SPOOF CHASE PRODUCTIONS
(http://spoof.maison-otaku.net/)
PRESENTS...
Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Tournament BETA :
FINAL ROUND!
A Street Fighter / Darkstalkers / Toshinden / Ranma 1/2
Samurai Showdown / Groove On Fight / Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles / And Many Others Reader-Voting
Tournament Fanfic
by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne
(All characters copyright other people, obviously. If I
ever even considered claiming that these were my own
characters I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where
I'd be forced to eat my own super combos to live.)
-=-
Tensions were running as high as the clouds in Heaven.
Which makes sense, in a spatial way.
The fourth round was over. There were only two competitors
left : Kasumi Tendo and Ukyou Kuonji. To prepare for the final
spectacle, the Lord had declared a day of rest. (He liked the
first one on the seventh day of the world so much that he tended
to declare these with frequency. When asked for his reasons, he
usually said something like, "Work sucks. Play more. Oh, and
worship me, or something.")
The angels were quite pleased to take a break. He had been
working them very hard indeed during the tourney, handling
everything from organization to crowd control while he sat on his
duff in the private box and enjoyed the spectacle. They quietly
muttered thankful reproaches in corners, how they were looking
forward to having Kasumi-sama or Ukyou-sama as their new rulers,
since they seemed a lot nicer (and less scatterbrained) than God
was.
Although they couldn't agree on who they wanted, Kasumi or
Ukyou. It started peacefully enough, some discussions in cafes
and parks about who was better suited to the job. Then it
started getting a bit nastier. Lines were drawn in the sand.
The Church of Ukyou, newly formed, retaliated with makeshift
combat spatulas against the Holy Brooms of Justice, Kasumi's
newest faction.
In an effort to escape the Ukyou Otaku that had recently
arisen, the real Ukyou was walking around in a heavy trenchcoat
with a large hat and sunglasses. Somehow, she thought this
wouldn't make her look suspicious.
Ukyou strolled along the Avenue of Righteousness in late
afternoon, trying to muddle over something she couldn't figure
out.
Tomorrow, she'd be fighting Kasumi. Nice, gentle Kasumi who
wouldn't hurt a fly. What was she supposed to do? She wasn't
even sure how Kasumi managed to make it to the finals; from the
videotapes she studied, the woman seemed to just... do nothing
intimidating in nature until her opponent somehow lost.
But tomorrow, Ukyou would have to face her. And she
couldn't just rush Kasumi and beat the stuffing out of her,
that's... that's unthinkable! What would she do?! WHAT WOULD
SHE DO?!
"Hello," Kasumi politely waved.
Ukyou stopped dead in her tracks.
"That's a very nice hat, Ukyou-san," Kasumi smiled.
"Uh... you must have me confused with my cousin Guybrush,"
Ukyou coughed, dropping her voice down an octave.
"And my! That's a very nice coat, too!" Kasumi commented.
"Father uses one just like it when he wants to sneak out of the
house and see Hinako-sensei."
The okonomiyaki chef just gaped.
"Want to have dinner?" Kasumi suggested. "I'll cook. It's
no problem, really."
*
Shadows cast themselves eerily in the Secret Hideout.
Devilot was very insistent that she and M.A.D. change
hideouts. The old one, she felt, wasn't large enough and wasn't
nearly as menacing enough and wasn't constantly playing Toccota
in D Minor. So they had taken the Fire Factory from John Woo's
fight set, added a large organ, and set one of Devilot's goons to
constantly play evil sounding music and the other to constantly
adjust the lighting for maximum dramatic effect.
"I don't understand why all of this is nessecary," M.A.D.
complained.
"Oh, hush. It's fun! OHOHOHHHOHOOO!!" Devilot laughed for
the next six minutes. "...now. Let's assess, shall we? Our
cybernetically enhanced Akuma did not succeed in his task. Was
clobbered quite easily, in fact."
"He was only in beta," M.A.D. shrugged. "I'll just install
the final release of Akuma95(tm) and he'll be right as rain."
"Nooooo..." Devilot said. "I have a better plan in mind.
