Subject: NYANNIICHUAN: Very Tragic Story [Part 4] [fanfic] [Ranma]
From: Chris Collins <1clc0772@unixstew.tstc.edu>
Date: 12/14/1997, 7:40 PM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com

R1/2 -- Chris Coliins (1clc0772@unixstew.tstc.edu)

	(CUTE VOICE: Ahem.  This Shampoo again--as if you no guess by accent.
Kind and generous wheelchair boy let Shampoo open story this time too, and
Shampoo so HAPPY! *clapclap*) (OLD VOICE: Did somebody call my name?) (CUTE
VOICE: Shampoo no call Freak of Nature!  Now shut up!  This my monologue!)
(OLD VOICE: Well!  Excuse me for living!) (CHEF'S NOTE: Oh, come now.  You
know we can't do that.)

	(CUTE VOICE: Ahem!  Author also want apolo... apologe... say he sorry for
Stupid Spatula Girl yelling all through last fanfic.  He say she have PBS.)
(OLD VOICE: Uh?  I believe that's PMS, dearie.) (CHEF'S NOTE: WHAT!  He
actually said that!?!  I'll kill 'im!)

	(CUTE VOICE: Ahem!  And I would like to say....) (CHEF'S NOTE: The nerve
of that bastard!  I do NOT have PMS!) (OLD VOICE: I can check for you.)
(CUTE VOICE: EEEW!) !SMACK! (OLD VOICE: Look at all the beatiful.... *Plop*)

	(CUTE VOICE: Now as Shampoo saying....  Oh, well....  On with show.)

              -----------===================------------
              |       An Iron Dagger Production        |
              -----------===================------------

	Ranma-kun folded his arms and frowned.  _Why did I talk myself into this?_

	Miko grabbed his arm and tried to turn him around.  "Come on, Guardian
Spirit.  Show me how I'm supposed to stand again."

	He glanced at her.  "But didn't you have someplace you needed to go?"

	Miko pulled with all her might and managed to make him take a few steps.
She was practically whining: "I was just going to check the rice fields,
but I'm sure they'll still be there later."

	"Ha ha." (meant sarcastically)

	"Now show me how to stand."  She released his arm and jumped in front of
him, worried.  "You're not backing out?  You ARE going to to teach me how
to fight?  Aren't you?"  A few tears welled in her eyes, but Ranma was
almost certain she was doing that on purpose.

	"Well I... it's not... well...."

	Miko's eyes widened and glazed with sadness.  "Pleeeaaaassssse!" (CHEF'S
NOTE: Aw, put a sock in it, Sugar!)

	Ranma groaned and rested his forehead in his hand.  He looked up to see
Miko smiling furiously, realizing her victory. (CHEF'S NOTE: Evil
temptress!)  She snapped into an awkward karate stance, probably trying to
mimic his own.

	"We'll start..."  Miko looked confused when he picked her up and set her
down again.  "...by standing like this."  She looked down at herself; she
was standing as she normally stood, fully erect, feet together.  She looked
up and smiled.

              -----------===================-----------
              |        Writen and Directed by:        |
              |        Christopher Lee Collins        |
              -----------===================-----------

	"Ok.  Punch my hand."  Ranma held out his left hand, palm outward, his
other hand in his pocket, a half-way serious look on his face.

	Miko stood facing her guardian, feet slightly apart, and stared at her
balled fist as if it was a complex puzzle.  "Are you sure about this?"
Ranma nodded once.

	Miko pulled back her fist and hesitated before driving a solid punch into
his hands.  She seemed thrilled.  "How was that?"

	Ranma's smile was unconvincing.  He hardly felt a thing.  "Care to try
again?"

	Miko's brow furrowed.  Her hand stung a little, but she drew it back
anyway and thrust it forward again.  This time, her guardian's expression
was blank--so maybe she was improving.  

	Ranma suggested, "Try throwing your shoulder into the punch."  He fought
back the many snide comments he could have added.

	Miko nodded, then punched again.  Her guardian gave a faint smile.  She
punched again, and again, and again, despite the throbbing in her fingers.

	Ranma thought she'd do better if he could just make her use her battle
aura.  He taunted, "C'mon, you can do better than that."  Harder punch.
"That was alittle weak.  Is that all you've got?"  Punch.  Punch.  Better.
"C'mon, I can hardly feel a thing."  Miko growled.  Punch.  Punch.  Punch.
Better still.  "You hit like a girl."  _Oops._

	Ranma saw Miko's fist, glowing with energy, heading straight for his head,
but he made no effort to move--he deserved it.  The blow hit him right
between the eyes--it felt like being pelted by a small beanbag.

              -----------===================-----------
              |    Based on Characters Created by:    |
              |           Rumiko Takahashi            |
              -----------===================-----------

	"I'm sorry!  I shouldn't have hit you!"

	"Don't worry 'bout it."  Ranma smiled at her.  He was about to say 'It was
nothing', but the harsh truth of the words might send her into tears, and
he definitely didn't want that.  Miko was already bringing herself into a
depression for lashing out at him.  _Man!  She has more mood swings than
Ryouga!_  "I shouldn't have tried to make you mad like that."  She didn't
seem to have anything to say about that.

	"Now, le'me see how well you can kick."  He happily held out his hand
about head-high, palm down.

	Miko sniffled once and looked at his hand in disbelief.  "You want me to
kick THAT high?  But I'm just starting out."

	Ranma folded his arms, feeling a bit of an idiot. (CHEF'S NOTE: That's my
Ranchan!)  "Ok.  So how high can you kick?"

	She stood up straight, cleared her throat, and focused on a point in
space.  With a slight windup, she counted to three and tossed her foot up
to her chest level and still managed to keep her balance.

	Ranma's smile grew.  It was an awkward kick, but at least she had balance
and a modest height.  _At least it's somethin to work with._  He stuck his
hand back out at her chest level. (CHEF'S NOTE: You better not, Ranchan!)

	Miko was excited.  Her guardian was impressed!  She narrowed her eyes at
his hand, wound up, and kicked as she did last time.  But her foot overshot
the target and landed on top of his hand.  "Hn?"  Her leg tensed and she
fell backward, but Ranma caught her before she hit the ground.

