitter expression that Kamui knew all too well.
One by one, the four drew closer, and eventually sat near Kamui's
feet, waiting to see if any others would come.
By noon, the wailing sirens of the ambulances and firetrucks drew
closer, moving into that side of the city. Kamui, unfazed, unconcerned,
hopped from boulder to metal railing towards what remained of the Diet
Building, drawn there himself for an unfathomable reason. The others
followed behind silently, but he paid them no heed.
What remained of the building was little more than piles of rubble,
so thoroughly had it been destroyed. A giant fissure rent down the
middle, showing him a clear view of what had been Hinoto's lair in the
basement. He floated downward to it, and was surprised to find the
Dream Princess barely alive, her legs crushed under a marble pylon. He
and the others worked at freeing her together, their enmity forgotten.
Some time later, Nokoru Imonoyama, Akira Ijuin and Suoh Takamura
appeared, also searching for survivors. In the remaining few hours
until an early twilight had fallen, the nine of them had discussed and
debated about what to do now that the Second Holy War had ended. That
had been when Yuuto had accidentally come upon a solution...
*"If I can't wish that it never happened, Princess, then I
wish that I could have my memory erased of the entire night!"*
"I remember..." Kamui whispered, an unheeded tear trickling down his
cheek as the events of those last few hours fully unfolded before him.
"We all thought it might be such a good idea to start over, to try to
lead normal lives for once. We wanted to forget..."
"Yes, Kamui," Hinoto confirmed, tucking her hands into the sleeves of
her robes as Subaru had done earlier. "And so I used the last of my
life energy to seal all of your powers and memories away deep within
you, in the hopes that you could be free of the pain and guilt."
Arashi untangled herself from Sorata's grasp, and stepped forward
then, her dark eyes losing their kindness, and as cold now as Kamui
remembered them.
"But, forgetting accomplishes nothing, Kamui, and it denies everything
- our struggles, our pain, our sacrifice. Because you chose that path,
we are now trapped here in purgatory."
Kamui's brows drew downward.
"Why would you be trapped because of something that we did four years
ago?" he asked, as the visions dissipated around him and finally were
gone once more. Subaru stepped reluctantly away from the side of his
opposite, and came once more to stand before Kamui, again placing his
hand upon the young man's shoulder.
"Because we are all connected, Kamui, as we have always been," the
Onmyoujistu informed him sagely, a small smile of reproachment upon his
lips. "We are bound to a similar destiny. We always have been. Haven't
you felt it?"
"Felt what?" the young man asked, agitated with the fact that he
didn't seem able to understand what everyone was trying to tell him.
There was a collective sigh from the group, but Subaru merely cleared
his throat once, and the others hushed up once more.
"Since the time of the First Holy War, thousands of years ago, the
souls of all of us - the Dragons and all those involved with them -
have been together from one lifetime to another. We've all lived
innumerable times, born into lives intimately linked together from one
era to another, as a means of shaping and preparing us for the next
preordained time."
Kamui felt his head swimming, as the faint buzzing of memory grew loud
within his mind. "Linked together?" he asked, reaching up with one
hand, and pressing it to the side of his temple.
"Yea, linked together!" Sorata butted-in from the sidelines
enthusiastically. "Like, we've always known each other, even if we
didn't know that we knew each other." He stopped, trying to put into
words what he knew, a bewildered look on his face. Arashi smiled at
him, and shook her head.
Suddenly inspiration hit the young Priest, and he snapped his fingers.
"Ok, get this, Kamui. In one lifetime, Seiichirou was my father, and
Daisuke was my brother!" He thumbed his hand back over his shoulder at
the tall, quiet man, who nodded in confirmation. "I didn't remember
having known them in my previous lives, because we always forget
everytime we're born, but when we die, and our souls meet again, we
remember everything."
Satsuki cleared her throat, and smiled. "I think what our
overly-enthusiastic friend here is trying to say, Kamui, is that we are
destined to be together in every lifetime, no matter what. I don't know
why or when this all started, but I can clearly remember living several
hundred lives. In fact, I was once Kakyou's and Kusanagi's little
sister." She pointed to the big man at her side, smiling brightly. He
placed his huge hand on her head and petted her fondly. "And, in
another life, I was once Fuuma's wife, and once I was even your little
brother. Etcetera. Hopefully, you get the point."