One of my own devising. Tell me, doctor, in your scientific
knowledge, what will be the results of the following
hypothesis... a human body is subjected to five metric tons of
pressure over a ten foot by twenty foot area. What happens?"
"There is a 100% chance of complete flattening of the body
and instant death," M.A.D. said, before five metric tons of
pressure stepped on him from above.
"Correct, as always," Devilot grinned.
She laughed, and laughed, and laughed.
The organs flared up with a appreggo of doom.
And a pair of red lamps glowed, somewhere near the ceiling,
a low bass hum filling the room...
"God, it's fun being evil," she commented to herself.
*
Ukyou sat at the low table in Kasumi's quarters, nervous.
Was fraternizing with the enemy allowed in this tournament?
But she could hardly think of KASUMI as an enemy. But if they
were supposed to fight tomorrow, and... the ethical implications
of... "Argghh!"
"Something wrong, Ukyou-san?" Kasumi asked from the kitchen
area.
"No. Yes!.. No," Ukyou sighed. "Maybe."
"What is it?"
"Well... I mean... Kasumi! This is a fighting tournament!"
"Hai? ^_^"
"We're supposed to fight tomorrow."
"Oh, don't worry about that."
"Of course I'm worried!" Ukyou exclaimed. "I don't want to
hurt you!"
"Why, you wouldn't hurt me, Ukyou-san," Kasumi smiled,
looking over at her with a gentle, innocent expression. "You're
not a mean person at all."
"There's going to be millions of people watching," Ukyou
said. "They're expecting a fight. What do we do?"
"I'm sure nothing bad will happen. Everything is fine, just
fine. Ah, dinner's done..."
"I'm not sure I even WANT to be god. Although I'd get to
see Ranma more, I guess..." Ukyou considered. "And I'd never
have to worry about those other girls tempting him away... or my
business going out of business.."
Kasumi walked away from the stove, holding.. a tray loaded
with okonomiyaki.
"Eh?" Ukyou asked.
"I know it's your favorite dish," Kasumi smiled. "I figured
it'd cheer you up to have a little."
Ukyou shrugged, cut away a bit of her food, and munched on
it, thinking. Okay, being god would have certain.. advantages.
But to get them, she'd have to beat up Kasumi. How could she do
that? This wasn't very good okonomiyaki. Maybe if she could
find some other way, like Splinter did; that was a boring fight
to watch, but it still counted legally. But what to do? The
sauce was kind of runny, actually, that really didn't help the
flavor. If she could only...
*piku*
An evil smile crawled across Ukyou's lips like a progress
bar on an installation of Netscape.
"Hmmmmmmmmmm," she considered, examining her food. "How
often do you make okonomiyaki, Kasumi-san?"
"Not very much," Kasumi said, munching on hers cheerfully.
"It's not a very popular dish with Akane-imoutochan, I'm
afraid..."
Ukyou ate hers at the speed of plaid, wiped her mouth, got
up, bowed, put on her slippers all while saying thanks for the
meal and it was an enjoyable evening and bye and out the door she
went.
"Ano?" Kasumi asked.
*
At the cafeteria, Sakura, Naru and Mario were busy sulking
over their losses. All three were completely drunk, although
Naru was drunk on Jolt cola, which meant while the other two were
drooping and miserable, she was bouncing off the walls.
"I shouldn't have said she looked like a boy," Sakura said.
"That was my error. That's what Dan does, he angers the opponent
into making a mistake. And that's why he loses, too, because
they don't MAKE the mistake, they just get angrier..."
"Stupid virtual pet," Mario spat. "I coulda had that thing.
Jump on its head. Works every time! I shoulda done that.
Definitely. Pass-a the beer nuts."
"The whole thing just sucks, it sucks!" Naru blurred, her
sugar now 10% blood. "I wanted to be god! I wanted to boss
people around and be all big and make my dad let me stay up to
watch Letterman. Waaaaah!!"
Sakura slung back another dinky cup of sake, grimacing at
the taste, then burbling a little. "Yeah, what's up with that?
