[AMS] [UY] "Urusei Megamisama!" (7/?)

"Urusei Megamisama!", Chapter Seven: "Adoption"

By Henry J. Cobb

$Id: urusei_megamisama7.txt,v 1.5 1997/12/17 04:40:16 hcobb Exp $



The Ah! Megamisama! characters and situations are the creation of Kosuke

Fujishima.



The Urusei Yatsura characters and situations are the creation of Rumiko

Takahashi.



No infringement of their copyrights is intended.



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Ataru, Shinobu, Megane, Shutaro.  Somehow Skuld could identify each badly

burned corpse at a glance.  It wasn't telepathy, they were all very dead.

She looked up at the rest of the class cowering in a corner.  Sensei

Onsen-Mark tried to slide along the wall, but Noble Scarlet fluttered over

a bit to block him, sword at the ready.



"Yes, kill them all."  Skuld commanded her angel.  "Kill them all and let

daddy sort them out!"  She started to laugh and woke screaming.



Skuld lifted her head out of her hands and turned to glare at Ataru,

standing in the doorway of her improvised room.  "Don't you have anything

better to do?"



"Uh, no."  His waves of concern beat down on her like hammer blows



"Then leave me alone!"  Skuld got up from her futon and slammed her door

shut as Ataru scrambled backwards.  I'm going to have to put a lock on

that door, she thought.  I bet he gets his jollies by spying on girls.



Skuld's hair just wouldn't behave that morning, so she pulled it back into

a silver barrette.



Shutaro was waiting at the schoolgate, he turned from Shinobu to stare as

Skuld and Ataru approached.  "My goddess!, what is the matter?  Did he..."

Shutaro glared at Ataru.



Skuld grabbed Ataru's arm and pushed past Shutaro.  "Nothing is the

matter.  Everything is fine.  So just butt out."



Between classes that Saturday morning, some of the girls gathered by a

window to talk quietly, but Skuld could hear them clearly enough.



"Isn't it awful how Skuld fakes looking so run down to get Shutaro's

attention?"  Kumiko asked.



"I don't think she's faking it."  Shinobu replied.



"You don't think?"  Momoe asked.  "I always knew that Ataru was a creep,

but to use violence against a girl..."



"No that's not it either."  Shinobu considered.  "After all she's a

goddess, so why wouldn't she blast him or something?  There's something

else here."



Skuld stared down at her textbook.  She could almost hear Shutaro

gathering his courage together behind her.



Finally he stood and walked around to stand in front of her desk.

"Skuld."



Every girl in the class turned to look at Shutaro and Skuld.



"Yes?"  Skuld left a pencil to mark her place in the book she was reading

and looked up.



"Uh."  Shutaro placed his right hand behind his head.  "The national opera

starts their season this next Saturday and my parents can't use the box

seats we have reserved and I was wondering if you..."



"No."



"But."  He looked crushed.



"No, I'm sorry Shutaro, but I've got something else planned.  Why don't

you take Shinobu instead?"



"But."



"Would you please?  As a special favor to me.  You see, my friend Shinobu

doesn't get out much, and it'd be a shame to see the tickets go to waste."

Skuld didn't need to look to know that Shinobu's eyes were bulging out of

their sockets.



"Well, yes of course."  Shutaro went over to talk with Shinobu.



Skuld could almost hear Belldandy saying "Skuld, goddesses should never be

vindictive."  I'm not being vindictive Oneesama, Skuld thought, I'm simply

trying to show her what he's like.  And I'm sure that even he wouldn't try

anything in public.  He's got a little more tact that Ataru.  Speak of the

devil...



Ataru reentered the classroom and slipped a small black book into his

bookcase, just before the next teacher entered.



He knows he's only supposed to leave the classroom between classes to go

to the boys room, Skuld thought, and I'm fairly sure he doesn't pick up

any entries there.  I guess I'll have to keep an even closer eye on him.



During the next break between classes, Shinobu met Skuld at the girls'

room sinks.  "Why are giving up on Shutaro like this?"



Skuld didn't look up from washing her hands.  "Didn't you say that you've

always wanted to write?"



