You asked for it.  You begged for it.  You demanded it.

YOU WOULDN'T LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!

*gasp* *pant* *gasp*

Here it is, kids, the next installment.  Hope you like it.

**********

Oh! My Brother!

Chapter 8


All Oh! My Goddess (Ah! My Goddess, Aa! Megami-sama, whatever) characters
owned by Kosuke Fujishima.  I'm poor, don't sue me.

***

Friday morning.  The battlecry of the under-rested student rang through
the house.

"AAAAAAAAAGH!!!   I am SO LATE!"  

Hmm, I sounded like Usagi.

Urd made the effort to open her door and fling a minor force bolt at me,
and then went back to sleep.  Belldandy and Keiichi had been awake for
hours.  THEY never had this problem.  Why Belldandy doesn't wake me up,
I'll never know.  You'd think after living in the same house as me for
two thirds of a year they'd have figured out that Chris and alarms don't
mix.

I scowled at Skuld's snickering face as I ran out the door.   Freshman
get Friday mornings off at NIT.  Whoever came up with that little
scheduling setup needs to be flogged.
"ByeeverbodygottagoseeyouatlunchBYE!"

Yep.  I definitely had been watching too much Sailor Moon.

I stepped out into the yard, and took a look around.  *Nice day,* I
thought.  *Low pollution today, the air is just on the good side of
crisp, and the sky is a lovely shade of green.*

I blinked, took a second look, and verified that yes, the sky was
actually green.  Not a deep green, sort of a light sky green, if you can
wrap your mind around that.  I admired it for a few moments, then walked
back inside the temple. 

"Bell-chan?"  I called, walking through the door.

"Hmm, Oniichan?" she replied, walking out of the kitchen.

"Why is the sky green?"

"Refraction of the sun's rays off of water droplets in the atmosphere..."
She trailed off and blinked as the full meaning of my question hit her. 
"Green?"

Skuld looked up from her latest gadget.  "Green?"

Keiichi spat out his tea.  "Green?"

"YES, GREEN!" I yelled. 
 
"What's the racket?" Urd grumbled sleepily as she stumbled out of her
room.

"The sky is green," Skuld told her.

Urd blinked owlishly.  "Green?"

"We are not, I repeat, NOT going through this again!" I roared,
exasperated.  "The sky is green.  As in the color you get when you mix
blue dye and yellow dye.  Green.  Between yellow and blue in the rainbow.
 GREEN!"  I stopped my rant and stood there, panting.  "JEEZ!"

"Calm down, 'Niichan, you might pop a vein there," Urd attempted to
soothe me, but I wasn't taking any of it.

"Am I the only person here who's grasping the situation?"  I walked over
to the window, and whipped back the curtains.  "Look at that!" Urd took a
glance, sniffed, and went to rummage in the fridge.

Belldandy walked over and peered out the window.  After a moment, Skuld
and Keiichi joined her.  "It's an awfully nice shade," Belldandy finally
said.  "Very pretty."

"I kind of like it," Skuld said.  "It's a nice change from the standard
blue."  She and Belldandy locked eyes and giggled.

I sighed.  Great, it was make fun of Chris day.  "Could someone please
explain to me what's going on?"

"Bug," Urd said through a gulp of sake.  I couldn't resist the urge to
shudder at the thought of drinking at this time of the morning. 
"Definitely a bug."

Skuld pulled out one of her toys, and turned it on.  She played around
with it for a moment, and then frowned.  "Oniichan, would you go see how
far the effect extends?"

"Why me?"  Skuld gave me a steady look, and I sighed.  "Fine, I'm off." 
I froze time and flew off.  

After a few minutes, I reached the ocean, and the sky was still green.  I
scowled at the greenish hue the ocean had taken.  It looked like it was
full of pond scum.  I walked down to the beach and set time going again,
and I watched the sun in the sky.  Around me, people were pointing at the
sky and talking like it had just happened.  I took a mental note of that
and flew back to the temple.

As I walked into the temple, I noticed the girls looking at each other
nervously.  Warning bells went off in my head.  Those three nervous at
the same time is never a good sign.  "I flew to the ocean, and it's still
green."  Skuld shook her head.  "What?"

