on this happy Turkey day comes another product of my convoluted
mind...

(El-Hazard is property of... ah, you know already.)

*****************************************************************

"I have returned!" Jinnai bellowed as he entered the throne room.
"And I have brought the weapon that will spell the doom of our
enemies!"

Diva shuddered with delight.  "Let me see!"

Jinnai signaled his Bugrom troops.  They rolled forward a cage
bearing...

"Hello!  Let's learn about numbers today!"

"Bh'Arnee!  You awakened the Purple Scourge?!"

The infamous laugh-that-caused-coronaries filled the room.  "With
this, we are unstoppable!  El-Hazard is ours!  BWA HAHAHAHA!!"

"Oh my..."  Diva whispered.  Then, turning toward the readers,
she said, "Isn't he sexy when he does that?  Ooooh."

***

"Princess!  Princess!  Emergency!" an anonymous guard cried, 
running into the palace garden.  "The Bugrom are attacking
Floristica!  And they have some sort of new weapon!"

The princess faced the sweating flunky.  "What sort of weapon?"

"We're not sure.  No one has gotten close enough to identify it
and survived."

"This is bad..."  Rune Venus stared into the distance, deep in
thought.  What if it was another demon god?  Or something the Eye
of God had sucked out of another world the last time it was 
activated?  "Send word to the Muldoon priestesses.  Have them
come at once."

"Yes, your majesty."

The guard hurried off to do his ruler's bidding.

***

Jinnai surveyed the destruction, growing more and more pumped
with each explosion, each death, each crushed habitation.  This
was his final trump card.  Within days, all of El-Hazard would
be his, to rule as he pleased.

His sadistic laughter filled the air.

***

The priestesses arrived just before sundown that day.  They were
immediately rushed into the conference room to consult with the
princesses.

Rune Venus checked out the room as they entered.  "Where are Miz
and Fujisawa-sensei?"

Shayla just grinned.  Afura, being the more mature of the two,
hrmphed and said, "They're back at Mt. Muldoon, and they're, how
do I say--"

Shayla snickered.  "Makin' whoopie?"

Princess Rune blushed.  Afura sighed and hung her head.  Makoto
and Nanami facefaulted.  Fatora and Alielle giggled like little
girls.

"So the marriage is working out?" Rune said, trying to regain a 
bit of seriousness.

"Now that he's over his running instinct, yes."  Afura sat down.
"But I don't think we're here to talk about marital affairs.  
What's this about a new Bugrom threat?"

Londs filled the priestesses in on what they had learned of the
new super-weapon.

"Big and purple, you say?"  Shayla looked at Afura.  Afura looked
at Shayla.  They seemed to share a thought.

"What is it?  Do you know what this thing is?"  Fatora had no 
patience whatsoever.

"It seems impossible, but I'm afraid it's true."  Afura took a 
deep breath.  "Bh'Arnee has returned."

Makoto looked up.  "Barney?"  It made sense.  Well, sort of.
Big, purple, liked to sing...  "There was a Barney in our
dimension, too."

"How did you defeat it?" Rune inquired.

Makoto looked confused.  "Defeat it?  It was the main character
in a children's show!"

The whole room blanched.  "How did you survive?" Shayla asked,
incredulous.

Nanami shrugged.  "By the time it came out, I was too old to 
watch it.  So was Makoto.  Right?"

Makoto's eyes took on a glazed look.  "You didn't have any
younger siblings."

"Oh."

"Anyway," an exasperated Rune muttered, "How do you propose we
get rid of this thing?"

Shayla was just about to open her mouth when...

"It's here!  The evil thing is here!  Roshtaria is under attack!"

"WHAT?!"  The collected group screeched.

"We're outta here.  Got a demon freak to fry," Shayla said as she
and Afura headed out the door.

Alielle clung to Fatora in a death grip the Jaws of Life couldn't
have broken.  "Oh, protect me Princess!"  She looked up at her
lover with wide Bambi eyes.  Ordinarily Fatora would have been 
turned on, but under the circumstances...

Londs left after the priestesses.  "I'll get the army together.
We're undermanned, especially after the incident with Ifurita,
but we just might be able to protect the city."

Something outside crashed to the ground and people screamed.

"...Or what's left of it."

***

The princesses surveyed the damage from the relative safety of
their balcony.  In the streets below, there was carnage.  
Buildings crumbled, livestock ran amuck, people cried out in 
agony.  And in the midst of it all stood the Purple One.  His
horrific war cry floated above the city like some noxious cloud.

