Sorry I'm late.  I knew there was another MSTing out there, but not until
after I started this, and I didn't read the other one until after I
finished mine, and there's no joke overlap, and my head hurts, and I'm
watching MST3K right now, and I'm just taking up space, and...wait, what
are you going to do with that?

And here I...er, they go again, leaping in the midst of a fic.


	Jen huffed down the corridor.  She prided herself on being in
shape, but even she had to wonder why she'd taken the stairs down to the
thrid subbasement instead of the elevator.

	The usual suspects were waiting for her.  "Okay, what's up?  Next
part of Together Again?  More Sailor Moon Z?"  Her voice dropped.  "Or is
it Dr.-"

	"Don't.  Say.  It," said Princess Usagi Tsukino tightly.  "Just
deny his existence, and maybe those fics will go away."

	"Besides," said Eileen Pearcy, "it seems we've got another good
one today."

	"Really?"

	"Yeah.  Remember Sailor Moon +?"

	"Hai," said the redhead, wondering how her friend had pronounced
the +.

	"Well, we've got the next part."

	"Ah.  Well, I seem to remember the first prat wasn't bad at all.
Let's get it over with, shall we?"

	"Sure," said Eileen.

	"Oh, and just how do you find these things out?"

	The brunette just gave a Zen smile.  "I deal with the press.  It's
my job to know these things."

	They entered the viewing chamber.

On Fri, 19 Dec 1997, The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:

USAGI: Then again, if he posted it, he isn't a lurker now, is he?

This is the rough beta version that my prereaders last saw. With some
of my prereaders gone for the holidays, 

EILEEN: Either that, or the INS finally tracked them down.

					I decided I'd go ahead and
post this as a preview of the second episode of Bishoujo Senshi
Sailormoon +. The final version of this story will be out sometime in
early January. 

JENNIFER: This is a trial version of this fanfic.  If you intend to
continue using it after 30 days, you must pay for it.

Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon property of Takeuchi Naoko, Kodansha, Toei
Animation.

U: The hell it is!  I do a pretty good job owning myself, pal!

WARNING! A major character's personality is drastically altered in
this episode. However, most of you will view this as a *good* thing.

J: Maybe Haruna-sensei won't be such a sourpuss this time.
E: [doubletake] Have you been reading up on Robotech again?
J: [innocently] What's that?

	
Note: In the context of this fanfic, "Momo" means "pink". 

U: I hope there aren't any chimpanzees in this one.
J: Ecchi!  Where do you come up with these things?

	The moon dipped below the horizon, making way for the rising sun to
claim the sky. The Tsukino family slept peacefully, exhausted from
the events of the previous two days.

E: For details, please see Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon +, volume 1, part 2.
You'll be glad you did.
J: How do you pronounce that plus sign?
E: Practice.

	However, not all was calm at the Tsukino household. On the roof of
the house, a bright flash split the still twinight.

U: Should I say something?
J: Nah.  It's a beta version, remember?
U: So?  It should be twilight, anyway.

						 With a light
thump, a figure, cast in shadow by the darkness of the hour, lighted

E: I like the verb, but I think the tense is wrong.  "lit upon the roof"
would probably be better.

upon the building. A familiar silhouette of a head glanced around,
and chuckled softly. "Wait till they get a load of me," 

U: Appearing this week on the FFML, the long awaited SM/Batman crossover,
starring Jack Nicholson!  Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Batgirl!

							a soft voice
whispered. The figure then smacked itself upside the head.

J: "Watashi no baka!"

							 "Mom's
right. I *do* spend too much time in the old vid vaults..."

U: That sounds familiar somehow....

Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon + 
Vol. 1, Part 2

"In The Pink"

E: Y'know, I once saw a movie called the Hunt for Pink November.  Any
connection?
J: I hope to God there isn't.

by The Eternal Lost Lurker


	"Oh no, I'm late *AGAIN*!!!!!" Usagi's piercing scream rent the calm
atmosphere of the Tsukino household. She dashed downstairs in her
school uniform, bookbag grasped tightly in one hand as she did the
Tokyo Shuffle around the kitchen, looking for a piece of toast.

U: Never seen that before.
J: Nope.

	Ikuko, clad in her housecoat, trudged into the kitchen, and sighed.
She laid her hand on the teenager's shoulder,

E: "Peace, be still."

						 freezing her in her
tracks. "Usagi-chan," she said quietly, "it's Sunday."

J: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm not sure honorifics are used when
talking to a younger close relative.