***

"IT'S IN ME?!"  Funny, I didn't feel sick.  I looked down at my chest,
then tried to look at my back, giving myself a good kink in the neck in
the process.  "OK, I give, what the hell does a 'bug exhaust port' look
like?  I'd think I'd feel something like that if it's in me."  Then
another thought occurred to me. "How do you exhaust bugs anyway?"

Belldandy murmured a few words in the rhythmic language of the gods,
finally ending with a mystic pass at me and a shouted "Reveal!"  Almost
immediately, they all became very interested in my chest.  Looking down,
I saw what they were looking at.

In the middle of my chest there was a swirling red and black vortex,
maybe two inches across.  I brought up my hand to touch it, but my
fingers met the fabric of my shirt rather than disappearing into the
wormhole.  "Let me guess.  Bug exhaust port?"

"It's a small one," Urd offered helpfully.  "I wouldn't be surprised if
only one or two bugs got through at all."

"I feel so much better," I said sarcastically, and looked entreatingly at
Skuld, who was frowning at the device she held in her hand.  It looked
suspiciously like a tricorder, and I suddenly regretted getting her into
Star Trek.  "If you're done making like Data, could you please make it go
away?"

Skuld shrugged, pulled out her hammer, and ran outside, screaming a
battle cry.  Quite a sight, an almost-teen goddess waving around an
overgrown croquet mallet and making like Thor.  As she ran around the
yard, seemingly attacking nothing, her adversary faded into view.  It was
only a faint grey shadow at first, but soon it resolved into a grey-blue
fuzzball with eight legs, a round body, long ears, and buckteeth.  It
kept on dodging moments before Skuld could hammer it.

"What in Tyr's name is that?" I demanded.

Urd looked at me peevishly.  "Do you have any idea how ridiculous it
sounds for you to be taking one of your peers' name in vain?"

"Better them than the Boss," I answered with a shrug.  "What is that
thing, anyway?  I mean, it's sickeningly cute, but last I checked that's
not a terminal offense."  I paused and reconsidered that statement. 
"Well, it's not USUALLY a terminal offense.  But that's beside the point.
 What is that thing?"

"A bug," Keiichi said from the kitchen.  "Very annoying, and very
dangerous.  You're lucky it only turned the sky green on you.  When
Bell-chan and I had a bug problem, it was blowing things up."

I looked at the guy like he had gone insane, then looked at Urd for
confirmation.  "You have GOT to be kidding me!  A bug is a software
defect.  It's a portion of code that has unexpected behavior."

"Unless Microsoft writes it, then it's a feature," came Urd's snappy
comeback.

I glared at her.  "Ha ha," I drawled sarcastically.  "Very funny.  You're
a riot.  Would you please be serious?  THAT," I pointed at the critter,
"is a living, breathing creature that Skuld's trying to flatten.  How
could it be a bug?"

Urd rolled her eyes.  "'Niichan, we're dealing with a computer that runs
REALITY.  It has so many tasks running that we gave up trying to count
them ages ago and just numbered them infinite.  When one of the tasks
starts to foul up, the others can compensate, but you still get a small
zone where the normal laws of the universe are completely arbitrary.  To
make killing and restarting the task easier, Kami-sama made it so that
they'd do that." With her final word, she pointed at the 'bug.'

I shook my head in disbelief, and sighed.  "I'll take that on faith,
thanks," I said.  "But why does it look like a cross between a spider and
a rabbit?"

Belldandy looked sheepish and said, "Well, it was a lot better than the
goblins they had them look like before."  I arched an eyebrow at her, and
she elaborated.  "There's no reason it needed to look like a monster. 
There's these little creatures on Altair IV that died out a few thousand
years ago - I borrowed their form."

*SPLAT*  I turned my attention to Skuld, and saw she had finally gotten
the bug.  With a puff of smoke, it disappeared, and the sky turned blue
again.  "Neat," I remarked. "I wish I could do that in my computer
classes.  Would have made debugging a lot easier."  I looked down at the
vortex in my chest.  "Umm...so how do we get rid of this thing?"  I
suddenly felt queasy. "Or could you at least make it so I don't have to
LOOK at it?"