"...I love you, you love me..."

Princess Rune paled.  "It's... It's..." she stammered.

"...Hugging people to death."  Fatora said, deeply disturbed.  

***

"Hey!  You!  Big, purple, and ugly!" Shayla yelled at the 
hug-happy Bh'Arnee.  "Eat this!"  She powered up with the Lamp of
Fire and shot a burst of flame at his arm.  It singed the foam
rubber, but did nothing more.  "Oh, this isn't good..." she 
whispered.

Bh'Arnee looked at his smoking arm.  "That wasn't very nice of
you.  I think you need to take a time out to think about what
you did."

"Huh?"  Shayla stepped back, not wanting the evil thing to get
close enough to drag her into its deadly embrace.

Afura touched down behind Bh'Arnee just in time to hear him 
rake Shayla over the coals for toasting his arm.  An idea began
to form in her mind...

"Bh'Arnee!" she called to the demonic dinosaur.  "What's going
on?"

Bh'Arnee turned around.  "I have to punish... um, what's your
name?"  he asked the somewhat frantic person behind him.

"Shayla-Shayla.  Why?"

"Oh, you should go to a speech-therapist to get that stutter 
fixed.  But Shayla tried to hurt me.  She should stop and think
before she does things like that again."

The stone in Shayla's headband flared up.  "WhAt DiD yOu SaY?!"

Afura smiled to herself.  "You know the Bugrom Homeland beyond
those hills over there?"

Bh'Arnee nodded.

"Well, it's chock full of naughty little kids who need to be 
taught a lesson.  Why don't you go over there and teach them to
be kind and gentle or something?"

"Why, that's a good idea!  Thank you!  And you," he finished,
pointing to Shayla.  "You need to learn to be nice to others.
No one likes a bully."

With that, he flounced off into the darkness, singing his song.

***

Meanwhile, Jinnai was just returning, triumphant, to the 
Homeland.

"Tomorrow El-Hazard belongs to me!  AH HA HA HA HA!!!"

The Bugrom made gestures of victory as they hoisted their 
brilliant leader onto their shoulders.

But all was not as it seemed.

"Hey kids, I think it's time that you learned how to respect the
feelings of those around you!  Now sing along with me..."

Jinnai's jaw dropped to the floor.  He picked it up, stuck it
back where it belonged, and addressed the serenading psycho.

"What do you think you're doing?!  You're supposed to be helping
me enslave Mizuhara and all his pathetic followers!"

"You didn't say please!  This means I'll have to teach you to be
nicer to people.  Let's sing the Politeness song, okay kids?"

Jinnai's screams echoed across El-Hazard as Bh'Arnee's voice 
filled the air with his "music."

***

the end...?

and how was your Thanksgiving?  and, just for curiosity's sake,
am i the only one out there who's allergic to turkey?

anyway, what'd you think of the story?  c&c appreciated, flames,
well, flames are not.  although if they're creative enough, i'll
take 'em, just for laughs.

thanx to all the people who responded to the first part of this,
'cause without your input, i'd never have taken this any farther.

* also in the works:

El-Hazard: Another Night, Another Dream
	Makoto has a run-in with Roshtarian cuisine, Nanami faces
	her fears, Miz makes wedding plans, Jinnai conquers his
	foes, and Mr. Fujisawa climbs the peaks of his destiny.
	and possibly an Alielle dream, but only if i can keep it
	from becoming a lemon... in other words, it probably won't
	happen.  ^_^

El-Hazard/The Mark of the Cat crossover
	has anyone actually read The Mark of the Cat by Andre
	Norton besides me?  it's an amazing book, and i just might
	be able to combine it with El-Hazard... they do share some
	similarities, and i think the melding of the two worlds 
	would make for some interesting stories.

Ranma 1/2: Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?
	i smell bacon...

Ranma 1/2: The New Girl
	is it just me, or is Kuno always getting screwed over?
	well, this time he doesn't.  co-written by SuprCat.

Sailor Moon/Rainbow Bright crossover
	just kidding!

elsetime,
nem0

Mr. O'Neil:  Let's all pledge to help make Daria's dream come true!
Daria:  You mean the one where people walking down the street burst into
flames?
visit the newly renovated DreamLand!
<=http://www.angelfire.com/mt/dland/index.html=>
kiss the ground, run my fingers through the earth... yes, it feels so good
to be alive... -- Luscious Jackson