I mean... God. He's God. He wants to be replaced? He can't do
that. I mean... it'd... it's not right."
The three considered that for awhile. Except for Naru, who
was too busy bouncing on her seat to think about anything.
A cool breeze flowed through the room, as Urd stalked
through the door, wearing a simply smashing evening gown and a
sour expression. She settled wordlessly at the bar, getting a
cup of sake from the automated Banpei Bartender.
"Problems?" Sakura hazarded, leaning over to look at Urd and
trying not to fall off her stool.
"He kept babbling about becoming one with the planet on the
chariot ride over," Urd began. "Then when I asked if he wanted
some popcorn, he said the decision was trivial because soon he
would manifest his true heritage and rule as god making all
popcorn choices moot, or something. Of course, that didn't mean
he wasn't willing to mooch out of MY popcorn all night. And when
it got to the really tender moment in the movie, he picked then
to introduce me to his mother, because he was bored."
"His mom was there?" Sakura asked.
"No, he had to summon her," Urd said. "Jenova is one ugly
bitch, I can tell you. After the fire trucks pulled up and swept
up what was left of the theater, I slapped him one, thanked him
for a wonderfully miserable evening and, well... here I am. I
tell you, girl, all the GOOD men are taken."
"Speaking of good men," Mario asked, sake-enriched logic
working to provide an unnatural transition in the conversation,
"What's-a up with God? How's he think he's gonna do this, just
name one-a those two girls Lord and run?"
"How do you think he got his office in the first place?" Urd
shrugged.
A stunned silence filled the cafeteria. Other than Naru
repeatedly banging her head on the ceiling, of course.
"It was... a couple centuries ago, I think," Urd considered.
"There was this guy, in France. Or was it Russia? I forget now.
Anyway, real loser. Really bad merchant. Was trying to sell the
idea of bottomless pots to store things in that you didn't want
others to have, because they'd fall through and break on the
floor and be perfectly secure from ever being used again. Funny
in the head, he was. Anyway, the Lord at the moment was visiting
earth. He wasn't in a good mood, he was a little upset at the
human race in general, so he picked this jerk out of billions of
earthlings, and said, 'Hi, you're God.' Gave him the office,
fled to another dimension, had a vacation. Meanwhile, the new
Lord sort of shuffled around confused for a few years, but got to
think that he WAS the original God, and that's that. They all
do, eventually."
"..." Mario offered.
"..." Sakura agreed.
"I wanna lollipop," Naru unrelatedly requested.
"This happens every few hundred years," Urd noted, refilling
her sake. "The Lord gets bored, or pissed, or finds someone He
thinks can do a better job. Then there's a switch, a few years
of confusion, and things settle down. He's just a figurehead,
anyway. Sure, he gets his whims and desires and sometimes even
is competent enough to improve matters, but we megamis and angels
do all the real work around here. Now, the original Creator,
well, he was pretty visionary. His design documents for the
universe were pretty impressive. But he was just a contractor;
after the seventh day he got outta here to work on a much more
ambitious universe."
"..." Sakura continued. She grabbed hold of her senses.
"So... so you mean whoever wins the tournament.. doesn't really
matter?"
"Weeeeelll... I wouldn't go that far," Urd replied. "I
mean, I wouldn't want that Devilot brat in charge of things. But
we've got a chef or a homemaker. Either way, I think the damage
done will be minimal. We heavenly bodies are looking forward to
it, actually; neither of them look like the total smegging prat
that God currently is."
"That's so incredibly cynical and antireligious and
revolting that... well, I'd have to agree," Sakura said, eyes
wide.
"Good. Because you mortals have to live with it, in the
end," Urd grinned. "So... who wants sake? On me."
*
Meanwhile, in the highest offices of righteousness and
light, our father the Lord was whistling 'Happy Days are Here
Again' and packing.
He tried to squish all his socks and hawaiian shirts in,
along with a nice camera and a few books of traveller's checks.
But the suitcase wouldn't close. He sat on it a few times,
without luck -- eventually he gave up and just caused a Miracle
to make his bags bigger on the inside than the outside, and there
was much rejoicing.