	She stared into Ranma's eyes, feeling the firmness of his arms around
hers, and that, combined with how much the fall had scared her, was too
much for her to handle.  She buried herself into his shoulders and
shuddered. (CHEF'S VOICE: DAMN YOU!  THAT SHOULD BE ME IN RANCHAN'S ARMS!
Not... you.... *Sniffle*) (OLD VOICE: Oh, dear.  She's changing on us.)

	Ranma sighed heavily and closed his eyes in thought.

              -----------===================-----------
              |      Ranma Saotome and Miko Lee       |
              |                  in:                  |
              -----------===================-----------

	Ranma sat on the ground, legs crossed, eyes closed.  _Oh, man.  What am I
going to do?  What am I going to tell Miko?  She doesn't have a strong
punch and she doesn't have an accurate kick.  Even if he taught her
self-defense, he didn't think she had enough strength to deflect an attack.
 It'd take years to get her half as good as those guys I fought earlier._

	"Guardian Spirit?"  Ranma opened his eyes.  Miko was sitting in front of
him like a student that had dishonored his/her master.  "I'm not any good,
am I?  I really am useless." (CHEF'S NOTE: *sob* You finally realize that?)

	Ranma felt stricken when he noticed that her cheeks were wet.  "Don't say
that.  You're really not that bad."  _Ok, now I'm stretching it a bit._

	"I'm just not good enough," Miko droned.  Ranma groaned at her insecurity,
but said nothing.  He felt like there was something he was missing,
something that he'd overlooked that Miko could use to her advantage, but he
couldn't think of what is was.

	Miko noticed that her guardian was sweating, and he seemed frustrated.
(CHEF'S NOTE: Probably straining to think.)  She looked up to the sky; the
sun was directly overhead and not a cloud blotted the blue expanse.  _It's
probably the heat._  She felt her face, and it stung a bit to the touch.
"Guardian Spirit, won't you get sunburned sitting out here with no shirt on?"

	"Hn?"  Ranma looked up, poked at his skin, and shrugged.  "I guess so.
But you have my shirt, remember.  And all yours would probably be too small
for a guy."

	Miko blushed, then pulled Ranma's sliced shirt from somewhere beneath
hers.  Ranma watched in amazement as Miko's arms buzzed around it in a blur
of motion.  In two seconds, the shirt looked flawless.

	She handed it to Ranma, who accepted it wordlessly.  He slipped it on and
started buttoning it, still confused, then he saw the makeshift needle and
thread in her hand.  His face brightened and he slapped his fist into his
palm.

              -----------===================-----------
              |             NYANNIICHUAN              |
              |          "Very Tragic Story"          |
              |                Part 4                 |
              |  "Anything-Goes Martial Arts Sewing"  |
              -----------===================-----------

	"Are you sure about this, Guardian Spirit?"  Miko looked questionably at
the needle and thread in her hands, them at her guardian, who stood
confidently about thirty paces away.  "It's not exactly what I expected."

	Ranma called back, "Trust me.  Almost anything can be turned into martial
arts.  I know someone who'd turned COOKING into a fighting style. (CHEF'S
NOTE: *sniffle* huh?  Could Ranchan really be talking about me?  HE
REMEMBERS ME!) He mumbled to himself, "And Akane's cooking is downright
lethal if you ask me." (CHEF'S NOTE: Jackass.)

	"What was that, Guardian Spirit?"

	He shook his head.  "Oh.  Nothing."

	Miko jumped up and down, flustered.  "But what do you expect me to do?!  I
can't even defend myself!"

	Ranma gestured a bit impatiently.  "Sure you can, Miko!  You may not be
that strong, but you're fast enough to put up a pretty decent defense, even
without training.  You can make a really great martial artist."  _Whoa.
That was spreading it a little thick._  He though of how Ryouga tried to
teach Akane Rhythmic Gymnastics and shuddered at what he might become.

	Miko blushed.  _*dreamy sigh* Did he really mean that?!_  She felt a
tingly sensation run up her back. (CHEF'S NOTE: DREAMY SIGH?!  What the
hell's she doing with a dreamy sigh?!)

	"Yo, Miko!"  She snapped herself out of her daze.  Ranma seemed excited.
"Ok, I'm going to run over and pretend like I'm gonna to attack you.  Sew
the first thing you can think of to stop me."

	Miko cast her eyes down a bit, still unsure about the whole thing.  "Ok,
if you say so."

	She looked up and Ranma started running toward her.  He was suddenly right
in front of her before she even knew that he'd moved.  "Eeeek!"  Her arms
moved in a panicked flurry, and just as Ranma placed a gentle fingertip on
her forehead, she threw a beautifully designed potholder against his chest.

	"Hn?"  Ranma groaned and let his head slump forward.  _This is gonna take
a while._

				*	*	*	*	*

	Reikiba and Doshin sat at the small table in the livingroom.  Doshin was
sitting upright with his arms folded and eyes shut, meditating on his
problems and getting really depressed.  Reikiba was leaning toward him,
elbow on table, head resting on his hand, trying to strike a meaningful
conversation.

	The samurai went on to descibe his journey from the Chinese coast to the
mainland.  "And so there I was, traveling to Tailou inside the lion's wagon
of a traveling circus. (CUTE VOICE: What?  As World's Stupidest Man?)  The
ringleader assured me that it was the one place that no one would think of
looking, and you know... HE WAS RIGHT.  It was a new experience for me to
feed the big cats by hand.  They put up quite a fuss in the beginning, but
they settled down when they got to know me better.  I guess fanged warriors
have to stick together. (CUTE VOICE: He definitely related to Pig Boy.)

	"Of course, I don't know why those nice gypsies wanted to kill me.  They
said something about walking in on one of their mating rituals or something
like that.  But they finally gave up and looked elsewhere, and I paid the
ringleader what he thought was a fair price...."

	*thump* ZZZZZZ....

	Reikiba looked at him curiously.  "Mr. Lee?  Mr. Lee?  Are you awake?"

