This starts 8 pages into the first issue: A blonde man in a bandana is waiting outside an Art supply store (Art's Art Supply) as another man in a black trench coat walks out. The Blonde speeks: NG: Hey Hayes! HZ: 'Like I haven't heard that before. Do you have my tape? NG: Yeah, same old schoolgirls spinning around 'nekkid; changin' into superheroes! I don't get that sh*t! HZ: Maybe that's because you are a flaming homosexual. NG: Indeed, you sexy comic book artist, you! How about you and me slappin' some skins? --Page Break-- HZ: How much, Nasty Greg? NG: $20. HZ: $20?! This better have good tracking! NG: Hey, my offer still stands: a blow for a show! HZ: (sarcastically)Let me consider that carefully....NO!!! NG: Say, where's you're bitch? HZ: He's not my bitch, Clyde is my friend! CL: Banzai! (Moshes Haze man from behind) NG: Ah, here he is! How about you and me, big boy? You're gay, aren't you? CL: In your dreams, Nasty Greg! ----- NG: Then what IS it with the dress? (We see Clyde is wearing a windbreaker, sundress, black combat books and black make-up.) CL: It's my own rage against authority. 'Sides, it's not like I'm the only one to wear a dress in public...worn NG: (frowning)That's different! I lost a bet! HZ: (embarrassed) I never left the house... AJ: Hey Everyone! (an Indian teenage girl walks in with a shopping bag) All: Hi Anja! NG: Well, Well, if it isn't miss "I suck for a buck"! AJ: Hey, Nasty Greg, wanna know what I just bought? NG: What? BANG! AJ: A frypan! *smooch!* (Anja walks over and kisses Clyde) HZ: (thinks) (angry)Oh, Sure, the transvestite has a girlfriend, but the comic book artist doesn't! Where's the justice?! Where's the justice?! -- NG: Say, Hayesman, where are you headed? HZ: (The 3 start walking off) The food court. And you're not invited! NG: C'mon! Why must you always push me away, freakboy? HZ: I'm not a freak. NG: Yes you are. You eat cheese curls with chopsticks! AJ: Why do you eat cheese curls with chopsticks? HZ: To keep the orange crap off my hands. AJ: Say, that's good idea... NG: That's my loverboy! HZ: (Rushes at Nasty Greg and yells at him) I'm NOT GAY! Why do you always insist that I am! NG: Because you show up on my trusty GAY-DAR here! (Nasty Greg pulls out a GAMEBOY) HZ: That's a gameb-- CL: Watch out! Trademarks!(This balloon partially covers the preceding) -- NG: No, really! According you this, you are gay! And so are those two sluts who just passed us... (camera pulls back and we see Cleo and Damozon walking into a nearby restroom) Bong!(Nasty Greg is hit on the head by the ashtray that was set up near the restroom) NG: Geez! Does she have superhuman senses or something?! HZ: (thinks) Doesn't that spendex give her a wedgie? {enter} --In Restroom D: Cleo... C: Damozon... Anna... I'm sorry. D: No need to be. I know it's hard comming out. (She's hiding something... and maybe for now it's best that keeps it to herself; until she's ready... but, still, I just have to know...) D: Do you love me? C: Yes, Anna. I do. And It's more than romantic love too. You're my best friend; someone I'd like to grow old with... that alone is scary; but with girls, it's different... I mean, what do we do to further our relationship? D: Well, we could kiss for one... C: I've never kissed a girl before... D: It's not that different from kissing a boy... -- C: I've never kissed a boy before either... D: You haven't?! C: Well, I was GAY!! (Damozon walks up and holds Cleo in her arms. They look passionately into each other's eye's, but then...) C: Ack! You're not going to slip me the tongue are you!?? D: OK! OK! NO Tongue! No Tongue! (Cleo closes her eyes and clams up, but Damozon goes in anyway...) -- (In the middle of kissing , Anja walks in. She is eating Cheese curls with chopsticks. She drops them from shock...) AJ: Ack! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't know this was the GAY restroom! -- Elseware: (We see the entrance to a "Vicky's Secret" Store) (Mercer is zipping around at super human speed, messing with the lingere, shuffling around manaquins, and basically causing havac...) Female sales clerk: Manager! Manager! the pervert,s back! (Mangager comes on screen) (Mercer is gone) FSC: He... he was here a second ago! Manager: Yeah, right, like there's a pervert out there with super human speed! Clean this mess up! (a safe distance outside the store, we see Mercer with a menacing grin) MC: Heh heh. Vampiress: Hey there, big boy, I'm here to give you a lesson in pain you'll never forget! 1 Issue 2: =========================================== MC: Duh¼. * *Note: this is Mercer's "Oh my, there is a half naked woman in S&M gear standing before me with a whip"- style "duh". GRAB(V grabs MC with her whip) MC: (thinks)Ah! I can't use my legs! AAARRGGHH!(V bites MC on the neck) ---------- (In the restroom) (Anja is not there) C: Well¼ That wasn't so bad¼ for a first kiss. D: Yeah, but we really freaked out that Indian girl. She dropped her Cheese Curls. C: Was she eating them with chopsticks? D: Apparently. C: Why? D: 'probly to keep the orange crap off her hands. C: Say, that's a good Idea¼ ----- PUT ON ( Man dressing in a dressing room) Another Female sales Clerk: Putting it on your tab again, Coy?