"I tell ya," he told Belldandy, who was nearby helping him
pack since men can't be trusted to do that kind of thing alone,
"I'm really gonna miss this place."
"Oh?" she asked politely, packing some of the Lord's
underarm deodorant, since he had completely overlooked it.
"Yeah. Man! What a creature!" he proclaimed. "I'm a fan
of man. Some fun you bet. Sure, they can be kind of annoying
and cause wars and greed and all this money system and stuff, but
it beats the hell out of a boring bunch of perfectly happy
losers."
"If you say so, sir."
"You think those girls will do an okay job?" the Lord asked.
"I mean, I'd hate to think I'm leaving the gears to someone who
wasn't as benevolent and wise as me..."
"Somehow," Belldandy decided, "I believe they will do just
fine, sir."
"Good, good. Of course, it had to work that way! I am God,
after all. It's part of my ineffable plan, right?"
"Indeed, sir."
"You don't think it was too flashy hiring the Rockettes to
do the warmup show, was it?"
"No, not at all, sir."
"Or the smoke machines and the colored lighting for the
arena, that's not too gaudy, right?"
"It'll be fine, sir."
"Alright. So... umm... is there anything else I need to
do?" God asked.
"Everything's taken care of, sir," Belldandy smoothly
replied.
"Okay. Well, then, go out somewhere and have fun, Bell-
chan."
Belldandy, bowed, and quietly left the room.
God flopped back on his bed, counting dots on the ceiling.
Life was going to be good, yessirree. Nowhere to go but up.
He watched his neko-clock's tail whisk back and forth.
Some dust motes floated through the room aimlessly.
The Lord was Bored.
He wasn't usually bored; he'd have entertainment and
smitings and administrative work to look forward to. But now, he
wasn't really needed anymore, was he? He was free. For the
first time. And he had no idea what to do.
Celebrate! That's what he should do. He got up, dusting
off his freshly pressed flowered t-shirt, and walked out into the
night air, ready to pick up women and drink heavily and sing
badly. That was a good start.
Unfortunately, once he stepped out of the door to the
administration housing complex, a butterfly net snapped over his
head, and someone smacked him over the head with a mallet. He
turned to smite them, but found himself going to sleep for some
strange reason, a light ohohoho casting him off to dreamland.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
THE YGGDRASIL SUCCESSIONAL FIGHTING TOURNAMENT :
FINAL ROUND
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Fireworks went off over the arena. Multicolored balloons
floated through the air, and a brass band was striking up a
jovial celebratory song. It was the final round of the
tournament, and they were going out with style. There wasn't an
empty seat in the house, packed with angels, departed souls,
tourists and more.
But all was not well.
"He's MISSING?!" Urd gagged. "How can he be missing? He's
omnipresent!"
"We can't hold up the tournament any longer," Skuld said.
"We're running out of hired entertainment. We've got to go ahead
with things. Do we really NEED God for this? Maybe he decided
to start his vacation early."
"He has to transfer the power over," Belldandy noted. "We
cannot have a new God until the old one has performed the office
change."
"Alright. Okay. Here's what we do," Urd said. "Skuld,
scramble every Banpei in the place to find him. Bell, you go
start the last fight. Stall if they finish early. I'll help
Skuld coordinate the search. Ready?"
"Hai!" Skuld cheered. "My robots will prevail!"
"I'll head down to the Arena floor," Belldandy nodded.
"Alright. Hut! Hut! HUT! Let's go!"
FINAL MATCH : KASUMI vs. UKYOU
Excitement was so thick in the air that you couldn't cut it
with an orbital laser strike.
Each of the two combatants arrived at the arena with a large
procession of followers. Converts to the Church of Ukyou had her
on the back of a truck in a plastic bubble, in case any of the
heretical bastards from the Holy Brooms of Justice wanted to take
a whack at their goddess before Kasumi could whack her normally.
Ukyou normally would have protested being treated like this...
...but she had other things on her mind, which kept her
smiling, for some reason.
