Memories (a Ranma 1/2 fanfic)
by Nikholas "Mayhem" F. Toledo 

	The Ranma 1/2 Universe was created and therefore owned by Rumiko 
Takahashi, Viz Communications and Shogakukan. If you do own Ranma and I 
have failed to mention you, that is because I am not worthy to even write 
your name since you are really incredible people and earn a million 
dollars just to write up the characters in the Ranma 1/2 title.  I would 
also declare that I will not get a single cent from this work and that I 
am only doing this to pass away time and for my own personal artistic 
fulfillment.

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|Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!|
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Chapter 7
Toxic Waste Soufflé

	Hinako-chan knocked quietly on the door to the principal's office. 
She did not go there often; only when the firm letter of instruction 
commanded her to see the headmaster did she dare walk down this corridor. 
She thought of Principal Kuno as a *major* delinquent, but one that 
should be tolerated, for taking out the principal would do more damage. 
But rational thinking did not prevent the temptation from coming to the 
surface, and she avoided him just in case.
	The knock went unanswered and Hinako-chan opened the door to find 
the room in disarray. Tibetan llamas ran over the Hawaiian setting, 
eating the grass skirts the plastic hula-dancers were wearing and 
trashing the meticulously crafted tropical beach motif the Principal was 
so proud of. Principal Kuno chased them around the office in vain, 
actually causing more damage. "Miss Hinako," the principal pleaded in his 
artificial Hawaiian accent.  "You be helpin' me get rid of them! There no 
llamas in Hawaii, yeh? and--- STOP EATING MY PINEAPPLE PATCH!" Principal 
Kuno grabbed one of the herd and pulled it away. He screamed in pain when 
it bit it in the arm. "HELP!"
	Hinako-chan asked in her cuutee voice, "Do you have a five-yen coin 
on you?"
	A few seconds later, everything disappeared in a flash of bright 
light.

	The initial bright light dissolved into raging fire as Kuno 
literally burned when he heard of the suggestion made by Nabiki. "I, 
TATEWAKI KUNO, BE KISSED BY THE BLESSED PIG-TAILED GIRL!!!" His mind went 
into overdrive, remembering the passionate kiss given to him by his fair 
Juliet. "Though I had dreamt of that self-same kiss so often, never had I 
thought that such an event should ever happen again in the near future!" 
He jumped up to the table as the fire raged even more behind him. "By 
Jove, the pig-tailed girl loves me well! This now I pledge: I, the Blue 
Thunder of Furinkan High (and other such sonorous titles too  numerous to 
mention in this short speech), do solemnly swear, that I shall increase 
by a hundred, no, a THOUSAND-fold my efforts to free my beloveds from the 
spell of the cursed infidel Ranma Saotome! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"
	 Nabiki listened to his speech with small smirk of amusement. "Are 
you finished yet, Kuno?"
	"One more. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!"
	Sasuke stopped waving the candle in the air. "Master Kuno, forgive 
me for intruding, but wouldn't the enemy of all women (and other such 
horrible names so cleverly invented by your eminence) Ranma Saotome try 
to prevent her from showing her love?"
	"Blast, Sasuke! You have put an end to my merrymaking, but thou 
hast a point." He jumped from the table and landed in front of Nabiki. 
"Fair Nabiki Tendo, I leave this matter into you capable hands. For the 
removal of Saotome, I shall pay any price, though I would want that I 
shall deliver the killing blow." 
	Kuno placed his hands on Nabiki's shoulders. "There are others whom 
I should trust. Others whom I am allied with. Yet they all are fools. 
Whereas they bicker among themselves about the name of our confederation, 
and elected imbeciles with which to organize (bah! What a lowly title for 
a leader!) our resources to his elimination, I am sure of the failure of 
their quest. But I am sure of the success of yours. It is with you that I 
place my trust." 
	He walked backwards and reached inside his kimono. "For thou hast 
protected me once (and later, once again) from the vile temptress Nanami 
Jinnai, and thou shalt be the instrument of freeing the blessed Akane 
Tendo and the noble pig-tailed girl from the lecher Ranma Saotome, and 
healed my wounds, and other such services, I, Tatewaki Kuno, shall bestow 
upon thee this Kuno Seal of Camaraderie indicating your special place as 
an asset in the Kuno family." He took out a small button with a picture 
of a pineapple with the words "Seal of Camaraderie" printed on it in bold 
letters and attached it to her dress. "It is a special honor reserved 
only for those whom the Kuno family holds in best regards." Kuno 
graciously walked away, with Sasuke shaking his head at the hopelessness 
of the situation. "Farewell, Nabiki Tendo. I shall grace you again with 
my presence later."
	"What a fool!" Nabiki thought, removing the button ("It is kind of 
cute, but still...") and placing it inside her pocket. "Seal of 
Camaraderie, bah!" A sheet of paper was in her hand when she took it out 
again. "Guess I wouldn't be needing this." Nabiki crumpled it up and 
absentmindedly threw it away. "All that hard work for nothing. I can't 
believe Kuno trusts me that much." 
	All of a sudden, she felt woozy. She had to lean on the side of a 
nearby tree until the dizziness passed away. "What was that?" she 
thought, it was the same odd feeling she had felt that morning before 
leaving the house, but the spell lasted longer. "Gosh, I really need to 
get some sleep." 
	She left, leaving the letter on the ground.

	Silk flew around Happy's room. "The special bra! Where is it?" The 
pervert frantically searched through the large amount of ladies 
unmentionables which carpeted the floor from wall to wall. He burrowed 
here and there like a groundhog, but the green bra was nowhere to be 
found. "The first bra given to me by Nabiki... And I've lost it!" He 
cried for a little while. "Sweet thing! Why haven't you come home yet!"
	A sudden thought came to his head. "Now I remember! I left it at 
the school! Guess I better get it before anyone else would." He hid his 
collection (somewhere) and strapped up for another raid. "Guess I better 
take advantage of the situation." Joyful once again, he bounded outside 
to the fresh air.
	He found Soun crying by the doorstep. "Kasumi! Why haven't you come 
home yet?" He saw the master and cried out even louder. "WAAAHH!"
	"I'll go out for a little while, Soun m'boy. I still have things to 
do, you know." He was about to jump away when Soun caught hold of his 
sack. "Master, please look for Kasumi. Tell her to come home." He 
groveled on the front walk. "PLEASE!!!"
	Happosai thought for a while. Ordinarily, he would have said yes 
immediately, since it was for Kasumi. But the way Soun squirmed seemed 
that he would do anything, *anything,* to get Kasumi back. "Sure, Soun 
ol'boy." Soun was about to smile when Happosai added, "on one condition. 
I'll tell you what when I get back." Happosai chuckled merrily. "Remember 
to keep your word later, my boy." 
	Soun gulped as the perverted old man leapt into the sky.

