And now, practically one year after the release of part one, the
much-awaited (we can dream, can't we?) part 2!

=====

'Trouble' in Furinkan High

PART II : Weird Dreams

	Life is great, thought Ranma.
	Now that Kuno has his hands full with Mendo, he never challenges me
anymore. I'm hardly ever late anymore because of those stupid duels, and
just about the only time he's bugged me lately was that rainy day a week
ago...and he didn't know it was me, so...
	Anyway, he continued, I owe it all to Mendo.
	"Eeeeee! Look up there! It's Mendo!"
	"Mendo! Over here!"
	Ranma idly listened to the sound of the girls' squeals, and watched
Mendo's yellow parachute float down to the ground. He shrugged. Well, at
least Nabiki never scams me anymore, he thought. I mean, she's so busy with
those two rich morons that she seems to have forgotten about the money that
I owe her.
	And I owe it all to Mendo.
	"Ah, if it isn't Akane Tendo. To be greeted so early in the morning by
such a vision of beauty..."
	Mendo clasped Akane's hand the way he always did. Akane managed to express
on her face perfectly and simultaneously her embarrassment, pleasure, and
anger at Mendo for being so forward.
	Ranma emitted a grunt of displeasure. He jumped down off of the tree he
was in, cracked his knuckles, and headed toward Mendo. 
	I think it's time for me to show my gratitude.

	Nabiki idly watched Kuno draw his sword and trudge towards Mendo, outside
the school gates. "And here we go again...I wonder just how good Mendo is
at running away, because I have no idea how he'll talk his way out of this
one."
	Mendo promptly drew his own katana, which was hidden in his...actually,
Nabiki had no idea where the hell he hid that thing. Probably where Akane
hides that hammer. "Oh," Nabiki said.  "Okay. Although... that's a real
sword he's using."
	She sighed. "And once again, Mendo one-ups Kuno..."
	"Release your grip in Akane Tendo this instant!" shouted Kuno.
	"What? On what grounds?"
	In an uncharacteristic outburst of colloquial language, Kuno replied, "I
was first! I have dibs! Fall in line! Take a number!"
	Damn straight, thought Nabiki.
	"You mean," said Mendo, "I should release this prisoner of my charm just
because you were first?"
	"Prisoner?" asked Akane sarcastically. "Prisoner? I don't see any prisoner!"
	"That's absolutely right!" Kuno, by this time, had seemed to regain his
composure, as well as his internal unabridged dictionary of literary terms.
"Have you no romantic principles?"
	"Ahem."
	Both men turned to face the source of the sound.
	"That JUST happens to be MY fiancée you are fighting over," Ranma said,
dryly.
	"Your fiancée?" Mendo asked. "Surely you jest."
	"Alas, Mendo, it is the truth," Kuno said, in an angst-filled pose. "'Tis
truly an injustice of this world, that such a paragon of beauty would be
betrothed to one such as him."
	"Then you do not jest," Mendo said.
	"No, I do not 'jest'," Ranma said, sarcastically.
	"Yes, he does not jest."
	"Will you keep out of this, Kuno?" Ranma said, annoyed.
	"Now wait just a minute… what the hell are you talking about, Ranma?!"
Akane exclaimed.
	"It's true, ain't it?" Ranma said. "We aren't DIS-engaged until we manage
to convince our stupid fathers that we should be! Until then, you're my
responsibility, got that?"
	Akane fell silent.
	Oh-ho, thought Nabiki. Score one for Saotome! I didn't think he had it in
him!
	"Nevertheless," Mendo continued, "that little injustice should be rectified."
	"My sentiments exactly," Kuno agreed.
	"But first, my priorities," Mendo said. He grabbed Akane's hand and took
ten steps into the school courtyard, leading her along with him.
	As soon as they stepped into school grounds, the eight-thirty bell rang,
and the newly-installed Mendo-sponsored motorized gates slammed shut.
	"Oh, crap, I forgot!" Ranma said, leaping over the gate and running into
the school.
	"Tsk, tsk," Mendo said. "I guess he escapes my wrath, then. Oh, well. I'll
mete out punishment to whomever is left."
	"Don't look at me," said Nabiki, "I'm on school grounds."
	"So am I, thanks to Mendo here," Akane said.
	"Well, then, that leaves just one person then," Mendo said. "As Class Vice
President, I deem you tardy, and hereby order you, Tatewaki Kuno, to
surrender your ID."
	"It… It's just not fair!" Kuno screamed, shaking the bars of the gates.