In the other corner, Kasumi's procession was bearing her
into the arena on a raised throne, carried by native bearers.
Many of them waved dustpans and brooms and mops, and wore aprons;
even the guys. Otaku could just be odd that way. Kasumi didn't
mind, because they were nice people, really, and oh so friendly!
Both armies halted at the arena, allowing their figures of
worship to step into the field of battle. The two girls stood,
twenty meters apart. A silence filled the arena.
"Hello, Ukyou-san!" Kasumi chirped with, waving politely.
"How are you?"
"I'm great, thanks," Ukyou waved back. "Say, Kasumi... I
was wondering. You don't really want to fight me, right? I have
something else in mind..."
"Ara? What is it, Ukyou-san?"
Ukyou snapped her fingers.
Two griddles rose from the floor, which she had most of her
followers up all night installing. One was in front of her, the
other in front of Kasumi; both were loaded with ingredients,
tools, and cooking surfaces.
"Okonomiyaki cookoff," Ukyou said. "May the best chef win."
"Oh!" Kasumi said. "My, a cooking contest? That would be
so fun! I accept."
The crowd burst into wild applause and cheering, egging
their favorites on. This was ratings winning goodness, wholesome
family entertainment. The camera lapped it up like fine wine.
"I worked this out with Belldandy beforehand," Ukyou
explained, spinning a spatula in each hand. "She picked out a
taste test judge for us to use..."
A whirling ball of pink rolled into the arena, rising to
shake one forearm. "OOSHA!!!" Dan taunted. "Here I am, to be
fed and to decide the ultimate winner! I am honored to be given
this noble opportunity and will endeavor to take it with the
utmost seriousness and respect it deserves!!"
("Dan?!" someone asked on the sidelines.
"He's got a big mouth, doesn't he? It works," another
replied.
"Mmpmhphh," a third commented.
"Sick, dude!")
With that, the fight was on.
Ukyou cooked like she had never cooked before, fingers
flying over the griddle as she arranged ingredients. The
spatulas whirled in a shining silver blur. The fires of
okonomiyaki burned in her soul, crafting her craft like never
before. It was woman versus woman, with only the food to decide,
and she was determined to have it be decided in her favor!!
Kasumi, on the other hand, patiently and quietly worked on
her okonomiyaki. It was a simple design, with carefully poured
batter, and lovingly crafted sauce. She hummed a pleasant little
song to herself as she cooked, which always helped her relax and
make the best meal she could. She ignored the millions of people
watching her every move and simply did what she loved to do.
A small bell rang, indicating an end of the cooking period.
Both dishes were presented to Dan, who had been seated at a small
table with knife and fork at the ready, wearing a sizeable bib in
case he got too messy. Kasumi set hers to his right; Ukyou to
his left.
Dan centered himself, finding the meditative state Splinter
had more or less taught him, and took a large bite from Ukyou's
okonomiyaki.
"AMAZING!" he exclaimed, eyes shiny. "Truly, I have never
before had such a high grade of okonomiyaki! It's like a party's
in my mouth and everybody's invited..."
Ukyou beamed, flashing a V with her fingers at the nearest
camera.
Then Dan took a sizeable sample from Kasumi's okonomiyaki.
He flew back from his chair, rolling into a taunting pose,
one fist clenched to the sky as tears streamed down his cheeks.
"MY GOD IN HEAVEN, WHAT GOOD FOOD!!!" he shrieked, in ecstacy.
"So delicate, yet so powerful! It is like reaching an internal
nirvana through your taste buds alone, touching the Bhudda while
riding on a sauce-covered cloud of pure bliss! I hereby declare
Kasumi Tendo to be the winner!!!"
An explosion rocked the arena, caused by the applause and
hooting of the entire audience. Dan was knocked flat from the
sonic boom, crashing into his table, and didn't get up.
Ukyou staggered, her spirit broken. "Wha... but... but the
okonomiyaki I had last night was bad!! It was BAD! How..."
