I have two *big* complaints about this.

First off, computerized spellcheckers, to paraphrase Agent K, "are worth
almost precisely jack." I didn't stop to take a really close look, but
every word that probably got spellchecked looks like it was 'corrected' to
the wrong word; also, spellcheckers don't do a thing about grammar - and
that looks like your biggest weakness.

Secondly: I can tell that you're mainly a fan of the DIC version of Sailor
Moon - the "import," as I call it. I can understand why you felt the need
to come up with American names for every other character that didn't
already have them . . . but that doesn't mean *I* think it was a good idea
to do so. As a matter of fact, I don't think you *did* need to make up
American names - because the major villains who appeared in the import
didn't *get* American names! The exceptions:
	- Queen Metallia's spirit was renamed the "Negaforce"
	- Queen Beryl's generals' names were adjusted, but mostly stayed
		the same (I think Kunzite became Malachite?)
	- Ail (from Japanese SMR) became Earl
	- The four "sisters" of the Dark Moon Family were renamed
All of the other villains kept their old names . . . oh, except that
Nephrite's human alias was changed to "Maxfield Stanton," but that's in
keeping with moving the setting out of Japan (another big mistake DIC
made, if you ask me).
	In short, I think you should have kept the Japanese names for
Galaxia, Neherenia, and so forth.

Other than those two complaints . . . well, it'd be an interesting story
to explore, I have to give you that much. Unfortunately . . . <sigh> I
know you asked Lurker not to flame you, I assume that extends to others,
and I *hope* this doesn't count as a flame . . . but I think your
execution was bad enough to cripple the story - the grammatical errors
made it nearly unreadable to me, and the rampant name-changing didn't help
to clarify things at all.