Urd cast a spell to hide the vortex, and looked at me with a bit of
disgust.  "You are SUCH a wimp."

"Excuse me," I snidely returned.  "So how do we make this 'bug exhaust
port' go away?"

"Well," Skuld said as she walked up, a jaunty grin on her face, "first we
have to find out what's causing it."

I had this incredible sinking feeling...

***

"Excuse me?  THREE wishes?"

"That's what it says," Skuld confirmed.  "The port is caused by
conflicting requirements brought about by three separate wishes.  Two are
trying to make you stay here, and one is trying to draw you back to
Canada."  She peered at the data her tricorder (It looked like a
tricorder, it sounded like a tricorder, she even HELD it like a tricorder
- it's a tricorder) displayed and frowned.  "Some place called
Saskatoon."

"Home," I muttered.

"So," Urd said as she moved off to her room, "we better get packing."  At
my confused look, she sighed with exasperation.  "We have to figure out
what the wish is that's drawing you back there, and we have to do it
quickly."

"Aww, come on," I whined in my best whine.  "My date with Rachel's
tonight!"

Urd gave me a sympathetic look.  "You better call it off, 'Niichan."  Her
eyes flickered to Belldandy, and I picked up her message.  If a second
bug showed up, it could cause some real trouble, and someone might get
hurt.  Like Rachel.

I'll give Old Norse this much, it has some truly impressive swears.  

"Oniichan," Belldandy said disapprovingly.  "Please, watch your
language."

I was too busy wallowing in misery to really listen.  "I'm doomed. 
That's it.  That's the only explanation.  Somewhere in Yggdrasil there's
a process who's entire job is to make sure I don't have a date go well
even ONCE!"  I checked my watch, grabbed the phone, and dialed Rachel's
number.  "Hi Rachel, you decent?  Good, I'll be right there."

I hung up the phone and ran out the door, freezing time as I did so.  A
few moments (by my reckoning) later, I was standing at the entrance to
Rachel's house, knocking on the door.  Rachel opened the door and jumped
a little in shock at seeing my glum face.  "I understand how," she said,
shaking her head, "but that still surprises me."

A bitter smile was my only response.  "Rachel..." I trailed off.  Damnit,
I did not want to do this.  I took a deep breath and steeled myself and
tried to ignore the look in her eyes.  "Rachel, I have to call off the
date tonight."

She sort of flushed and seemed grow angry.  "Oh, so the hussy got to you,
did she?"  She reached to grab the door and slam it in my face.  "FINE!" 
She threw the door shut, and I yelled as it bounced off my foot.

"This has nothing to do with Ami," I shouted at her.  "I have to call it
off because I'm afraid you might get hurt if I don't!"  Rachel looked at
me as if I had grown horns.  I suppose in a way, I had.  She told me
later that my god marks were glowing when I said that.  Apparently the
illusion that allows mortals to 'ignore' the god marks breaks down under
intense emotion.

"What on Earth are you..." she never finished her sentence as the wood of
the door suddenly warped and crumpled it on itself.

"Dammit," I cursed.  I quickly cast the 'Show Magic' spell Urd had taught
me and spied the bug.  I suppose if I had been given more time to think,
I wouldn't have done what I did next.  I summoned the longer arm blade
and neatly spit the bug on it.  It squeaked once and went POOF.

Rachel stared at the smoke the bug left behind.  "Whu...whu...." 

"THAT," I said, gesturing with my unweaponed hand, "was the problem."  I
banished the sword and took her by the arm, making her look into my face.
 "Something is very wrong around me, Rachel.  I can't really tell you
about it, because I don't really understand it myself, but I have to fix
it.  Now.  Because if I don't, one of my sisters, or Ami, or you might
get really hurt."

"Or you," she said with a whisper.  "You could get hurt too."

I nodded, even though inside I was gaping in shock.  THAT one never
occurred to me.  "I can't take that risk.  The first incident was
harmless, and this one wasn't bad, but it could get worse.  I have to go
back to my hometown and find out what's trying to pull me there."