	One would wonder, what the class was thinking, when they voted Nabiki as
class treasurer. On paper, she was the best possible person for the job,
given her skill at handling money. In theory.
	Kuno was asleep. He tired himself out, carrying those pails out in the
hall again.
	So, Mendo was once again presiding over the homeroom period, with Nabiki
assisting.
	"And so," Mendo began, "this meeting shall now come to order…"


	"I'm late! I'm late!" shouted Kuno as he trudged along the violet colored
landscape, stepping on an eyeball in his haste. His red Chinese shirt and
black trousers strangely resembled an outfit that someone he knew wore, but
the thought quickly passed, and he had to pull his foot out of the tofu lake.
	Taking refuge under the blue forest canopy from the rain of fish sausages,
he swung his sword and cut down a huge sake bottle blocking his path. "I'm
late, I'm late, I'm late!"
	The rain abated. After a rather vague battle with a monkey, a pig, and a
boy on horseback, he arrived at the gates of his house. He entered the
large iron gates, ran through the vast pink lawn, and entered the little
hovel. He then went straight to his bedroom, lay in his futon, and
proceeded to get some sleep.
	Nabiki entered the room in a worn kimono. She placed a bowl of porridge
beside Kuno.
	Kuno sat up and looked at the porridge, which was looking back at him.
"What is this pathetic excuse for a meal? And why is it staring at me?" He
then proceeded to devour the whole thing.
	"Oh, my husband," Nabiki said, "it is the only meal we could afford, after
we paid off the gardener and the carpenter, and the entire Girl Scout
cookie output of Honshu."
	"Well, that simply won't do, woman!" he yelled. "Don't tell me…"
	"Yes, it's true. The pig-tailed girl is Ranma."
	"No!" he cried, standing up and hitting his head on the ceiling lamp.
	"Yes!"
	"No!" he cried, missing the lamp this time. He swung his head and hit the
lamp, for good measure.
	"I may be of some assistance to you," an all-too familiar voice sounded
from outside.
	"That voice…" Nabiki said, who was nodding her head for no apparent reason.
	"I've heard it before!" Kuno said, shaking his head.
	"That's right!" The door burst open, which was strange, since it was a
sliding door, and Mendo entered, in a formal kimono. "It is I! And yes,
you've heard it before!"
	"Are you certain?" Kuno asked.
	"Actually, no."
	"Oh."
	"Anyway," continued Mendo, "I have come here with a debt rescue fund for
you and your lovely wife!"
	"Wonderful!" exclaimed Nabiki.
	"What is your price, banker?" Kuno asked, suspicious.
	"My price is that you hand over your wife, Akane, and the pig-tailed girl!"
	"Never!" exclaimed Kuno, pulling out his sake-stained sword. "I will never
relinquish Nabiki, Akane, and the pig-tailed… Wait a moment. The pig-tailed
girl is Ranma."
	"Kuno," Mendo said, "we're not supposed to know that."
	"But Nabiki told me."
	"I don't care. I say we're not supposed to know." Mendo said, crossing his
arms.
	"Okay. From the top then."
	"Sure."
	Kuno cleared his throat, took a deep breath, then…
	 "Never!" exclaimed Kuno, pulling out his sake-stained sword. "I will
never give up Nabiki, Akane, and the pig-tailed goddess!"
	"It's too late!" Mendo said, continuing as if nothing had happened. "I
already have Akane and the pig-tailed girl with me!" He stepped aside and
revealed Akane, dressed in nothing but wreaths of shiroi hana, and Ranma,
wrapped in ribbons. Both of them came forward and each knelt down and
wrapped their arms around Mendo's knees. "Now all that remains in you,
Nabiki."
	"Never!" Kuno said, raising his sword. "You may take Akane and the
pig-tailed girl, but you can't take Nabiki from me!"
	"Now, wait just a minute, Kuno-chan," Nabiki said. "Do you realize what
you're saying?"
	"No," Kuno replied. "What am I saying?"
	"You're saying that Mendo can take those two from you, but he can't take me?"
	"This a dream, stupid woman! Nothing's supposed to make sense!" Kuno said,
sword still raised.
	"Oh. Well, in that case…" Nabiki stepped away from Kuno and walked towards
Mendo.
	"Ah, I see you've come to your senses. Come with me." Mendo reached out
his hand to Nabiki, who reached out her own to take it. "Oh, yes, I almost
forgot, the money," Mendo said as he put his arm around Nabiki. "Enjoy, fool!"
	"But I do not want the money!" Kuno cried, as Mendo and the three girls
floated away into the sky. It started to rain hundred-yen coins, pelting
Kuno. "No! Nooooo!"
	The sky suddenly started to fold up, like a curtain ripped from its rings.
He heard a munching sound. 
	 "No, Baku! Bad tapir!" Kuno heard someone say, as the canvas of the sky
gave way to a blinding light. Kuno squinted, shielding his eyes with his
hand. "What in heaven's name…"
	Kuno's eyes grew accustomed to the light, and he saw… a pig? Was that a
pig munching on his dream? He heard something about a tapir… As the
dreamscape faded, Kuno found himself in a featureless white place, with no
horizon to speak of.
	A tug on his kimono made him look down, and he saw a strange little man in
a red hat and suit. "Hello," the little man said.
	"What manner of creature are you? And is that your pig?" Kuno said.
	"Baku's not a pig. He's a tapir. And I'm Mujaki, the dream maker. Sorry
about that. I keep telling Baku there to wait for the nightmare to finish
before he eats them, but he gets ahead of himself sometimes."
	"So you mean to tell me, Mujaki," Kuno said, "that you created that
nightmare?"
	"You could say that." Mujaki tipped his hat.
	"Are you the creator of all my nightmares?"
	"No, afraid not. I don't have time to tend to everyone, just those people
with which I get flashes of inspiration with," Mujaki said, taking off his
hat and dusting it off. "Like you. There were some really interesting
tidbits in that nightmare of yours."
	"Such as?"
	"You figure it out, it's your dream," Mujaki said. "We'll be going now.
Thanks for feeding my tapir."
	"Now hold on just a second! You flagrantly barge into my mind, create that
cursed nightmare to feed your tapir, driving me near-insane in the process,
and then you expect to leave without remunerating?"
	"Oh, I beg your pardon," Mujaki said, taking his hat off and reaching
inside. "Where are my manners… Ah, here!" he said, pulling out a
funny-colored egg. "You'll like this dream."
	"Really? What, may I ask, is it?"
	"It's a flying dream. Only…"
	"Only what?" Kuno asked.
	Mujaki grinned sheepishly. "Only you fly into a wall and smash your head."
	"No deal!"
	"Okay then… Here!" Mujaki said, pulling out another egg. "It's a food trip
dream."
	"The catch being?"
	"There is no catch. Only a small… how do you say… inconvenience."
	"And what is this inconvenience that you refer to?"
	"You die of overeating."
	"Are you deliberately trying to give me another nightmare, old man?!" Kuno
said, as he swung his sword at Mujaki.
	Mujaki floated off to avoid the blow. "Okay! Okay! I was just kidding!
Just let me look through your mind for your fondest dream and I'll make it."
	Kuno grinned evilly.

