With all this talk about having a single character come into Nerima and
"magically" solve _all_ of the Ranma cast disputes, I started to think.
(Uh oh!)

Who in anime could actually pull it off?

I believe that I have the answer.

Read on.

[Not to be continued by me.. less people really really want it.]

=======================================================================

  Tokyo, Nerima ward.  Normally a quiet district, with little known
trouble.  The higher ups in the Tokyo Police department considered the
district a cushy job, and often rewarded officers who've given years of
loyal service with the head department position.

  That was last year.  Suddenly, the district had errupted in a bed of
trouble the likes that the Tokyo police department had never seen.  No one
wanted to be assigned to the precinct there.  It was a vertiable career
death sentence.  Only the worst police officers were assigned there now,
since they were guaranteed to quit the force within a month of the
assignment.  Often officers quit immediately up being notified of the
transfer.

  A group of teenage martial artists regularly tromped through the
neighborhood, causing wonton distruction.  The residents complained.  The
politicians made long winded promises, inevitably resulting in a new
appointment to the head of the ward.  The new appointee always quit a short
time later, and the politicians conviently forgot about the area until the
next time people complained.

  Not this election cycle.  One man, reputed to be able to clean up even
the worst districts of Japan, had volunteered to take the job that everyone
else had deemed impossible.  One man had requested to take the head
position of the impossible district.

  That man was Kamiya Ichiro, and he took the job among much fanfare a
little over a month ago.  The residents cheered, for finally someone had
come along who had the willingness and the courage to do what was right.

  In a month Ichiro's hair had gone completely white.  He was at his wit's
end, having tried every single police procedure written in the books.  He
had thrown every single Japanese law at the teenagers, but nothing worked.
He had vowed never to give in, and the other officers on the force had
quietly started a betting pool as to when the guys in the white suits would
come along and take away Mr. Kamiya in a straight jacket.

  Everyone except for one officer.  Wakamoto Ryouko, the only female on the
squad had an idea.  Unfortunately, she was also the only rookie, and as
such no one took her seriously.  No one paid attention to her.  So she
waited, biding her time, waiting for the one leader who would lose enough
of his sanity to give in to her idea.  Now was the time.

  Ryouko took a deep breath, and walked into Kamiya's office.  She saluted
and waited patiently.  Others had tried this, walking in with document
after document.  Often the full amount of the paperwork had to be hauled in
on a laundry wagon.  She carried a single file with her.. the file of the
one man she believed to be qualified to handle the position.  The only such
man.

  Kamiya Ichiro looked up through the perpetual smoke cloud that surrounded
his desk.  His eyes had a frazzled look to them.  "Yes, Ms. Wakamoto?  Do
you want something?  I am very busy."

  Ryouko took a deep breath.  It was now or never.  "Sir," she began.  "I
have a solution."
  Ichiro's eyes remained unfocused.  "To what, if I may ask?"
  Ryouko's arm swept across the room.  "To Nerima."
  Ichiro laughed.  "There is no solution!"  His laughter quickly turned to
tears.  "No one could possibly handle this situation!"
  Ryouko remained unmoved.  "I think I know someone who can."
  Ichiro sighed.  "Very well, Wakamoto.  Show me this mythical person."
  Ryouko simply laid the open file down on her superior's desk.
  Kamiya Ichiro's eyes went wide as he read the name.  He looked up at
Ryouko, eyes wide.  Ryouko simply smiled.  She had him and she knew it.
  "Him?  Of all the people you could possibly find, why HIM?"
  "With all due respect sir, he is quite possibly the greatest genius to
have ever served the force."
  "Either that or the craziest loon all of Japan has ever seen."
  "Still, his results can not be disputed."
  Ichiro started to laugh.  His laughter grew louder and louder.  Ryouko
took a step back, silently wondering how soon it would be before the
ambulance made its fated appearance.
  Ichiro jumped out of his chair and hugged Ryouko.  She stiffened, totally
startled.  Ichiro's laughter turned to tears.  Ryouko didn't move,
completely unsure of what to do.
  Finally, Ichiro's tears quieted down, and he looked Ryouko directly in
the eyes.  "Do it!"
  Now it was Ryouko's turn to look shocked.  "Now?"
  "Yes, NOW!"
  "But.. what if we can't get him?"
  Ichiro laughed.  "Mention Nerima.  We'll get him, alright."
  "Hai!"

  A week passed, the whole precinct abuzz.  Officers talked back and forth
in whispers.  Why him, they wondered.  Is he for real, they asked.  The
betting pool was even changed, allowing for the first time in a little over
a year a remote chance at this ward being cleaned up.  Was he really as
good as everyone said he was?

  The day came.  He arrived to the precinct.  His uniform slightly
disheveled, like it usually was.  The duffle bag carried along his side,
his walk as goofy looking as ever.  He still had the same vacant smile, and
he had the air of someone who had no clue where he was.  The other officers
really wondered if this could be him.  The one person who had a remote
chance.  They had seen others try, try and fail.  Try and burn out.
Supposedly he had singlehandedly talked two homicidal maniacs into giving
up their hostages.  That among his many other achivements.  Supposedly.

  The officers knew one thing:  He would fit right in.


A really loopy production presents:

=============================================================================

                             Ranma 1/2

                              VERSUS

                   The Irresponsible Captain Tyler

=============================================================================

  Can the man hailed as both a tactical genius and completely out of touch
with reality handle the most impossible of casts?

Stay tuned to find out..


Comments?  I'm getting a laugh riot just thinking about this.  :-)