	"Wha?"  Doshin lifted his head off the table and stared around with
squinted eyes, then rubbed the back of his head and slumped down in
depression once more.  _It was bad enough I had a headache BEFORE he
started talking, but now he's putting me to sleep.  I can't afford to fall
asleep now._

	Reikiba looked worried.  "Is there something wrong?  Is there something I
can do to help?"

	Doshin's eyes snapped open and his heart beat faster as he just remembered
something very important.  He looked at Mr. Hibiki sternly.  "I realize
that it is I who owes you a debt and we have only recently aquainted
ourselves, but I must make a very important request."

	The samurai straightened up in his chair and listened carefully.

	"You must leave and allow no one to come near this cottage until sundown.
Sadly, that includes my daughter and her friend."  The samurai started to
say something, but Doshin added, "Please, do not ask questions.  Just go."

	Reikiba raised his eyebrows and scratched his head.  Doshin leaned
forward.  "Please.  It is an unusual request, but it is vital.  You must go
now."  The samurai stood up and bowed, promising by his samurai honor that
he would carry out the unusual request.  He drew his sword and rested it on
his shoulder, then started whistling as he strolled out the door.

	Doshin grabbed an oddly-shaped berry from his robe and popped it into his
mouth.  _That's one headache gone.  I hope I'm ready for an even bigger one._

				*	*	*	*	*

	It had been so long since Reikiba had been asked to perform any sort of
meaningful task.  He was happy to comply.  Ever since he'd become a ronin,
he'd just been wandering without a purpose.

	He looked at his bokken as if it were a long-lost friend whom he was
trying to get to know again, then he started circling the house to make
sure no one was around.  He found Twilight resting near the wall behind the
cottage.

	He bent down and gently shook her awake.  "Cat?  Oh, Miss Cat?  Could you
please get up?  You can't sleep here right now."

	Twilight raised her head with a start, wondering what was going on, then
turned toward the samurai with eyes of fire. (NOTE: Literally.  I mean her
eyes were glowing with fire.)

	Reikiba put a hand behind his head and laughed.  "Please excuse me for
interrupting your beauty sleep, Miss.  But I really must ask you to find
another resting spot this afternoon."  Twilight looked up at him with her
you're-either-incredibly-brave-or-incredibly-stupid gaze.

	The samurai was a bit taken aback, as if he had just been slapped in the
face.  "Well, you don't need to take that tone with me, young lady.  I'm
just doing what Mr. Lee asked me to."  Her ears perked up at her master's
name, and her eyes returned to their normal green.

	"Now that's more like it."  Reikiba stood up and dusted his robe off, then
gestured for her to walk ahead of him.  "Let's take a walk, shall we?  We
can share all our wonderful adventures together."

	They both headed for the jungle, Twilight rolling her eyes with her new
does-he-really-expect-me-to-talk-back look.  The samurai took a deep
breath.  "I was just telling Mr. Lee about the time I was traveling with a
circus to escape a band of gypsies...."

				*	*	*	*	*

	As Reikiba and Twilight disappeared into the treeline, a midnight-cloaked
figure exitted the jungle on the opposite side of the cottage.  His
footfalls made no noise as he strode across the grass toward the little
house, as if he were riding on the cool breeze that suddenly started
blowing from his direction.  Birds stopped chirping at his unnatural
prescence, but one by one, they started singing again as they recognized
that he was as much a part of nature as they were.

	The figure held out his arm and watched as a golden butterfly lit on his
sleeve.  He smiled faintly as it slowly fluttered its wings, finding him
strangly interesting.

	A crow swiftly descended and snatched the insect into its beak, then
perched itself on his arm where the bug lit.  It stared into the figure's
darkened face with glowing, yellow eyes and downed its prey.

	The figure chuckled darkly, "Not much of a destiny, is it?"

				*	*	*	*	*

	After releasing a heavy sigh, Doshin folded his arms and closed his eyes,
trying to force away his apprehensions with years of mental discipline, but
he soon concluded that it would not work this time.  His thoughts were too
much in chaos.  He dreaded the day when he would once again have the
displeasure of feeling his old colleague's all-too-familiar icy presence.

	Just then, a cool breeze entered the room, yet the door and windows
remained shut.  Doshin felt a bit nervous.  "I had not expected you to
arrive so soon."

	"Oh, come now, old friend.  You know as well as I that a man cannot truly
expect his own destiny?"

	Doshin frowned at his rival's subtle mockery.  "Do you actually believe
that YOU are destiny?  Now you HAVE gone completely mad."

	"*laugh* I see you have not lost you're sense of humor.  No... I am merely
a messanger who humbly carries out the designs laid out before him."

	Doshin opened his eyes and hissed through his teeth, "The world has
evolved to the point where men can choose their own destinies!  They don't
need your assistance!"

	The dark-robed man drew back a bit, somewhat shocked.  His face was now
visible--his features were pale and boney, his eyes were sunken as if from
lack of sleep, and his thick beard was knotted and dirty.  The crow that
was perched on his shoulder studied the two curiously, rapidly changing its
footing as if trying to find the best vantage point.

	Regaining himself, the robed man smiled in deep satisfaction and shadows
started to cover his face once more.  He chuckled, "Still clinging to that
old idea, I see.  But if it were true, old friend, why would I now be here?"

	Doshin sighed and muttered half-heartedly, "I know why you are here."

	"Oh, do you now?"  The robed man folded his arms.  The crow let out an
almost human laugh, causing Doshin to shoot it a cold glance.

	"And I want nothing to do with you! (NOTE: He's not talking to the bird.)
Your dark prophesies and rituals have no place in this world anymore.  The
gods had lost claim in this realm long ago, when their creation began
guiding them...."

	The dark man clenched his teeth.  "Do you really believe that, Brother?!
You, who were among our highest ranks, among the most respected, until one
day you haphazardly threw it all away on a whim, still dare utter such
blasphemy!  And now you reside in these bleak surroundings and presume to
become part of a world you once shaped!"  The man quickly calmed himself
and cleared his throat.  "But let us not quarrel over unresolved debates...
dear friend."  He smiled again.  "I have more important business to attend
to--WE have more important business."

