Monitor fades in. Grant is sitting on a couch watching the FFML
channel. A small TV with propellers on the top floats in.
TV: Whatcha doin?
Grant: Preparing to write my first MST! I'm finally going to be a productive
member of society!
TV: Uh, Grant. The FFML isn't society.
Grant: IT IS TO ME!!!!
The TV gives Grant an odd look on her screen.
TV: Whatever. Just start it already.
(The scene opens on a theater, with Flashman and Sakura sitting in
the foreground and a table that holds the decimated remains of what
must have been a gigantic Thanksgiving dinner. The two of them are
holding their bellies and both sigh in contentment.)
Grant: They're content now, but let's see how they feel once indigestion
kicks in.
A hand holding a mallet comes out of the TV and whacks Grant.
TV: Don't be disgusting.
Flashman: I'm stuffed.
Sakura: I think (holds her hand over her mouth as she burps) I could
get to like this "Thanksgiving".
Grant: A GIRL? BURPING? THAT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!!
Flashman:(Smirks) Told ya. (Looks around) Where's Trident?
Sakura:(Shrugs) Got me.
Flashman: You didn't let him have any of the Death By Chocolate...
did you? You KNOW what chocolate does to him.
Sakura: Uh oh.
(Trident comes in and back flips all throughout the theater.)
Grant: What's so "Uh oh" about that. That's the standard reaction for
eating chocolate.
TV: How would you know? You're pretty far from standard, just like
everyone else on the 'net.
Trident:(Singing) I am the very model of a cartoon individual! I'm
comical, unusual and also rather whimsical.
TV plays a clip from "Planet of the Apes".
TV: YOU TOOK OUT HIS BRAIN, YOU BLOODY BABOONS!
(Trident continues singing as Flashman and Sakura stare at him and
when Trident reaches the far back of the theater...)
Trident: HALF TIME! (He collapses to the floor and starts snoring.)
Flashman: (Shaking his head) Alcohol doesn't do a thing to him, but
give him the tiniest piece of chocolate and he falls apart.
Sakura: Guess this means we're not reviewing tonight.
Flashman:(Grumbling under his breath) Not like there's many good
pickin's. RPM.... grrrrrr.
Sakura: Want to work on TRIO? I'll help, especially with the fight
scenes.
Flashman: Okay.
(Flashman pulls out a remote and turns on the screen. However,
something other then TRIO pops up.)
TV plays a clip of a man shouting.
TV: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Flashman: What the...
Sakura: What's this?
Flashman: I don't... wait a minute. I remember this, I was working
on TRIO and one day got stuck on something in it and wrote this.
Sakura: Hmmm... ANOTHER SM/R1/2&DBZ fusion?
Grant: Another? I don't think there's ever been a fusion of all three.
TV: Who ever said you think?
Flashman:(Shrug) So sue me. I thought it would be cute.
Grant: Sue You? (Evil Grin) (reaches for the phone)
TV lauches a mini-bonbori from her screen at Grant.
TV: REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME?!?!?!
(insert flashback involving toothpaste, an old Western, and nacho
cheese)
Sakura: You know, this is pretty good. How about we continue it?
Flashman:(Shrug) Why not? Sounds like fun... and who knows... maybe
this will earn me more respect from the FFML and earn me SOME respect
from the RRML. Maybe this will earn me....
Sakura: ...MST's?
Flashman:(Coughs) Sure... those too. (Aside) How does she always see
through me like that?
Grant: Women can do strange things. Things you and I would never
believe. Things like-
TV begins a swirly pattern of the screen.
TV: You will not reveal the truth. You will not reveal the truth.
Grant: yes, mistress
The Flashman
May The Spirit Preserve You!
_________________________________
DRAGON MOON 1/2
It was raining in Nerima. This was a normal event. People
opened their umbrellas and continued on their way. This was also
normal. Suddenly, loud explosions could be heard coming from down
the street. This would become normal.
Grant: Normal? What's that mean?
TV: That means the exact opposite of everything you know and care
about.
Two forms, one a red headed girl in an orange karate gi, the
other a panda bear, dropped down from the sky and landed in the
middle of the street, "Listen pop," the girl said, "For the last time
I am NOT getting married to some girl I've never even met before!"
Grant: Dropped from the sky? Wouldn't that hurt.
TV: No. They're animates. Animates never get hurt unless,
1. They're in darkfics.
2. They're in parody-fics.
or 3. They're in any type of fic at all.
The bear tried to say something but it came out as grumbling.
"I don't have time for fiances," the girl continued, "I have to get
back to China... and it can be around you or THROUGH you!"
With that the girl let out a roar of anger and with a gold flash
of light, the red head was a blonde. The panda looked at the girl
for a second before it let out a roar of its own and the black hair
that was on it became blond as well. The two charged each other and
traded a flurry of blows. Suddenly, the panda disappeared and the
girl looked around for it as she exclaimed, "Now where did he...."
