{Scene: an office overlooking Lake Michigan. Seated before a large desk are
Ranma and Ryoga, looking bored. LaShawn is seated behind the desk, wearing
her usual business suit.)

LaShawn: So boys, how are you enjoying this reviewing so far?

Ranma: S'okay, I guess.

Ryoga: Except you don't have those peanuts in those pink plastic bags like
you used to. I liked those.

LaShawn: (after a long pause) Uh...what?

Ryoga: Oh. I'm sorry. I've been moonlighting as a food critic these past
few weeks.

LaShawn: (sweatdrop) Riiiiiight. Anyway, I was thinking of maybe expanding
the show.

(Ryoga and Ranma leap to their feet.)

R&R: EXPANDING?!?!

LaShawn: Yeah. You see, so many fanfics have been coming in that my writing
time for the show has somewhat been eaten up. So I had the great idea of
actually combining a few of your reviews into a longer review. It will make
it more of a review show rather than just C&C.

Ranma: But that means we have to stay here *longer*!

Ryoga: And I have to give up my food critic job! Damn!

LaShawn: You get extra pay. Plus all the food you can eat.

Ranma: Expect us to be here first thing in the morning, boss!

LaShawn: Good, because your intro is just about to start now. 

R&R: HUH?!

LaShawn: I suggest you get on stage.

(Both boys bolt out. LaShawn smiles, then presses a buzzer.)

LaShawn: Okay, T-bone. You can send her in.

(Akane Tendo, also dressed in a business suit, walks in and takes a seat.)

LaShawn: All right, it's settled. I'm glad you can come to help me out,
Tendo-san.

Akane: Hey, what are friends for? Besides, I love cooking! Can I watch the
show?

LaShawn: Sure. (She picks up a remote and clicks towards a viewscreen just
coming down against one wall.) I've always wanted to do an intro like they
do in "Sneak Previews". I just never had the time until now. I hope you
like it.

(The familiar whisting music from the tv show 'Sneak Previews' begins to
play. Ranma is seen coming out of the Tendo Dojo and casually walking up
the street. Next, Ryouga crawls out of a tent, stretches, stuffs everything
into his backpack, and begins walking. Ranma is seen buying sukiyaki from a
stand. Ryoga is still walking on the street. Ranma walks in front of a
theater and looks about. Ryoga is looking bewildered as he stands in the
middle of a forest. Ranma looks at his watch and frowns. Ryoga is talking
to an eskimo who points in one direction, and Ryoga begins walking the
opposite way. Ranma shrugs, goes into the theater, runs up the stairs, and
takes his seat in the balcony. Cut to the theater's front again. Ranma
begins eating his sukiyaki. Suddenly the wall caves in and Ryouga emerges,
looking pissed. Ranma begins shouting at Ryoga, who shouts back. They get
into a fight, and the camera pans away to the movie screen, which displays
the words: R&R REVIEWS.)

(Akane: Nice intro.
LaShawn: Thank you. It was T-bone's idea.)

(Ranma and Ryoga are now sitting in their usual places.)

Ranma: That was twisted.

Ryoga: You're telling me. I'm never like that.

Ranma: Yes, you are.

Ryoga: No, I'm not.

Ranma: Yes. You are.

Ryoga: No. I'M NO--

T-bone: (O.S.) Will you two get on with it?!

(Both boys look sheepish.)

Ranma: Uh, I'm Ranma Saotome.

Ryoga: And I'm Ryoga Hibiki.

Ranma: Today we're going to review three fics. 'Usagi is Dead, Hip Hip
Hooray' etc., and some other nonsense.

Ryoga: We're also going to review 'Onion Tears' and the 'Autumn and Spring'
series.

Ranma: So our first fic 'Usagi is Dead, blah blah blah.' from Dark Day for
Anime. Man, this was twisted. Do we have a clip, T-bone?

T-bone: (O.S.) Nope. Sorry. Deleted it.