	Usagi blinked. "S--Sunday?" Ikuko nodded. 
	Suddenly, Usagi darted upstairs. Ikuko chuckled, and then fell over
laughing hysterically at the painful screeching of a cat being
strangled. 

U: This message brought to you by the Japanese Society for the Protection
of Magical Cats, reminding you that only *you* can prevent magical cat
abuse.

	Kenji and Shingo made their way into the kitchen, still wearing
their pajamas. Kenji slipped his glasses on after rubbing his eyes
sleepily. "What's goin' on?" Shingo asked.

J: If he breaks out into a Marvin Gaye song, I'm leaving.

	Ikuko giggled. "I think Usagi's upset with Luna."

U: No I'm not.
E: Wrong Usagi, Usagi.

	"Oh." There was a silent pause. "Breakfast?"
	"I'll get started right away," Ikuko said. The two Tsukino males
shuffled off to clean themselves up a bit.

J: Yeah, dried and caked blood will really put you off your bowl of Lucky
Charms.

	
	A small figure nearly fell off the roof as a cat's tortured wails

J: You might even say caterwauling.
[groans from Eileen and Usagi]

tore into the morning air. "Sounds like someone's having a good
morning," the figure, a young girl, muttered. "Kuso...what is
*taking* them so long?"
	A tiny flash brightened the roof for a second,

E: It's a nuclear attack!
J: Poor taste, Eileen.
U: *Very* poor taste.
E: Gomen....

							 and a large, round
shape bounced onto the roof. A smaller, grey shape let out a yelp,

J: Hoo boy, here we go.

before falling off the round object, and landing rather clumsily on
the roof. 
	"So much for always landing on all fours," the girl giggled. "What
kept you?"

E: "My new antigravity device.  Wanna give it a try?"

	"I had to go back and fetch something *you* forgot."

J: Insulin?
E: Purse?
U: Driver's licence?
J: Watch?
E: Condoms?

							 The tiny grey
figure did a backflip in the air, and a gleaming pink locket
clattered to the roof. The girl smacked her head again. "Oh
wonderful. I guess it's genetic after all..."

E: Female pattern baldness?

	"Well, shall we get going?"
	"Hai." The girl affixed the locket to her clothing, and turned to
the round shape. "Luna-P, henge!"

J: Er, princess, are you going to freak out like you did during ACS?
U: I won't make any promises.  But I'll try.
E: Suspicious how we only get the fics you're in.

	The round shape, a black ball with a cat's face painted on it,
disappeared in a puff of smoke, becoming a large pink-and-white
parasol.

U: Quite frankly, I always thought the parasol bit was a bit outlandish.
But I had an image to maintain.

	"Time to make like Mary Poppins,"

J: Oh, so now she's going to practice witchcraft on the streets of London
and terrorize the children under her care?

					 the girl said, earning a groan
from the small grey creature as it gained purchase on her shoulder.
Grasping the parasol, she leapt gracefully from the roof, and floated
down to ground level.

E: I would make a joke about machine guns, but I think her Highness might
hit me.
U: You'd be right.

	Usagi paused in her maiming of Luna

J: Gee, and I thought Mama's Hand was disturbing.

					 to blink at the window. "Did you
see something just now?"
	Luna panted, struggling to fill her lungs with air, and wheezed, "I
sure hope so. I do enjoy breathing..."

U: Breathing?  In 20th century Tokyo?  Good luck!  I spent just a few
months there and nearly got lung cancer for my troubles!

	Usagi sighed, and released the cat, heading for the stairs. After
regaining her normal black shade, and making sure she could still
breathe normally, Luna followed.

	The delicious smells of breakfast cheerfully greeted Usagi's nose as

J: Hi!

the teenager emerged from the stairway. "Breakfast is almost ready,
Usagi-chan!" Ikuko called from the kitchen.

E: "Come get your gruel while it's hot!"

	"Be right there, Mom," Usagi said. "I just want to check on
something first." Without warning, the doorbell rang. "I've got it,"

E: Influenza?
J: Typhoid?
U: Cholera?

Usagi said. "What else could it be at this hour on Sunday but
trouble?" she muttered as she opened the door, preparing to come
face-to-face with the dark-skinned man again, or some horrid
creature.

J: She wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition, but then again, who ever
does?

