Subject: Re: [FFML] [request] '97 Bylwer-Lytton
From: Matt Chock
Date: 12/8/1997, 10:00 PM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com

At 07:29 AM 12/8/97 -0000, you wrote:

Does anybody still have the final posting of this contest, in which the
results were? I can remember that #1 was "Sasuke Taking Over The World"
and #2 was "Martial Arts Water Drinking". I would be grateful if someone
sends me a copy of that posting.

Well, I ran the contest, but alas, the results were on my now dead former
computer.  Sorry.  

I do remember what they were:

5) Linna Does ADPolice (?)
4) Martial Arts Water Drinking (?)
3) Mihoshi joins Patlabor (Beaubien, I believe)
2) Author works out years of sexual frustration (SKJAM, I think)
1) Sasuke (Raphael See)

--SG



Ah ha!  I knew I still had this sitting around somewhere.  For those who
want it, here you go:

Hi, folks.  I've been nagged into posting the results of the 1997
Anime Fanfic Bulwer-Lytton contest.  This was proposed as a variant
of the contest itself, coming up with the worst possible opening 
for an anime fanfic.

It quickly degenerated into bad crosover ideas.  Only one of those
made the cut, and it was one of the first.  The mere pairing of two
dissimilar series does not guarantee a win, folks.

Now, runners up (2 of them), and then our top 3.


Runner-up #1...Sebastian Weinberg!

-------------------------------------------------------------------
   Linna popped open one eye, then the other.  She gazed at her
   bedroom ceiling for a while, going through her morning checklist.
   "OK, what do I remember of last night?  Bzzzt, access denied. 
   Damn, must have been pretty drunk, then.  Bad hangover?  No, I'm
   feeling fine.  Great, actually... uh oh.  Thoroughly drunk but
   feeling great in the morning?"  She carefully extended her left
   arm further into the bed to her side, soon encountering a soft
   resistance.  "OK, seems I scored last night.  Now, for the 10.000
   dollar question - with whom?"

   Slowly she sat up, so as not to disturb her apparent bedmate, and
   turned.  She was greeted by the smiling face of Leon McNichol. 
   "G'mornin' love," he said...


   "AAAAaaaaaahh!"  Linna's eyes shot open as she sat up abruptly,
   throwing of her covers.  She clasped a fist over her furiously
   thumping heart.  "It was just a dream," she said to herself, "Just
   a dream."

   "What was just a dream, Lovergirl?"

   Slowly - very slowly - Linna turned.

   "So, who's gonna shower first?" asked Nene, giggling, "After all,
   we worked up quite some sweat last night.  Or should we shower
   together?"

                 --------------------------------------
                 Bubblegum Crunch - Linna does ADPolice
                 --------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------

On to Runner-up #2...Terrence Marks!

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Note: On average, women have smaller bladders than men.  So do piglets.
And cats.  And ducks....oh..and this fits into the continuity of the last
fic that you read.


	Ranma, Ryouga, Mouuse and Shampoo were running down a Nerima
street.

"Ryouga!  That was the stupidest competition that I've ever seen."

Shampoo nodded.  "Ranma right.  Martial Arts Water Drinking just stupid."

"Then why'd you challenge me to it, Ranma!?"

"Because I thought I could win."

Mousse looked frantic.  "If I don't find a restroom soon, I don't know
what I'll do."

The other three nodded.

Then it began to rain.  Four distinct, muffled popping noises could be
heard.  

----------------------------------------------------------------------

And now our big three.  Getting the bronze is the only successful
crossover entry, and also the only one I'd actually like to see written.
It's from Richard Beaubien:

----------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a quiet day, Goto remarked to himself as he puffed on his
cigarrette from the top of the SV2. Not that it was going to last mind
you, Goto remarked as he finished off his smoke and began to descend the
stairs. The last few weeks have been trying for his lose band of misfits
and they were quite close to the breaking point as it was. He had have no
idea what the new he was bringing to them today would do the already
frazzled 2nd unit. 

"Ahem," Goto coughed as he entered the room, gaining the attention of the
2nd unit. "As you know in the past we've done an exchange with other
police departments who wished to learn how to use Labors." Goto pauses to
examine the faces of his unit, ranging from the groans of Ohta and Asuma,
to the calm reaction on Kumagami-san's face, to Noa's ever cheerful face.
"So let's all give a big SV2 welcome to our new member from the Galaxy
Polic department, Detective First Class Mihoshi..."

"Hello everyone!! I'm so happy to be here, I mean isn't it going to be fun
piolting Giant Robots and fighting evil and making a difference. Oh I'm so
happy, I'm going to make Kiyone so proud..." 

The speech continued, much to the suprise of the SV2, except for Goto who
looked on in his usual manner with a cigarrette in his mouth. All though
he tried his best to supress a grin, after all he knew this was going to
be fun...

----------------

Coming Soon...

Shin Mobile Police Patlabor, The Mihoshi files...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Getting the silver, with a short but evil piece, is Scott Jamison:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"As I peeled the third Tendou sister off me, her drooling grin 
indicating the satiation of ecstasy I'd brought her to, Ranma burst in, 
screaming, `Please sir, make me a complete woman too!'  
	"But perhaps I should begin at the beginning..."

>From "The Author Works Out Decades of Sexual Frustration, Part XXIII"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

And the Gold, the winner of the 1997 AFB-L awards, goes to...the shortest
entry, proving it doesn't have to be complicated, it just has to be BAD.

Congrats to Raphael See!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

   Nearly three months had passed since Sasuke had taken over the world. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------


That's it, folks!  See you next year!

--Sean Gaffney
--judge, jury, and executioner