Ranma: Rats. I really wanted to run the part where she dies for the first
time again. That was rather gory and unexpected.

Ryoga: Yeah. Wasn't it cool!

Ranma: In fact, that could describe most of this fanfic. Gory. Disturbing.
Surreal.

Ryoga: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! My favorite part was when Amy goes koo-koo and
strangles Usagi, then tries to kill herself by dissolving herself in the pool.

Ranma: Oh please. You're just saying that because you have a crush on Amy.

Ryoga: No, I don't. I honestly don't know why people think I like her. It's
not like she looks like Akane or anything. I just liked the fact that the
senshi nearly turn into stark raving maniacs in this.

(Akane: What does he mean, she doesn't look like me?
LaShawn: Uh, I think he's just comparing how you two have dark blue hair.
Yeah, that's it.
Akane: Oh.)

Ranma: Yeah, really dark. But what's up with all the drooling? That's so
gross! And to tell the truth, I found much of the story kind of confusing,
with all the Usagis running about, with hardly any breaks for scene changes. 

Ryoga: It did get better in later chapters when the Usagis began to get
more easily labeled, like Youma-Usagi, Usako...

Ranma: And speaking of Youma-Usagi, how the heck did she get into the
future? For that matter, how did Usako and Hotaru, even though they're
still back in the past?

Ryoga: I don't know, I was confused there, too. But man, after seeing what
Hotaru turns into in the future, I don't know if I want to mess with her,
even though she does have a cute manic-depressive quality about her.

Ranma: You would say that.

(While they're saying this, letters flash across the bottom of the screen:
THANK YOU, DARK DAY, FOR NOT ONLY GIVING HOTARU/SATURN A ROLE IN THIS FIC,
BUT ACTUALLY MAKING HER AN ADULT FOR ONCE! SHE ALWAYS GETS THE SHAFT IN
FANFICS! AT LEAST NOW SHE GETS THE RESPECT SHE DESERVES! SATURN RULES!
WOO-HOO-HOO!!!)

Ranma: Hey, you see that?

Ryoga: See what?

Ranma: That.

Ryoga: Hmm...somebody must be a fan of Hotaru Tomoe.

LaShawn: (O.S.) T-bone, quit playing with the teletyper.

T-bone: (O.S.) Well, sorrrrrry.

Ryoga: Uh, anyway, this is a twisted, bizarre fic and I would definately
want to see how it ends.

Ranma: Yeah, though I would like some clarification on the time travel
thing. But I guess I like it too. Kind of.

Ryoga: Our next fic is 'Onion Tears' by Ukyou Kuonji. I think there is a
clip for that.

"Ukyou-sama... are you going to be all right?  You're crying."  Now she

looked up from >the onion to return my unsteady gaze.  To call it crying
was dramatically understating >the case.  Tears were pouring from her eyes
in nearly-inhuman quantities.  Her mouth >still smiled, but her eyes were
infinite sadness personified.

She took a deep breath and collected herself.  "I'll... be fine, Konatsu.

It's... >it's just onion tears, that's all.  Yeah..."  Any other day, I
would be prepared to >believe that.  Even from the distance I stood at, my
eyes smarted such that I could >barely keep them open to look upon my
mistress' face.  But there was more to those >tears than just onion juice;
I was sure of that.  But what could I say...?

Ranma: Man. This story...got to me.

Ryoga: Me too. One thing that bother me, though was Nabiki's reaction. It
seemed too...convenient.

Ranma: Oh, come on. This is Nabiki. If Ucchan's onions was powerful enough
to elicit that kind of response from the 'Ice Queen', then it's kind of
expected. Everyone else is teary eyed as it is.

(Akane: Hey, my sister isn't an Ice Queen! Ebenezer Scrooge, perhaps, but
not an Ice Queen!)