	Genma-panda gulped back the bile that forced its way to his mouth. 
The offer of lunch (a free lunch, mind you) was very tempting. But the 
flip side of the coin was that the self-same meal could be his last lunch 
on planet Earth before he was sent to the great bamboo grove in the sky. 
On one end was Nodoka's fine eatery, on the other, Nodoka's fine blade. 
There were times that the logical part of his brain shouted caution. But 
his stomach GROWLED! "What am I going to do? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!?" He 
pounded his head on a nearby brick wall. 
	Mitaka eyed the panda warily. "Are you sure he's safe, Miss 
Saotome?" 
	Nodoka laughed but tried to pull the panda away before the building 
could collapse. "Well, it's Missus to you, you know." She rubbed the back 
of a very flustered panda. (Well, how do you calm down a panda stuck in 
indecision?) "There, there, Mr. Panda. When we get home, you will get a 
large bowl of beef stew for you." The scale tilted in Genma's head, but 
he couldn't help eyeing the way the katana shone in the light. "After 
lunch, I'll take you back home." 
	"Mrs. Saotome," Godai emphasized the title, hitting Mitaka's 
mistake. "Someone's looking for you."
	Kasumi walked to the group cradling P-chan in her arms. "Auntie 
Saotome, I left the groceries at your house." She waved away the expected 
invitation for lunch. "I'm sorry that I can't stay for long. Father's 
probably hungry by now, so I better hurry."
	Genma urked. "Lunch's not ready yet?!?" Things suddenly became 
clear in his head. "That means nothing to eat at the Tendo Dojo. Poor 
Tendo. I guess I'll have to take my chances with Nodoka," he growled and 
stood up, but added a bit later, "even if it means my life."

	"I'm going to win my beloved Ukyo even if it means my life." 
Tsubasa stomped on the ground for good measure. The doctor/martial-artist 
and the transvestite/master-of-disguises strolled the streets, enjoying a 
little bit of small talk before they went on their separate ways. Dr. 
Tofu, not finding any good topic of conversation, talked for a little 
while about various stuff. They talked about Ukyo, then Ranma, then 
Akane, and the Tendos' in general. It could be predicted that the topic 
of conversation invariably switched to Kasumi.  
	Tsubasa noted the way his glasses frosted over (and the other 
obvious symptoms). "You care for her, don't you? (As if that wasn't 
obvious.)" Dr. Tofu was unable to answer (obviously). After a while, he 
managed to stammer an answer. "W-w-well, I-I h-haven't r-really told her 
about it."
	Tsubasa thought for awhile. "If you really like her, then tell her 
now! Fill the air with pretty pink envelopes telling her, no, the world 
how much you love her!"
	Dr. Tofu sighed. How many times has he thought of doing that? Now, 
it was close to impossible with Mr. Tendo on the rampage. He chose not to 
answer, and the conversation ground to a halt. A few blocks passed. 
	It was Dr. Tofu himself who broke the silence first. "You know, you 
should not only learn to care for the one you love, but also for those 
whom the one you love loves. (You get what I mean?) I'm having trouble 
with Kasumi now because Mr. Tendo's... I'm telling you, if you want Ukyo 
to accept you, you should talk to her father first." He paused for a 
while.
	"If you really love someone, you shouldn't let anyone get in your 
way." Tsubasa paused too.
	Then the full impact of each other's advice dawned upon the two of 
them at the same time. Then after a few seconds of hesitation, one ran of 
in the direction of the Ucchan's, the other, to the Tendo Dojo.

	When Cologne knocked quietly at Shampoo's bedroom door (which was 
also hers, by the way), Shampoo was jumping around like her usual self. 
"Hello, Granma! Shampoo come back to pick future husband's lunch!" 
	Cologne gazed at her face. It showed no sign of tears. "The affair 
is getting a bit more dangerous than I had expected." A Chinese amazon 
never cries, for it is a sign of weakness. "The love potion must have 
done this to her. I better come to Furinkan High with her to make sure 
nothing goes wrong." She watched Shampoo fix herself quietly in front of 
a mirror. "First, I have to check who lies in her heart now."
	"Shampoo," she called out to her, "to whom would you bring that 
lunch to?"
	"Great-grandma, how can you forget? Lunch only for Ranma!"
	"Good," Cologne thought, "she passed the first test. She loves 
Ranma now. Still, I have to produce the second test." She said aloud, 
"well, what about Mousse."
	Shampoo suddenly stopped whatever she had been doing and stared 
quietly into the mirror. "Shampoo no care where stupid duck brain is. He 
go to..." she paused for a while to think of the appropriate word. "He go 
to very bad place for making Shampoo sneeze to kiss. Shampoo taught him 
lesson he never forget!" She acted out the viscous slap for the benefit 
of the old lady who wasn't there.
	"She loves Ranma then. I better make sure Mousse doesn't play the 
same trick again." Cologne prodded away on her staff. "Hurry up, Shampoo. 
Son-in-law must be getting hungry by now. I'm coming along to make sure 
nothing bad happens." She hesitated, thinking to test Shampoo once more, 
but she let the issue slide.
	It would be helpful to recall that Shampoo had not sneezed for a 
few hours now.

	Akane paced around Furinkan High looking for Ranma. She had openly 
declared to anyone who would hear that she was searching for her fiancé 
to teach him a lesson, and anyone who would be thinking otherwise would 
be punted into the nearest tree. She sighed. For a strange reason she did 
not feel that vindictive now. "RANMA! WHERE ARE YOU!!!" she yelled, 
trying to bring back the rage she had felt a while ago. "Darn, why can't 
I stay angry at him for more than a few minutes? What have I done to make 
him ignore me this way? Maybe this is the way he feels whenever... I 
guess I've been to rough on him." Her thoughts drifted.
	She was jolted with a loud quacking at her feet. "Mousse! What are 
you doing here!" She picked up the slightly beaten-up fowl. Ordinarily, 
she would have gotten angry, since Mousse's presence in whatever form 
would signal Shampoo's arrival. However, she saw the small crater on the 
wall where his body chose involuntarily as a shock absorber and the angry 
red welt on Mumu-chan's face. Her heart softened at a kindred soul. 
"Guess Shampoo must have given you the cold shoulder again, huh." A small 
growl erupted and Akane laughed in spite of herself. "You must be 
hungry." She smiled, "I better cook you lunch."
	She walked away with a frightened duck in her hands.

	Nanami sipped contentedly on her iced tea. "You can never enjoy 
iced tea with a tortured soul," she thought, not giving her problems any 
further thought. She knew that Nabiki had a *major* advantage over her, 
this school being her home turf. But she would find a way. She would win 
this time. What she needed was to get an informant, an insider who would 
tell her the scoop on the goings on in Furinkan High. She was a reporter, 
and she would use that to her advantage. What Gosunkugi would tell her 
would be the coup de grace. In the meantime, this scheme would serve to 
keep her afloat.
	Quickly and quietly, she directed her two crewmates to install the 
video equipment on the rooftop of the school. She also told them to look 
for a certain scrawny looking guy with baggy eyes when they went up. 
After they left, Nanami fixed herself up. Nabiki and her friends (no, 
associates would be the capitalistically correct term) would be coming in 
a few minutes. "I wish that Hikaru would be here soon. I need someone to 
double-check the figures on Nabiki's statement of account."
	Nabiki and her friends arrived, with the said reigning Queen of 
Capitalism radiating the old, familiar aura. The paperwork was done 
without any further ceremony, aside from the casual "Hello again" types 
of greeting. Nanami did not have any difficulty with her assets and 
liabilities. All she had was a few hundred yen and some change. Nabiki's 
filled a dozen pages, in size 8 font. Nanami scrutinized the fine print, 
making sure that there was nothing she would miss. After a few minutes, 
the deal was made and the combatants signed on a document, thus sealing 
their promise and eliminating any legal loopholes. 
	After Nabiki had gone, Nanami reached out for another glass of iced 
tea. "Wow. I know Nabiki was that good, but still..." She sighed, "this 
is going to be one heck of a long and hard battle."

