Ranma 1/2 - All mixed up
-By Harper-

Disclaimer: The extremely funny and unique characters belong and are
copyrighted to the talanted and humourous Rumiko Takahashi, Viz
Communications, Shogakukan Inc. and other such clever companies who know
something good when they see it (ie, Ranma 1/2).

Just 'e' me if you've missed any parts at....  stroma@globalnet.co.uk 
OR if there's no reply, try...  eve147@hotmail.com   

~bleep!~ = a swear word or two
(XXX) = actions/description       
<XXX> = Chinese (mandarin, I think, whatever the Chiness Amazons speak)
~XXX~ = sound effects       
[XXX] = signs (mostly Genma-panda)
Onna-Ranma = female Ranma
P-chan = Ryoga pig   
 
Summary: Most of the Ranma cast got doused by a wierd purple rain which
dramatically changed their personalities. Cologne tried to take advantage
of it but failed. Now the real rain is back and pouring down on Nerima,
everyone is startin' to turn back to normal... that is, Nerimian
standards of normality. It would be best to read the first 7 parts before
reading on...   
                                                
 
Chapter 8: Return to Paradise

Just as a small note to say that I've changed one of the previous
chapters where Kasumi and Tofu were arguing so that they are under a bus
shelter and therefore remained unchanged by the last burst of purple
rain.

The view spins away from the concrete clearing, circles around the rainy
Nerima, zooming in on the long, but packed high street where confused
people, once drugged are now returned to a confused but normal state of
mind as the crystal clear rain hits them. They look around the wreckage
and wonder what has happened.)

(There are two other people who have not yet been affected, they are
standing underneath a bus shelter, still fighting over a now useless
packet of cheap cigarrettes.)

Kasumi: (wearing a skin tight, leather catsuit, with a pink punk-style
haircut) hey you ~bleep!~ These are my ~bleep!~ cig's you got there!
(pulls the packet apart as she struggles to get a grip on them)
Tofu: (with leather jacket, torn jeans and a ring in his nose) (holding
half a packet of cigarrettes) Now look at what you've ~bleep!~ done, you
~bleep!~ idiot!

~Boot!~
~Splash!~

(Tofu is kicked out into the street by Kasumi and lands in a puddle.)

Kasumi: hah! That'll ~bleep!~ teach ya'!
Tofu: (gets up) huh? What... what happened? (stands up and brushes
himself down) (looks up) Who are you? (Starts to wipe glasses)
Kasumi:  The name's Kasumi, you ~bleep!~.
Tofu: K-Kasumi??! (drops glasses onto the street and gawps at the sight
before him)
Tofu's Unconsciousness: Kasumi. Blue Alert. Panic stations, people!
Kasumi wearing skin-tight leather outfit. Red Alert! Red Alert! We are in
deep trouble. Brain?
Tofu's Brain: (drooling metaphorically) Kasumi..... Kasumi.....
Kasumi.....
Tofu's Unconsciousness: oh dear. Vision? Vision?! Come in, vision!!!
(muttering) I won't even bother to communicate with the hormone
department.... (annoyed) If there are any other parts of Tofu still
working, please prepare for immediate shutdown of all systems.

(Kasumi bends over to pick up a cigarrette, showing rather more of her
than should be seen in a fic of this "U" rating.)

Tofu: (collapses with manic grin on face) ...!
Tofu's Unconsciousness: great! This is gonna take at least a week to fix!
I hate this job, I quit! (leaves)

(Kasumi steps out into the rain. Her eyes mystically swirl around (very
painful) for a few seconds. She blinks and looks around at her
surroundings.)

Kasumi: Oh my! How did I get here? And what feels so different? (Sees
Tofu lying on the ground, bends down to inspect his stae further when she
catches a reflection of herself in a small pool of water nearby) !! (Hand
over mouth, upset) My, my!! My... my hair!!! Oh, my lovely hair! (Looks
at the rest of herself) And where did this outfit come from, I look quite
different from normal... (calms down) It's getting dark. I may as well go
home, change, and prepare dinner for everyone, they'll be getting hungry
by now. (Walks off, completely forgetting about Dr. Tofu.)

(Further along the high street, a young girl with a daisy in her hair
steps out from underneath a charity stall, after being splashed by
someone running past it. She's looking very confused and picks the daisy
out of her hair, puzzled by its appearance. She wanders to the front of
her stall were she sees a charity sign saying "Free Food And Drinks For
The Homeless On Me". She takes out her purse from PurseSpace and look
through
it. The purse is empty.)

Nabiki: (in shock) Money... nothing left.... No money...
Can't have...  All gone... No... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

(We back away and go to the Tendo Dojo, where Ryoga has carefully removed
Gosunkugi -- or "Gossar the Great" -- and Soun from the living room floor
and has used new chiropracty (a la Dr. Tofu) methods to help wake them.
He stands on the porch and watches as the normal, clear rain falls down.)

Ryoga: (shivers mentally) What was that noise? Sounded like someone
screaming. (Looks back up at the sky) Hmmmm... very interesting. I
noticed no clouds forming in the sky. What an unusual scientific
phenomenon.
"Gossar": (bounds out from inside) Woohoo! I feel good, I knew that I
would now! Power of the herooooo!!! (bounds into the rain, starts dancing
about when he suddenly doubles over and collapses onto the grass.)
Ryoga: Gosunkugi!! (runs out but before he can get to the patient, he
freezes and his eyes glaze over just before the inevitable shapeshifting
change) (shakes himself awake and climbs out of the clothes) Kweee?
Kweee? Kweeeee!! (thinks) What.. what happened? I can't remember
anything!! (runs for the house but ends up on the street where he bumps
into a pair of legs) (outloud) Bwee! (thinks) That hurt! (looks up)
Ranma!! How dare he?! 
Onna-Ranma: (still in oversized posh wedding suit which is Western-style,
only one Soun could get at short notice)  (looks down) hey P-chan, what's
up?

