Fredrik Lundgren writes:

I'm currently working on a Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfic, but have
sort of gotten stuck so I was wondering if someone could come up with
some Ideas as to who I'm gonna keep the story going.

The story is named "A piece of heaven" and is basically about Shinji
falling in love with a girl, who is killed when an angel attacks Tokyo 3.

At first Shinji mourns his loss, but the sorrow eventually turns into
rage, and when another angel attacks he goes berserk and not only kills
the angel but almost Asuka and Rei to.

The story still needs some development, so I would appreciate any Ideas
as to how I could improve my story!!

Hm, let's see.  Definitely you'd need to develop Shinji's interest in the
girl with care, and take your time handling his reactions.  Take into
account both his age and the unique circumstances of his life.

Considering as Angels are not Sailor Moon youmas or anything of that sort,
you'd have to pick a specific Angel to work with.  If you haven't seen all
of the series (which is unclear), you'd probably be best off waiting until
you have, because with Eva fics of this sort, even alternate outcome ones,
you have to make it clear when things are happening.  (Did that make any
sense?)

Also, you might want to address how your Shinji feels about the other
females in his life---Rei and Asuka primarily, but if you want you could
use Mana (from the Win95 game), and maybe even Misato is good for some
probing.  All of this could tie in with his almost killing Asuka and Rei
(which you intend to have him do) and give them more connection to the fic.

The only other problem I see is what happens after the battle with the
Angel...does Shinji get called on the carpet?  How do things change between
him and the others?

The idea has a fair bit of potential despite the opening gambits of the
premise being somewhat predictable.  Work with it, this is a fic I'd like
to see.

---Addison, who actually hasn't seen all of Eva yet himself
| Check out the Umgurai Saga, my classic comic-book creation, at my web
page!
| www.avana.net/~agodel/index.htm 
| "Nobody move or I'll cut off your heads like a bunch of dead chickens'!"
--- Mendoza
| "I don't know what kind of internet this is, by the way... It's all
green." --- Unknown