Hokuto bounced up next to him then, all excitable, and threw herself
into the conversation full force.
"Oh, and hey, and I was your first cousin in just the last life,
Kamui! Subaru and I were both your cousins, but we weren't twins then.
He was your father's sister's kid, and I was your father's brother's
kid! Kinda neat-o, huh?" Bubbly and excited, she began jumping up and
down next to Subaru, who merely looked down at her fondly and
chuckled.
Kamui looked at each of them in astonishment, his brain having
seemingly shut down from information overload. His mouth gaped open, as
each of them described the various relationships that they had had with
each other over all the years.
"Remember how you used to pull my pig-tails...?"
"...and you gave me a green silk kimono and two shell combs for my
birthday...!"
"He used to beat me up in grade school..."
"Our wedding was so beautiful...!"
Kamui felt the information overloading his brain, as a headache began
taking over. He squeezed shut his eyes, and sighed, remembering his own
previous lives then. In all of them, he could now clearly see the
connections, and in each life, he and Fuuma and Kotori had been
together somehow - friends always.
Oddly enough, though, he had never married Kotori, nor been
romantically involved with her. Something had always prevented that...
In fact, the more he thought upon it, the more he remembered that
somewhere, always in the background, Yuzuriha had been there waiting
for him. They had never been romantically involved, but it became
painfully obvious to him, that in just about every incarnation, they
had been interested in one another.
In one manifestation, the two of them had grown-up together in the
same village, and they had even been betrothed as young adults to each
other. Her name was Miya, and his was Yunji, a soldier in a damaiyo's
private army.
He could see it as clear as day now.
While he had been away at war, Miya had died of a disease that had
ravaged the entire area, and he returned only to find her grave, marked
by a simple, smooth stone, on the outskirts of the village, amidst a
field of yellow flowers...
Another time, she was a barmaid in a local tavern, named Sung Li, and
he was a blacksmith's apprentice, named Man Hyun, in a small town in
one of China's northern-most provinces. For years, he would go into her
establishment once a week, after the work was finished, just to see
her, but the two never spoke a word to each other in all that time; a
silent nod, a glance across the crowded room, but not a word.
Finally, during the New Year's celebration of his eighteenth year, Man
had gotten up the guts to talk to Sung Li, and he had discovered that
the cause for her silence was due to the fact that she had been born
mute. Despite the difficulty of communication, the two had spent hours
together watching the fireworks light up the nighttime sky, just
enjoying each other's company.
She died not long after, when a run away soldier's horse trampled her
down in the street.
There were so many other times, too...
"Ok," he stated loud enough to talk over the others. They instantly
hushed up and turned to listen to him. "I remember the past, but what
does this have to do with the future?"
Again, Hinoto stepped towards him to answer. "When we agreed to seal
the powers of the Dragons away four years ago, we broke the cycle of
reincarnation, and bound the souls of all of us to a new Fate."
Kamui swallowed his apprehension, fearful of what this new 'Fate'
entailed. He wished fervently that none of this was happening, that he
would wake up soon, and that his pounding head would stop. "What sort
of new Fate?" he dared to ask, feeling the cold air dance around him,
chilling his bones.
"Until the Prophecy is completely fulfilled, we are all doomed to an
eternity of stasis," Kanoe responded, her voice echoing back from the
center of the group where she stood. The others turned to look at her,
but she said no more, folding her arms gracefully and watching the
young man who held her soul in check calmly.
"Prophecy?" he asked confused, looking to Subaru. The Onmyouji sighed,
and explained.
"The Prophecy is what drove the Second Holy War into being, Kamui. The
Judeo-Christians call their version of it 'The Apocalypse' or 'The
Revelation', I believe.
According to their ancient writings, one of their Holy men was visited
by the spirit of God, and the man had a dream-vision of the 'End of the
World'. In his vision, Seven Angels, sent from the Heavens, were to
break the Seven Seals. When they succeeded, Chaos would be loosened
upon humanity, and the Earth would be destroyed."