P-chan: Bu-keee! (thinks) I bet this is all Ranma's fault!! 

~Chomp!~

Onna-Ranma: Owwww! (angry) You stupid pig, that was my leg!

~Punch!~

P-chan: (large bruise on head) Bu-kweeeee!

Onna-Ranma: it was supposed ta hurt, dummy!!

(Akane is running along in the unrelenting rain in the general direction
of her house, muttering nasty things about Ranma not seen in any Viz
translation due to its unprintable nature. This is not unusual  for
Akane, what is unusual though is that she is running along this puddled
street in a Japanese wedding dress. Then her anger begins to slowly die
down...)

Akane: stupid Ranma! I bet the pervert had something to do with this
humilation!

(See? Practically friendly)

Akane: I bet he -- (stumbles on her dress and trips over) Aaaahhh!

~Thump!~

Akane: (picking herself up slowly, rubbing her scalp) My head!! (she
stands up and adjusts her torn dress) I'll get Ranm -- (sudden flash of
realisation as memories flood back about what really happened) (eyes do
that bugging-out thang) Oh... oh no!! K-Kuno??! _I_ called him "Kuno-chan
"?! 

(Akane suddenly feels very sick and faint and leans against a wall) 

Akane: (certain other memories come back too) I told R-Ranma I _loved_
him?!! What possessed me to do _that_??! I have no feelings for him!
None... none at all...! (remembers kissing him) (to the shock of the
FFML, she smiles and blushes a deep red) Well...  maybe I do, after all.
(walks back home, in no rush at all) (thinks) No wonder that baka Shampoo
chases him, I'd never realised what a good...

(A few minutes later....)

Voice: (angry shouting) Leave me alone, pig! S'not my fault!!
Akane: (still walking) (looks back) huh? (sees a rapidly approaching
figure jumping over houses towards her) Ranma?

(It is indeed Ranma, or rather Onna-Ranma jumping over buildings with a
single bound, currently being annoyed with a very persistent small black
pig, who she punches away when it bites her but who just comes back)

P-chan: bu-keeeee! Kweeeeee! 
Onna-Ranma: I said, you stinkin' pig, that I ain't done nothing wrong!!! 
P-chan: bwweeeeee. Bweeeeee, buuk -

~Wham!~

Onna-Ranma: (holds up unconscious pig by the scruff of its neck) don't
you call me a drowned peguin, bacon breath! (jumps down onto the street
to face Akane) Hey Akane, you feeling better? You look really terrible,
y'know.
Akane: (growing anger) First, you hurt _my_ P-chan... _then_ you insult
me!!
Onna-Ranma: uh-oh... 

~Bam!~
~Wham!~
~Slam!~
~Spam!~
(err.... scrub that last one...)

(Onna-Ranma is now currently readjusting her neck while Akane picks up
P-chan and pats him gently awake.)

Akane: (worried) P-chan, please wake up. Snap out of it!
P-chan: (stirs) (sees Akane's face) (happily) Kweeeeee!!!
Akane: (examines him) that's odd... where did your little bandanna go?
You know, the one like Ry.. Ryoga's! (shocked expression) Oh! C-can it be
that... that...
Onna-Ranma and P-chan: (frozen in fear) ...!
Akane: ...that Ryoga lent you one as a present?! Oh, how sweet of him! I
must thank him when he next visits.

(Onna-Ranma re-adjusts herself from the shock but P-chan is still frozen)

Onna-Ranma: (muttering) I didn't think anyone could be so thick-headed...
even that Azusa chick knows!
Akane: what was that?
Onna-Ranma: uhh... n-nothing... nothing at all!
Akane: (suspicious) .....

(They walk on in silence for a few minutes more, the rain as unrelenting
as ever. Soon, they reach the entrance to the Tendo Dojo and Onna-Ranma
opens up the front gate/door and walks in, her eyes bugging out as she
looks at the training hall and house.)

Onna-Ranma: what the..?!
Akane: (calmly walks in, holding a now asleep P-chan) So, do you remember
yet?  
Onna-Ranma: where the heck did all these decorations come from? (sees a
banner hanging across the fron of the house saying [ Happy Wedding Ranma
And Akane! : ) ] surrounded by various other decoration such as ribbons
and streamers) Married?!! Did we...?
Akane: no, idiot. Surely you remember some of it? You wouldn't forget
proposing to me, would you?!
Onna-Ranma: ...the purple rain! That's right! (smacks fist) I went to see
Cologne about it and she gave me something to drink an'... an'.... then
you came and I... (face goes deep red) gulp! Sorry Akane, I didn't mean
to!!   
Akane: (angry) ...._sorry_? You mean, you find the idea of marrying me
_that_ repulsive?!
Onna-Ranma: (increasingly nervos) I didn't say that! That's not what I
meant!
Akane: (shyly) (quietly) so... you do want to marry me?
Onna-Ranma: uhhhhhh.......
P-chan: (wakes up) ...nn? (sees wedding banner) Squeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
Kwwwweeeeeeee!!!!!!!
Akane: (worried) oh, P-chan! What's the matter??!
Onna-Ranma: (looks towards the upset pig) (thinks) for once, Ryoga, you
actually came in handy....


End of Chapter 8....

C&C wanted and 'ppreciated! Looks like there's gonna be another chapter
after all.
Sorry about it taking so long but like I said, I had exams, ugh... >_<
And as for the sillyness... what kind of state of mind do you expect me
to be in after finding out the Teletubbies are the British (music) no. 1
??! ^_^
(And if you haven't seen or heard of them, keep it that way : )