	She blinked in surprise at the motley trio before her. The more
familiar members of the group were a hovering black ball 

E: It's the blind man's disco ball.

							with a cat's
face and a grey kitten with a crescent moon marking on its forehead.
The third, while seemingly familiar, was definitely a mystery. 
	Standing only a third of a meter shorter than Usagi,

J: Not enough fanfic writers use the metric system.  I appreciate that.
U: You mean there's another system of measurement?

							 the girl wore a
school uniform similar to her old one from Juuban-gakkou, with a
shiny pink brooch affixed to the red bow. Her bright pink hair was
done up in odangos identical to her own, 

U: But...I like *my* odango better!  [primps the part of her hairstyle in
question]

					with pink pigtails hanging
midway down her back. She smiled up at Usagi, her red eyes twinkling.

U: Sorry to disappoint you, but they're contacts.

"Ohayou gozaimasu!" 

E: Really?
U: No.

	Usagi blinked repeatedly. *What in the--?* "Anou..."
	The girl giggled. "Baka Usagi," she said. 

J: If I may say so, you had a weird domestic situation going on towards
the end of your second stay.

	Usagi's eyes widened. "Impossible...Chibi-Usa-chan!?"
	"Hai!" the pink-haired girl chirped.

E: Chirped is right.
 

	"Who was at the door, Usagi-chan?" Ikuko said as she walked up
behind her daughter. She blinked at the girl standing outside the
door. "That--that couldn't be..."

U: No, it's not Nene Romanov.  Now put away your autograph book.

	Chibi-Usa blinked, then smacked herself, and turned to Luna-P. To
her surprise, Usagi grabbed her by the arm, and dragged her inside.
Diana and Luna-P rushed in before the door was closed. "Ack! Usagi!
What was that for?" Chibi-Usa rubbed her sore arm.

U: Child abuse!
J: Settle down, I don't think Her Majesty would intentionally hurt you.

	"Gomen, Chibi-Usa," Usagi said. She shook her head. "You won't need
to use Luna-P on them this time."
	Chibi-Usa blinked. "Huh? They couldn't possibly remember...?"
	Ikuko smirked. "So *that's* why..."
	"Chibi-Usa," Usagi began...then blinked, and shook her head. "You're
not so chibi anymore," she remarked. 

E: That's what everyone says.
U: Really, I mean, was I supposed to stay a little girl forever?
E: 900 years seemed close enough.
U: I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

	The pink-haired girl giggled. "I suppose not. How old was I when you
last saw me...eight? Nine?"

J: Underage, most likely.

	Usagi nodded. "Something like that...and that's been less than a
year ago," she added. 
	"Right. Well," she said, frowning, "there's...a reason I was sent to
this time, and not four more years ahead," she said nervously.

J: "Pu's being a real cheapo with BAK maintenance, and the time key is a
bit out of whack."

	Usagi blinked. "It's the new threat, right?"

E: I hardly think the Asian tigers are a threat at this point.

	"Uhh...hai! Hai, the new threat!" *Whew...close one.*

U: Did I ever tell you guys how annoying time travel can get?

	Usagi nodded. "It figures. So you're...how old now?"
	"Twelve!" She frowned. "Usagi? We're talking about stuff we
shouldn't be talking about in front of Ikuko-mama, ne?"

J: Give her Highness some credit.  I think...I know she's smarter than
that.

	Ikuko smirked again. Usagi giggled nervously. "Well, you see
Chi--mou, the name just doesn't suit you anymore!"

U: Well gee, have you tried my *real* name?

	The younger of the two Usagis

U: Proper plural of me is Usagi-tachi.

				 nodded thoughtfully. "Hai, it was cute
when I was a little kid, but I don't think I can take it anymore. Of
course, calling me Usagi is out...and Small Lady just isn't suitable
here..."

J: Oh, I don't know about that.

	"We'll think about it a bit, Small Lady," Usagi said, then cleared
her throat. "Anyway, see...something's happened recently. Ah, Mom,
Dad, Shingo, Rei's grandpa, Yuuichirou, Ami's mom, Minako's

E: "first cousin second removed on her father's side..."

mom...they all know we're Sailor Senshi now."
	Small Lady blinked. "No kidding?"

E: "Well, actually this is all a plot to make you gain confidence in our
parents so we can use them to gather your energy for the Dark Kingdom.
But believe what you like."

	Usagi nodded. "Yeah...when our new enemies showed up, they sorta
forced us all out into the open in front of our families." Blushing,
she added, "Of course, Mom found out about me being Sailor Moon by
accident..."

J: She caught her sending fan mail to herself.

	Ikuko chuckled. "Welcome back, Small Lady," she said, bowing to the
young girl. 

U: Finally!  Nice to get some respect, for once.
E: I thought your mom hated the publicity?
U: She does.  I don't.

		"Or should I call you grand-daughter," she said, winking.
	Small Lady paled. "Y--you even know about *that*?" she asked in a
small voice.

