Nihao!
I just wanted to say that I like the concept that you're testing.
Although this story formula has been done in different ways, it is
always interesting. It seems a bit hurried and is a little confusing
at points as it is, however, expanding the story should eliminate
these problems as you would have more room in which to work. I would
like to see an expanded version of this story soon.
Best of the Season,
Keiichi <aka Thurston Sherman>
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