He stopped and pondered something for a moment. "I don't believe 'The
Revelation' ever mentioned there being the possibility that the Angels
would fail in their mission, but then, I think that this Holy man was
only seeing one version of the War, much like Hinoto and Kanoe saw
their own versions of the outcome."
"I'd be interested in getting my hands on the other version sometime,"
Kouga murmured to himself, deep in thought. "It would be interesting to
compare the two." There were a few grunts in concurrent from various
members of the group, but no one said a thing for long moments.
Finally, Hinoto interrupted everyone's contemplation with a startling
statement: "Kamui, it is up to the remaining five Dragons still living
to undo the Sealing that we had done on you four year ago."
"Un...undo the Sealing?" he asked, aghast, recognizing the
implications of such a request.
"Yes, young Shirou," the former Sakurazukamori supplied, shifting to
stand once more next to Subaru, "you must remove the block on your
powers and give them up as you were meant to."
"G...give them up?" he asked, stuttering and confused, the pressure on
his head increasing proportionally with his anxiety. "How? Why?"
As one, the group sighed impatiently again, but Hinoto threw them all
a silencing look. Chagrined, they looked away in all directions, trying
to be convincingly inconspicuous. Satisfied that there would be no more
outbursts from them, Hinoto turned back to Kamui to try to explain in
her infinitely untiring way.
"The 'how' is something that you don't need to worry about right now,
Kamui. Two of the others will take care of that at the proper time. As
for the 'why'..." she shrugged her dainty, little shoulders, spreading
her hands before her in a gesture of indicating the obvious, "it's so
that all of us can be reborn back into the circle of life, to discover
our new Fate."
Not being a very religious man, Kamui was confused. Subaru noted his
friend's puzzlement, and tried to explain once more. "Life is but a
circle, Kamui, and when we have come full-round, we must start anew. It
is the way of things. The Dragons may be special, but are in no way
different in that respect."
The Onmyouji's eyes held him as he spoke, and Kamui was helpless
before them. He could only listen, unable to move or speak, barely
noticing that his headache had slowly subsided.
"Our individual destinies were all met and concluded four years ago
during the time of the Second Holy War. Those who died had met their
obligation to mankind and the world, and were foreordained to pass on
into a new life, to be reborn as all souls must. Those who survived had
a new destiny - to live on until they died naturally. However, you five
Dragons changed the Purpose of the Universe in your good-intentioned
meddling, and now the spirits of the dead Dragons are trapped here,
unable to move onto our next lives, as we were meant to. This
interruption has created a new Fate for all of us now, one which will
not follow the usual cycle that we've been going through for the last
few thousand years, and one in which none of us knows the ultimate
ending to."
Kamui made the connection. "So, you're all trying to move on and be
reborn, not knowing if the new Fate that's been created will lead to a
new Holy War in the future, or something even worse?"
"Or better," Sorata interrupted with a grin, always the optimist.
"But what if...?" he began, before Hinoto interrupted him.
"We can not question the will of the Divine, Kamui," she chastised
him. "We can only obey. If this is our destiny, then we must live it."
"Who decided that?!" he demanded, his anger suddenly flaring up. "Who
has the right to decide how we live our lives? What right does anyone
have to make us suffer endlessly like this?" He felt an ache grow
larger in his chest, until it threatened to burst over, regardless of
how much he tried to hold it back. "This Divine Being must be cruel and
twisted to keep torturing us over and over again, never allowing us
peace and happiness. If that's the kind of God that you want me to
obey, Princess, then I won't. In fact, I...I deny Him!"
Everyone was startled at Kamui's heartfelt pronunciation. Horrified
expressions were plastered on their faces, and they stood silent and
defenseless before the depth of his agonized rage.
Gradually, the sounds of someone crying filled the air around him,
progressively getting louder. Kamui whirled around, trying to pinpoint
the source, but could not. A vision appeared before him, then, of a
young man, crying and alone, huddled on a bed, looking out of a dark
window at the nighttime sky.
It was him, at age sixteen, the night after his mother had died, and
the day before he had decided to returned to Tokyo...
*"Why? Why do I always lose the people I love the most? First
the father I never knew, then my best friends, Fuuma and Kotori, and
now mother... Am I cursed to live this life alone? Surely, there must
be some happiness out there for me too..."*
The vision blurred, and changed, and suddenly Kamui was gone, replaced
by a small child. She was crying too, huddled on a bed, looking out of
a dark window at the nighttime sky as well.