	The Navy Jeep roared over the streets of Tokyo on its way to 
Nerima. The Admiral was behind the wheel, disregarding the many 
privileges that rank gave him. Rick Hunter sat at the front, still 
wondering why the heck he was a part of this strange (and perhaps 
dangerous) convoy. Tom Swift sat quietly at the back, letting the wind 
blow his blond curls around. Most of the trip was in silence, the roar of 
the engine being too loud for conversation. 
	The jeep stopped at a red light, and the roar of the engine tapered 
to a throaty hum. Rick managed to ask the question he had been meaning to 
ask for a while. "Sir, isn't Nerima where the monster was sighted? If 
this mission is so important that we have to risk entering a battlefield, 
why aren't we travelling with an armored guard?  And," he added after a 
brief pause, "why are you driving?"
	The Admiral laughed. "One question at a time, Rick. One question, 
please." He chuckled a for a little while before his face became serious 
again. "First of all, I am aware of the danger we are facing right now. 
However, that danger is not as great as you think it is. The newsflash 
of---what was his name again, Mr. Swift?"
	"Ranma Saotome, sir, according to CNN."
	"Thank you. I have got to remember that. Anyway, the newsflash of 
Ranma Saotome on CNN was entirely exaggerated. As you can recall, Rick, 
that I am of the opinion that this Ranma Saotome is some kind of martial 
artist. Ah, I see that you try to stifle a small chuckle, but I will not 
hold that against you. I have seen real martial artists in action and 
what they are capable of surpasses even the abilities portrayed in 
Hollywood, and even with the cheesy special effects. After all, he did 
attack you in mid-air."
	"Sir," Rick finally spoke up with a little bit of hesitation, "I 
think that what you said did little to calm the fears that I am feeling 
right now."
	"Oh! Oh, yes! I realize that I have only made the situation seem 
more hopeless. I pray that you forgive me for this oversight. On with my 
story then. Ranma Saotome is some kind of martial artist, let us take 
that as our first assumption. Let us take now another fact. That Ranma 
Saotome and the evil oni (I mean ogre) were washed up in a California 
beach via sea current which originated somewhere in Asia. Since Japan has 
many martial artists, it would only be a reasonable guess that the 
monsters came from Japan."
	"But China has martial arts too, sir. Isn't there a chance that he 
would have come from that part of the world instead?"
	Tom Swift's eyes lit up. "We have analyzed the ocean currents that 
carried the monsters for a month before the incident. The probabilities 
that Ranma Saotome and the evil ogre came from Japan are significantly 
higher than any other country on this side of the Pacific Rim."
	The Admiral laughed again. "Incredible, Mr. Swift. I had no 
scientific basis for my assumptions yet our results match perfectly. Oh, 
I still haven't dispelled your fears yet, Rick. Let us continue with my 
story in the light of the new data. Since the monsters came from Japan 
and there has been no reports until now that Ranma Saotome was rampaging 
the country, even though it has been six months since the attack on the 
West Coast, it would be safe to conclude that he lives a normal life 
until such time that he would see swimsuits, when the destructive spree 
would begin. Mr. Swift, your eyes light up again. You have information 
regarding this matter?"
	"Well, sir, I've checked the local records and it appears that 
whenever the local climate becomes hot enough for people to troop to the 
beach,  there have been numerous complaints in the last months about a 
panty thief who moved too fast for a positive identification other than 
that he was diminutive in size, particularly around the Tokyo Bay area. 
The records even states that most of the people described him some kind 
of monster pervert." Tom Swift took out a palm top and began typing some 
figures. "I'm linking to the computer onboard the carrier and it says 
that the probability of a match-up between the Tokyo panty thief and 
Californian monster is," he paused for a while as the computer processed 
the information, "89.34 percent, sir."
	"So there you have it, Rick. The monster resides somewhere here in 
Tokyo and lives a rather normal life until he goes to the beach or Tokyo 
would have been leveled to the ground by now. The danger we face is 
significantly small enough for us not to need additional security. We're 
going to Nerima to escort a man the Navy sorely needs right now, but he 
has no importance to anyone else. An attack from any front would be close 
to zero."
	The light changed to green. "And as for your last question, I have 
my reasons." The jeep roared on in silence.

	"Come one, come all!" Nabiki Tendo shouted over the megaphone to 
the noontime crowd. "Catch the latest craze gripping Furinkan High." She 
paused for awhile to get the mob's attention. "GET YOUR OWN AKANE TENDO 
TRADING CARD!!!" A few posters unfurled and fireworks went off.
	"Akane Tendo Training Card?!?" "Did you hear that!" "Wow! That's so 
cool!" "How much! How much!" "I'll sell my spleen for it!" The crowd, 
mostly guys, gathered around the stall, scrambling for a better look. 
"She's so cute! I'll buy them all!" 
	Nabiki smirked, "Like honey is to bees..." She got a card and 
continued her marketing strategy. "Each Akane Tendo Trading Card 
undergoes a rigorous selection process. Only one out of 10 pictures are 
made into cards, thus only the best are left. Printed on acid-free paper 
using the most vibrant of colors, these photos will last longer than your 
normal life span." She droned on and on, with the mob hanging on to every 
word. "On sale only during this lunch hour. For only 500 yen, these 
photos will be a treasure for generations to come." Nabiki pointed at a 
larger stack. "And for an additional 1000 yen, you can have an 
autographed copy!"
	"An autographed copy!" the crowd ahh-ed in unison. "Is that for 
real?" 
	Nabiki flicked a card over, "see for yourself." 
	The back read, "Let your love shine true. Let it shine forever 
more!" and signed Akane Tendo. "This is her handwriting. I'd recognize it 
anywhere!" "Let your love shine true... Let it shine forever more... 
She's trying to say something." "I know! She's looking for a chance to 
dump Ranma! She's wants us to beat him up!" "She loves one of us!" "Yes! 
For Akane, I will let my love shine!" The mob grew in size. "WE'LL BUY 
THEM ALL!!!!"
	"Just as I had expected. Good thing I worked all night on Akane's." 
Nabiki raked in the cash and called out to the back of the hastily 
erected stall. "How is it going back there!"
	"We're giv'n' it all she's got, cap'n!"
	"Well, give it some more!" She grinned sardonically. "You won't 
win, Nanami. No matter how you try, you won't win."

	Gosunkugi woke up a few minutes later when someone prodded him 
awake. Reflexively, he threw a spleen in order to defend himself, but it 
just spattered to the floor pathetically. "Please don't hurt me!" he 
cried, grabbing hold of the attacker's foot. 
	"Hey! Stop that!" The pilot pulled Gosunkugi away. "We're not going 
to hurt you." He gazed at his face. "Are you the Hikaru Gosunkugi 
Nanami's looking for?" Gosunkugi nodded. "Well, she's looking for you." 
	Gosunkugi stammered and breathed his thanks. He picked up his 
spleen and disappeared down the stairwell. 
	"Poor kid. I wonder what Nanami has in store for him."