TV launches into a commercial.
TV: Disappearing Pandas on this week's X-Files.
She was cut off as the panda whacked her on the back of the head
with a stop sign.
Meanwhile, at the Tendo Dojo......
Soun wept for joy as he read the card from his dear friend. It
said,
<Coming soon,
Bringing son.
Your friend,
Goku>
Grant: That was unexpected.
Soun stood and ran to gather his daughters.
"Kasumi!"
A young woman stopped her cooking and looked up at her father.
"Nabiki!"
A girl in her room stopped reading the stock reports and looked
up at her father.
"Akane!"
A girl in the dojo stopped breaking bricks and looked up at her
father.
Grant: So far, almost nothing's changed. Well except for the Son
Goku thing. And the panda dissapearing. And
the hair color change.
"Usagi!"
Grant: O_O
No answer.
"Usagi? Now where could that girl have gotten to?"
Grant: Girls can go anywhere. IT'S A CONSPIRACY, MAN!!!!!!!
IT'S A CONSPIRACY!!!!!!!CCCOOONNNSPIIIRRRRAAAACY!!!!!!!
TV plays a Beavis 'n' Butthead clip.
TV: Shut up, Beavis!
"If you're looking for Usagi," Nabiki said, "she should be home
right about...."
The door opened and Usagi walked in as she cried, "I'm home!
Sorry I'm late but the teacher gave me deten..." Usagi tripped on a
crack on the floor and fell on her face, "OW! WHHHHAAAAAA!!!!"
Grant: Isn't there something wrong here? I mean, how does one trip
on a crack on the floor? The crack would have to be pretty damn
big. Oh wait, this is the Tendo household. There's damage
everywhere.
"...now," Nabiki finished.
"What is it you wanted us for father?" Kasumi asked after she
had soothed Usagi with a batch of fresh baked cookies.
"I have wonderful news," Soun exclaimed, "I've told you many
times about my training with my oldest and dearest friend Son Goku,
have I not?"
TV: Wait a sec. He trained with Goku.
Grant: Yeah.
TV: And Happosai is supposed to be stronger than both of them
combined, right?
Grant: Yeah
TV: And there isn't supposed to be anything stronger than a sayajin, right?
Grant is in shock
Grant: That........that.....THAT DEFIES ALL LAWS OF ANIME PHYSICS!!!!!
NOTHING IS STRONGER THAN A SAYAJIN!!!!!!!!!!! NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!
TV hands Grant his medicine.
"Only about a thousand times," the two youngest Tendo siblings
(Akane and Usagi) said at the same time.
"Well, he's coming here after a training trip to China and he's
bringing his son, Gohan with him."
"So?" Usagi asked as she bit into another cookie.
"As you also know, our two styles, The Magical Girls School,
which one of you will inherit one day from your dearly departed
mother, and the Saya-Jin School have had a history of cooperation."
Grant: Wait a sec. Soun....trained in the Magical Girls school?
"To quote sis," Akane said, "So?"
"One of you is going to marry Gohan."
"WHAT???" Three of the four sisters exclaimed. (Kasumi of course,
being the exception)
"Hey," Nabiki finally said when the shock had worn off, "maybe
we shouldn't take this so hard. This Gohan might not be such a bad
guy."
"Is he my age?" Kasumi asked, "Younger men are so.... YOUNG."
"Is he cute?" Nabiki asked.
"Hey," Usagi exclaimed, "That's MY line. Aren't you supposed to
ask if he's rich?"
(Sorry SKJAM, that line can be used in more then one reality right?)
TV: Don't worry. SKJAM's been taken care of. (Says something in Italian
to someone off camera.)
"Yeah dad," Akane interjected, "what IS this Gohan like?"
"I don't know," Soun answered, "I've never met him."
Alarm bells rang in all four girls heads and they all looked at
each other with "oh BOY" looks. Suddenly, the sound of a door
opening and someone yelling, "PUT ME DOWN" was heard.
Soun leaped to his feet and exclaimed, "That must be Goku and
Gohan now!"
Nabiki and Usagi, their curiosity overtaking them, followed
their father down the hall. Two seconds later, the three of them
came running back as a giant panda bear with a person over its
shoulder walked into the house. "Pop," the person exclaimed, "Cut it
out! Can't you see you're scaring them spitless!"
The panda placed its burden down and stood back. "I..." the
girl said, "I'm Son Gohan.... sorry about this."
As soon as the surprise wore off Soun grabbed Gohan and hugged
as he said, "I'm so happy you've arrived!"
Something about Gohan, Soun noted, didn't feel right. He
stepped back and took a look. A red headed girl in an orange karate
gi looked back. "Dad," Nabiki pointed out, "Gohan is a GIRL!"