It was a four year old Yuzuriha. She began speaking in her small,
childish voice, and as she did so, Kamui felt all of his anger melt
away into insubstantiality.
*"I wish I could find someone who could love and understand
me. There must be someone out there somewhere. I don't want to be alone
anymore, God. Please..."*
A strange feeling, so similar to one he had felt earlier in
the night, tugged upon his heart as he watched the child that Yuzu was
tearfully pleading to a God that he had just seconds before disavowed.
Mentally comparing the woman he knew now with the girl before him, he
suddenly realized just how strong Yuzuriha really was, and then it
dawned upon him, in a moment of perfect clarity, and he realized what a
fool he had been.
Yuzuriha's request had been granted. She
_had_ found someone just like her - several someones
in fact, and her prayers had been answered. Just as his had.
"You finally understand, then," Subaru murmured, a small, sad smile
upon his face. He reached over, and hugged Kamui to him. The light
scent of cherry blossoms brought new tears to the young man's eyes,
even as his friend comforted him. "You're not alone, Kamui...never
alone. As long as you believe, we'll always be together. That is the
gift we receive for playing these parts."
"Yes," Fuuma agreed, coming towards him too, his sister in tow. He
reached around, and wrapped his long arms about both Subaru and Kamui,
bringing his lips close to his best friend's ear. "As other souls part
in death, rarely, if ever, to be reunited again, we few can take
comfort in the knowledge that we will always be together."
"And even if one of our lifetimes is filled with sorrow, Kamui" Kotori
continued, stepping up to them and joining in the hug, "we will always
have a chance to change that the next time around."
Kamui's sobbed then, as he had never done in the entirety of his life,
and desperately clung to the friends he had lost, finally letting go of
all of the pain and sorrow that had walled away his heart for so long.
The ice melted, and eventually, the hurt slipped away. He had finally
come to terms with the horrors of four years ago, and now understood
what it had all meant.
Pulling back, the others let him go, and he wiped at his eyes,
sniffling. "So, my job's to get rid of the Seal once and for all,
right?" he asked, strength returning to him as a new task set itself
before him.
"Actually, one of the others will perform the ceremony to remove the
Seal," Hinoto clarified, "but your help will be needed. Your powers,
much greater than the others, will be the synergist for the spell. As
your name signifies, Kamui, you are the 'one who bears the might of
God', and are the only one who can do this without breaking."
Kanoe approached then, her movements as graceful as a large,
predatory cat's. "Now that you have accepted the truth, Kamui, you can
do what must be done. Getting past the suffering and pain you've
endured was the real test for you."
"Which you aced!" Sorata put in from the side-lines, a big grin on his
face. He gave him the thumbs-up sign again, and Kamui couldn't help but
laugh. Instantly, he felt better.
"All right, then," he announced, "I'll do it."
A collective sigh, and a few squeals of delight emerged from the
group, and somewhere, deep inside, Kamui heard a small bell ring out -
just as it had done on the day he had faced THE Dragon of Earth, and
defeated him all those years before. This, then, must be another
important decision or event.
"I knew you would help us to be free again, Kamui," Subaru murmured
quietly, leaning back against lean frame, a contented look upon his
face. He shifted his head to look up at the dark man with the blind
eye, and the two shared a special, private smile.
Embarrassed at the depth of emotion in their eyes, Kamui looked away,
only to see Sorata and Arashi share a similar gaze. He sighed in mock
disgust, and finally, he rested his sights on the faces of his two best
friends. Watching Fuuma playfully tease his younger sister reminded
Kamui of their times together as children, and for the first time in a
long time, he was actually happy.
Rina awoke to her alarm clock's buzzing. Leaning over, she absently
shut it off, and looked at the numbers before her.
"Ah!" she screeched, jumping out of bed and rushing to her dresser.
"It's seven o'clock! Why didn't someone wake me up?!?" Throwing off her
pajamas, she threw them in a pile on the floor and changed quickly. She
ran down the stairs in time to see Kamui and Nokoru having breakfast
together. Rina ignored them as she hurried into the bathroom, and ran a
comb through her hair. She washed up, applied her deodorant, brushed
her teeth, and ran back into the living room to collect her books. The
doorbell rang.