"Yes, I guess so."



"Then here's your chance.  Review the show for the school paper."



"Uh thanks."



That afternoon, the crows returned.



Skuld walked up as the gang of four tied Ataru to a tree.  "One thing

that's bothering me Megane.  Why are you helping an alien against a

citizen of Japan?"



"The princess was born in Japan."  Megane looked up from his inspection of

the bonds.  "And her claim to the throne is better than the current

Emperor's."



"What?"  Skuld quickly scanned through Megane's mind, but he didn't seem

to be suffering from unusual influences.



"You haven't been paying attention in history class goddess."  Megane

pushed on the bridge of his glasses.



"Traitors!"  Ataru strained against the ropes, but they held.



"What's the plan for today?"  Skuld studied the device Kurama was

attaching to the stem of her control leaf.



Kurama glared at the goddess.  "Ataru's problem stems from an imbalance in

his character.  This ray will increase his Anima, restoring the balance."



"That old theory?  You'll never get anywhere trying that."



"Maybe it would help with your problem too, pervert."



It was Skuld's turn to glare.  "I told you I'm not like that."



"On my planet, we have made the study of gender a science.  We can tell."



"I thought you were born in Japan?"



"Yes, but I remain true to Karasu.  My journey here, the trials I've had

to bear, all for the sake of my people."  Kurama finished her adjustments

and began lining up a shot on Ataru.



Skuld felt a creepy sensation slither up her back, somebody was about to

attack her.  She jumped to the side and swung her hammer out of

hyperspace.



A raybeam passed through the space where she had been standing a moment

ago and converged with the beam from Kurama's leaf on Ataru.



Ataru screamed and tore free from his bonds in a convulsive shudder.



Skuld brought her hammer down on the toy sized cannon that had fired the

beam, smashing it to bits.



"Hey, easy now!"  A Tengu with a long white beard complained.



"You!"  Kurama grabbed the Tengu elder.  "Why did you do this old man?"



"Your highness, I was simply following the edicts of our people, urk!"  The

elder's explanation was cut short as Kurama tightened her grip.



"Squeeze harder!"  The other Tengu cheered the princess on.  "Get him, get

him!"



"What happened?"  Skuld asked.



Kurama threw the elder over her shoulder and pointed at Ataru.  "Observe."



"Owww."  Ataru sat up.  "What happened?  How's my hair?  Am I pretty?"

There were noticeable breasts poking against the inside of Ataru's shirt.



Skuld's hair unraveled from her barrette.  "What happened?"



"For some unfathomable reason, this old fool brought the sex-change ray

here today."  Princess Kurama pointed at the Tengu elder.  "He must have

mistaken our mission with his failing hearing."



"But, your highness!"  The old crow tried to interject.



"Silence!"  Kurama turned back to Skuld.  "The effect of the combination

of the two beams is that Ataru is now a girl, body and soul and there is

nothing we can do about it."



"Oneesama!"  Ataru ran to Kurama.



There was something about the way he, er she said that that made Skuld

very uneasy.



"There, there, it'll be all right."  The Princess patted the hair of the

ex-boy that clung to her.  "What are you doing!"  Kurama slapped Ataru

away, then pointed towards Skuld.  "Go over there with your little friend,

pervert!"



Ataru sat on the ground, holding a hand to his, er her cheek and pouting.



"What is it now?"  Sakura walked up in her school nurse's outfit.



"Oneesama!"  Ataru ran towards Sakura with arms spread wide and was met

with a kick to the face.



"What is your problem now?"  Sakura asked.



Megane pointed towards Ataru's chest.  "Ataru is a lesbian."



"What?"  Sakura stood shocked as Ataru pressed against her.



Skuld flipped her wrist through hyperspace to put on her wristvideophone.



Urd was lying on the sofa in the temple, as usual, when the TV suddenly

switched from her favorite soap opera to show Skuld's face.



"Urd, I need help."



"OK, I'll go tell Belldandy you called.  Now put my show back on."



"No, I need your help."



Urd raised an eyebrow at this.  "My help?  I knew you couldn't hack it."