"Oh, sorry about last night," Kasumi said, smiling
apologetically. "I forgot to bring mother's book of recipes with
me to the tournament... So I had one of those nice angels go get
it for me in case I wanted to make a supper tonight in
celebration. She has a very good okonomiyaki sauce recipe."
Crestfallen, Ukyou drooped. She had lost, lost at the one
thing she was best at. But... try as she might, she couldn't
hate Kasumi, or even blame her. That smile wasn't one you could
actively dislike.
"Okay... alright," she smiled in return. "I lost. I can't
think of a better person to lose to, frankly. Congratulations,
Kasumi-san."
Kasumi took a broom from one of her fans, and used it to
sweep up Dan's mess. "Arigato, Ukyou-san. You cook very very
well, too. It was an honor."
[WINNER : KASUMI (70 votes), Ukyou (52 votes).]
"The fight's over," Skuld said nervously. "Where is he? We
need to get on with the ceremony..."
"I'm not sure," Belldandy replied. "Maybe we should--"
A low rumble filled the arena, sweeping from front to back,
rattling every seat in the house. A looming shadow blotted out
the sun, and the marching band stopped playing 'Louie Louie',
which as anybody knows, is very difficult to get a marching band
to do. Something was Up.
All eyes turned to the sky, to watch a black-shrouded form
nearly a hundred feet tall descended on rocket boosters. It
parted the clouds like the Red Sea, it towered over all like a
foreshadowed element of the plot. Finally, the strange thing
landed in the arena, on the marching band. And there was much
rejoicing.
Ukyou and Kasumi, who were staring at the thing as it came
down, looked sort of confused. So did everybody else.
"*OOOHHOOOHHHOHOOHOO!!!!*" came Devilot's Voice, booming
from loudspeakers. "I see you have decided who will challenge my
finest creation!"
"What.. the...??" Ukyou asked. "What is that?!"
"Gosh, I don't know. There's a big black cloth over it,"
Kasumi replied.
"Well, DUH! I mean... I mean, what is it?"
"I can't tell, there's a--"
"I know, Kasumi. I know."
A small blimp circled around from behind the structure, with
a video screen on the side. Devilot's laughing face filled it,
as she chuckled in her evil little way. "*You, Kasumi, are all
that stand between me and UNIVERSAL DOMINATION! Behold!*"
The camera inside the blimp panned away, to reveal a very
sheepish God sitting, tied up, in a chair.
"*Err, sorry,*" he said. "*They kind of bonked me over the
head.*"
After the shock wave from the massive facefault passed,
Devilot resumed her demands. "*I am willing to be at least
visibly fair. If Kasumi Tendo agrees to face my finest warrior
ever made, and beats it, I will give the Lord back voluntarily.
If she loses, or refuses... then I will make him declare ME THE
ULTIMATE RULER OVER ALL CREATION!!!! BEHOLD!!!....*"
And the shroud fell away.
The gigantic mecha GLEAMED in the noonday sun. It was
freshly polished, from head to toe; especially the fire red
metallic hair. The black karate gi, made of bent sheet metal and
thick shielded armor, bristled with rocket launchers and PPC
canons and wave motion guns and pointed sticks. All of them
targeted on Kasumi, as the mecha turned its head to glare down at
her with eyes like the burning fires of hell itself.
"HMMMH," it growled, shaking the arena with its digital
voice.
"*ZEROGOUKI, the Ultimate Cyberbot!*" Devilot declared.
"*The brain of Akuma, with the firepower of science! What do you
say, Kasumi? Fight him, or forfeit the whole universe!*"
FINAL BOSS MATCH :
KASUMI vs. ZEROGOUKI
The crowd ran like frightened crowdspeople. You don't want
to be around when someone just showed up with a huge mecha and
basically said it was going to blow everything the hell up.
Ukyou skittered to the sidelines for safety, begging Kasumi over
the noise made by the disaster to run away.
The blimp Devilot was riding in landed, and her goons
dragged the Lord out. She set up a folding beach chair and sat
to watch the fight, minions fanning her with palm leaves. It was
going to be a fun show.
The robot stomped its foot, collapsing part of the arena.