"I'll get it," Nokoru said, jumping up for the door. Rina rushed into
the room in a flurry of excitement, and grabbed a piece of toast off of
the table, shoving it into her mouth, while struggling to get her books
into her backpack. Kamui, she noted, paid no attention to her, keeping
his nose buried in the morning paper. She wolfed her small meal down
quickly, and was standing to leave when Nokoru appeared in the hallway
with a large bouquet in his hands. "They're for you," he said, handing
them to her.
Surprised, Rina dropped her bookbag on her foot as she reached for the
gift. She gave a holler of pain, and jumped up and down in pain on one
foot for a second, feeling immensely stupid. Nokoru cracked up
laughing, and Kamui smirked, but did not look up at her, turning back
to his reading. She grumbled, and rubbing her toe, reached for her
bookbag again. "I'm late!" she cried, heading down the hallway quickly,
shoving the bouquet into Nokoru's hands. "Can you put them in water for
me, please?"
"Sure," he answered, "but don't you want to know who sent them?"
"Yea, go ahead and read the card," she said, bending down to lace her
shoes.
"No need," came his reply, as he smirked at her. "I already know who
sent them. I just wondered if you wanted to know." Rina stood up,
slinging her backpack onto one shoulder. She sighed as he stared at
her, waiting.
"So, who sent them then?" she asked, impatiently.
"Me," he said with a grin, and went back into the kitchen with a
shrug.
Rina dropped her backpack again, this time barely missing her foot.
After a few minutes, Nokoru came out of the kitchen carrying a vase
full of the beautiful, fresh wildflowers; their lavender and peach
pastel colors brightening up the room immensely. When he set them in
the middle of the table, Kamui put his newspaper down and stood up. He
walked up the stairs and back to his room, silent. Nokoru paid him no
attention, rearranging the flowers nicely, but Rina noted the
dark-haired man's reaction - there had been a frown on his face.
Was it possible that Kamui was jealous?
No, that was preposterous! He was just angry still from last night,
obviously.
"What, no 'thank you'?" Nokoru teased, coming over to her side. He
bent down and picked up the backpack, holding it out for her. Rina
blinked as reality came back to her, drawing her focus back on track.
"Oh, goodness! I'm late!" she yelped, grabbing her backpack and
opening the door. She turned back and flung her arms about her 'big
brother'. "Thank you, Nokoru, for the flowers. They're beautiful! See
you later tonight!" she hollered over her shoulder as she took off down
the stairs and out onto the sidewalk. In a flash, she was on her way to
her classes, having forgotten to ask the occasion for such a gift.
Nokoru watched her go, his eyes, mirrored with worry. Tomorrow night
she and Akira would go out on a real date together. Disturbing
scenarios ran through his head, and he began to feel dispirited.
Was it already too late?
He shook his head, gaining back a little of his fighting spirit. No,
it was only a date - nothing more. He'd trust that there was still time
- there had to be. Sunday, he resolved, he'd take her out anywhere that
she wanted to go. They'd get to spend some time together alone. Maybe
he'd tell her then.
Maybe.
Kamui watched from his window as Yuzu ran down the street, almost
tripping over her own feet in her hurry. He leaned his forehead
against the pane of glass and sighed.
The guilt of last night's events gnawed at him, as did the desire that
such thoughts brought up. He thought of her smiling face, her clumsy
ways, her quickly flaring temper, and her shy responsiveness and sighed
again. The feelings that he refused to give name to kept creeping up
into his heart, but he pushed them away. Although he had come to terms
with the darkest part of his life, the most painful memories, he still
could not force himself to get close to anyone else just yet.
It was guilt, that's all it was.
He checked his watch on his wrist. In nine hours, she'd return home.
Maybe then he'd apologize for everything he had said and done last
night, and they could agree to forget that it had ever happened.
Maybe.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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AUTHOR's NOTES:
Except for Natsuko and Lei, all characters contained herein are the
property of CLAMP, copyright 1992-1998.
This fanfiction is the property of Jennifer L. Mondazzi and is
copyrighted, 1997. **Please do not copy or duplicate this work without
the express written permission from this author.**