	There were three people inside 1-F, namely Ranma's two friends and 
the fortune teller. She sat at the back, staring at some weird stuff that 
Hiroshi and Daisuke couldn't identify, so they just minded their own 
business.
	Daisuke munched on his sandwich. "I'm telling you, Hiroshi, this is 
one heck of a weird day. Weirder than usual, if I might add. First of 
all, this sandwich is normal, maybe even tasty. I have this feeling that 
something's up, but I don't know what that is. I have this bad feeling 
that we're stuck in some kind of weird soap opera where the writers 
called in sick and the janitor has been doodling on the script." He took 
a big bite and audibly munched it. "Something dramatic is going to happen 
soon."
	Hiroshi bigsweated. "I think that the hippopotami have knocked your 
brain. Okay, if I were in a soap opera, what am I going to do next?"
	Daisuke walked to the window. He gazed outside. "Well, first of 
all, you're going to attempt to delay eating your sandwich. Delaying 
tactics are used sparingly in soaps."
	"Do you see me use delaying tactics? No, you don't. I'm going to 
eat this sandwich now. Yes, now. In a few seconds, this sandwich will be 
gone before your very eyes. A few seconds, man. All it takes is just a 
few bites. Take a good look, for this would be your last. There goes your 
theory on soaps. Boy, if I were you I'd..."
	"Then, something happens that would make you think twice before you 
eat it."
	Miyo slapped Hiroshi's hand as he was about to swallow the sandwich 
whole. "I'm warning you! Grave misfortune comes to those who would eat an 
elephant bun when Mercury aligns with the Blue moon on a hot sunny day. 
Remember, you have been warned." The fortune teller retreated to her 
corner, speaking strange languages, casting weird spells.
	"You're not going to follow the advice given to you, being too 
bull-headed to listen."
	"Man, this is my sandwich. No one is going to take it away from 
me." Hiroshi bit out a large portion.
	"Then, you'll discover something weird about that sandwich."
	Hiroshi's teeth felt something weird inside the bun. Choking, he 
took it out. "A bra! A green bra! What the heck is a bra doing in my 
sandwich?"
	"Now a third party from far away will come to explain what has 
happened to you." Daisuke was not aware of what was going on, too deep in 
thought. "Then he's going to take it away."
	The Cappuccino Consortium Adviser came through the door. "That's 
the bra Happosai was wearing this morning! It must have gotten mixed with 
the dough. Aha! Someone sprinkled my nanosponges on it! I must have it 
analyzed for scientific purposes." He grabbed one end of the bra and 
began pulling. "Give it to me!"
	Daisuke continued with his monologue. "Now the true reason becomes 
apparent. The climax comes near as the curse of your discovery issues 
forth!"
	With a mighty yank, Hiroshi pulled on the bra, ripping it into two, 
one half to him, the other to the Adviser. The Adviser dashed out the 
door as the nanosponges on Hiroshi's half break open, releasing their 
contents. A green cloud filled the room. Sounds of a scuffle were heard.
	"Then the story ends in a strange and surprising way." Daisuke 
laughed. "You're right, Hiroshi. It's just my paranoia." He turned around 
and stared at the sight.
	Somewhere, the chimes of a pipe organ began to sound. 

	Tsubasa, disguised as a vending machine, arrived at the Ucchan's 
post haste. "What the heck am I doing here?" he thought. He mulled over 
Dr. Tofu's advice in his head. "Talk to Mr. Kuonji, and if you play your 
cards right, he might even help you win over your darling Ucchan's heart. 
That I would do, if I knew where Father was." Tsubasa has never met Mr. 
Kuonji before. All the gigs they had at the Ukyo's back in junior high, 
he had only seen Ukyo, never her father. "Funny," he thought, "one might 
even think that Ukyo's father never did exist." He had to gather 
information about his present whereabouts. Asking Ukyo would be out of 
the question, or else be flattened by mighty, mighty spatulae. He, 
however, hesitated to peek through Ukyo's things, for some strange reason 
that he did not know why. With only one path left, he gathered up the 
courage to ask his future wife about the whereabouts of his future 
father-in-law.
	Only if the said future wife had not slid back the door just then.
	Ukyo stepped out of the Ucchan's carrying a small package wrapped 
in colorful paper. She looked forlorn, downcast. Tsubasa eeped, not 
expecting the sudden appearance of his goddess. Ukyo's face changed to 
that of pure rage. Taking out the massive spatula, she proceeded to pound 
the vending machine until it was no more than a flat slab of metal 
measuring 2 by 4 feet. The sidewalk was drenched in red blood. "I TOLD 
YOU NOT TO COME BACK, JACKASS!!!" She smashed it a few more times for 
good measure and punted it into the street, where a passing steam roller 
finished the job. She walked away, as downcast as before.
	"Whew!" Tsubasa, disguised as the steamroller, sighed with relief 
as he drank a can of Red Blood Cola that somehow survived the carnage. 
"She's really angry this time."

	"So that's what it does," the Adviser mused to himself as chaos 
erupted. An idea came to him and he walked away. "Just a little bit of 
modification should do it. I hope this works."

	Nanami's last client disappeared in the direction of the Kendo Club 
dojo and she found herself alone once more. She pocketed the green 
handkerchief and continued on with her work.
	The posters yelled with loud colors. "Can you act? Can you sing? 
Can you dance? Then this is your chance for stardom! Auditions for NHK 
being held at the Furinkan High school rooftop! This is your chance to be 
discovered! Limited slots available! Ask the lovely news reporter Nanami 
Jinnai for further details!"
	"Darn it, where's Hikaru?" Nanami was busy posting these loud 
posters all over the school. Publicity was always good, and she was darn 
good at that. Still, she wasn't fit out for menial work. "It's so hard to 
find good help nowadays." 
	A small piece of crumpled paper caught her eye. Having just 
finished an environmental news article, she silently cursed the person 
who so clumsily threw this away. There was writing inside, and to 
Nanami's sharp eye, whoever wrote it was trying to imitate someone else's 
handwriting. Her interest in the paper grew by bounds when she saw that 
it was from a certain Ranma Saotome, who, as far as she knows, was a very 
famous (or infamous) figure in campus. "A chance for blackmail!" she 
thought, keeping it for later use.
	Someone tapped her at the back. "Hello! You were looking for me?" 
Gosunkugi's face caused Nanami to laugh a little bit. "Oh, yes, Hikaru! 
It's so good that you're finally here! I've been looking all over for 
you." She tweaked his cheek.
	Gosunkugi tried to keep from blushing, but to no avail. With his 
pale, white skin, it was as if his face were on fire. "S-s-s," he 
stammered. "ARRGGH!!! Stop it, Gosunkugi. The first girl who has ever 
exchanged more than a few words with you. Don't ruin it." "S-s-so," he 
managed to say finally. "What c-can I do for y-you, then?"
	Nanami giggled. "You're cute when you stammer." Gosunkugi's face 
became even redder (if it were still possible).  "Well, you can start by 
posting these posters. Then when you're through, you can treat me to 
lunch!" Gosunkugi began to feel dizzy. "A-a-a l-lunch d-date!" He 
suddenly found that he couldn't breathe.
	"Not again!" he thought as he slumped on the ground.

