Well, this is something that popped into my head at 3:30am one morning
a while back that's just sitting aroung taking up space, so I decided
to post if.  C&C always welcome, flames will meet with retaliation :P
not to the list, of course.

Well, here goes:

THE ADVENTURES OF BILL
By John Harding (do I *really* want to take credit for this?)

   We begin our story in a city somewhere in the u.s.  
bill has fallen asleep during math class.  this is pretty run of 
the mill.  but something very out of the ordinary is about to 
happen.  a bolt of energy leaps from the ceiling of the 
classroom, causing bill to disappear.  bill is now soaring 
down some kind of dimentional vortex.  

bill:  AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

   bill suddenly exits the vortex and sees that he is 
now falling towards the ground.  it is made of stone.  and it 
is only ten feet away

bill:  AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  [splat]

   bill awakens.  he is in a cave somewhere.  and 
there are noises coming from outside.  it sounds like some 
dinosaur from jurassic park is having a meal out of a group 
of people.  bill gets up and makes his way to the edge of the 
cave.  he cannot believe his eyes.  not only is the world now 
animated, but he appears to be in the middle of the battle 
between the lodoss wars party and the dragon from the first 
episode [of course this actually takes place somewhere 
between the fifth and sixth episodes...I think] Ghim falls 
down in front of him and slams into the ground.

bill:  [still in disbelief]  <cool!  a first-hand view of the 
battle!>

   bill sits down to watch.  woodchuck throws the 
knife, which hits the dragon square in the eye.  then parn, 
shouting "NOW!!!", and charges the dragon with his sword.

bill:  <and now the dragon meets his doom!>

   but instead of what we [and bill] saw in the actual 
episode, the dragon moves his head unexpectedly, and parn 
is thrown off guard.

bill:  <hey!!!  this isn�t supposed to happen!>

   and now the dragon throws away parn�s sword 
again, rendering him helpless.  now it takes aim at etoh, and 
slayn, preparing a blast of fire.  slayn is still unconcious, and 
can�t do a shield spell.  ghim is down for the count.  etoh 
can do nothing.  parn and woodchuck are unarmed and 
helpless.  it seems now that the party is in deep shit.

bill:  <oh man!!!  at this rate the whole party is toast!!!  I 
guess it�s up to *me* now.>

   bill jumps out of the cave, unnoticed.  now he pulls 
out a hand grenade  [don�t ask where it came from.  think of 
it as an "ability"].

bill:  HEY, YOU OVERGROWN BAD MOVIE PROP PIECE OF SHIT!!!!

   this time the party hears him and watches in surprise.  
the dragon now faces bill and roars.  bill takes the open 
mouth as an opportunity and throws the grenade into the 
dragon�s mouth.  the dragon, surprised, closes its mouth.  
the grenade detonates, causing the dragon�s head to 
explode.  pieces of the dragon�s head fly everywhere, 
pelting bill with blood and charred flesh.  the headless neck 
of the dragon flops around like a snake with its head cut off, 
and finally flops limply on the ground with a crash, blood 
spewing in all directions from the various arteries in the 
neck. 

bill:  YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!

   but they hardly have time to celebrate, because the 
shock wave from the explosion, as well as the antics of the 
dragon�s neck, has destablised the whole structure, and it is 
caving in. 

bill:  SHIT!

   he and the whole party start to run, but, of course, 
something goes terribly wrong.  deed trips on a stone [it 
*has* to be deed or this huge clich� think won�t work 
right], and topples over.  as she is getting up, a chunk of 
rock slams her in the head, knocking her out.

bill:  <oh great...>

   he is, of course quite a bit ahead, but he runs back 
anyway.  dodging falling rock and ducking a falling pillar, 
bill finally reaches deedlit, slings her over his shoulder, and 
books just in the nick of time, as a large boulder slams into 
the ground just inches behind them.  bill runs as fast as he can 
with the load, and makes it out of the cave seconds before it 
completely implodes.

Later...

   Bill lays Deedlit down on the ground, and somehow slips away 
without anyone noticing.

bill:  <Better make a hasty departure...don�t want to 
change the story line TOO much.> 

   He continues to walk until he comes to a 
realization...he doesn�t have the slightest clue where he is 
going!  Bill stops and sits on a rock to ponder his situation.

bill:  Well what do I do now?  I am actually inside an 
anime, I have absolutely no idea what I�m doing here, or 
what I am SUPPOSED to do *while* I�m here, and most of 
all, I�m missing math class!  Hmmmm.

   But while Bill is lost in thought, a creature is 
sneaking up behind him.

*snap*

bill:  Wha!?  AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

   Bill sees the creature just as it is pouncing on him.  He 
jumps off the rock, and with blinding speed, to the side--out 
of the path of the creature.  Unfortunately, falls on his ass.  
The creature rebounds and pounces again.  This time, bill 
pulls out a phasor and fires.  The monster is vaporized.

bill:  Hmmm...that was nice.  But where did the phasor 
come from?  Oh well, I guess I shouldn�t ask.




-------
THE END
-------



Well there it is.  Yeah, I know it's absoultely *plagued* with run-ons
and fragments, as well as mis-spellings and other fun stuff, but I
don't care...I don't intend on continuing it anyways.  Anyone who
wants to carry on is free to do so I guess.  Send all comments to
MIDP@Rocketmail.com






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