[Emerald Coy] EM: Heh. Heh. Yup. I'll pay you later, Cathy. (EM walks outside the store) EM: (thinks)Wait a minute! Something is wrong¼ BITE! (Wooshing sound heard) (EM puts his hand to his neck to realize he is bleeding...) EM: EARRGGHH!(writhes in pain) (Cleric and Smoker walking on an upper floor) SM: I must say, you are taking this rather well, I mean having two off the team members coming out as lesbians must have been a blow to your moral convictions. CC: *&%$#! (Cleric smashes his fist against a payphone) SM: Or, maybe not¼ CC: I can't stand it! Don't they see what there doing is wrong! Unnatural! I know I have no reason to feel such contempt, but I do! It's like they took everything that's good and pure and right in my world, took it outside, beat it senseless and urinated on it! (Completely looses his composure) (Screen pulls back to see Damozon and Cleo getting off a nearby escellator) CC: And how long have YOU been standing there? D: Long enough, Mr. "I LOVE EVERYONE". (Damozon is glaring at Cleric, Cleo is looking listless, but is not looking at Cleric) CC: Well, your so hung up on honesty, I do think what your doing is wrong and I don't like it. There; now I'm out of the closet. ----- GLARE!>>>(Damozon and Cleric glare at each other) ------------(or scene change)- (Cafeteria/ Food court. NG, HZ, CL are at a table eating. HZ has teriaki chichen, both CL and NG only have soft drinks.) HZ: (happy)Ah, nothing like Japanese food, eaten with CHOPSTICKS, the truly superior eating Utensil. CL: OK, Mr. High and Mighty, How do you eat the RICE with those? HZ: ... HZ: I said "Superior" not "Perfect". CL: So, nasty Greg, why exactly do you hang out at THIS mall? NG: I pick up guys at the gay art supply store. SPIT (HZ spits out his soft drink) HZ: Did you say GAY art supply store?! NG: (evil smile)Yup, everyone there is gay. CL: Hey, Hayes, don't you go there? HZ: Yes. Oh, my God¼(Smashes his head against the table) CL: What? HZ: I Didn't have enough cash to pay for some India ink (holds up bottle)today! The clerk said it was OK, that I could just do something for him later! (NG and CL are taken aback with shock) NG: All this time, all it took was ink to get you into bed? Splat! (HZ smashes the bottle over NG's head.) HZ: SHUTUP, NASTY GREG!! !!!!! (the three see something shocking) Hey, guys, you won't believe what I just saw!¼ (Anja is approaching the table, a horde of vampires is approaching behind her, unnoticed by Anja) AACK! Bite! (A vampire bites Anja) CL: ANJA!! HZ: Clyde! NO! (Haze pulls Clyde back before he charges into the vampire horde) (the three pull back to a wall window at the far end of the Food Court where they are surrounded by vampires...) HZ: Whao! Nice Vampire horde! Good Vampire horde! You don't want to bite us! NG: Yeah! HZ: He's a Flaming Homosexual! He never has protected sex! Who knows what diseases he has in his blood! CL: Yeah! And we're his bitches! Really! (CL and HZ glomp onto NG) [Vampire Horde backs off and leaves] CL:I can't believe that worked! HZ:Actually, I think it was more this sunlight than anything else. Odd how this mall has almost no skylights. (NG looks at HZ inquisitively) HZ:What? NG:Oh, sure! Now you come crawling to me! BASH! (HZ smacks NG over the head with a nearby potted plant) CL:But what purpose would they have in starting a Vampire horde on a Tuesday morning? NG: (recovering)It might have something to do with that Supervillian attack today? HZ:Come Again? CL:Just before we met up, A bunch of superheros totaled a giant Camel in the Parkinglot. Then they just walked inside to do some shopping. -- HZ: (thinking) Say did one of these superheroes have super-human speed? CL:I think so. HZ:I got it! NG:Got what? HZ: What's going on! Don't you remember fifth grade science class? A vampire lord controls all the people she or he bites, and all those they bite. All a Vampire lord would have to do is bite a person with super speed and they could go and bite all the other members of the team, and everyone in the mall. As soon as night falls, they'd escape and use their superpowers for evil purposes! NG: But what about the camel? HZ: This vampire lord must be in league with some other supervillians, as to lure the unsuspecting superheroes. Think about it! A vampire attack is the last thing they'd expect in a public place, in broad daylight! CL: Boy you sure have a nack for this stuff, Haze-man! HZ: That's why I'm the comic book artist and you're the transvestitte. NG: Now what? HZ: To the hardware store! If we want to get Anja back, we're going to have to kill the Vampire lord! (Back to the Armageddon Squad) BITE BITE CC: (thinking) What's going on?! (he thinks quick and clothlines something, only to reveal...) CC: Zippy...?! (Mercer is colapsed on the floor) V: Your former friends are now my vampire slaves! And you're about to join them! (Cleric turns around to see the Vampiress) CC:Doesn't that outfit give you a wedgie? ??