The Anime Parody Christmas Songbook, part 2
===========================================
by Shunsuke -|||
Due to the popular demand from some people, I've written part 2
of the songbook. Death threats aren't going to shut me up,
you've gotta ignore me to do that! (No, I never got any death
threats. ^_^ )
I quickly wrote these new songs to offer/inflict upon people.
Here's the list of the titles:
Sengoku, Cyber Policeman
What Child is This? (new version)
Noisy Night
Auld Lang Syne (new version)
Deck Kunou
I'm Dreaming Of A White Shinma
Violent Little Shinma
I was thinking of doing one about Bublegum Crisis, but couldn't
find a copy of the lyrics to the song I wanted to use...
GENOM Boomers,
Violent boomers,
Fighting Knight Sabers in Tokyo....
(All apologies to Rolf Harris. ^_^ )
Here's hoping you can never again sing a Christmas carol with a
straight face. Plus I have one more *real* special one for you,
a re-worked version of a classic poem:
'Twas The Night Before Christmas (A Visit From St. Nicholas)
I think you'll like this one, especially the romantics among you. O_-
"Maree Kweezmuz!"
- Baldric, _Blackadder_
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Sengoku, Cyber Policeman
========================
(adapted from "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer" for
_Cyber City Oedo 808_)
(This is the chara I got my handle from. ^_^ )
Sengoku, Cyber Policeman
Had a very shiny gun,
And if you ever saw it,
You'd surrender or you'd run,
Once one of Oedo's criminals,
One of the types you'd fear,
Got caught and was sent to prison,
He's working off 300 years.
In the prison space station,
Hasegawa came to say,
"Become a cybercop, you might,
Get out of this prison tonight."
Now all the criminals hate him,
And they shout at him with glee,
"Sengoku Shunsuke, Cybercop,
You will die in misery!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
What Child Is This?
(adapted for _Genocyber_)
What child is this, who laid to waste
All Honk Kong, while she's weeping?
With Vajra heat, and weapons, she
Killed them while they are sleeping.
Genocyber is her name,
Diane, Elaine, their father insane,
Haste, haste, or you'll meet your God,
You'll survive, but only barely!
She has one friend in this whole world,
An urchin, really loved him,
Genocyber, destruction brings,
Because her captors killed him.
Blew a plane out of the sky,
A mother's child did surely die,
Adopts Elaine to ease her pain,
Learns the truth and goes insane!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Noisy Night
===========
(adapted from "Silent Night" for _Maison Ikkoku_)
(As sung by Yusaku Godai)
Noisy night, every night,
Nowhere calm, this isn't right
Ichi-NOSY! mother, and child,
Holy terror so annoying and wild,
Sleep? I can't in this place,
Sleep? I can't in this place.
Noisy night, every night,
My nose it quakes at the sight,
Akemi half-naked walking around,
A third world war would make less sound,
They partied until the morning!
They partied until morning!
Noisy night, every night,
Son of Satan, on my right,
Yotsuya breaking into my place,
Eats my food with his rat-like face,
What've I done to deserve this?
What've I done for this?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Auld Lang Syne
==============
(adapted for _Ranma 1/2_)
Sense of direction he forgot
"Now where on Earth am I??!?!?"
Sense of direction he forgot
Found Jusenkyo this time.
Was auld lang syne, P-chan,
Was auld lang syne,
Magic made the Spring of Drowned Piglet,
Was auld lang syne.
("Auld lang syne" is Scottish for "long ago". ^_^ )
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Deck Kunou
==========
(adapted from "Deck The Halls" for _Ranma 1/2_)
(As sung by Ranma Saotome)
Deck Kunou with fists in volleys,
Kacchu Tenshin-amiguriken!
I move so fast, makes him look silly,
Kacchu Tenshin-amiguriken!
Bruised his head with misspelled kanji,
Kacchu Tenshin-amiguriken!
My joke pointed out by his friend, Nabiki,
Kacchu Tenshin-amiguriken!
See, the raving fool before us,
Kacchu Tenshin-amiguriken!
"Strike!" he calls with bokken enormous,
Kacchu Tenshin-amiguriken!
"Follow me, let's not fight in school"
Kacchu Tenshin-amiguriken!