J: So when she's Black Lady, she has a...black voice?
U: Let's not get into that.
J: Gee, there's so many things you're touchy about....

	Ikuko smiled. "Hai. Don't worry, though...I won't mention it again."
She frowned. "Besides, I'm not old enough to be a grandmother yet."

E: That's what you think.

	Small Lady made a decidedly uncomfortable sound at that, but only
Diana noticed.

J: [singing] Dirty Diana-a, dirty Di-ana-a!
E: That's strike one.

	"Now, about that name..." Usagi said, tapping her chin thoughfully.
"Ah! I know! How about Momo-Usa?"

U: No!  I won't stand for it!
E: Cripes.  Now I know why none of the planet senshi will agree to do
these things....
J: That would be strange.  Can you imagine you and me in a fanfic?
[pause]
E & J: Nah.

	Small Lady thought that over. "Hmm...that'll work," she decided.
Giggling, she said, "Actually, all things considered, it sorta fits."

	"Well then," Usagi said, "Let's go have breakfast, Momo-Usa-chan!" 

J: Of course, in the 30th century we run the exact same time zones, so
breakfast time there is the same as breakfast time here.
E: Well, it's plausible, if you time the jump correctly.

	The three made their way to the breakfast table, finding two
impatient, starving men there. Shingo looked at Momo-Usa, and
blinked. *Kawaii...familiar, though...*

J: "Wasn't she on Baywatch?"
U: If he starts hitting on me, I'm leaving.
E: You won't be alone.

	Usagi caught the look Shingo was giving Momo-Usa, and whispered in
his ear, "Ne, Shingo-kun...don't even think about it. That's your
future niece."

E: Oh, if you can have kissing cousins, why not overly friendly uncles?
J: I didn't know you were from *that* part of Pennsylvania!

	Momo-Usa overheard the comment, and blushed. Shingo also blushed.
"Chibi-Usa? Is that really you?"

U: No, but a remarkable facsimile that isn't half as annoying as some
other characters that...claim to be me.

	Momo-Usa nodded. "Hai. But call me Momo-Usa now, okay?"

E: Miss Usa if you're nasty.
J: That's our second Jacksons ref, isn't it?
E: Yep.

	Shingo nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Thankfully, breakfast
chose that moment to be served,

U: Breakfast is pulling all the strings!

				 and he was able to divert his
attention to the mouthwatering heaps of food.

	"Ohayou, Mako-chan!"
	Makoto turned and waved at Minako as the blonde caught up with her.
"Ohayou, Minako-chan! You're looking cheerful this morning."

E: It's the stimulants.

	Minako nodded. "Slept like a log last night," she said, stretching. 
	"I'll attest to that," Artemis said sullenly. "She landed right on
top of me when she passed out." He coughed, and a rather large golden
hairball flew from his mouth. Makoto burst out laughing. 

[silence]
J: That was particularly unnecessary.
E: I'll never again be able to look in in the face at morning briefings.

	Minako scowled. "You *could* have moved, you know."

U: Yeah, always blame the cat.

	"Hey, Ami-chan's up ahead," Makoto said, recovering. The two girls
and the cranky cat caught up with Ami, who was busily concentrating

J: She was trying to bend spoons with her mind.

on her palmtop computer. "Ohayou Ami-chan!"
	Ami started, and turned to her friends. "Ohayou! Gomen, I was a
little distracted..."

E: Ah!  Here we are!  All that money on the server and the DNS entry paid
off!  Welcome to www.ami.mizuno.com!

	Minako frowned, and nodded at the computer. "Is something up?"

U: Well, there's the moon.  about a quarter the size of earth, about one
light second away, with the ruins of a great civilization.  Why?

	Ami shook her head, smiling. "No, no trouble I can spot. I'm just
toying with a program the former Mercury was writing. 

J: The artist formerly known as Mercury?
E: No, the original Mercury.  She was anti-union, so when the AFL-CIO came
to town, she had to be...removed.

							She never
finished it, but it's complete enough that I think I can do it."
	Makoto tried to peer at the screen, furrowing her brow thoughtfully.
"What kind of program is it?"

U: French KISS.

	Ami smiled mysteriously. "If I get it working, you'll find out."

J: Your first warning will be when all your undergarments leap one meter
to the left.

	The group caught up with Rei, who seemed rather crankier than usual.
"Ohayou Rei-chan!"

E: I think he's aiming for the record of most uses of the word 'ohayou' in
a fanfic.