Skuld grimaced.  "It's just that something very unusual has come up."



"OK, I'm coming through."  Urd dived into the television and arose as a

stream of video snow from Skuld's wrist phone to coalesce back into her

normal form.



"Oneesama!"  Ataru ran towards Urd and was caught in a TK bubble she

projected.



"Would you quit saying that!"  Skuld shouted at Ataru.



"What's the problem?" Urd asked.



"She was a boy a few minutes ago."  Skuld pointed at Ataru, floating in

the bubble.  "So if you'd just summon Troubadour..."



"No need to bother him.  I saw what he did last time.  All I need to do is

to restore his..."  Urd lowered Ataru to the ground as she chanted.



Ataru's form flowed and he turned into a rooster.



"Urd!"  Skuld objected.



"Well, I got the gender right.  Just a second."



"This is impossible!"  Princess Kurama stared at the transformed Ataru.



"How can you say that after flipping his gender?"  Skuld asked.



"Yes, but his mass remained the same.  This, this is..."



"Magic?"  Skuld winked at Kurama.



"Some trick."  Kurama turned away from Skuld.



"Skuld, can you tell what gender that lizard is?"  Urd pointed to Ataru,

who was now a komodo dragon.



"Urd!"  Skuld complained.



"OK, I'm sure I've got it this time."  Urd chanted again and Ataru was

restored to his normal self.



"What?"  Ataru pressed his arms against his chest, his eyes wide from

panic.



"What's his problem now?"  Urd asked.



"He's also been mentally changed into a girl."  Skuld explained.  "Now, if

you'll just go fetch Troubadour..."



"Oh, that's no problem, I'll just increase his Animus."  Urd started a new

chant.



"No!  Not that spell!"  Skuld turned away and covered her eyes.



"There, all better now?"  Urd stopped to admire her handiwork.  "Say,

you're not bad looking."



"Don't look at Ataru!"  Skuld summoned her sock out of hyperspace and tied

it around her eyes.



"Keep away from him!"  Kurama elbowed Urd out of the way.  "This man is

destined to perform the mating ritual with me."



"My student will be doing no such thing!"  Sakura shoved Urd and Kurama to

the sides.  "Come along Ataru, I need to check you out and make sure

everything is in proper working order."



"Miss Sakura!"  Shutaro complained.  "Don't worry Ataru, I'll protect you."



"What's wrong with you?  It's only supposed to work on girls."  Skuld used

her telepathy to find a clear path through the crowd.



"Ataru!"  Momoe shouted.



"Didn't anybody follow my warning?"  Skuld asked.



"I didn't look and I'm holding Momoe back."  Shinobu answered.



"I looked at Ataru and it didn't do anything to me."  Megane said from

right next to Skuld.



"Good."  Skuld whispered to him.  "Bring me a bucket of water and I'll

protect the dignity of your princess."



"Ok."



Megane made it back through a hurricane force wind and handed the bucket

to Skuld.



Skuld was amazed that Sakura and Kurama were holding their own against

Urd.  They were much tougher than she had taken them for.



"Wow!"  Ataru stood amazed at the fireworks and so didn't notice Skuld's

arm until it grabbed him around the neck, toppling him over backwards into

a vortex she had formed in the bucket.



Skuld pulled Ataru from a vortex in the ocean next to a warm sandy beach,

which she collapsed on.



"Hey, I wanna go back!"  Ataru complained.



"They'll rip you apart."



"Yeah, but what a way to go!"



"Pretty girls will get hurt in the fight."  Skuld rephrased the danger in

terms Ataru could understand.



"Yeah, I guess so.  Where is this place?"



"Somewhere in the south Pacific.  You might get scanned so I can't tell

you anymore.  But you can take a look around if you like."



"Just the two of us in an island paradise?"



"Don't get any fresh ideals buster!"



"OK!  OK!"  Ataru walked down the beach.



Skuld concentrated on blanking their presence against any scans and then

sat on the beach and enjoyed the gentle breeze.



After a while Ataru returned.  "It's getting dark and kinda chilly."



