Yow!  Put another quarter in the machine!  The last five chapters of A&S
should come equipped with seat belts and air bags.  Inventive plot twists and
bold stylistic experimentation distinguish this fic from the rest of the
popular "dark adventure" genre.  Some specific reactions:

- why was it necessary for Cologne to play possum before bringing to bear her
secret weapon?  Why not douse Ranma as soon as he tranformed into his youthful
form?  Or when Ukyou joined the fight?

- the parallel thoughts device is innovative and succeeds in communicating the
disorientation of Ranma's situation.  It's a little gimmickly (particularly in
combination with the script-format passages that show us what's going on
outside Ranma's reeling mind), but not in a crude or amateurish way.  I can
dig it!

- the reference to Ryouga seems illogical and unnecessary.  With her mind-
control powers, couldn't Cologne easily keep Ryouga out of her cave in the
unlikely event that he would wander by?  Moreover, Ryouga was never a match
for her in a fair fight, so why would she need a secret weapon that acted
against his Jusenkyo curse?  It wouldn't strain my credibility if Cologne
simply explained that she'd spent the past few decades experimenting with
Jusenkyo waters.  She might even have brewed Nannichuan and Chisuiton
substitutes that could come in handy for the happy ending...

- a standing ovation for A&S's unrelenting series of twists and surprises.
Let's count just the ones since Ranma entered the cave: Shrivelled Shampoo.
Ranma's ingenious use of his "secret" supply of cold water to turn the tables.
Ranma's victory against hopelessness rewarded as Ukyou enters the fray.
Cologne's trap.  Ukyou's grisly solution.  Cologne's last, desperate illusion.
Ranma folds.  Shampoo saves the day.  The trip to elsewhere, with a new,
behind-the-scenes look at Ranma's internal debate at the flitter.  Ranma's
gratifying reunion.  Each one of these events inspires wonder and shock anew.
Was there ever such a roller coster ride?  And are there any more rabbits left
in that hat?

- the climbing-out-of-the-cave scene is tedious.  I could do without it.  Also
expendable is Ranma's late realization of the severity of Ukyou's solution to
his two-body problem.  _I_ knew immediately exactly what she had done, and I
wasn't even there.  How could Ranma not recognize his own death rattle?  If
the stumble-over-the-corpse scene is excised, it can be replaced with a timid,
regretful discussion as they ride to the hospital.

- the final settlements between Ranma and Ukyou are eloquent, but could be
shortened a little.  The final paragraph has a stunningly cathartic effect.


Taleswapper

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