	"Ohayou guys." She cast a dark glance in the direction of the
shrine. "Grandpa no BAKA!" she yelled. Everyone glanced at her
nervously, sweatdrops rolling down their heads. "The old idiot's
trying to tail me to the Senshi meeting!" Rei said disgustedly.

U: Oh, he's just reaching out because he's lonely and need someone to talk
to.
[Eileen and Jen look at Usagi strangely]

	The others looked in the direction Rei would have come from, only to
find no indication of pursuit. Ami tapped a few keys on her computer.

J: "Dammit, they always interrupt my Quake sessions!"

"I'm not detecting him," she said absently before returning to her
programming.

E: I bet she's using BASIC.

	"He's back there, I tell you! I know he is!" Rei scowled.
	"Calm down, Rei-chan. If he *does* show up, we'll deal with it,
alright?" Minako said soothingly. The group continued on to the
Tsukino household.
	"I hope Usagi is awake this morning," Rei muttered.

	"Oh, Usagi-chan...I almost forgot..."
	"Yes, Luna?"

J: "I'm pregnant."
E: WHAT?!?
J: It's a joke!  Take some deep breaths, okay?

	Luna paused nervously. "You do remember why I woke you early today,
don't you?"

U: To take out the trash?

	Usagi frowned. Momo-Usa watched with interest, wondering if Usagi
would remember on her own.
	"Nope. Sorry."

U: If I facefault...

	Luna and Momo-Usa facefaulted. "The Senshi meeting," Luna said.

U: Nevermind.

	"OH! That's right, we're having another one this morning...HERE!
ACK! I totally forgot!"
	Momo-Usa shook her head and sighed. "Same old odango-atama..."

J: [goofily]  You gotta love her!

	Ikuko walked in, with a large bowl of fresh muffins. "It's a good
thing Luna warned me in advance," she said. "Calm down,
Usagi...everything's all set and ready for your meeting."

E: "I plugged in the overhead projector, and the computer's running
Powerpoint."

	Usagi blinked. "Th...thanks, Mom," she said. Smiling at Momo-Usa,
she added, "I think the others are going to be a bit surprised this
morning, ne?"
	Momo-Usa giggled. 

[Usagi giggles]
J: Hey, you two are pretty close.

	Darkness, permeated by a red haze. Heat beyond heat. Throngs of the
wretched, existing solely for the perverse torment their master
longed to inflict upon them. 

E: Just a typical day at Microsoft.
U: Too easy.

	In the midst of this vision of terror, five suited figures stood at
attention before a gruesome skull.

J: It's Skelator!
[Eileen edges away from Jen slightly]

				 The skull before them was
enormous, charred black, splintering. It had gigantic tusks, and a
pair of gnarled, twisted black horns. Its eye sockets had an
unnatural shape. Here and there, scraps of twisted, blackened flesh,
and strings of other once-living matter, hung from the gory bone. The
jaw was propped open by a scaffold of other, smaller bones. 
	Inside the jaw, on a throne of dried blood, wreathed in sinister

U: Er, I think we got shipped the Halloween episode by mistake.

flames, sat a silhouetted feminine figure. "The five of you disgust
Us," she said in a sensual, yet somewhat...unbalanced voice. 

J: Oh, are we using the royal We, now?
U: Yes, We are.

	"But, your Highness...we succeeded in the mission."
	"We don't *care*! Those sailor whores 

ALL: Hey!

						defeated you far too easily!
We will not tolerate a repeat of this incompetence!"
	"Of course, your Highness. Our next attack on the Sailor Senshi will
be...more satisfying."

E: It'll be packed with peanuts!

	"It had better be." The figure on the throne of blood leaned forward
slightly, though not enough to allow her features to become visible.
"Suisei! Kasei! 

J: Oh, like none of us speak Japanese.
U: I think it's a bit cute, personally.
J: And I suppose you wouldn't mind if I called you Tsuki, ne?
U: Er....

		You two will lead the next assault." A pair of eyes
glowed...black. 

E: Now *there's* a neat trick.

		The effect was extremely disquieting. 

U: You're telling *me*!

							"We assume the
two of you can control a two-headed wyvern?"
	"Yes, your Highness."
	"We won't fail you."
	"See to it that you don't."
	Steam hissed and fire crackled as warped versions of the sigils for
Mercury and Mars appeared in the hellish air.

J: Well, that was certainly uplifting.
U: Very.

	Usagi opened the door, and greeted her friends cheerfully. Rei
blinked several times. "Odango-atama is actually *awake*?" she
muttered. Usagi stuck her tongue out at Rei, and giggled. "Come on
in, gang. 

E: Gang?
J: She sounds a bit stiff, actually.