	Doshin growled, "WE have No business together!  I have already stated
myself to you!  I don't want to have any part in your or anyone else's
twisted games."

	The dark man sighed and rolled his eyes and thought about something.
"Very well.  Since you seem reluctant to accept ME as a prophet...."  He
walked to the table and extended his hands.  "Perhaps you will be more
receptive to the foreshadowings of someone closer to your affections."  He
opened his hands and four dice bounced onto the tabletop.

	Doshin stared at his old friend for a long while, trying to detect any
hint of trickery, but found none.  He shifted his eyes downward and held
his breath when he read the pictures: a crow, a dove, a yin-yang, and a
skull and crossbones.  He looked up, horrorstriken.  The robed man grinned
and the bird laughed.

				*	*	*	*	*

	Ranma was completely serious now.

	He was jumping like crazy in an effort to dodge all the fishnets and
comforters being thrown in his direction.  Miko's hands were moving at such
an incredible speed that a sewing machine would seem to be moving in slow
motion.

	Ranma's sole objective was to snatch the needle from Miko's hand, but he
found that harder to do than he thought, given the fact that Miko was a
girl and he refused to go for any type of body blow.  But that aside, he
had to admit that Miko had made dramatic improvements--in the amazingly
short time they had been practicing, her defense had almost reached a level
to keep up with his own, even if her attack still needed work.  In the few
minutes of neither one gaining or losing much ground, Ranma had developed a
deep respect for her as a fighter and a seamstress.

	He jumped into the air and grabbed the corner of a blanket that almost
slapped him to a tree and swatted a wall of four nets that would have
surely got him otherwise.  Landing opposite her, he sidestepped a sweater
that was aimed at his face and glanced at his student just before she
released a colorful quilt.  She was sweating profusely and her face was
turning red.  He'd have to end their session soon or else his student was
going to collapse.

	He dodged and launched himself into the air once again.  Several more nets
rushed toward him in a V-formation.  He caught the closest and swatted at
the rest, deflecting all but the last one, which flipped into the air and
wrapped itself around his hand.  He angled himself toward Miko and shuttled
in her direction with his free hand outstretched, ready to take the tiny
needle from her grasp.

	Miko looked up and shrieked, and ,in an excited burst, assaulted Ranma
with a blanket so large that it could have been used as a parachute.
"Waaaaa!"  She heard her guardian scream and start struggling against the
fabric, but then it fell lifelessly to the ground in a big heap.

	Miko's chest was heaving and her clothes were almost completely drenched
in sweat. (CUTE VOICE: 'Scuse me, that perspiration.) (NOTE: Sorry.  My
mistake.) When nothing moved, she became worried and stepped toward the
monsterous textilework.  "Guardian Spirit?  Are you alright?"

	Suddenly, a hand reached over her shoulder from behind and plucked the
needle from her hand.  "I think that'll be enough for today.  You did good."

	Miko swiveled around, startled.  "Guardian Spirit?  But how did you...."
She suddenly felt light-headed and started to fall.

	Ranma caught her by the shoulders and gently set her down on the soft
cushin the huge blanket made.  "Miko?  Miko?"  She looked up and gave a
token giggle.  Ranma felt her forehead.  "I guess we really shouldn't have
done so much, this bein your first day and all.  Sorry I pushed ya."  He
withdrew his hand when Miko reached for it.

	Miko seemed to glow (metaphorically).  She hugged the folds of the blanket
against herself and sighed as if waking from a very pleasant dream.  "No.
It was wonderful."  Ranma raised his eyebrows when she started flapping her
arms slowly as if she were making an angel in the snow.  "I've never felt
so... alive.  Thank you, Guardian Spirit."

	Ranma blushed and tried to find something else to look at--there was
something about her light, tinkling voice that made him feel more alive as
well, yet more uneasy. (CHEF'S NOTE: Ranchan, what're you trying to say?)
"I... um... you're welcome."

	"That was the most invigorating, and relaxing, thing I'd ever done. (CUTE
VOICE: Fighting make you drunk?)  I can see why you like it so much."

	Ranma, still trying to look elsewhere, started scratching the back of his
head.  "Yeah... well... martial arts is my life."

	Miko sat up slowly and wearily.  "Ooooooh, it was so exciting watching you
in action like that, Guardian Spirit.  The way your toned body moved
lithely through the air.  The way your powerful muscles flexed and reflexed
with superior speed and precision."

	"Huh?"  Ranma eyes wandered in Miko's direction; he froze when he noticed
her seductive smile.

	Miko leaned forward and softly blew against his cheek. "The way the sweat
glistened against your skin as you began pressing yourself harder and
harder.  I came to realize something very important."  The muscles in
Ranma's face tensed and a large bead of sweat formed on the side of his head.

	Miko paused thoughtfully, her face only inches from his, while Ranma
started sweating more and held his breath.  She began again, drawing even
nearer, "I guess what I'm trying to say, Guardian Spirit, is...."  She
sprang back and laughed merrily, "I'm VERY hungry!  Let's get something to
eat!"  Ranma exhaled in relief.

	Miko fell back to her blanket in hysterics at the awkward look of
embarrassment she had instilled onto her guardian's face.  After Ranma
wiped away the sweat, he glared at her with a slightly peeved look, but he
didn't say anything.  Miko calmed down and said, "I can see why you eat so
much.  All that moving around at such a fast pace really takes a lot of
energy?"  Ranma smiled and nodded.

	Miko's stomach growled demandingly.  She looked surprised--she'd never
felt so hungry.  She put both hands on her tummy and blushed.  "Sorry."

	Ranma stood up and tried to remember which direction the village was in.
"So are we gonna go to that inn again?"

	"If you want."  Ranma nodded.  "But we may have a problem."

	Ranma glanced at her.  "Whaddaya mean?"

	With a long groan, Miko strained every muscle in her body, but only
managed to raise her forearms off the ground.  "I can't move anymore."  She
was exhausted.