Grant: Hmm, Gohan as a girl........
The lights go out for Grant in a nosebleed.
The lights went out for Soun.
Later.......
<Snip>
Grant wakes up.
Grant: How much did I miss.
TV: Well, you missed the "Who's that man scene".
Grant: Is that all?
TV: No. You missed 25 lemon scenes and the fight with
Dojo Destroyer/Majin Buu.
Grant: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
TV: Relax, you didn't really miss all that.
Nabiki knew Gohan was still in the bath but still, Usagi
embarased so easily sometimes and it was so funny when she did so.
Usagi went down the hall and into the bathroom. She undressed in the
changing area, grabbed her towel and walked in...
Only to see a naked man coming out of the tub. A.... completely.
.... 100%.... naked.... MAN!
Grant pukes in a toilet that appears from nowhere.
Usagi closed the door, put her clothes back on, walked out of
the changing area... and screamed.
Grant: in passion a Gohan thrust-
TV: HEY! NO REWRITING THE TEXT!!! hentai.
All the people in the living room looked up at the scream and
watched Usagi as she raced in and hid behind Akane. "What is it?"
Akane asked in concern.
"There's a PERVERT in the bath room," Usagi exclaimed, her eyes
wide in fear.
"Someone trying to scare my little sister?!" Akane thought,
"KILL!!!!!!"
Grant: YES! MAIM! KILL! DESTROY! PILLIAGE! RAPE! Well, maybe not that.
Aloud she growled, "I'll drown him in the bath tub!!!"
Akane grabbed the table and hefted it over her head. At that
moment a boy with black hair, wearing the same gi the girl had been
wearing before, walked into the room. "Who are you?" Kasumi asked.
"I..." the boy said, "I'm Son Gohan.... sorry about this."
The four sisters stood there stunned. The table fell with a
whump onto Akanes head. "Calm down please," Soun said, "I can
explain everything."
He indicated the man on his left, who was attired the same as
Gohan but his hair was longer and more frazzled looking and said,
"This is my old friend, Son Goku..."
"...and this," Goku said, "is my son."
"Gohan," Gohan finished.
Usagi just stared at him as Akane growled threateningly.
"You're probably wondering what's going on," Goku continued, "well,
I'll explain. It all started with a training trip to China...."
Grant: Please!! I don't want to see another rewrite of that scene!
Meanwhile, somewhere in deep space......
<Snip>
Ryoga grinned, "Why not?"
The two of them lifted off the ground and went flying off to cause
some damage.
Grant: YES! CARNAGE! DESTRUCTION! YEAH!!!!!
Flashback....
{Two months ago, Jusenkyo China}
"Here sirs," the guide said in his broken Japanese, "is legendary
training ground, Jusenkyo. Over two thousand spring, each with own
TRAGIC story."
TV: Not all of them are tragic. Check out his clip of the creation of the
Barneyniichuan.
TV plays clip of Barney drowning in pool while kids sing "Row Yer Boat"
Goku looked around and said to his son, "This is the place. Ready
Gohan?"
Gohan also looked around and replied, "Whenever you are Father.
This place isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be."
With those famous last words, the two martial artists each leaped up
onto one of the poles that stuck out of the various pools. "Please
sirs," the guide said, "What you doing?!! Very bad you fall in
spring!"
"I won't hold back Gohan," Goku declared.
"Neither will I," was the reply.
The two leaped forward and clashed in mid air. They traded a furry
of blows and then Gohan hit a sharp kick to Gokus chest that sent him
down towards "Spring Of Drowned Slug" but Goku was able to use his
flying ability to avoid an unnecessary bath. "Oh," the guide noted,
"they fly. Not so tragic then."
Grant: Law of life # 31. If you get your hopes up, they'll be shattered.
TV: Don't be so negative.
<Snip>
Goku-panda grumbled something in response and Gohan-chan shrieked,
"AND STOP TRYING TO TALK WHEN YOU'RE A PANDA! DIDN'T THAT GUIDE
TEACH YOU THAT SIGN TECHNIQUE!!!!"
Goku-panda pulled out a sign from behind his back that read, <Boot,
I haven't gnat the hinge of it yak.>
Grant: Wow. That makes almost as much sense as taking a dump for the fun of
it.
TV launches a static-colored blast an Grant.
<Snip>
The ships opened.....
"AHHH! Earth at last!"
"This ISN'T Earth."
"WHERE IN THE COSMOS ARE WE NOOOOOWWWWW?!!!!!!!"
Grant: You are in....... the MST zone
TV plays Twilight Zone music
TO BE CONTINUED.....
Grant: So what did you think?
TV: I thought it would have been pretty good if you hadn't ruined it by being
disgusting.
Grant: I hope Christian continues it.