Ryoga: But that's just the thing. Is everyone experience tears from Ukyo's
personal anguish, or is the onions just drawing out their own misery? I'm
thinking to that one guy who was crying over the woman who left him. He
never actually felt anything about Ukyo's unhappiness. Neither did Azusa,
from the look of things. Konatsu felt unhappiness for Ukyo, but that's
because he knew the feelings of unrequited love. Hell, if I took a bite, I
would know exactly what Ukyo was going through. But Nabiki? Why would she
only feel Ukyo's unhappiness? Why would she be affected at all?

Ranma: Hmm. You have a point. It did seem a bit odd that Nabiki had a
sudden bout of conscience so quickly. I could understand if she had cried,
but immediately become suspicious about why she was crying, and she would
definately not burst in blubbering and promising to stop the wedding. I did
like the fact that Konatsu had some uneasy feelings about the whole thing.
I would like to see this continued.

Ryoga: Yes, the Konatsu narrative definately works! I would love to see how
this is handled as word of this new okonomiyaki spreads...and how different
people respond to it.

Ranma: Uh-huh. Cool. The last fic is the Autumn & Spring series by Angus
MacSpon.

Ryoga: Whoa-ho, Nellie. This puts a new spin on referring to Cologne as
'The Old Ghoul'. This fic was riveting from beginning to end, but I had to
say that Chapter 13 was so novel and new I had to read it three times to
get its full affect. Hey T-bone, can you roll the beginning of that part?

Too late.  She was just too late.  Cologne had been one step ahead of
her all along.  Even when she was on the run, the old ghoul always had a
backup plan ...

So it was with a sense of inevitability that she watched Cologne duck
under a barrage of spatulas from Ukyou, flip to her left, and land
directly beside the little hollow in the wall where Shampoo still lay.
She reached in, behind Shampoo's body, pulled something out and threw
it at Ranma-chan --

And Ranma-chan blocked it automatically; but at her touch it burst,
covering her with droplets of a clear liquid --

Ranma: I have seen fanfics that split me up into separate entities, but
never have I read anything that has me with two bodies but still one mind.
That was chilling to read.

Ryoga: Wow, I _loved_ this fic! (Even though I never showed up
it...grumble, grumble.) And that part was so cool, even the way it was
written, to show your disorientation. Man, I loved it!

Ramna: Yes, I was good, wasn't I? But this fic also raised a lot of
interesting ethical questions, such as how I treated the others in the
past, my relationship with Ucchan, death...

Ryoga: Yeah, though I kept expecting Ucchan's older self to accidently show
up. In fact, I think the emotional impact of this fic would have gone up an
extra notch if she had been hit with the distilled water as well as you.
Then you would have the extra ethical dilemna of seeing Ukyo/Ucchan in the
throes of dying from a heart attack while you're still disoriented.

Ranma: You know, Ryoga, you have this strange penchant for dark things.

Ryoga: Hey, when you're as angstful as I am, it tends to become an acquired
taste.

Ranma: Anyway, I liked this fic, too. So thumbs up for all three?

Ryoga: Yeah. Cool with me. Anyway, join us next time when we review three
other fics. I'm Ryoga Hibiki.

Ranma: And I'm Ranma Saotome. Thanks for reading, and see ya next time!

(As the credits roll, the houselights darken showing the silhouettes of the
boys. They can be seen chatting with each other at first, then their
gestures become more agitated. Finally, they leap for each others throats,
and after a few punches, both of them fall over the balcony.)

(LaShawn clicks off the remote.)

LaShawn: So, what do you think?

Akane: I'm speechless.

LaShawn: Good. Let's hope the rest of the Fanfic ML is the same way. The
last thing I want to deal with on my vacation is flames.
============================================================================
/===\     LaShawn M. Taylor (tbone@ccm.net)     MSTie#83924
|^ ^|\    "No need to fight or scream or cuss...awwww, it's CHRISTMAS!!!"
 \v/\|    	Three Wise Men: Countdown to Christmas
    |\    "I smile so much my face would crack in two;
    \|     then you could fix it with your kissing glue."
		XTC: I'd Like That.
T-bone's cafe is being moved to a new place--look for it soon!
============================================================================