We jumped from the third floor into the pool,
Kacchu Tenshin-amiguriken!
(*DON'T* ask me to continue with this one, please. ^_^ )
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm Dreaming Of A White Shinma
==============================
(adapted from "I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas" for
_Vampire Princess Miyu_)
(As sung by Himiko Se)
I'm Dreaming Of A White Shinma,
Just like the one I used to know,
Miyu's teeth glistened from the taste of children,
And I saw blood trails in the snow.
I'm Dreaming Of A White Shinma,
With every spirit ward I write,
May their evil souls be burned white,
And may they never come back to Earth at night.
I'm Dreaming Of A White Shinma,
Miyu's no older than that night,
She and Larva I won't kill outright,
Since it's shinma, they and I both fight.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Violent Little Shinma
=====================
(adapted from "Merry Little Christmas" for
_Vampire Princess Miyu_)
Have yourself a violent little shinma,
Let it take a bite,
>From then on, you'd have to hide yourself 'til night.
Have yourself a violent little shinma,
And your blood will spray,
>From then on, you can't walk in the light of day.
They've been alive since olden days,
And will be for many more,
The shinma gather in the darkness,
To attack the Earth once more.
Better stop them while they're on the outside,
Do not let them in,
Or the human race, will look just like a fatted cow,
And then you'll die from a violent little shinma now.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
'Twas The Night Before Christmas (A Visit From St. Nicholas)
============================================================
(As re-told by Kasumi Tendou)
'Twas the night before Christmas', and all through the dojo,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a shoujo; *
Ranma was stuffed up the chimney with care,
For the comments he made eating Akane's fare;
(* shoujo: beautiful girl)
Nabiki was nestled all snug in her bed,
While visions of balance sheets danced in her head;
My father in his gi, Mr. Saotome a panda,
Fell asleep drunk, while on the veranda,
When out at the gate there arose such a clatter,
I rushed to the door, and knew what was the matter.
Out of my bedroom, I flew like a flash,
Put on my kimono and tied up the sash.
Barefoot walked a man, through the new-fallen snow
So dazed he was, could not sense his cold toes,
In my shining eyes, who should else appear?
But dear Dr. Tofu, and I smiled with a tear.
With a little odd quiver, I thought he'd be sick,
He walked toward me, so shaken, yet quick.
I said "Hello, Dr. Tofu, I'm so glad you came,"
Then he started shaking, as he called me by name,
"K-k-kasumi, dear, how good of you to come!"
"I'm sorry, Tofu dear, but this is my home,"
Then he ran round the porch and crashed into the wall!
"Careful, Tofu dear, or you might fall!"
He ran round like dry leaves in a hurricane's pace,
He tripped on a rock, and he fell on his face,
Climbed up to the house-top, in a frenzy he flew,
With the strangest of looks, and a silly grin, too.
And then, silly Tofu, as he danced on the roof,
I stood and I watched, but I wasn't aloof.
He then reached the edge and was turning around,
And fell in the koi pond, broke the ice with a sound.
He was dressed in his gi, both top and the bottom,
His clothes were now wrinkled, and obviously sodden; *
A pair of wire rims, they fell from his face,
He wore a strange look, like his mind lost in space.
(* sodden: soaking wet)
His eyes -- they were foggy! His laugh -- how funny!
Though a cold night, I felt warm and sunny,
And though it was me I wanted him to hold,
I said "Come in Dr. Tofu, you might catch a cold."
He barely could speak, so chattered his teeth,
I wrapped him in blankets, toweled his head underneath.
He wore a strange face and a smile that looked silly,
That I shook my head, smiled and said "Really!"
But all was not right when he drew from himself,
I cried when I saw it, in spite of myself;
And though he was almost out of his head,
Soon I knew it was me he wanted to wed;
He could still barely speak, but knelt on his knee,
He took in my hand, and said "I love thee",
Placed the ring on my finger he had pulled from his clothes,
Gold, with a ruby, as red as a rose;
Then he ran through the streets, through a wind that did whistle,
He ran away fast, like he'd sat on a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, much to my delight,
"KASUMI LOVES ME! WE GET MARRIED TONIGHT!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
--