Ok, I'm asking anyone and everyone for some help here.  I'm actually taking
the plunge and doing this thing as a serious story.  Well, as serious as any
story can be while trying to stay true to Ranma's humorous side.  Yes, it's a
Self-Insertion fic.  No, it's not otaku wish fulfillment.  I wouldn't wish for
this if it meant dying otherwise.  I want this to be a realistic story, so any
and all C&C will be useful.  And now, on with the fic.

               Self-Insertion Redefined, Part 1
                      Would You Believe...

     I wake up.  This, by itself, is nothing new, I've done it several times
before and hopefully will do it again.  What makes this time so unique is
where I wake up.  Where you ask?  Good question, I don't have a clue.  I'm
lying on a mat on the floor, a thin sheet over me, and what seemed to be a
foam wrapped 2 by 4 for a pillow.  Needless to say, this isn't what I
expected.  (OK, maybe it needed to be said, but I'm digressing.)
     The fact that I'm in a strange room didn't sink in immediately.  I was
too busy eyeing the large mound of fur to my left.  When I realized that there
should be a wall to my left, then I noticed I was in the wrong room.  It isn't
a bad room, just a bit bare.  It had the 'fore mentioned large mound of fur,
myself, a bit of furinture, and little else.  Done up in natural woods with
exposed joists, it looks quite nice.  It also looks quite dark.  Might have
something to do with the fact that it's night.
     The twice mentioned large mound of fur growled.  Not a mean growl, but
definitely a growl.  I decide that it's time to exercise my valor,
specifically the better part of it.  It's in getting up that I notice my next
problem:  My head was in the wrong place.  Oh, it's between my shoulders and
above my neck, just like everyone else�s, it just isn't high enough.  I feel
like I'm standing in a pit up to my knees.  Another grumble from the all too
relevant fur mound directs my mind wonderfully towards making an exit from the
strange room.  (Yes, I'm a coward.  Your point?)  Unfortunately, it seems like
I'll literally have to make an exit.  When building this room, someone seems
to have not met the normal quota for doors.  Lacking quick options, I move
towards a wall panel.  A quick push and it slides open, revealing a complete
wardrobe.  Monty Haul would be please, but I not.
     Sliding panel number two wins me a view of a lawn with a pond in it.
Quite pretty in the moonlight, but not the best way to leave.  On to panel
number three.  *Should have taken the box,* I joke to myself.
     On my way to the last panel, I got a good look at the fur ball in the
moonlight.  I stopped and blinked when I realized it was a panda bear.  I was
finally awake enough to process information, but all I can think is that I
have to be dreaming.  Opening up the third panel, I run into the hall behind
it thinking, *I've got to find...* <CRASH!> <THUD!> <WHAM!> *sTaiRs...*
     Blinking the world back into focus, I start to rub my bruises.  A second
later I realize what they mean.  I don't know about you, but I don't feel pain
in dreams.  That fact that my bruises hurt means that this, whatever this is,
is real.  The thought of this being real sets a whole troop of boy scouts
loose, tying my stomach in knots.  I have got to find some water.
     After pulling a Ryoga, I find my way to the kitchen and head for the
sink.  The sink is shiningly spotless, causing me to blink my eyes at it, but
I figure out which is the cold water faucet.  Turning the water on, I soaked
my head.  What happened next, I can't describe.
     I told you, I can't describe it, I'm not even going to try.  You want to
find out what it's like, go visit Jyusenko.  The outcome, however, I'm sure
you can guess.
     I'm staring down at the impossible.  I raise my hands to my chest, in
complete disbelief of what my eyes tell me.  My hands confirme my eyes aren't
lying.  I tell them to get stuffed.  Since I'm only wearing a thin tee-shirt,
my chest feels the groping.  I almost tell it to get stuffed too, but I
realize that that is the problem, so I just ignore it for now.  Instead, I
reach down inside my boxers.  I keep reaching down.  I start reaching up my
backside, I still can't find my manhood.  Somewhere along the line my knees
must have given out because I find myself sitting on the floor, my lower jaw
hanging near my naval.  I just look around the room, my mind unable to even
form words.  Eventually my gaze settles on the tea kettle.
     Never before in the whole history of the whole freaking history has
anyone needed hot water more than I did right then.  I'm up and dumping the
contents of the tea pot on me before my shadow moves.  The splash of cold
water didn't do wonders for me.  *Of course it's cold,* I think, *it's the
middle of the night.*  The sink was still running, so I fill the kettle in the
stream before shutting the water off.  The stove is a brief puzzle, but soon
the water's being heated.  Lacking anything better to do while waiting, I lean
over the counter and think.