	"Well, I better go now, Auntie. Goodbye!" Kasumi waved and was 
gone. Nodoka and the others went back to their lunch. It wasn't just a 
lunch, it was a feast! All of Nodoka's skill was somehow contained in a 
bowl of beef stew. Godai and Mitaka could not find words to express their 
delight, so they just gave up and wolfed down the remains of the meal. 
Genma-panda skulked in the corner, eating bamboo. "Hrmpp. I forgot pandas 
were herbivorous." He longed to change into a man once more, with all 
that good food just a few feet away.
	"You cook so well, Mrs. Saotome! Unlike some of the people I know 
who forced someone to eat a bowl of rotten ramen." Mitaka launched the 
verbal assault on Godai, who crumpled like he was hit by a physical blow. 
"I guess that particular person should be dragged and shot in the streets 
for what he did to Kyoko."
	"Darn it, Mitaka! That was two years ago! And how is it that you 
are always forcing her to kiss you even though she doesn't want to?"
	"Immature two-timer!"
	"Two-timer! Hah! Look who's talking, Don Juan."
	Nodoka laughed. "You sound so much like Ranko and Akane! Still, for 
the sake of proper conversation, I would request that you cease such 
verbal attacks for now, or it will ruin your digestion." She took a small 
piece of tissue and wiped her lips. "So, you two have been courting Kyoko 
Otonashi for the past four years and to no avail?" The two nodded a bit 
sheepishly. "Four years is a long time," Nodoka continued. "From my point 
of view, the situation seems laughable. It seems that whenever events 
lead to a resolution, something out of the blue comes up to upset 
everything. But I know that you're hurting a lot inside waiting for 
something that might not come at all.
	"What I am going to tell you would seem to be surprising. I have 
the advantage (or disadvantage, mind you) of hearing the matter for the 
first time." She looked at them with meaningful eyes. "The reason why 
Miss Otonashi hasn't given you an answer is simply because you have done 
*absolutely nothing* over the past four years..."
	Mitaka and Godai were startled. "Ma'am," the coach was the first to 
speak, "you're not saying that..."
	"Think of it this way. Whenever you try to win Kyoko's heart, and 
that's for the two of you, something always comes up that eliminates all 
that you have worked for. The situation cancels itself out. What's left 
is nothing. Nothing at all. Think about that."
	She let her last words hang for a minute or so.

	Gosunkugi woke up from troubled dreams to find himself surrounded 
by a feast of sorts, or one readily available from the Furinkan school 
cafeteria, if that could be called as such. "W-w-wha..." he stammered at 
the extraordinary variety of sandwiches around his prone body. A nervous 
part of his brain recognized this procedure as one found in the book 
entitled Not for the Squeamish Voodoo Spells and other Dark Rituals, 
wherein the sacrifice to the great god of some-sort-or-other was 
surrounded by his favorite meals before really nasty things happened to 
his body. He shuddered at the thought. 
	"Oh! You're finally awake now!" Nanami looked at him over a large 
fish sandwich. "I thought that you wouldn't get to enjoy the meal you so 
graciously contributed for! After all, this is a lunch date, and guys 
often are the ones who pay." She tossed him a small slice of traditional 
peanut butter and jelly. "Here, I saved you some." 
	Gosunkugi had no choice (after all, he did pay for it, even if he 
didn't remember). He couldn't help notice the way Nanami's eyes rested on 
him as if she was going to buy him. "I-I-I---<gulp> What do you want with 
me?"
	"Well, Hikaru," she said rather seductively (at least in 
Gosunkugi's viewpoint), "I want you..." She stared into his eyes.
	"You want me..." He was perspiring hard now.
	"I want you to..." She continued the stare, reducing the distance 
between their faces.
	"Y-you want me to... what?" Gosunkugi closed his eyes, waiting for 
the inevitable...
	"I want you tell me about Ranma," Nanami winked rather coyly.
	<FACEFAULT>
	"WHAT!?!" Gosunkugi was incredulous. He thought that Nanami was a 
very capable girl who can match Nabiki even in her most vindictive moods. 
But now...
	"What what?" Nanami couldn't help but wonder at the sudden strange 
way that Gosunkugi was acting. Realization came like a lump of bricks. 
"You weren't thinking that I..."
	"NO!"
	"And that I was going to..."
	"N-NO!"
	"Well, now. Why are you still jumping around like an idiot?"
	"Oh!" He slumped down rather sheepishly.
	"Okay then, back to the conversation. I need to know about the 
social structure of this school. As far as I can tell, Ranma's a pretty 
basic part of the infrastructure. If I learn the scoop on him, maybe I 
can bend him to my will. And if you do your job well, I could even..."
	"Could what?"
	"Just tell the story, okay."
	"Are you sure? It's pretty long..."
	"Don't worry, I have the time."
	And Gosunkugi began a long monologue. "It all started when 
Ranma..."

	Ranma Saotome sneezed. "I can't stay like this forever," he thought 
to himself. The said basic part of the Furinkan High School social 
structure (and perhaps that of Nerima) cowered in the dark room 
underneath the High School Gymnasium stage. It was here that Akane 
learned of Ranma's only weakness (aside from her own cooking) and perhaps 
it was ironic that Ranma would find himself there. 
	He couldn't understand it. That morning, when he was fighting 
Happosai, all the energy he had in his body dissipated. This was even 
worse than the last time when Happy activated a pressure point on him to 
make him weak as a child. At least then, he could do ki attacks. His 
body, and not his spirit, was weak. But now...
	No matter how much he tried, he couldn't locate his ki, his inner 
strength. Even the simplest of techniques simply couldn't work. Now, he 
invoked the most desperate of all attacks, the Saotome Final Attack, run 
away. "I better stay out of the limelight for now. There ain't no way I 
can fight anyone in this condition, specially now that Nabiki's on the 
rampage. She might pull a fast one on me and find myself in a battle 
arena. I don't like this, but sometimes, the old man's right." Before he 
could find himself proud of listening to his father's advice, the Saotome 
digestive system kicked in. "ARRGGHH!!! I'm so hungry, I could even eat 
Akane's cooking."
	Hunger drove the desperate beast out. "Drat, I have to get 
something to eat. I know! I'll just act like nothing's wrong. With luck, 
Nabiki won't find me and pull me into one of those schemes until 
afternoon classes start." He jumped up (with difficulty) and ran out the 
door.
	Straight into the arms of the Goddess of Luck herself.
	"Why, Ranma! I've been looking all over for you!" Nabiki grabbed 
hold of Ranma's arm. "Come now, I have something to do for you." She 
dragged him outside, where a lot of people were milling about.
	"Oh no! I guess I'll have to play this by ear," Ranma thought, 
trying frantically to find a way out of this situation. He shouted, "And 
what makes you think that I would do so?" 
	Nabiki stopped and smirked. "Ranma, if I were you, I wouldn't be so 
loud." She paused for a while, gave him the glare and said silently, "I 
want you to kiss Kuno."
	"WHAT?!?"
	Everyone around them started to look in Ranma's direction with this 
outburst. Ranma eeped. "She dragged me to this place so I couldn't make a 
scene. Now, I can't run away while everyone's looking. That would make 
them think that something's wrong with me." He groaned at his own 
mistake. He, however, thought, "better play along now and run away 
later." He said aloud, "since you asked it of me, Nabiki. I would be only 
too happy to comply. You would change me into a girl or do I have to 
blackmail you for it?"
	"Very good, Ranma. You have been practicing those insults lately. 
However, I suggest that you can it before I do something really bad to 
you. Remember, everyone's eyes are on you now, and you wouldn't want me 
to tell them what happened this morning. Oh, Ranma, don't deny it. I was 
there at the time. Would you want people to know that you wet your bed?"
	"And what makes you think that they would believe you?"
	"Oh, you do underestimate me. Come now, can't keep Kuno waiting." 
Nabiki grinned sardonically, "I guess I can't make you wait either, since 
you said that you would only be too happy to comply." She laughed at the 
way Ranma's face contorted. "You're such a pervert, you know."

