I was chatting away with some other people on the FFML on the #fanfic
channel on Newberry when a few thoughts went through my head:
"Ranma! You've got to find the eight pieces of the Triforce and use them
to rescue the princess from Ganon!"
"Sure thing! Rescuing people's my specialty!"
"Good, now repeat everything I told you before."
"Right. Banon-"
"No, Ganon."
"Right, Ganon. Ganon's got the princess and I gotta go get the
Triplefarce-"
"No, the Triforce."
"Right, the Triforce. I gotta get the Triforce so I can tap into the big
keg of whupass-"
"No, unleash the nystic power within yourself."
"Okay. I unleash the thingy from inside me so I can beat the crap outta
Dannon."
"No, Ganon."
"Right. So I beat up the guy and I rescue the princess... uh... princess
whats-her-name."
"Akane. Princess Akane."
"What?! I have to rescue that-"
"She's in need of a hero to rescue her from the clutches of the
nefarious Ganon!!"
"Tell her to cook something for him to eat! That'll do the trick!"
"Look, just do it. Consider it a part of the development of your inner
child."
"You mean, like a martial arts move?"
"More or less.
"Hmm... Reminds me of Kuno. Oh well, if he can do property damage with
it, so can I."
<after a great deal of intese fighting>
"Finally! I can see something up ahead!"
<the Triforce floats magically on a dias of gold and silver>
"Great! This must be it! All I need to do now is find the other seven
glowing yellow equilateral triangles, and reunite them in an effort to
instigate a full scale neo-political revolution in the sociostructure of
the monsters in this place!"
<mystic voice>
"You're supposed to be a sword swinging, neanderthal hero. you don't use
words bigger than two syllables."
</mystic voice>
"Right! All I gotta do is get the other glowing things and put 'em
back into one piece!"
<reaches to grab the piece of Triforce>
**ZARK**
"Jeez! Whadidit do that for?! Stupid Triple-thing!"
<swings sword at it, and breaks the sword>
"Great! Now all I've got is this stupid bent stick! Now how am I
supposed to get the other ones?!"
or, if that doesn't suit you fancy:
"Ryouga, I can't believe you got us lost again. We were supposed to meet
AKane and Ukyou at the arcade next to the 7-Eleven."
"Well, I wasn't the one doing the leading around!"
"Yes you were! This is the last time I ever let you convince me that you
know where the place is - and what's with the trees and the bushes here?!"
"They look so happy."
"Hey look up there!"
"Yeah, so? It's a big metal box with a flashing question mark on it."
"I wonder what it means."
"Want to try opening it, Ranma?"
"Sure. Maybe there's a map or somethin' in it."
<Ranma jumps on top of the box>
"There isn't a lid or anythin' on it."
"Maybe we have to break it open."
"Okay then, Kashuu Tenshin Amiguriken!"
<nothing happens. Ranma jumps back down>
"That didn't work, and now my hands hurt."
"Let me try it. Bakusai Tenketsu!"
<nothing happens>
"Stupid box!"
<Ranma punches the box>
"Whoa, what's the burbling noise?"
"I dunno, Ranma. Wait! A giant mushroom just shot out of it!"
"It's smiling at us!"
"Looks like it says, 'eat me' written all over it."
"Should we touch it?"
"Nah."
"Hey look, there's another giant mushroom waddling over here."
"What?"
"It's gnawing at your angle, Ryouga."
"It's really anooying and it's starting to hurt."
<punts the waddling mushroom into orbit>
"Now that's familiar! If it were a few feet larger, I'd swear it were
Tsubasa."
"I'll say. Hey, Ranma, do you see that turtle?"
"Yeah! It's huge! It's like one of those movies props or something!"
"This is starting to make me worry. Let's get out of here!"
"Right. Look, there's a pipe over there. Let's get in it. I don't think
it can crawl up there."
Ad nauseum.
I doubt I'll ever write them, but it just passed through my mind. I get
the feeling they've been done before. If they have, does anyone know who
did them and where I could get a copy of it?
* * * * * * * * * *
Ethan Tsai
1 N. College Street
Northfield, MN 55057
TSAIE@Gridley.ACNS.Carleton.edu
http://public.carleton.edu/~tsaie/ethan.html