One of Devilot's minions had put some nice operatic music on for
the occasion, thundering like only latin music properly can :
"Estuans interius, ira vehementi, estuans interius, ira
vehementi, Akuma! Akuma!". It snapped its metal arms into a
fireball casting position, and shot off a barrage of energy so
large it annihilated a fair chunk of the Tickle Me Elmo producing
factories of heaven, which was actually a good thing.
All the while, Kasumi, holding her broom, looked up at the
thing that out-sized her by a good ninety five feet.
When everybody had run to safe distance, save Ukyou, the
goddesses, and Devilot, things were finally quiet. ZeroGouki
loomed like a dark spectre of destruction, daring Kasumi to make
the first move.
"Oh my..." Kasumi said, the situation finally sinking in.
"This is serious, isn't it?..."
Silence, as Kasumi tore a strip off of her apron, tying it
around her forehead, in case she worked up a sweat.
And with that, she sprang into the air.
ZeroGouki unleashed a rapid fire volley of rockets, which
Kasumi dodged with quick, graceful movements. She swung her
broom, landing a resounding THUD on ZeroGouki's ankle, continuing
with a follow through swing. Soon the broom was a blur of wood
and straw, as Kasumi whirled like a vortex of broom strikes,
hitting every nut and bolt in ZeroGouki's leg. She jumped from
every surface she could find, working her way up the robot's
body, smashing metal and tearing gears apart with the most
unlikely of weapons.
ZeroGouki staggered, trying to get this human insect off
him. He levelled mounted chainguns at Kasumi, who slipped and
sneaked and danced around the sparks that kicked up at her feet
as she maneuvered, wielding the broom two handed like Murasame
itself. She stabbed it through ZeroGouki's thigh, twisted metal
shredding as she went, large gashes now torn from the robot's
armor which was triple plated to stop megaton bombs.
She drilled a hole in the mecha at the waist, and dove
inside the armor. ZeroGouki's arms flailed, trying to punch
himself, to crush Kasumi as he spat up transmission fluid by the
gallon, his insides torn apart like rice paper under the whirling
torrent of destruction that was Kasumi Tendo, until finally
Kasumi burst from his chest, like an alien embryo, structural
supports and hydraulics spewing as she went.
Kasumi twisted in midair, surrounded by a green battle aura,
as her level four limit break swung into high gear. One swipe
nearly decapitated the robot, dust and energy swirling around her
in a miasma of potent fire and lightning. She hung in the air,
seemingly for an eternity in mid swing, broom held back and
gathering a ball of white light so bright it could outshine the
sun, rays of holy fire spurning from the broom's length and
crackling... then she swing, with all her might.
A snarling purple gash ran from the top of ZeroGouki's head,
right down his body lengthwise as the slash cut him in half. The
robot screamed a howling death wail, torn apart at the seams, and
finally gave up its rage and exploded into a five mile tall
pillar of nuclear fury that reached through the heavens and
gathered the clouds of a hurricane about it; lightning crackled
and screamed through the atmosphere. The light exploded
outwards, fading away, boiling into nothing, until the arena was
littered with smoking mecha parts, and utter silence.
Kasumi Tendo took off her headband, and politely began to
sweep up ZeroGouki's remains, to keep the arena tidy.
When she noticed the confused, stunned stares she was
getting, she paused for a moment.
"Well... I do live in a dojo," she replied. "You tend to
pick up a few things."
*
The ceremony that followed was short, and to the point.
God transferred the role of office to Kasumi Tendo, hailed as the
new Lord of all Creation, and then he jumped on a Greyhound bus
to Tiujana.
Sakura and David left shortly after, to get back to earth
and go on their first date. Mario and Naru broke up the
partnership, each having different goals in life. The other
fighters went off into the distance, some never to be heard from
in a significant way again, others with greatness yet to come..
but those are other stories.
Things settled down in heaven, for the most part. Kasumi
declared a day of rest, mostly so the damage could be repaired,
but she didn't rest. She was cleaning her new office, and
organizing some things with Belldandy.