	The Kendo club dojo was in an uproar when the Adviser arrived. The 
Cappuccino Consortium Research Committee (the Chem Club) had already 
taken over the room and filled it from floor to ceiling with strange 
machines with weird lights that flash and do nothing at all but make the 
rustic ambiance of the training hall into something out of a sci-fi 
movie. People were running around wringing their hands. He shouted over 
the din. "Mr. Organizer, what's going on?" 
	The Organizer (the figurehead leader) looked at him with grave 
eyes. "It seems that a new variable has been added to the equation." He 
pointed at the large array of TV sets that were monitoring strategic 
places in the school. One monitor showed Nanami Jinnai talking to 
Gosunkugi. He continued, "Ki sensors have been flaring up. I have a 
feeling that she might interfere with the Plan."
	"Is she your problem?" the Adviser asked. "Nanami Jinnai is not a 
threat to our organization."
	"No. Look at the figure walking in the background." He pressed a 
few keys on keyboard and the camera zoomed. "She's our problem."
	"Oh, crap," was all the Adviser (even with all his expertise) could 
say.
	The screen showed Miss Hinako Ninomiya, transformed, ready to blast 
delinquents to kingdom come.

	"And that's the story up to now..." Gosunkugi took a much needed 
breath of air.
	Nanami's head was spinning. "Gosh! I never thought that it would be 
so complicated. It's too strange to be fiction, so I guess I'll just have 
to take his word for it." She shook the cobwebs out and began to think, 
radiating a small battle aura. Using her skills as a reporter, the 
tangled tread of events unraveled. Already, things were falling into 
place. She took out the letter she had picked up a while ago. Its 
monetary value increased dramatically. Now, she knew how to defeat 
Nabiki. Now, she knew that she had a chance. Just a few more arrangements 
were needed to be worked out.
	She stood up. "There's a few things I need you to do, Hikaru. But 
first, you're going to need this." She tossed Gosunkugi a small vial. 
"Here, drink it."
	Gosunkugi stared at the small capsule inside. "W-what's"
	"I assure you that its safe (and not illegal, before you could 
ask). I want you to make a few bets." She whispered something to his ear. 
Gosunkugi almost choked. He couldn't believe his ears. "WHAT?!? DO YOU 
ACTUALLY THINK THAT SHE'S..."
	"Yes. If she's desperate enough, she would. And remember, talk to 
everyone using the exact same words that I told you. The exact ten words. 
Got that?"
	"There ain't no way that this is going to work."
	"Shut up! Look at yourself. You're starting to talk like Ranma. 
Anyways, I'll see you in fifteen minutes. I have someone else to talk 
to." Nanami looked at her watch. It was a ten minutes past the hour of 
one.
	Only twenty minutes were left before the final showdown of the 
Queens.

	Mumu-chan tried to spit out the food so forcefully placed inside 
his mouth (or beak, rather). It was a long and hard battle that the duck 
found himself losing. Without any strength left, he closed his eyes and 
waited for the final shove.
	And he found that it was normal, maybe even tasty.
	"See!" Akane smiled, unable to conceal her happiness. "I know how 
to boil water." She got another good helping of noddles from the Ramen-
in-a-Cup (TM). "If only people would try my cooking first before passing 
judgement..." she sighed, remembering the one person who passed judgement 
more often than the others. "Why do you tag along with Shampoo, Mousse?" 
the question was more to herself than at the small duck beside her. "She 
always treats you bad. She never cares for your feelings. She keeps on 
calling you these stupid names." She stopped to get another helping for 
the duck. "Why, Mousse? Why would you still care for her even though 
there would be other girls who would care for you even more?" Akane 
thought silently, "why would I care for..." 
	"QUACK!" Mumu-chan screamed when a hand grabbed him from behind and 
threw him into a nearby wall, together with the cup of Instant Ramen.
	"Mousse, you die!" Shampoo screamed at the prone figure on the 
ground. Cologne plodded behind her. "Hmm! That's a pretty mean punt, if I 
should say so."
	"So, the Amazons are in town once again. Tell me, is there a 
Nekohanten opening in Furinkan?" There was a certain edge of hostility in 
Akane's voice. 
	Shampoo took no notice of this. Seeing that Mousse's body did not 
move, she composed herself. "Nihao, Akane! Shampoo let you have stupid 
duck brain for own if you tell where Ranma is, yes?" 
	"I don't know where he is. So would you please, BUZZ OFF!!!" Akane 
cradled Mousse's broken body, carefully setting his glasses back on 
before he could mistake her for someone else. "Shampoo! How could you not 
care! Mousse has done so much for you and yet you do this to him! He 
would die for your sake! And all you do is punt him around just for your 
own kicks!" Akane unleashed all of her fury. She would have gone into a 
Martial Artist No Finesse Fight (TM) if two strong hands hadn't gripped 
her arm. "N-nooo," Mousse groaned through closed lips. "Please don't hurt 
my Shampoo," he gasped before slumping down to unconsciousness once more. 
"MOUSSE!" Akane cried. "Please, wake up!"
	Shampoo was visibly affected by the scene. "SHAMPOO NO CARE EVEN IF 
MOUSSE KISS BY HO-HO-HO GIRL! Only Ranma, I care!" She stomped away with 
Cologne in pursuit. "Let's go, granma! Shampoo no wait to feed Ranma 
special lunch!" The Chinese Amazons left with no further ceremony.
	Akane helped Mousse to his feet. "Come on, Mousse. You can do it." 
Angrily, she thought, "I'm going to get her for this."

	Gosunkugi went around the school grounds, whispering to every 
person he met. "Whatever Nanami gave me," he thought, "it worked!" He 
found it a lot easier talking to people now, the words seemed to flow out 
of his mouth, lacking the familiar stutter. He was amazed at how 
convincing he was, noticing that most of the people he talked to agreed 
to the bets. Pretty soon, he lost his hesitation and threw caution to the 
winds. He went to a place where people were milling about and sweet-
talked them. Two girls approached him and he proudly declared his deal. 
He whispered in their ears.
	"NABIKI'D DO THAT?!? You've got to be kidding," they exclaimed. 
However, they bet a thousand yen apiece on it. Gosunkugi wrote their 
names on the betting list and strolled away happy.
	Little did he realized that he had just passed through the enemy 
camp.

	"I'm going to get you for this, Nabiki," Ranma whispered through 
closed lips. He couldn't find a chance to get away from Nabiki's gaze 
even for a moment. And the chances of that happening were getting smaller 
by the minute. The small crowd gathered around Nabiki's stall eyed him 
warily. 
	Nabiki talked to her associates for a minute. "So Kuno's at the 
roofdeck... Nanami's scheme? And here I thought that he was going to 
resist valiantly her nefarious attacks... SHE SENT GOSUNKUGI TO DO 
WHAT?!?" she did not shout, but the intonation of her voice made it 
appear as such. "So, she's making bets on me. She was a fool to make 
Gosunkugi her ally, of all people. Thanks for the info. I guess I'll have 
to act otherwise. Hold the fort while I'm gone. Remember, girls, just 
fifteen minutes before the tourney's over."
	She grabbed Ranma by the arm. Then, on impulse, she leaned on his 
shoulder. "Come on, Ranma. I'm waiting." Nabiki smiled for the benefit of 
a very surprised mob, and left, leading a very flustered Ranma to his 
impending doom.