     *This isn't real.  This CAN'T be real.*  I'll say this much for Kasumi,
she keeps a clean kitchen.  I can see myself in the counter top.  And boy, am
I an eyeful.  The funny thing is that I look like an anime character, but I
still look real.  My skin has tone and texture, my hair has highlights, this
isn't a four-color world.  Despite that, it's clear that I'm still an anime
character.  My head is oversized for my body, I've got doe eyes, and yes, like
most anime babes, I got a gravity defying bust line.  I let my head rest
against the counter top.  *I... I don't believe this, I'm...  I'm...  I'm...*
     "Ranma?" asks Akane.  It's amazing how low over the counter those
overhead cabinets are.
     She walks up beside me.  "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you.  Are
you OK?"  I blink the stars out of the way and pick at random one of the
Akanes to nod at.  "Let me get you an ice pack for that," she says as she
starts walking towards the refrigerator.
     "No!"  I do NOT want anything cold right now.  "I mean, no thanks.  I'll
be OK.  I've survived worse."  Akane turned and looked back towards me,
dubious.
     "Are you sure?"  She's worried about me.  *No,* I correct myself, *she's
worried about Ranma.  She doesn't have a clue that I'm him.*
     "Yea, sure, no sweat.  I'm young, I'm tough, I'll survive."  I smile and
try to keep my voice from shaking.
     "Ranma, you are impossible," she says, smiling and shaking her head.
"So, what are you doing down here?"
     *Ahhh....*
     "And why did you turn yourself into a girl?"
     *Ahhh....*  I have a brief mental image of a very large sweat drop
hanging on the back of my head.  Time to improvise, spectacularly.  "Heh, heh.
I, ummm, had a nightmare."  *Am having a nightmare, thank you.*
     "You, a nightmare?"
     "Yea."
     "Oh."  A uncomfortable silence settled between us briefly.  "Do you want
to talk about it?"  Sweat drop again.
     "I don't know, it's kinda private."
     "Oh.  I see."  A long silence stretches between us.  Desperate to fill
it, I start talking hoping I can come up with a decent story on the fly.
     "It wasn't anything really.  I was, well, back at Jusenkyo, with Pop, and
we're like sparing, up on the poles, and well, I hit him and he like falls in
and..."  I pause here, trying to come up with something.
     "Go on," she prompts.  I look up at her and she's just looking at me.  I
gulp and blunder on.
     "Yea, like I said, Pop's a panda and he hits me and I'm flying.  I look
and I see which pond I'm heading for and I know what it is, even before I get
there.  Everything goes into slow motion as I flail, trying not to fall in,
but it doesn't work.  I'm in the water and I can feel the magic seeping into
me, changing, twisting, deforming me.
     "I break the surface and I look down at myself and I'm... I'm..."  I
stop, close my eyes, and just shudder.
     "A girl," she finishes for me.  She seems sad as she looks down at the
floor to her right.
     "No," I correct her.  I open my eyes and look at her before continuting.
"A c-c-cat."
     "A cat?"  She looks back up at me, blinking in suprise.
     "I told you, this was a nightmare."
     "A cat," she repeats, looking off to the side.  Then she starts to
chuckle.  "A cat." she repeats again, a smile growing on her face.
     "What's so funny about that?"
     "Nothing, I'm sorry" she says, looking up at me, then hanging her head
slightly.  "I didn't mean to laugh at you."
     "Oh, OK."  I look down at the floor, out of things to say.  Fortunately,
I don't have to wait long.  The tea pot starts screaming for my attention.
Akane picks it up and pours the water over me.
     "So, why did you turn yourself into a girl?" she asked while restoring my
manliness (another sensation I can't describe.)
     "Huh?  Oh, to make sure I still had this curse, and not the cat one."  I
shudder to help carry the story while picking up a dish towel to dry myself
off with.  "Thanks."
     She lowers the pot and places it back on the stove while turning the
burner off.
     "Sure."  We paused for a moment and just looked at each other before she
continus.  "We better get back to bed, we have school in the morning."
     There was a dozen things I want to say.  Try to explain somehow who I am,
and who I'm not.  Instead all I say is, "Yea, you're right."
     She starts to head back out the door, when she suddenly stopps and turns
towards me.  "Ranma, thanks.  Thanks for sharing that with me."  She then
turns back and goes out the door.  I turn out the light and follow her,
wondering just what it is I've found myself in.