The following is a bit of an editorialistic rantfic regarding that
piece of undiluted manure USA Today had the audacity to call an
article regarding the Pokemon incident. Being me, I decided that in
addition to the letter I've already sent to the editors of USA Today,
I'd also write up a little spamfic about the incident...

*****

   In a small, out-of-the-way...okay okay, so you couldn't miss it
from orbit with a tac-nuke, and it was standing practically in the
middle of Tokyo...anyway, in this one cafe, several of the fine minds
of the anime community gathered.

   "Hey! Who ate my ice cream?" Skuld, the preteen goddess, whined as
she discovered the absence of her chocolate fudge delight. 
   "Don't look at me," said Yuuki Miaka, wiping her suspiciously
fudgy mouth with a napkin. Beside her, Tsukino Usagi was committing
the same cover-up action. Skuld huffed, and reached for her mallet,
but was suddenly knocked off her feet by a rampaging, tiny yellow
demon...okay, so it was Hinako-sensei. In either case, the
superdeformed teacher was obviously upset. 

   Saotome Ranma and Hibiki Ryouga looked up from the couch where
they were watching a rerun of Dragonball GT. "What's wrong, teach?"
Ranma asked.

    Hinako held up a copy of USA Today, shaking it angrily. "There's
an article in here....ooohhhhh, it makes me so MAD! If I could get
hold of the two guys who wrote this..."

   Tendou Nabiki lazily snatched the paper from Hinako's chibi hands,
and scanned over the article. Her eyes widened in disbelief, then
narrowed in anger. "Well," she smirked. "I never thought I'd see it.
Whoever wrote this is even dumber than Kunou-chan."

   "What's it say, Nabiki?" Ranma asked. The entire group focused
their attention on Nabiki as she quickly summarized the English
article in Japanese so the assembled group could understand it. By
the time she finished, everyone in the room was shuddering in anger.

   "Those...those...ASSHOLES!" Ryouga bellowed, reaching for his
umbrella.
   "We gotta find those guys and make 'em regret writing that," Ranma
said.
   "Guys, guys," Nabiki chided. "There *are* more civilized ways of
dealing with this." She smirked. "What we do, is simple. We should
write a counter-article about the harmful effects of watching
American anime."

   The group mulled this over, and decided it sounded reasonable.
"Skuld-chan," Nabiki said, "can you rig up a satellite so that we can
pick up some American shows?"
   The young goddess grinned. "Even better! I can rig my instant
translation system into it, so that it's subtitled into Japanese as
we watch!"
   Nabiki smiled. "Perfect."
   Hinako-sensei busied herself at the computer in the corner. After
a few moments, she shuffled over to Nabiki with a thin stack of
printouts. "I found the American TV Guide site, and printed out some
program schedules." Nabiki nodded.

   Less than an hour later, the entire group was gathered in front of
the large-screen television. Nabiki clicked the set on, and after a
moment, Beavis and Butt-head appeared on the screen.

   --2 hours later--

   "Heeeeeyyyyy.....that's Mach Go Go Go," Ranma commented. 
   Ryouga blinked. "Sure is," he said. 
   Nabiki scanned the program listing. "Hmmm....it's listed here as
'Speed Racer'," she said, blinking. "Didn't that Lazzo person claim
his network doesn't show any anime?"

   --4 hours later--

   "Okay, so we've seen some show about a fartin' cow...two guys
without brains...some other crap I couldn't recognize...Mach Go Go
Go, GoLion...a bunch of stuff with canned laughter...what else?"
   Hinako frowned. "I've heard that a show called 'Gargoyles' is
supposed to be good," she said. "Different from other stuff they
show."
   Miaka shrugged. "The guys that wrote that article didn't bother to
get the other side of the story. Why should we?"
   "Good point," Skuld agreed. "We've watched 4 hours of American
anime. We're experts now, aren't we?"
   Nabiki grinned. "Alright, time to start writing that article..."

   --a short while later--

   "Done...sent to the Usenet newsgroups, in both Japanese and
English," Nabiki said, handing copies of the article to the rest of
the group. They read it over and nodded in agreement...


   JAPANESE KIDS SAFE FROM BRAIN DAMAGE

   Parents need not worry. Japanese kids are not likely to suffer
brain damage caused by watching American anime.

   All children who watch American anime apparently suffer brain
damage from watching the shows, all of which seem to be geared at
lowering the general intelligence level of the viewing audience, and
crippling their minds in such a way that they actually find the shows
enjoyable.

   Of course, that type of mindless anime never appears on Japanese
television.

   TV Tokyo and other Japanese television broadcasters do not air the
blatantly stupid American anime known as "cartoons". 

   "American animation is so different from what airs here," claims a
source at TV Tokyo who does not wish to be named. "It's geared
towards two-year-old children, mental retards, and teenagers who were
too stupid to make it into high school. As far as we know, they don't
have storylines at all, just blatant acts of stupidity."

   TV Tokyo and other Japanese stations reportedly air some anime
that was originally created for American audiences, but deny that it
has anything to do with these so-called "cartoons".

-written by Tendou Nabiki and Ninomiya Hinako

*****

Okay, so that was petty, cheap, and cruel. I just couldn't help
myself. 

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The Eternal Lost Lurker
EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Garden/9502

Senkaa-sensei Muyou!
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