	"HAHAHAHA!" laughed Kuno, sword pointed at the fallen Ranma. "Now that
I've bested you, Akane and the pig-tailed girl will be mine! I have freed
them from your clutches, and now they will shower me with their gratitude!"
	"No! I have been defeated, I cannot bear to live with this dishonor,"
Ranma said, weeping.
	"'Tis no shame, to be bested by a better man," Kuno said, turning to
leave. "And now, to free Nabiki from the clutches of Mendo!" Kuno said,
leaping forward, Akane and the pig-tailed girl following behind, fawning.


	"And also," Mendo said, "we need to plan something for the upcoming School
Festival…" One girl raised her hand. "Yes, miss?"
	"How about a Lum motif?"
	"Lum?" asked Mendo. "What is this 'Lum'?"
	"You know," the girl said, "that tiger-striped-bikini-clad alien invader
who played tag with that boy, Ataru Moroboshi, for the fate of the Earth!
She's got quite a large following, you know."
	"I'm sorry, I haven't heard of it," Mendo apologized. "As for your
suggestion, while I am inclined not to deny any request from a woman as
lovely as yourself…" He paused to wait for her to blush, which she did.
"…We cannot indulge ourselves in something as lowbrow as that. Any other
suggestions?"
	"You can fall on your knees and beg for mercy, Mendo!" shouted Kuno in his
sleep.
	"Wh-wh-wh-what-what-WHAT?!" Mendo exclaimed, surprised. He drew his sword
and pointed it at Kuno. "I cannot let this insult go unavenged!"
	"That's right!" Kuno continued. "Grovel before me! HAHAHAHAHA!"
	"Prepare to die, commoner swine!" Mendo screamed, raising his katana to
strike.
	Nabiki stopped Mendo, extending her hand to block the swing. "It's
useless, Mendo. He's talking in his sleep again."