	Ranma raised his eyebrows, then looked back in the direction they came
from--the cottage was far out of sight.  He squatted down in front of Miko
with his back facing her.  "Climb on and I'll carry ya."

	Miko tried to reach out with her arms, but they fell back to her sides.
She laughed, "No, I'm serious.  I can't move."

	With a sigh, Ranma reached around, grabbed her hands, and placed them on
his shoulders.  He hefted her onto his back, and she snuggled her arms
warmly around his neck, displaying a small amount of strength after all.
He sighed, "Miko, what am I gonna do with you?  Never mind, forget I asked."

	He stood up and looked around.  Miko whispered into his ear, "Before we
get to the inn, why don't you make yourself look pretty for Tan?"

	Ranma groaned.  "Just tell me which way to go."

				*	*	*	*	*

	The Empress pulled back a curtain and peered into Emperor Xi Fang's
bedchambers.  He was lying under the covers of his king-sized bed, asleep,
with two of his harem girls curled up closely on either side, also asleep.
The Empress scowled.  She greatly disapproved of his lecherous way--he'd
pay more attention to THEM than he'd ever show for HER--but he'd just
dismiss her words as mindless prattle.

	"How much of Salon's potion did you mix with his wine?"  She turned to the
harem girl standing by her side, who held her hands together behind her
like a military officer during inspection.  (NOTE: Incidentally, she's the
same one that earlier informed the Emperor of Lon's uneasy status, since
she's the Empress's personal informant.)

	"All of it.  As you ordered, Mistress."

	"And how much did he drink?"

	"All of it, Mistress."

	Chun Mae grinned slightly.  Her husband had just downed enough sleeping
potion to make a normal man sleep for weeks, and the added alcohol would
put that same man in a coma; however, given her husband's almost inhuman
metabolism, he'd no doubt be awake before tomorrow's dawn.  "You have done
well... Komiki."

	Komiki was gushing with pride at being paid a compliment by a superior,
and the added use of her name almost sent her into a state of euphoria.
She threw her arms around her empress and gave her an aggressive kiss full
on the lips.

	Chun Mae's eyes widened and she brushed the girl away.  "What is the
meaning of this?"

	The girl let herself drop to her knees, then pouted up to her superior
with a look that begged forgiveness.  She started to say something, then
reconsidered.

	The Empress placed her hand under the girl's chin.  "I suppose that after
Salon and I are through with our preparations, I will have to return to
teach you how to properly kiss an empress."  The girl smiled. (CHEF'S NOTE:
Ack!) (CUTE VOICE: Eeeeew!) (OLD VOICE: AaaaAAAAaaahhh.)

				*	*	*	*	*

	"Geez, Miko!  And you said I eat like a pig?"  Ranma held his chopsticks
over his bowl and watched incredulously as the girl who claimed she didn't
eat much started on her second big bowl of rice and vegetables; she was
eating with the same voraciousness and speed that he himself always
indulged in.

	Tan, who was leaning on Ranma's chair, stared in awe.  "I've never seen
Miko eat like this before.  Are you sure she's even Miko and not that other
girl she was with earlier?"

	Ranma tilted his head sideways.  "Uh....  Pretty sure."

	Tan look down at him in surprise, realizing that he must know who he was
talking about.  "You KNOW Miko's other pigtailed friend?!  Are you two
related?"  Tan did notice similarities in facial features, clothes, and
hair style, now that he thought about it.

	"I guess you could say that."  Ranma shrugged and began eating.  Tan smiled.

	Miko muttered sloppily out of the side of her mouth, "They're
inseperable."  Tan's shoulders slumped in defeat.

	Tan patted Ranma on the shoulder.  "Well, I hope you two are happy
together."  Ranma started to protest, but Tan was already going back in the
kitchen.

	Ranma peered at Miko and groaned, remembering all too well when Nabiki
said something to the same effect to Kunou.  Miko just shrugged and gave a
sloppy smile, then suddenly ducked under the table with a shrill shriek of
fright.

	Ranma looked curiously over the table.  "Miko?"

	Miko's hand peeked above the table and pointed in Ranma's direction.  She
whispered, "It's Lon."

	Ranma turned to see the colorfully-robed, massively-built tower he fought
just the other day standing in the doorway to the inn--except that instead
of the blue-and-orange mask, he was wearing a wide piece of torn cloth that
covered his nose and mouth.  His black hair was stringy and lifeless, his
forehead was slumped like a neanderthal, his face was scarred in several
places, and his eyes were slightly uneaven and almost looked... feral.
Ranma shivered, thankful that the guy WAS wearing the mask.

	Everyone eating at the other tables stopped to stare; it looked as if they
wanted to run but were to afraid to move.  Lon, noticeably unsettled that
he had become the center of attention, growled at all the patrons; everyone
turned back around except Ranma. (CHEF'S NOTE: Yeah!  Go on Ranchan!  Show
him who's boss!) (CUTE VOICE: Brave, brave, stupid husband.) Lon slitted
his eyes in Ranma's direction.  "You lookin at something, BOY?"

	Ranma looked at the giant more attentively, as if he had just noticed that
he was there.  "Me?  I was... that is... I'm new here and haven't seen you
before."  He turned to the side and started looking around the room.

	Lon shook his head in disgust and sat down at the nearest table--once the
people there had left.  The table was on the far side of the door and Lon
had his back turned, which Ranma saw as the perfect opportunity to leave.

	He turned his head toward his table and whispered, "C'mon, Miko, we've got
to get out of here."

	She whispered back, "I can't."

	"Why not?"

	"I can't get up."

	Ranma rolled his eyes and tried to stay calm, remembering how hard she had
worked herself.  He slowly and quietly inched to her side of the table.

	Tan came out of the kitchen and was startled to see Lon, and was ready to
retreat.  But when he saw Miko's guardian spirit creeping around the table,
he guessed that Miko was trapped, so he had to do something.  He strode
over to Lon's table to take his order--and distract him.