"Will you come back?" she asked softly.

"I promise," I said with a smile.  Deep inside me, I felt something
click.

***

Skuld was playing with her tricorder when I returned to the temple.  She
took a scan of me and paled.  "Oniichan, what did you do?!"

"I told Rachel the date was off because I had to go home, what did you
expect?"

She took a moment to yell for her sisters.  They arrived, and banished
the masking, eliciting a gasp from them both.  Looking down, I saw their
problem.  The vortex has shrunk until it was barely a centimeter wide. 
As I examined it as well as I could from the awkward angle, I noticed it
was fluctuating slightly.

"How the hell did you do that?" Urd demanded.

Belldandy peered over Skuld's shoulder and looked at the tricorder with a
worried frown.  "What did you say to Rachel, Oniichan?"  I told Belldandy
what I told Skuld, and she shook her head.  "There's something more." 
She walked forward, took my head in her hands, and brought my face down
to hers, where she touched my forehead to hers.  

I was treated to a most disconcerting series of sensations.  It was like
I was reliving the conversation, but I was kind of outside it as well,
and I had no control over it as it seemed to fast forward and pause at
odd moments.  We reached the end of the conversation, and my last words
played themselves over and over.

As Belldandy released my head, I staggered back a couple steps.  "Now I
know what a VCR feels like," I muttered.

She gave me a horrified look.  "Oniichan, how COULD you?"

"How could I what?"

"You PROMISED that girl you'd be back!"  Urd and Skuld made little gasps.

You know, I get REALLY sick and tired of the way those three never tell
me anything.  

I sighed.  "What did I do THIS time?"

Urd took a good long slug of the sake bottle she was carrying.  "You
can't just promise a mortal like that!  Contracts between gods and
mortals are treated just like wishes!"

"Cool," I remarked.  From the looks they were giving me, I don't think
that was the response they were looking for.  "Look at what it did.  The
exhaust port is smaller.  Maybe it relieved some of the stresses on me."

"But...but," Skuld said helplessly, her dismay all over her face. "You're
not supposed to do that!  What if you can't come back?"

Suddenly, the air seemed to become charged with energy.  "I WILL come
back," I said, with a lot more force than I really intended.  The girls
exchanged a nervous look, and I decided to change the subject.

"So, did anyone get plane tickets?"

Urd looked bewildered.  "What do we need those for?"

"To get to Saskatoon?" I suggested.  Urd looked at me with those smug
eyes, and I made the connection.  "Oh no.  No way.  I am NOT flying
there.  I'll be in no-time for hours!"  She opened her mouth to give her
standard reply.  "Hours to ME."

"Would you rather try to explain to your parents why a girl stepped out
of a TV, a mirror, or a pot of water?" she countered.  I hate it when
she's right.

There's several reasons I hate traveling my way as opposed to the mediums
that my sisters or the other deities use.  First, the simple fact that
while it SEEMS instantaneous to others, it's anything but to me.  A trip
to Valhalla and back can take up to five hours subjective time.  So, when
everyone else has been up for ten hours, I've been up for fifteen.  It
really messes up my sense of time.  Second, and I've mentioned this one
before, it's BORING.  I can't read because it's unsafe.  I can't listen
to music because my Discman doesn't work in no-time.  Third, it's
dangerous for me.  If I happen to impact a building at Mach 2, I'm a
grease spot.  I can't fly really high so as to be safe, because I don't
have mastery of the spells that would allow me to breathe at the high
altitudes.

Of course, all that means nothing to those three menaces who have me
wrapped firmly around their fingers.

***

So there I was, flying over the Pacific, cursing my ill fortune.  Good
thing it was a mostly sunny day the whole way, it would have been a pain
trying to get my bearings in the middle of the ocean without the sun to
reference by.

My conversation with my parents was a riot, though:  

Mom: "You're coming home?  That's great!  When are you arriving?"

Me: "Uh...in about six hours?"

Mom: "Are you coming by plane?"

Me: "Something like that."