	"OW! That hurt!"
	Akane treated the vicious red welt on the side of Mousse's face. 
"Come on, Mousse. Don't be such a baby." There was no one else at the 
school infirmary at that time, the nurse being off to lunch. Akane, being 
part of a martial arts family, was trained in basic first aid, especially 
in the treatment of bruises and such sustained during combat. And, of 
course, hammer scars and hand slaps, with Ranma being the regular victim. 
She put a wet towel on his forehead. "Why do you love Shampoo? All she 
does to you is give you the cold shoulder all the time. Sometimes even 
worse. How can you tolerate her?" 
	Mousse sat bolt upright. The towel fell with a small twack on the 
floor. "The question is Akane, why do you put up with Ranma? After all, 
he does the same things to you, too."
	The question was unexpected, and Akane found herself trying to hide 
a small blush. "I-I-I..." she stammered out. She shook the fuzzy feeling 
away. "THAT JERK! There's no way that I---"
	Mousse motioned her to silence. "Akane, please listen to me. I am 
aware of my limitations. My impaired eyesight gives that Ranma a distinct 
advantage over me. Only with long and hard training can make my skills in 
the Art satisfactory enough to defeat him. But during which time that I 
am gone, I cannot see to my beloved Shampoo. Perhaps when I come back, I 
would find the two of them married. You are aware of my position now, 
Akane." He gazed outside the window. "I cannot defeat Ranma the way 
things are. The only way I can win my beloved Shampoo's heart now is," he 
declared, looking back, "to make Ranma love you."
	"Uh, Mousse," Akane sighed, "you're talking to the doorknob." She 
gave him his glasses. "But, I don't think---"
	<SLAM> <CRASH> "OW!"
	The door opened with a bang, pinning Mousse to the wall. "Are you 
Akane Tendo?" Nanami Jinnai stepped gingerly over the threshold. "I'm 
Nanami Jinnai, from NHK." She extended her hand in greeting. 
	Akane made no move to shake it, being in a vindictive mood. "Well," 
she tapped her foot impatiently, "what do you want?" 
	"So this is Nabiki's sister, the one she used against Kuno the last 
time," Nanami thought. "Funny, I don't see the resemblance." No matter 
how she tried, she couldn't see the coldly calculating Nabiki in Akane. 
"I have a deal for you," she said aloud. She took the small letter from 
her pocket. "Here, read this."
	Akane, eyes narrowed, reached for it. As she read the lines, her 
eyes became wider and wider. "RANMA'S GOING TO DO WHAT?!? I DON'T BELIEVE 
IT! If I didn't know that this was Ranma's handwriting, I'd---" she 
wasn't able to finish the sentence in her rage. Akane ripped the paper to 
shreds, which quickly burned in the usual glaring blue aura. "I think 
that you know were he is, do you?"
	"Ah, Kuno's at the roofdeck. Of course, let me remind you that my 
services require a small fee..."
	"I'll pay you later," she grabbed Mousse by his arm. "ARE YOU GOING 
TO COME?" Mousse simply couldn't argue.
	Nanami stared. "You're Mousse, is that correct?"
	Akane was raging at the delay. "I think that you aren't deaf."
	Nanami thought for a while. "You better take this along," she 
tossed her a small package. 
	The enraged fiancée let down her aura in puzzlement. "What's this 
duct tape for?"
	The coldly calculating reporter simply smiled, "Trust me."

	Nodoka placed her cup of tea softly on the table. She made no move 
to speak for a while to let the impact of her words sink in. The only 
sound to be heard was Genma-panda as he chewed softly on the bamboo in 
the background. The shadows that were cast on the floor by the noontime 
sun had already moved before she spoke again. "I'm just an outsider. I 
have no right to interfere with matters that concern only you. You can 
choose whether to heed what I have just said." She noticed the way their 
jaws were resting lightly on the floor. "I'm sorry. Did I shock you a 
bit?"
	Mitaka, who was better at talking than Godai would ever be, spoke 
up first. "Mrs. Saotome, what you've said surprised us both, but it could 
explain a lot. Thank you very much," he bowed before her.
	"Oh, you don't have to thank me." Something caught her mind's 
attention and she looked down, deep in thought. "However, there's another 
piece of advice that concerns you both."
	She gazed at the cup of tea before her, trying to look for the 
right words to say. "Most probably," she began, "you have already began 
to think about how you would implement this new insight you have just 
gained. It might lead to the conclusion of this dilemma. Please, I urge 
you not to take this advice for granted." She closed her eyes and 
frowned, trying to block out bad memories.
	"When she makes a decision," she spoke finally, "accept it, no 
matter what it is. Godai, Mitaka, you two and Kyoko have become a strange 
sort of friends in the past years. Please do not let it ruin your 
friendship and your life if in case she decides against you. If you truly 
love her, then let her heart choose freely.
	"You see, I have a husband and a son that I have not seen for the 
past ten years." 
	Genma-panda snapped into attentiveness. The others did not notice.
	Nodoka continued, "Don't worry, we'll talk about that later. Oh, 
spare me from those looks of condolence. They're not dead yet and they 
love me much, but circumstances prohibit our immediate reunion. Well, 
back to my story.
	"You see, my son is engaged to the daughter of my best friend. 
Being martial artists, he and she are required to put honor above 
anything else. Even," she paused, "even above true love."
	Genma-panda swallowed the bile which somehow made its way to his 
mouth. He had a bad feeling about this. And that bad feeling was well 
justified, for when his wife spoke again, it was what he had feared.
	"Although, I, myself, being a martial artist, I would really force 
my son to marry his fiancée. But if worst comes to worst, if I found out 
that they simply did not love each other, I shall declare that promise 
null and void. I'd rather have my son live alone than spend the rest of 
his life with someone he did not really care for. You do get what I mean, 
do you?"
	And Genma-panda knew exactly what she meant.