	Ranma was grateful for Tan's help.  He quickly found Miko sprawled on the
floor directly underneath the table and silently scooped her into his arms.
 A quick glance back reassured him that Lon hadn't taken any notice.  The
front door was still open, but he didn't want to risk Miko's life if Lon
should catch them on the way out.  He thought of looking for a back door,
but there was no guarantee there was one.  He scanned the room and fixed
his eyes on the stairs leading to the guests' rooms--it was an inn afterall.

	He quickly sped upstairs as quietly as if he were running on the air
itself.  No one seemed to notice.  He headed for an unshuttered window at
the end of the hall.

	Miko sighed, "You're so smart to think of getting out this way."

	_I donno.  It feels like I've tried this before.  But I can't remember
what happened...._  Ranma lept out the window and dropped into Lon's
waiting arms.

	Ranma stared into Lon's face with disbelief.  The giant grumbled, "Guess
where I found the fabric for my mask?" then started squeezing the life out
of Miko's friend.

	Miko, still in her guardian's arms, shrieked and instantly sewed a large
sack around Lon's head.

	The big man dropped Ranma when he felt several hundred annoying fists slam
into his face.  His battle aura flared up and he ripped the bag off his
head, but his opponents had disappeared, no doubt long gone.  He muttered a
curse to himself, feeling more depressed than angry at all the ill-luck
he'd been having, then romped back into the inn to get something to eat.
He'd look for them on a full stomach.

				*	*	*	*	*

	Ranma gently laid Miko on the roof; she seemed to have fainted from the
excitement.  He was surprised when he glanced down the side of the inn and
noticed the giant masked man go back inside without attempting to pursue
them.  _Maybe he's havin a bad day._

	He turned his attention back to the red-headed girl sprawled before him
and lightly tapped his finger onto her forehead.  "Yo, Miko.  You Ok?"

	"Hn?"  Miko's eyes snapped open and she stared cross-eyed at the finger
poking her between the eyes.  Her whole body felt numb--most likely the
stress added to the soreness in her muscles, or something like that--but
she steady became fully aware of everything.

	Her face suddenly contorted and she weakly doubled over in pain, clutching
her hands close and wishing they were numb again.  She whimpered like a
crying puppy, trying to force a sentence out of her mouth, but all she
could say was, "Ow."

	Ranma felt both angry with her and worried for her.  He blurted, "Why'd
you hafta go and do a stupid thing like that anyway--hittin Lon like that?!
 You coulda gotten hurt!"  Miko pushed her hands underneath her blouse and
nodded, tears almost escaping from her eyes.

	Ranma watched Miko squirm in pain and stormed his brain on what to do
about it; feeling more sure than ever that Akane wasn't going to suddenly
interrupt the crazy dream he was in and scold him for being with other
women, he went with his first idea and asked Miko to hold out her hands.
Miko hesitated, cringing at the idea of exposing her delicate skin for any
reason, but she forced herself to comply for her guardian and friend.  She
almost drew back when he reached out for them, but she mustered every ounce
of trust and courage to keep still.

	Miko was surprised when Ranma slipped his hands over her crooked, aching
fingers as smoothly as silk and began to slowly massage them, each stroke
only serving to relax her more until she was actually cooing with pleasure.
(CHEF'S NOTE: WHAT!?  I'll kill em!) (CUTE VOICE: Ooooh!  Shampoo need ask
husband do that next time.) (NOTE: You see why he's never done that
before.)  Ranma smiled.  "Feeling better?"

	"Mmmmm.  Just don't stop."  Miko stretched out and let all of her muscles
relax (in a pose Nabiki would love to take a snapshot of Ranma-chan in).
"And please don't try to move me anymore.  Let's just stay right here for
now."

	Ranma thought about it for a short while.  _Well, I guess if we don't
really have anyplace to go... and it's safer up here than on the ground._
He moved from her fingers and started rubbing her badly-bruised knuckles,
and Miko responded with a hushed moan of delight.  Ranma smiled.  "Ok."  _I
guess you deserve it._  He lowered his voice an octave: "And... thanks for
helping out."

	Miko tried to giggle.

				*	*	*	*	*

	Salon suddenly materialized in front of the Cursed Springs (near Miko's
bathing spring) in a human-shaped cloud of smoke.  Coughing voilently, she
threw her arms outward and quickly dispersed the poisonous vapors.  She
checked herself--her jumpsuit was slightly charred and her hair sizzled a
bit when touched.  _Liu-Sing is right.  I definitely SHOULD do something
about that spell._

	She looked out across the pools, then gazed up at the sky.  The sun had
already begun its journey toward the east, leaving mid-day behind, though
it would still be a while until sundown.  She scanned the area to make sure
no one was around, then sighed and dropped down into a lotus-style sitting
position.  From an unseen pocket in her suit, she produced a bag of
chestnuts to munch on while she concentrated on one sentence: "I'm here."

				*	*	*	*	*

	"A bit more than you bargained for, eh, Old Friend."

	"...."  Doshin stared intensely at the dice on the table as if they would
suddenly change in his favor--or at least that's what he hoped.  He had
rolled the dice several times himself and come up with the same exact
pictures, so there was no mistaking the message he was being given.  Yet,
he still studied them from every angle possible.

	The dark-robed man stood by Doshin's side and looked at him with
amusement, his arm draped casually on his friend's
shoulder--half-supporting and half-mocking him.  The "Dark One"'s crow
hopped around on the table and turned his head in every conceivable
direction trying to decipher the dice--since its master hardly told it
anything--yet it seemed as though the bird was mocking him as well.

	At a point of waning interest, the "Dark One" glanced upward and to the
side as if he heard somethig.  With a sigh, he retracted his arm and headed
for the door.  "I am sorry if I must cut our visit short like this, but I
believe I am expected elsewhere."

	"...."  Doshin was too engrossed in the four little cubes that he didn't
hear a word the other said.

	The "Dark One" held out an arm and the crow perched on it.  He called
back, "Do not give yourself a headache."  The crow started to laugh, then
decided that its current state of confusion would only make it feel stupid.

	He exitted the house without so much as a 'goodbye' and started across the
field with no more noise than last time.  The sun was now beginning its
descent behind the trees, and the sky was slowly being saturated with
violet, which would eventually become purple, then almost black with the
coming of night--his favorite time of day.