	Mom made us some muffins."
	Ami folded her computer, and stashed it in her subspace pocket. As
the girls entered the living room, Shingo appeared, and began

U: Speaking in tongues.

hovering anxiously, occassionally tossing off random comments like
"The Sailor Senshi are so cool!"

ALL: We know.

				 And more often than not, "Kawaii..."
The girls shifted uneasily, hoping that their own personal fanboy
would find something else to do besides annoy them.

E: Like die.
J: That's a different fic.

	Salvation from Shingo

U: Uncle Shingo is the Messiah?

				 came in a form that shocked the four
houseguests. A hand shot out, and grabbed him by the collar.
"Moooouuuuu," said an oddly familiar voice,

J: The same voice that told him to go out at nights and howl at the moon.

					 "Shingo-kun, they have
business to talk about. You can bug them later, alright? Sheesh, and
people call *me* annoying..." 

U: Finally!  You tell it to 'em, sister!

	Ami, Makoto, Minako, and Rei blinked as the pink-haired,
odango-headed preteen cuffed Shingo on the back of the head, and
dragged him from the room. 

U: Lurker, I could just kiss you!
E: Pray restrain yourself.

	"Anou..." Minako said.
	"That...couldn't be..." Makoto murmured.
	"Not unless she's been spending *too* much time with Hotaru-chan,"
Rei commented quietly.

J: Either that, or they're acting out a *really* extensive scene.
E: Scene?

	Ami retrieved her computer, and did a quick scan. She gasped. "It
*is*," she declared.
	Usagi grinned as the pink-haired girl returned to the room. "Minna,"
she said, "Look who's come back again!"

U: Buddha?
J: Jesus?
E: Elvis?

	"Miss me?" Small Lady said, smiling cutely as she bowed to the four
Senshi...who promptly fell over in shock.

J: Yes, they fight youma with the greatest of ease, but age Small Lady by
four years and they go to pieces.

	
	Mamoru stifled a yawn as he opened the morning paper. He was at a
new outdoor cafe 

E: The Akaibara.

		he'd recently discovered, that had decent prices and
excellent coffee and breakfast pastries. He chuckled to himself.

E: [smoothly] "I love my job."

*Thinking about breakfast pastries...I'm picking up some of Usagi's
bad habits...*

J: I wouldn't start worrying until he starts putting his hair up in
odango.

	As he sipped his coffee, a familiar, older voice said,

U: You're under arrest?

							 "Ohayou
gozaimasu, Mamoru-san. Mind if I join you?"
	Mamoru looked up, and blinked. "Tsukino-san," he said. Nodding, he
motioned to the chair across from his. "Please, have a seat."

U: Or a stereo.

	Kenji sat down, taking a sip from his own coffee. He nodded
appreciatively. 

J: "Nice pants."

		"I can see why you come here," he commented. 
	Mamoru grinned. "It beats instant," he said. Kenji chuckled. He
noticed the plate of croissants sitting in front of Mamoru, and
raised an eyebrow. "Croissants too?"

E: Coffee, croissants...Endymion liked to dip his wick in everything.

	Mamoru chuckled. "Try one," he said. Kenji, being a man who had a
bottomless stomach when presented with fine foods, 

U: I always wondered what side of the family Mother got it from.

							helped himself to
one. "Picking up some of Usagi's bad habits, I see," he commented.

J: Yep, he'll be smoking within a week.

	Mamoru coughed, and blushed slightly. "Ahem...yes, well..."
	Kenji smiled. Sipping his coffee, he said slowly, "Mamoru-san...I've
always wondered. Exactly how *did* you and Usagi meet?"

E: Painfully.

	Mamoru looked nervous. "Ah, well..."

U: It involves a dating agency and a time machine.

	Kenji chuckled inwardly. This was going to be *fun*.

	"So, Ch--*Momo*-Usa," Minako said, "what brings you back again?"

J: Free food.

	The six girls were seated around the table, munching on muffins.
Shingo had decided to keep his distance for a while, let Momo-Usa
clock him one again. 

E: Nani?  He *wants* her to clock him?
U: I think that was supposed to be "lest Momo-Usa clock him one again."

			*She's tough,* he though to himself. *Definitely
dangerous. And kawaii...* 

J: Don't say it, Usagi.  We know what it is.

			He mentally smacked himself. *Baka! She's
Usagi's daughter! Get a grip!* Shingo sighed as he watched the girls
chattering.

U: Something tells me this is about more than just cute nieces from the
31st century.

