Due to overwelming response from the FFML (3 of them to be exact) I'm
continuing this series.  One thing that I should point out:  That's me in
there.  Anything my character does is something I would do.  I don't mean the
ideal me, I mean the real me.  I would like to request C&C, and if I'm good
enough, a MST or two.  And now, without further delay, more fanfic masochism.

               Self-Insertation Redefined, Part 2
                    Oh No, This Is Real!

     I like sleep.  Sleep is my friend.  When I'm asleep, I don't want to do
anything else except sleep, so when I hear sounds of people moving around and
talking I just ignore it.  All except for this one portion of my brain (the
annoying part that won't let me sleep) that starts to wonder why I'm hearing
people, I live alone.  This thought pattern starts to creep into the rest of
my brain.
     As I slowly, and reluctantly, wake, memories start comming back to me.
Memories of a panda bear, a tea kettle, a girl... a really crazy dream, in
other words.  I start to chuckle at the zanyness of the idea.  Still though,
it doesn't answer the question about the voices.  A change in lighting prompts
me to crack an eyelid.  Looking out, I see... a panda bear... looking... at...
me.  (Insert long pause here.)
     *Oh, I get it!  I'm still dreaming!  I knew that there was a reasonable
explaination for this.  Wait a minute, if I'm dreaming, shouldn't I be
asleep?*  The last thought puzzles me for a moment, but I shrug and decide to
solve it in the simplest manner available.  I go back to sleep.  I like sleep.
Sleep is my friend.
     Someone, maybe the panda, tries shaking me awake, but I refuse to wake
up.  A large shove, and I settle back into the floating sensation of sleep.
*Ahhhh.*  The sudden increase of light.  *Huh?*  The rush of cool air.
*That's not right.*  The splash of..."AAAAHHHHH!!!!  That's cold!"
     I find that a sudden splash of cold water is an effective way of waking
someone up.  In my case however, it seemed to have a few other effects as
well.  The sudden tight fit of my top, the sudden LACK of a tight fit in my
shorts, the fact that my scream is a couple of octives higher than it should
be, I KNOW something is wrong.  After shaking my head to get the water out of
my eyes, I look down at my body and see ... someone else's.  Last night's
dreams don't feel all that dreamy any more.
     I look up and there is a house.  A Japanese house.  Complete with
Japanese people.  I can see Soun sitting at the table reading the newspaper,
Kasumi setting food on the table, Nabiki still in her pj's with her toothbrush
in her mouth, and Genma as a panda looking down at me from a window.  My jaw
starts to work soundlessly, my vocal cords not knowing to make the needed
sound, because my brain just popped a clutch.  After a couple of moments,
Kasumi stops setting the table and looks at me.
     "Ranma, isn't it cold sitting in the pond like that?"  That's enough to
get me to notice my shivering.  I somehow over come my shock and slowly climb
out of the pond.  I look around, not quite sure what to do when I see Akane
walking out of the house towards me with a steaming kettle, a towel, and an
annoyed look on her face.
     "Honestly Ranma, don't you ever get tired of this?"
     "Ahhh..." I reply with wit.  She cuts off any further reply by dumping
hot water on me.  The water feels good, but my clothes, what little I'm
wearing, are soaked and freezing from the dunk in the pond.  But you think
this is going to put Genma off?  Noooo.
     "Come on boy!" he cries as he does a flying kick off of the porch.  I
grab Akane and duck, barely dodging the attack.
     "What are you, crazy?  I'm half naked and freezing here!  At least let me
get some clothes on!"
     Genma turns around, standing back up from his missed attack and faces me,
pushing his glasses up while making a 'harumf'ing sound.  "A true martial
artist is prepared to fight at any time and in any condition.  He is not put
off my mere physical discomfort."  He speech is enough to remind me where I am
and who I am.  I decide to respond in character.
     "Well tell me Pop, does a true martial artist use any and all available
resources in a fight?"
     "Why yes, he does.  A true martial artist..."  The rest of his speech is
interupted by my bouncing Akane's teapot off of his face.  I was aiming for
the side of his head, but he had to turn at the last second.  Shame he didn't
fall into the pond.  As Akane goes to check on Genma, I turn back to the house
to see if I can't find Ranma's room and something to wear.  I don't make it
off of the porch before trouble finds me again.  I'll give you a hint, it's
two feet tall and just hit me with a bucket of cold water.
     "Ranma, let me warm you by rubbing your breasts!"  The old pervert is on
me and squeezing before I can react.  Now I'm not comfortable with the idea of
having breasts, and to have some freak groping me...?  Well, let's just say
that while my reaction was extreme, it was understandable.  Besides, the
Tendo's should be able to get the hole in their stone fence fixed easily.
     It is the clicking sound that next gets my attention.  I turn to look at
it's source and see Nabiki taking pictures of me.  It only takes me a second
to realize why.  Being a girl at the moment, I've got my own, private twin
peaks, I'm wearing only a T-shirt, and that shirt is almost transparent
because of the recent soakings.  I don't know how Ranma would handle this
situation, but I know how I'm going to.
     "Nabiki," I say, holding out my hand, "give me the camera please."
     She lowers the camera from her eye and looks at me.  "Why?"
     "Just give me the camera please."  Still looking at me, she hands the
camera over.  I open the back of it up and rip out all of the film.
     "Hey, do you know how much you just cost me?" she asks as I close the
camera and toss it back to her.  In response I grab her by her collar and pull
her eye to eye with me.
     "Nabiki, I'm in a really, really bad mood at the moment.  So bad that I
might just break my rule against hitting girls.  After all, I am a girl right
now.  So how about we chalk that roll up to the hazards of the trade, OK?"  I
punctuate my last sentence with a twisting of her collar, tighten it around
her throat.
     I must be acting more out of charcter that I thought, I've actually
scared her.  Slowly at first, then more vigerously, she nods at me.  I let her
go and turn, looking around the room.  Soun, Genma, Akane, and Kasumi are all
staring at me.  Soun is the first to speak.
     "Ranma, are you feeling ok?  You don't seem to be yourself this morning."
     I sigh at the unrealized truth of his statement.  "No Mr. Tendo, I'm not
feeling like myself at all.  If you'll excuse me, I'm going to get some hot
water now."  As I walk out of the room, I realize this is going to be a very,
very long day.

Author's Notes:  I posted a second fic to the FFML!  (faints dead away)
<THUMP!>