	"This dream is incredible, old man!" Kuno exclaimed, in between kisses
from both Akane and the pig-tailed girl. "I could not have created it
better if I had done it myself!" Akane peeled a grape, which she popped
into Kuno's mouth, and then proceeded to tongue-wrestle him for. The
pig-tailed girl was inching her way into his kimono, ever so slowly.
	Suddenly, Nabiki stepped through the bead curtain, dressed in a very
revealing black gown he had only seen her wear once before, back in
Togenkyo. She smiled at him, winked at him, sashayed around him, but always
managed to stay outside of Kuno's reach.
	It was driving him nuts.
	He stood up, in the process dumping Akane and the pig-tailed girl onto the
pile of pillows he had been reclining on. He walked towards her slowly, as
if in a trance.
	She simply smiled with that self-confident look in her eye, that she was
now coupling with a calculated reassured sort of shyness that drove him
even more crazy.
	Just as he was about to reach her, to take her in his arms and have his
way with her, Mujaki said, "But you did."
	Kuno stopped cold. So did the entire dream. The harem music stopped, and
Nabiki froze in mid-sashay. "I did what?"
	"You wanted me to make your fondest dream," Mujaki said, "so I just
reached for this little thing tucked in the back of your mind and brought
it forward."
	"Do you expect me to believe that my fondest dream includes this wench?"
He pointed at the frozen Nabiki.
	"Hey, don't ask me, I don't really make them, I just materialize them."
Mujaki said, shrugging.


	"I propose," Mendo said, after calming down, "that our theme for the
School Festival would be a Feudal Japan motif. Naturally," he said,
brushing back his hair, "I will play the part of the daimyo."
	"BUT THAT'S COMPLETELY ABSURD!" exclaimed Kuno, still asleep.
	Mendo, with one swift motion, drew his blade and pointed it at Kuno. "That
is it! That is the absolute final straw! I'm cutting him down, and nobody
can stop me!"


	"What do you mean, absurd?" asked Mujaki. "It's YOUR dream! You should
know about it! After that whole samurai drama this whole dream started as,
this is what you want!"
	"But I do not recall ever desiring HER!" Kuno said, tilting his head in
Nabiki's direction.
	"Are you sure? I didn't make this stuff up, you know, you made it up.
C'mon! You were enjoying the dream before, so just forget this whole 'I
made it you made it' business, sit back, and enjoy the ride!" Mujaki said.
	"How can I possibly enjoy this dream when Ms. Extortion is right there
breathing down my neck?" Kuno demanded.
	"What's wrong? Don't you WANT her to breathe down you neck?" Mujaki asked,
innocently.
	Kuno opened his mouth to reply, but his mind changed gears in
mid-delivery. "What IS that crunching sound?"


	"Hold him back!" Nabiki shouted to Masanori and Takeshi, who were
restraining the enraged Mendo. "Let me check this out for myself."
	She leaned over to get a good look at Kuno's face. The regular snores
confirmed what she already said.  "He's asleep! I already told you! He
doesn't have a clue that he's talking out loud."
	"Tell your tapir to stop consuming my dream!" Kuno suddenly said.
	"See what I mean? He's spouting gibberish!" Nabiki said.
	"What in the world could he be dreaming about now?" Takeshi wondered.