	Momo-Usa shifted uncomfortably. "Well," she said, "Just...y'know,
more training...a break from the tedium of palace life..."

E: Actually, she's in the past for tax purposes.  Apparently the IRS gives
a bigger refund for each dependant that is in the past.

	The girls picked up on Momo-Usa's discomfort, but decided not to
press the issue. They'd learned, the hard way, that Pluto had a
reason for everything she did, and that they'd find out sooner or
later what that reason was. 

J: Probably when the shit hit the fan, but hey, beggars and choosers.

	"So, you're older now," Makoto commented. 

E: [British] Oh my, you seem to have fallen down a fifty foot well, are
you all right?

	"I see you've changed your hair," Ami said.
	Momo-Usa nodded. "The rabbit-ears got boring."

U: And receiving all those TV channels got annoying.

	"Well, it's an improvement, I guess," Rei said. "Even if you *are*
still an odango-atama..."
	Momo-Usa and Usagi both gave Rei a firm raspberry. 

J: They then added some blueberries and a nice dessert topping.  It was
tasty!

							Rei returned it
in kind, but found herself outmatched by the force of two Usagi
tongues. 

U: Speaking as a Usagi-
E: Will you *please* stop speaking as a Usagi and start speaking as an
impartial reviewer?
U: I can hardly be impartial if I'm in the fic, can I?

	Minako and Makoto snickered, while Ami returned her
attention to her computer.
	Artemis and Luna sighed, and decided to leave the room until the
girls got control of themselves. 

J: Or at the very least got toilet trained.

				They made their way over to where
Shingo sat.
	Shingo noticed the two cats, and asked quietly, "Are they *always*
like this?"

E: No.  Usually, Mars has pulled out the tacnukes by now.

	Luna nodded. "Basically...yes."
	"Shouldn't they be...I dunno, doin' Senshi stuff?

J: Like what?  Sitting behind a desk?

							 Figuring out who
they're fighting, training, something like that?"

E: Well, we have a strong union.  We can't work too long without breaks.

	Artemis shrugged as best as a cat can. "We don't have a clue as to
who we're dealing with this time. We don't even have a name to go on
yet. The only thing we can do is wait until they attack again."
	Shingo blinked. "Do you think they'll go after Mom again?"

U: Depends.  How much is she worth to you?

	Luna shook her head. "I doubt it. All five of them were attacked
individually. With the exception of Jupiter, they were all forced to
transform in front of their families. 

J: Rather insensitive, bringing up Jupiter like that.

					That seemed to be the purpose
of the first attack...to expose them."

E: And you don't want us...exposing ourselves!

	Shingo shook his head. "I don't get it."
	Artemis sighed. "Neither do we. Annoying, isn't it?"
	Their attention was drawn by a shout of "Mercury Crystal Power
Make-Up!" from the living room. All three dashed to investigate.

U: Well, it's a henshin.  Duh.

	
	Minako, Makoto, Rei, Usagi, and Momo-Usa blinked as Ami transformed
into Sailor Mercury. "Ami-chan? What's going on? Did you spot
something?" Usagi asked. Minako, Makoto, and Rei had their henshin
rods out, while Usagi and Momo-Usa were clutching their brooches.

J: Wow, I knew pickpockets were bad back then, but I had no idea it was
*that* bad.

	Mercury shook her head, tapping keys on her computer. "Everyone
relax, no need to transform. There's no trouble." Everyone blinked.

E: This has been a test of the Emergency Senshi System.  If this had been
an actual Monster of the Day, you would have been instructed to run
towards the scene of the battle while catchy transformation music played
in the background.

She paused, and looked up, smiling. "I'm sorry, I should have warned
you. It's this program I'm working on," she said. "It's complete, I'm
just testing it...I have to be in Senshi form to do so, that's all."

U: [jovial] Oh, that Sailor Mercury!  What a prankster!

	The group sighed, and settled back. "You coulda told us ahead of
time," Makoto muttered. 
	"So what's this program supposed to do?

U: It's *supposed* to compress the hard drive.  It'll *really* transfer
all the US missile launch codes to a group of fanatical Middle East
terrorists.

					 You've been working on it
since before we got here," Minako said.
	Shingo lounged 

[Eileen starts making woka-chika sounds]
J: Who's the blonde private dick who's a lounging machine to all the
chicks?
U & E: Shingo!
J: Man, that Shingo's one bad mother-
U & E: Shut yo mouth!
J: I'm just talkin' 'bout Shingo!
U & E: We can dig it!
[Eileen stops making the sounds]
J: Oh, I love things like that.

			in one corner of the room, listening in with
interest. Artemis and Luna sat attentively at the table, watching
Mercury intently. "A new program for what?" Luna asked.
	"It's a program my predecessor was designing,"

E: The old Mercury is now working for Sun microsystems.