"Okay..." Kasumi considered. "Let's make sure no nuclear
wars happen. That would be a bad thing, and really would stress
father quite a bit. Can I make a Miracle to do that?"
"Hai," Belldandy nodded. "It's your imperative."
"My goodness, there's so much to do," Kasumi said. "So much
to keep tidy. I hope I'm up to doing it."
"Don't worry," Belldandy smiled. "Somehow, I think you were
fit for the job. You might say it's in your blood."
"You know, Belldandy-sama, I noticed something."
"Hai?"
"Our voices are rather similar..."
"There's a reason," Belldandy smiled. "There's a reason."
*
One month later, in Nerima, Ukyou sat at her counter,
daydreaming about the strange long journey she had been on.
The world was very surprised to see God, who resembled a
girl who had turned up missing in Japan named Kasumi Tendo,
appear in a vision to each person individually to say that things
would be better from here out, and not to be afraid. Of course,
that set the planet off in sort of a panic for awhile, but for
some reason... things did settle down. And maybe it was just her
imagination, but business had picked up for her as well.
There were usually more customers in the place than there
were this time last month. And a variety, as well.
"Say," one of them asked. "Didn't I see you in that
tournament thing?"
"Huh?" Ukyou asked, snapping out of the daydream. "I didn't
think that got broadcast much locally..."
"I have resources," the man in the nice suit laughed.
"Amazing. You made it all the way to the last round. Hope the
defeat wasn't too bad..."
"Oh, not at all..."
"...how would you like another go at it?"
"Excuse me?"
The blonde haired man smoothed some of his hair back. "It
just so happens I'm organizing a tournament, which you might be
interested in. And I'd be thrilled to have you participate.
Would you enjoy that, Miss Kuonji?"
"Well... maybe," Ukyou admitted. "I'll think about it,
mister...?"
"Shinra," he introduced. "Rufus Shinra. You'll be hearing
from me very soon, I'd think. Very soon."
TO BE CONTINUED...
- Stefan Gagne
College Park, MD
Nov. 19th, 1997
-=-
Since the FFML has been so gosh golly nice to me through the production
of Tourney Beta, here's a few tidbits of info on Tourney Gamma, at
least at this stage in the game.
- 64 fighters. 32 are from fighting games, and 32 are from animes.
The key is that the anime and fighting chars are in two seperate
divisions; that way we hit no problems of a stray anime char
flattening every game char in hir path due to popularity.
- Fighting characters are even more balanced, obscure and fun than
before, and include more guys. I'm still working out the
exact names and trying to pick folks people can root for without
scratching their heads and wondering who the heck this is.
- Anime chars will be a LITTLE unbalanced powerwise, because it's
nigh impossible to pick a bunch of fully balanced folks from
anime. I'll likely be recommending folks vote from their senses
of humor rather tahn 'character x could beat up character y',
which isn't any fun at all..
- I think I'll spoil this for you right now so you can scream at
me later : RUFUS SHINRA DIES AND MIDGAR GETS NUKED IN THE END
OF FF7!! That's important to know, since Gamma takes place
where FF7 leaves off; I only touch upon the fate of Shin-ra,
which should be obvious to anybody with two cents worth of
dramatic prediction ability. An explanation will eventually
be provided for how he turned up in Ucchan's. :)
- I haven't got a clue when Gamma Prologue will be ready.
I've got five pages typed up -- everything up to the fighter's
introductions -- but because I'm still considering the roster,
still playing with the format, and have TONS AND TONS OF
SCHOOLWORK TO DO AND ONLY TWO WEEKS LEFT BEFORE FINALS AAAAAA
chances are slim it will arrive before winter break. ^_^;
- The story will be posted to rec.games.video.arcade as
well as the Big Three (FFML, R.A.A.C., Spoof Chase).
Seems most tourney fiks go there too, and it'll expand
the audience a little.
That's all I can think of. I invite sensible commentary and
ideas at : twoflowr@glue.umd.edu or on the FFML (I just scan
for the keyword spoof... I don't put [Spoof Chase] in front
of my posts for ego, I do it for serch reasons :)