	The Furinkan High School roofdeck. Almost an hour earlier, it was a 
quiet place, a place where the class wimp Gosunkugi sought refuge from 
the masses below. Now, more than half of the student body was there. All 
of them were in line for the audition. Some of them were there just for 
kicks and to find out what exactly was going on. None of them knew that 
this place was going to be a battleground of sorts in a few minutes.
	The first character to come to this place full of nameless faces 
was Kuno. He charged to the head of the line. "I order thee! Let me 
pass!"  The Blue Thunder punted those who resisted into the sky. He 
approached the payment counter. "Thou hast waited long enough." He 
slammed the table. "Finally, the greatest actor in Furinkan High has come 
forth!"
	The pilot bigsweated. "Get back in line, pal." He indicated the 
back of the queue, which extended down the stairwell to the third floor. 
	Kuno slapped his hand. "I, Tatewaki Kuno, fall in line? Peasant! Do 
you know me not? Then a proper introduction is best." He drove a hand 
through his hair amidst the collective groan of the waiting crowd. "I am 
the rising star of the fencing world. I am the blessed sword which 
strikes deep into the heart of evil and purifies the souls of many. It 
was I who single-handedly defeated your employer, the temptress Nanami 
Jinnai. My enemies tremble at the mere mention of my name. My peers call 
me the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High. I am the---"
	The cameraman emerged from the studio to find out what the fuss was 
all about. He heard the short speech. "You're Tatewaki Kuno? Nanami told 
me about you. She asked that you be given the importance due your rank. 
Pay first at the counter."
	"At last! Young man, I shall spare thee from the wrath of my bokken 
later. Payment you say? Of course, for the work of Nanami is that of 
money. How much shall it be, peasant?"
	The pilot's eyes lit up in remembrance of Nanami's special orders. 
"The service fee for you is two--"
	"Ah, such low price," Kuno reached for his wallet.
	"--thousand yen," the pilot continued.
	The crowd laughed as Kuno's face contorted. Quickly, he regained 
his composure. "SILENCE!" he ordered them and faced the pilot. "Two 
thousand yen? Surely the heavens themselves weep at such a price." 
However, he coughed up the cash and began his routine. 
	"I shall do for you some scenes from the Shakespearean play Romeo 
and Juliet. Thou best pay attention for you shall not see such masterful 
portrayal from anyone else." He faced the audience, "Oh Romeo, oh Romeo. 
Wherefore art thou Romeo?" He did an about face and kneeled down. 
"Underneath the balcony..." He did both roles alternately, facing this 
way for Juliet and the other for Romeo, successfully having a 
conversation with himself. 
	After a few minutes, he noticed the bigsweats forming. "What fools. 
Do you not appreciate this? There is no one amongst you who are worthy to 
become my Juliet, except for---"
	The stairwell door opened with a bang as Nabiki pushed a costumed 
Ranma-chan into the melee. "Yo, Kuno! Look who I found. It is your 
Juliet."
	Kuno was ecstatic, "Ah! It is the east, and fair Juliet is the 
sun!" He ran and squished Ranma-chan into his chest. "And now, for the 
love scene once again!"
	Ranma-chan, who had tried to find a quick way out, now found none. 
The crowd gathered around her and Kuno, effectively blocking off all 
exits. She knew she couldn't get out without a fight, and in her body's 
condition, that was out of the question. But there are far worse things 
than that. She cried out, "There ain't no way I'm going to kiss---"
	<TWACK> A green handkerchief came out of nowhere and hit Kuno's 
cheek. A green dust cloud began to form around the two of them. No one 
knew what was going on, even Nabiki. Instinctively, however, they all 
covered their noses.
	"Witness the dreaded power of the Powerful Love Perfume #143." The 
old ghoul somehow appeared from somewhere to explain (doesn't she 
always). "It's power is feared throughout the Ming Dynasty. Whoever 
inhales the green cloud is instantly attracted to its wearer. And the 
effects last for a few days. That was the same formula I gave you, 
Nabiki."
	Nabiki looked at her with puzzled eyes. "You mean that I was going 
to make Happosai into the most attractive man on earth? How can that 
defeat him?"
	"Young child, you do not think. Happosai gains his power from the 
women's refusal of him. If everywhere he went women treated him like a 
god, he would lose interest."
	"With considerable casualties, most probably including me."
	"Nabiki, I think that you would have the common sense to cover your 
nose."
	"But what I don't know is how Kuno was able to get the formula in 
the first place."
	"It was me," Nanami stepped out from the shadows. Instantly, 
intimidation auras snapped on. "A client, who wishes to remain anonymous, 
found the bra you had used this morning. His company hired me to get rid 
of Kuno for a significant fee that shall be paid soon." She smiled 
cynically, "A significant price, Nabiki."
	"But, Nanami," Nabiki's smile grew to match her opponent's, "I made 
deals too. And you just helped me with one of them. You see, Kuno will 
pay me a large sum of money if I could arrange matters to his liking. 
With the love perfume, it seems that Ranma will kiss Kuno out of her own 
volition, now." The fine tendrils of energy began to play around the two 
of them as the dust clouds cleared. "Looks like matters will be cleared 
in a minute."
	"Let's just see," Nanami looked into the dark interior of the 
stairwell. The sound of thundering footsteps were heard. "Here she 
comes..."
	Things began to happen quickly after that.
	Akane crashed through the door, dragging a half-dead Mousse. The 
scene before her eyes shocked her. "RANMA! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE 
DOING!"
	A weird change came over Ranma-chan. She no longer knew what she 
was fighting for. "Oh, Kuno," she snuggled close to his chest. After a 
few moments of hesitation, she reached out to kiss...
	"Quick," Cologne ordered, "someone get a kettle of hot water! The 
perfume has no effect on people of the same sex!"
	A kettle flew towards the couple (gross). The hot water splashed 
over Ranma-chan an instant before she could kiss Kuno. The kettle 
continued its trajectory, hitting Kuno in the kisser. "Oh, pig-tailed 
girl, I'M SO HAPPY!" he cried tears of joy before losing consciousness. 
	"Ranma!" Shampoo bounded in, "you okay?" 
	Ranma sat at Kuno's feet, sobbing in shock. "I-I-I almost kissed 
him (and without tape)." He gagged for a while.
	"No worry, Shampoo make it all better now." The amazon glomped 
Ranma. Then, giving Mousse a Look that could kill, she reached out and 
kissed Ranma full on the lips. The kiss lasted for a few seconds and 
became a bit messy at the end. When she let go, Ranma slumped on the 
ground.
	No words could describe the way Akane was feeling now. "RANMA, YOU 
JERK! IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU WANT IT, FINE!" she screamed. In her rage 
over the two people that she hated the most at this very moment, she 
grabbed Mousse, who was also in a state of shock, and *also* kissed him 
full on the lips.
	"MOUSSE!!!" There was a brief flash of light that blinded 
everybody. When it was gone, Shampoo stood close to Akane with fire in 
her eyes. Her right hand was stretched outward and there was an angry red 
welt on Akane's cheek. "No kiss Mousse, Akane."
	The sound of the slap shook Ranma awake. "AKANE!" He ran over and 
grabbed Shampoo. He shook her angrily. "JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE 
DOING!" His heartbeat was raging in his ears. He brought back his hand to 
strike...
	But Mousse beat him to the punch. A smashing roundhouse hit Ranma's 
stomach, the force of the blow blasted him through a nearby wall. Mousse 
ripped out the duct tape that covered his lips. "DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH 
SHAMPOO!" Mousse held Shampoo protectively, but Ranma lay still.  
	Akane ran to the motionless figure on the floor. "Ranma! Ranma wake 
up!" but he was dazed. She looked at Mousse, trying to hold back tears. 
"Mousse, I thought you were my friend..." Ranma began to move. "Ranma, 
are you okay?" Akane gazed at him worryingly, but Ranma did not glance 
back. "Ranma?" Akane asked, but he pretended not to hear.
	The mob was suddenly quiet. Ranma limpingly walked towards the 
stairwell. Feeling the weight of all eyes on his back, he turned around. 
"Why don't All Of You JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" He disappeared into the 
stairwell, slamming the door for good measure. Time stood still for a 
while.
	"Hello there!" Happosai fell from the sky. "NOT NOW HAPPY!" Nabiki 
booted him back up.

To be continued...

Sorry, guys.  I planned to have this out before December and here I am, 20
days late.  Any C&C will be appreciated, and I promise to have Chapter 8 out
by next year, if I get to finish X-Com 3 first.  Happy holidays!

Nikholas "Mayhem" F. Toledo
12/17/97
Nikholas F. Toledo Zu @ http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3145/mezza9.html
Vector, Switch, Yebah, Rain Man, goo, Pervert, Scruples, Hollie, NomaD,
Blitz, Gee, Datzo, Jewel, Elf, Radler, Pinball, Mayhem, Chaos, Father
Fanfiction @ http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3145/fanfics.html
Warp Zone @ http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3145/thirteen.html
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The logo of the Church of All Worlds is nine concentric circles.
Word from the Laity:  Wipe yer feet!  Bloody 'ell...
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/3145/index.html
Currently under construction... confessional at the links.
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