What, you expected me to lie?  Sorry folks, doesn't work that way. 
Thankfully, I figured out that one quick (well, Urd's object lessons on
the matter kind of did it for me).  I'm never comfortable with lying,
although somehow I seemed to be reasonably good at it (well, unless I let
myself get out of hand).  Must be all that acting I did in high school. 
Go figure.

A few hours later, I was flying over Saskatoon admiring the city. 
Wonderful place, 'Toon Town.  Where most cities went UP, 'Toon went OUT. 
Hey, it's the prairies, real estate is cheap.  The funniest thing,
though, is the University.

The University of Saskatchewan (yes, it's Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, get
the smartass jokes out of your system now) is a reasonably respected
school among the medical, engineering, and agricultural fields.  It also
is smack dab in the center of the city, along with all of the
experimental farms.  It's quite a trip, having these huge empty spaces in
the middle of the city.  Pain in the ass in the winter too, since there's
nothing to stop the damn wind.

Well, my defense of my hometown aside, I had to find the source of my
wish, and I'd better start now.  The only place I could think the person
might be is the U. I mean, let's be honest, I was an Engineering student
- I probably spent three-quarters of my waking moments (and probably half
of my sleeping ones) at the campus.

I landed outside the Physics building, and went inside.  The place was
pretty deserted, and I found out why when I entered the foyer in front of
the two main lecture halls.  Finals were on.  "Great," I muttered.  "This
is going to suck."

I used some water from a nearby fountain and my always-handy pocket TV to
let Urd and Skuld get there.  Good thing the place was deserted - it
takes a bit of work for Urd to get out of that little TV, and she goes
through some downright indecent positions.  Urd is a very healthy young
goddess, I must say.

Gah, I can't believe I thought like that about my SISTER.  Sheesh, I
needed a date.

Urd made disparraging remarks about the decor while Skuld played with her
tricorder.  "That way," she said imperiously, pointing into one of the
exam rooms.

I checked my watch and groaned.  "The exam just started," I complained. 
"Fabulous."  I went to the door and read the schedule, and groaned again
when I saw the class.  "Come on, I'm going to grab something to eat. 
That's the Control Systems final, they're going to be in there for at
least two hours."  I grinned.  "Besides, it'll give me a chance to check
out the games at the arcade."

Besides being one of the sunniest places in North America, Saskatoon has
one other seat that puts it heads and shoulders above other cities - a
really huge amount of restaurants per capita.  There's a reason for that,
too.  There's nothing else to DO in Saskatoon but eat.  So, we usually
get restaurants before other Canadian cities.

However, I must say, I was truly surprised to see an ISO-9000 certified
pizza joint in the student's union.  That was something I thought I'd
never see, and I'm not sure I want to again.  I won't bore you with the
arcade, since it was mostly Skuld whipping my ass at all my favorite
games.  Life just isn't fair.  But then, I play RPGs about ten times as
much as I do action games.  A couple hours later, I was sitting outside
the exam hall again, bored out of my skull while Skuld played with her
tricorder and Urd slept off the alcohol she had been drinking.  

Where does she keep that stuff?

Several long and unbelievably boring minutes later, Skuld jumped to her
feet.  "It's moving!" I sat up from counting the ceiling tiles
(interestingly enough, I always seem to get interrupted when I'm almost
done) and shook Urd awake.  "It's coming out now!"

Slowly, almost too slowly, the door opened, revealing the source of my
trouble, and I burst out laughing.

Skuld and Urd stared at me.  "'Niichan?  You OK?" Urd asked.

"Fine," I gasped between laughter, and grinned at the student who was
gaping at me.  "Hi Colin, I should have known it was you."

"Chris?" he asked in a disbelieving voice.

"Oniichan, what are you talking about?" Skuld demanded.

"When all else fails..." I began, and Colin's face brightened as he
finally accepted it was me.

We echoed the rest of the saying together.  "...blame Simmonds."


***************

Ch 9 is being started by Colin, don't worry, he should be able to live up
to standards...or lack thereof.

--
Christopher "God-boy" Angel
cja124@mail.usask.ca      http://www.engr.usask.ca/~cja124
"The Man.  The Myth.  The Legend.
The Action Figure from Bandai!"