	He rubbed his chin when he noticed the man in the samurai robe talking to
a delirious shimmercat--a small one at that.  The man had his back turned,
and the shimmercat was definitely in no condition to sense his presence.
The crow on his arm still looked fearfully at its natural predator, slowly
inching its way up its master's shoulder.

	Without understanding why, the "Dark One" felt a bit dizzy as he listened
to the man prattle on.

	"...and from behind the boulders stepped one of the largest green dragons
I've ever seen.  And being the kind-hearted dragon she was, she invited me
to tea and dinner, and looking up into her big, tearstreaked eyes, I just
couldn't say no.  But I felt a bit embarrassed since I had nothing to give
her in return...."  The cat yawned.

	The "Dark One" and the crow both shivered.

				*	*	*	*	*

	Salon hummed a soft ballad as she meditated with her eyes closed,
occasionally popping a bit of chestnut into her mouth and savoring it for
several minutes before chewing.  She had waited so long for this day, and
now that it was finally here, she felt happy.

	She immediately jumped to her feet and dusted herself off before the
dark-robed man came into view, fading in from the dusky jungle like a
ghost; she couldn't help but grin.  He turned his head and said something
to the black bird on his shoulder and it flew off--it appeared to be bored
anyway.

	He folded his arms and boomed, "This had better be important, witchwoman!
I am not in the habit of entertaining personal requests!"

	Salon stood calmly.  "Yet you came."

	The dark man said nothing and began to loose patience.  Salon stated, "You
should already know what I want from you."

	He started to turn away and said, "And how would I know what YOU want?"
Salon made a sour and disappointed face.

	His face brightened when he just remembered something.  "Ah.  I see.  It
has been so long since anyone was foolish enough to challenge me for THAT."

	Salon reached behind her back and produced a staff out of thin air; the
staff looked quite old but very sturdy and had a large, curled knob at the
end. (NOTE: Imagine Cologne's staff--because it is.) She held it as if
ready to attack and smirked, "If you really thought that all challenges
would be fruitless, then why did you ever make such a vow in the first place?"

	The dark man smiled at the wisdom of that remark.  "Very well.  I accept
your challenge."  He dramatically swept his arms into the air and the
ground began to rumble.  Salon looked up, a bit worried, as hundreds of
bamboo poles rose from the jungle and started swirling in the air.  She
readied herself for an assault, but all the poles stopped to hover directly
over the Cursed Springs, then embedded themselves all about the area.  He
narrowed his eyes.  "My rules, of course."

	She smiled and stuttered, "Of course."

	He sprang into the air and landed on one foot atop one of the poles.
"Since I am in light mood and I hold no malice toward you, I promise to go
easy."

	Salon gritted her teeth.  _Men!_  She would have to teach him not to
underestimate her--but something deep inside told her to be thankful.  She
pounced upon the nearest pole and took up a more agressive stance.

	Seeing that her opponent would not make a move until she did, she twirled
her staff over her head and yelled: "Fierce Hawk Talon"; with three quick
swipes of her staff, she sent three waves of slicing air at the dark man.
He caught the first two as if catching a ball, then jumped as the third
clipped the top off of the pole.  He sent both arcs spinning back in her
direction before landing on an adjacent pole.  Salon jumped high into the
air before the counterattack disintigrated her pole.

	As she descended with her foot extended, the dark man jumped back to
another pole and unleashed several long, spiked chains from his billowy
sleeves.  Salon batted them all aside easily with her staff, then landed
into a crude crouch atop the pole her opponent WAS on.  She immediately
launched herself at the dark man just as he released several FLAMING
shurikens in her direction; with her staff, she swatted away all but one,
which only grazed her right shoulder.  The man jumped high into the air and
Salon went sailing by.

	She started falling toward one of the pools, but she reached out and
grabbed a pole and spun herself around, then catapulted herself into the
air.  The two met and quickly exchanged a flurry of punches before landing
two poles away from each other.

	Salon was starting to breathe heavily, but the dark-robed man showed no
signs of stress whatsoever.  He folded his arms and said, "You are good.  I
commend you."

	Salon growled, having taken several hits in the exchange of blows, "Just
shut up and fight!"

	The dark man smiled slyly and scolded, "Temper, temper."  He jumped high
into the air again.  Salon followed.

	After quickly creating a forcefield of air to protect the springs below,
He yelled: "Midnight Storm" and "Flying Dragon Ascension Defeat!" (NOTE:
Which in Japanese is the Hiryu Shoten-ha.)

				*	*	*	*	*

	Ranma was lazily lying beside Miko, his hands clasped behind his head; he
just got through explaining just how rediculous his life had become. (NOTE:
Which entails a summary of the first two-and-a-half seasons of the anime
and over a dozen volumes of the manga, which I shall casually avoid.)
Miko, upon being tired and sore, was now confused.

	Ranma tried to draw his explanation to a conclusion.  "And now it's like
almost all my problems have something to do with that stupid curse.  I
still don't know why Pop wanted to train there when neither one of us knew
a word of Chinese."

	Miko looked doubly confused.  "But you speak perfect Chinese--well, almost."

	"Really?"  _I've been speaking in Chinese?  Now how'd that happen...._

	Miko tried to process all the infomation he gave her with little success,
so she just tried to stab at anything.  "I know some of those pools have
curses... but I've never heard of a 'spring of drowned girl' before."

	Ranma's eyes widened.  "You know about...."

	They both stared in surprise as they witnessed a large, dark cloud appear
in the distance, under which formed some kind of localized whirlwind.
After several seconds, it died down and Ranma started getting a BAD feeling
about it.

	Miko had reserved enough energy to sit up.  "What was that?!"  In her
weakened state, she lost her balance and started to tumble forward.

	Ranma quickly grabbed her and sprang off the roof.  "We better check it out."

	Miko held onto him a little tighter.  "If you think we should?"