"So build a fire."  Skuld didn't move.



"I don't have a light."



"Here."  Skuld plucked a lighter from hyperspace, then scooped the same

weight of sand to replace it and cancel out the action.



"Aren't you a little young to smoke?"  Ataru took the lighter and started

gathering up driftwood.



"It's for Bunsen burners."



"I guess you can't rely on what's her name, the blonde with the wings?"

Ataru lit the fire and shuffled sticks around to work it up.



Skuld turned from the sea breeze.  "Noble Scarlet is my angel.  In a way

she's my inner child and I haven't been a very good parent."



"Why she's got you so wigged out?  I mean she's a violent maniac and all,

but she's way too cute to be a menace."



Skuld sighed.  As always Ataru kept to his singular track. "She is me and

so has access to my power."



"What power?  You can't even fly."



"No not yet, but I have mastery over vortices."



"The little circles in water?"



"Big ones too.  You're inside a vortex right now."



"Where?"  Ataru looked down at the sand under his feet and then out at the

waves lapping against the beach.



"There."  Skuld traced an arc across the sky with her hand.



Ataru looked up at a fuzzy band in the sky.  "What's that?"



"It's your galaxy.  I can feel it spinning."



"So?"



"The vast majority of all living things in the universe live inside spiral

galaxies.  What do you think would happen if they collapsed?"



"So you are the Goddess of Death!"  Cherry's voice boomed out from behind

Skuld.



How had that deranged monk gotten here, of all places?  Skuld reached for

her improvised blindfold.  She had to defend herself, whatever the

danger.  Then she stopped.  Besides Ataru's very amused thoughts the

nearest mammal was a dolphin several miles off shore.  "That's not funny

Ataru!"



"It seemed funny to me."



"Oh Sure, I'd bet you'd be very amused to have me all over you.  Have you

considered the consequences?"



"Naw, I never consider the consequences of my actions."



"Yes, that's the problem."  Skuld turned away from Ataru and listened to

the waves as she hugged her knees.



When they returned home late that night, Skuld stayed up to put a lock on

her door and she made sure that it was secure before lying down in her

futon.  She was so exhausted that she was quickly asleep.



"Beep beep beep!"



Skuld slowly opened her eyes and rolled over to silence the alarm.  "Nine

AM on a Sunday.  No sense in lying here all day."  Skuld sat up and

stretched.  She felt relaxed and at peace.  She turned and stared at her

door, which was opened a crack.



She scrambled towards the door.  It had been opened from the inside.

"Who?"  Skuld closed her eyes and concentrated inside herself.  The Angel

was gone.  "Noble Scarlet?"  Skuld focused her senses outside herself.

"She's in Ataru's room.  Blessed father no!"



Skuld scrambled up the stairs.  The door to Ataru's room was also

partially open.  She pushed it all the way open and stopped.



Ataru was sitting at his desk reading a manga.  Noble Scarlet was hovering

over his right shoulder.  The two of them looked up as Skuld entered.



"Ataru!"  Skuld pointed at the angel.



"Huh?"  Ataru looked at the angel.  "Is something the matter Scarlet?"



Scarlet shrugged.



"She's she's..."  Skuld scrambled for the right warning.  Ataru had felt

Scarlet's sword, how could he be so stupid as to just sit there?



"It's OK, she's promised not to bite, right Scarlet?"



"Koku!"  Scarlet nodded.



"OK, Scarlet, just take it easy, OK?"  Skuld sat in the lotus position and

closed her eyes as she concentrated on her link to the angel.



"Hey, wait!"  Ataru grabbed the angel as she was pulled past him and was

himself pulled along.



Noble Scarlet grabbed Ataru's hand and threw him over herself.



"Mpgh!" Skuld's eyes flew open in shock as Ataru's lips met her own,

breaking her concentration.



"Uh, sorry about that."  Ataru rested his head back against his hand in

embarrassment.



"Sure you are!"  Skuld slapped him.



	Henry J. Cobb	hcobb@slip.net          http://www.io.com/~hcobb

    Hint: The new title is a four-way pun.