	"Baku! Bad tapir! This is a good dream! Good dreams give you tummy aches!
Stop it!" Mujaki said, trying to restrain the hungry tapir.
	"Do not allow him to devour my precious dream!" Kuno exclaimed.
	"Your precious dream?" Mujaki said, pulling back on the tapir's leash,
with no success. "I thought the dream was flawed with Nabiki in it!"
	"It does not matter to me!" Kuno shouted in reply. "I am being waited on
hand and foot by two beautiful women, and I am not going to relinquish the
dream all because of some stupid money-hungry wench!"
	"Excuses..." Mujaki muttered. "Um, I think the point is moot now," he said
sadly as Baku finished off the last shreds of the dream. The landscape was,
once again, plain white all around.
	Kuno grabbed the little man by the collar. "Bring that dream back this
instant or I shall cut you in half!"
	"It takes time to make a dream like that!" Mujaki said, pleading. "And we
have more important things to worry about!"
	"Such as?"
	"Such as," Mujaki said, "now Baku has a bellyache from eating a good dream."


	"It's all right," Mendo said as Takeshi and Masanori let go of his arms,
"I'm calm, I'm in control again."
	"I don't care!" Kuno shouted out loud. "You had better remedy that right
this instant!"
	"I'm calm, I'm ok..." Mendo said, trying to keep calm.
	"What do you mean 'ok'?!" continued Kuno. "It is not 'ok'!"
	"Ms. Tendo!" Mendo said. "Are you sure this lout is asleep?"
	"I'm sure, I'm sure..." Nabiki said, although now she was anything but.


	"But Baku's bellyache is much more important! Who knows what he might do?"
Mujaki pleaded.
	"What, pray tell, could a tapir with indigestion possibly do," Kuno said,
sarcastically, "now that there is no wonderful dream for him to muck up?!"
	Baku suddenly squealed and bolted in a seemingly random direction.
	"Where is that animal going in my mind, old man?" Kuno asked flatly.
	"Oh no!" Mujaki exclaimed, chasing after Baku. "He's trying to escape!"
	"Escape?" Kuno asked. "I see no means of escape. In fact, I see not a
single landmark in this accursed blankness your Baku left after his dinner!"
	But no sooner had Kuno said this that a long, thin, horizontal line of
light began to appear where the tapir was headed.
	"That's your eye!" cried Mujaki. "You're waking up!"


	"I think he's waking up," Nabiki said, peering into Kuno's eyes.
	"Finally," Mendo said. "Finally he can properly defend himself when I
slice his head off!"
	"Takeshi, get Kuno's sword," Nabiki said. "He'll need it when he gets up."


	"What must I do to prevent the tapir from escaping, old man?" Kuno demanded.
	"Pull down your eyelid while I try to calm him down!" Mujaki cried,
tugging at Baku's leash to no avail.


	"Yep, he's waking, all right," Masanori said as he looked closely at Kuno,
"his eyes are opening."
	Kuno's eye started to open...
	...And then one corner slammed shut.
	"Oh, yuck!" Takeshi exclaimed, clamping a hand over his mouth, "That's
disgusting!"
	"What incredible muscle control!" Masanori said.


	"It is no use! The eye is opening!" Kuno shouted as he fought desperately
to pull down what Mujaki said was his eyelid.
	"No, fight it!" Mujaki cried.
	Baku pulled loose of Mujaki's grip and ran into the terrible brightness...
	"No! All is lost..." was the last thing Kuno heard Mujaki said before he...

	"Unnhh... What happened?" Kuno said as he started to get up. He sat up to
see a dry heaving Mendo. In fact he saw a dry heaving near-everyone in class.
	"His eye... bleargh... it came out of his eye..." Mendo was saying.
	Nabiki, just about the only person left in class with her wits intact,
pointed at something that Kuno turned to look at.
	It was Baku, with Mujaki sobbing beside the tapir.  "Nooooo! How do I get
back! I'm not supposed to be out here in the real world!"
	"What the heck is going on here, Kuno-chan?" Nabiki asked dryly.
	"Well, obviously," Kuno said as he stood up and walked to the tapir, "I am
still dreaming. I shall get back to you shortly, Tendo... You, Baku," he
said as he patted the tapir on the back, "go on, eat Mendo."

	"WAAAH! I'M STUCK OUT HERE!!!"

	"His eye... it came out of his eye..."


	TimeRunner, January 3, 1997

=====
TimeRunner's Page:
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482
=====

"The story grew in the most convoluted way, as many people will be
surprised to learn. Writing episodically meant that when I finished one
episode I had no idea about what the next one would contain. When, in the
twists and turns of the plot, some event sudenly seemed to illuminate
things that had gine before, I was as surprised as anyone else."

--- Douglas Adams, "A Guide to the Guide"