				*	*	*	*	*

	The shimmercat's ears perked up when she heard the disturbance.  She shook
away the last remnance of sleep and stared at the samurai snoring beside
her.  _Some guard he is!_

	She needed to wake him up.  She pushed against his shoulder several times
with her paw, but he didn't seem to feel it.  She tried nudging against his
face, but he didn't seem to care.  She extended her claws on one of her
front feet and looked at them thoughtfully, then shook her head.  _There's
got to be an easier way._ 

				*	*	*	*	*

	Liu-Sing knew it was foolish, but he wouldn't learn anything by playing it
safe.  After the cyclone died down, he crawled up to the cliff's edge and
peered over.  The sky was dark in the area and it was raining steadily,
although about a hundred paces back, the sky was mostly clear.

	He looked down and saw a figure in a pitch-black robe that appeared to
twinkle with starlight.  Ahead of his staggered a purple-haired,
tiger-striped woman, who could be no other than Salon.  The robed man
looked as though he was about to finish her off when the twins arrived.

				*	*	*	*	*

	"Shampoo?"  The first thing Ranma-chan noticed was the purple-haired girl
in the jumpsuit looking as if she'd just been in a major battle--well, ok,
the first thing she noticed was that it was raining, which explained Miko's
sudden growth spirt (since Ranma had gotten smaller), but the purple-haired
girl was a shock.  She dropped Miko rather painfully on her rear--well,
just about any part of her body would be painful now.

	Ranma snapped into a battleready pose when she noticed the dark-robed man
standing beside her, his arms outstretched, each with a wickedly-curved
blade protruding from the forearm.  The man seemed to snap out of a daze
when he saw her.

	Ranma's eyes widened a bit.  _Mousse?  Can't be.  Even Mousse doesn't look
that spooky._  "Hey, it's not right to beat up on a girl like that."

	The dark man's face brightened, most of the shadows leaving his face.
"Ah!  I was told you would be here, Ranma Saotome, although I was a bit
skeptical.  It seems as though you will cause quite a lot of trouble for
one of my masters in the future."

	Ranma sidestepped away from Miko so she wouldn't get in the way.  "And
howd'ya figure that?"

	He raised a hand.  "Wait.  Before I answer....  I can sense one of you two
has a certain wooden idol I am searching for.  Which one of you has it?"

	Ranma and Miko looked at each other, confused.  After a few minutes of
collective thought, Miko pulled out a small, wooden statue from her blouse
and asked, "Is this what you're talking about.  I was keeping it for my
guardian spirit."  Ranma glanced at the effigy of the goffy-looking bird.

	The dark one boomed, "That's the one."  He held out his hands and started
to produce a ball of ki energy almost as tall as he was.

				*	*	*	*	*

	Salon leaned on her staff for support while she composed herself, wiping
away a small amount of blood that trickled from her nose.  _This is going
to be harder than I anticipated.  But at least I now have this._  She
glanced at the small, wooden statue in her hand--she found it (the statue)
laying beside Miko's body.

	She looked at the spot where the dark-robed man stood before he vanished.
She had no idea why he left; he had them all in the palm of his hand--so to
speak--but he seemed to reconsider ending their lives.  She shrugged--he
must have had his reasons.

	She turned in the opposite direction, where there was now a small clearing
of broken trees created when Miko's guardian spirit, the one she heard
called Ranma Saotome, had been thrown through them by the blast.  Salon was
suddenly grateful that he HAD gone easy on her.  The dark-robed man
probably left Miko's guardian for dead.  Her assessment of the situation
wasn't much different.

	But she checked anyway and found that Ranma Saotome was still breathing;
she was only minorly bruised and unconscious, but otherwise fine--truly
amazing.  Salon looked around to see if anyone was coming--the fight would
surely attract attention, so she'd best leave soon.

	She looked back down at Ranma and smiled as an idea came to mind.  Not
only was Ranma a creature of exceptional skill and endurance, but she was
also a creature of exceptional beauty.

				*	*	*	*	*

	Reikiba yawned and stepped out of the jungle, disappointed when he found
that the big cat had left his company during his nap.  He immediately
noticed two forms, only hazy, dark splotches in front of the setting sun,
and they were rushing toward him at an unsteady pace.  He rested his bokken
on his shoulder and waited.

	Miko staggered into view; she was sweating, limping, and holding her arms
slightly away from her body.  Twilight was trotting from one side of her to
the other, looking up at her with the most worried face a tiger could have.

	Miko saw the samurai just standing there and stumbled in his direction
panting, "Please tell me Father is home!  I must see him right away!"

	Reikiba glanced at the sun, then gently laid a hand on her shoulder to
halt her progress.  "I'm sorry.  I can't let you in the cabin yet.  I
promised Mr. Lee."

	Twilight looked at the samurai's leg evilly and opened her mouth.  He
deserved it.  She tried to clamp down, but something about the samurai's
aura of innocence just wouldn't allow her to.

	Miko looked horrified.  "Daddy... won't let... ME... in?"  She started to
cry, trying not to visualize how angry he might have been with her for
storming out of the house earlier.

	Reikiba suddenly looked genuinely worried.  "Is something wrong?  Is there
something I can do to help?"

	Twilight opened her jaws even wider.  Aura or not, he was just too stupid
to allow to run around.

	The shimmercat drew back when Miko started glowing bright blue.  Her hands
moved in a flurry of motion and the samurai disappeared under a pile of
laundry.

	Miko continued hobbling toward the house.  Twilight stared back and forth
in confusion.  The samurai peeped, "Was it something I said?"

	"Daddy!  Daddy!"  Miko stumbled to her knees a few times, but picked
herself up and kept going.  The cabin door flew open and a terrified Doshin
ran out.  "Daddy!  Why did that man...  why was...."

	Doshin hugged Miko tightly, and she just cried.  He patted her back.
"Calm down, calm down.  Forgive him.  He is not incredibly bright."

	She shrieked, "I can't find Guardian Spirit!  He's gone!"

	Doshin winced and let his head fall.  He wordlessly led his hysterical
daughter into the house.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Well that was awefully long.  Anyone have anything to say?  (CUTE VOICE:
Shie shen.) (OLD VOICE: Bye all.) (CHEF'S NOTE: Miko can rot in hell.) Ok.
See you next time.