						 Mercury said. She
giggled. "It seems the previous Mercury was a bit of a fashion
freak."
	Artemis groaned. "Not *that* program," he muttered. Luna raised an
eyebrow and glanced at him. He sighed. "Are you *sure* you really
want to fool with that thing?"

J: Well, nothing else is going on, and it'll probably turn out to be a
plot device of some sort, so....

	Mercury shrugged. "I'm just curious. Besides, it could be fun..."

U: Somehow, fun isn't the first thing I think of when Mercury is the topic
of discussion.  Although there was that one time back in...oh my, that was
hilarious.
E: What was it?
U: Can't tell ya.

	"Anyone want to tell the rest of us what's going on?" Rei asked.
	Mercury tapped a few more keys, and smiled. "I'll show you," she

J: [singing] Let me entertain you....
E: That's two.

said. One final keystroke, and her computer beeped. "Test phase one,"
she commented absently. Her boots, gloves, and tiara shimmered, and
began to change.

J: Into a NEW CAR!
[Eileen and Usagi make cheering sounds]
 

	The others blinked as Mercury's boots were replaced with shoes
identical to Sailor Venus', but in the same blue as her skirt. Her
gloves shrank from elbow-length to wrist-length, and reversed in
color, becoming blue with white trim. Her tiara changed from gold to
blue, the jewel disappearing to be replaced with a small golden
Mercury sigil. The others stared, slack-jawed.

E: Hm.  I think I like it.  Any chance we can get our fuku to look like
that?
 

	"What...how'd you do that?" Usagi asked.
	"Kirei," commented Momo-Usa.

U: Can I say that *any* more deadpan?

	"Not bad," Rei smirked. 
	Luna blinked, and turned to Artemis, who was shaking his head. 
	"This program alters the design of the Inner Senshi's sailor-fukus,"

J: I hate to get snotty about Japanese, but plural of fuku is fuku.

Mercury said. "The idea is to allow the Inner Senshi to change their

E: Underpants.

battle attire in accordance with their own personal tastes. The

U: And now, the JSDF takes to the battle field in designer originals,
direct from Paris!

former Mercury didn't quite finish the program, but I was able to
pick up where she left off." She put away her computer, and dispelled
her transformation. "Pretty nice, don't you think?"

J: I think I like my fuku the way it is.

	The others nodded. Artemis just sighed. "I just hope it doesn't
backfire on you," he said. "There's a *reason* the old Mercury
stopped working on the program."

E: Yeah, when the KGB got wind of it, they were all over her like the
press when Serenity makes a public appearance.

	Ami nodded. "I noticed she had an extensive bug report, but I think
I've worked all the bugs out of it. It worked well enough on the test
run, anyway."

J: And of course, if it works fine the first time, it'll *always* work.

	By this point, Usagi, Momo-Usa, Rei, and Makoto had zoned out.

U: Oh, she wasn't half as incoherent as she could have been.

Minako decided to ask Artemis later exactly what sort of bugs that
program had, just in case. Luna was thinking the same thing.

E: Well, a few moths, some cockroaches, etc.  Let's go, shall we?
 
[Exeunt ommnes.]


	"Right," said Jen as they sat in the debriefing room, "now what
have we learned?"

	"I learned that people can characterize me without resorting to
making me a brat, a little kid, or an immature spore," said Usagi.  "And
that a certain Lurker will get something special in his stocking this
Christmas!  Mwah!"

	"Er, yeah," said Eileen uneasily.  Princesses.  Really.  "WEll, I
learned that a fic doesn't have to be filled with action to be good.  But
it *does* help, sometimes.  It certainly wasn't fast-paced."

	"And *I* learned," said the redheaded Jen, "that Eileen can
pronounce plus signs in strange ways.  Now, I've got a bit of work to do
upstairs, and-"

	"Yeah, of course.  See you guys later," said Usagi, rising from
the table.  As she reached the table, she paused.

	"Oh, do you happen to know Lurker's postal address?"


======

Note: her Highness's promises are her Highness's alone.  The chronicler
makes no assurances that the Princess will carry through with them.

--
LeVar Bouyer -Mr. Potato Head!
lbouyer@geocities.com or l_bouyer@lvc.edu | Libertas per veritatem
Fanfics at http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/1648 | All Hail Unazuki!
Home page (and fanfic reviews): http://csunix1.lvc.edu/~l_bouyer/