Hard to Say Goodbye 

~By K-chan~
k-chan@rocketmail.com
*Ranma 1/2 characters are copywrited to the ingenius of Rumiko Takahashi and
co. - Viz, Kitty, Shogakakun and Fuji TV. I own nothing on these characters.*
~Be warned, this will be a sadfic but as for a bitter ending...? I don't
know... ^_~ 
~I'm taking this from the manga, so no Sasuke in this one.~
~A special thanks to The Verve and Radiohead for providing brilliant,
melancholy music to get me into the mood to write this...~

Chapter 1: Night Thoughts
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(revised)

      Feeling pain is something few would enjoy experiencing when injured.
But what about feeling no pain at all when a serious injury has been
inflicted. Which is the better? ...And what do you do when the wound is not
of the body but of the heart? 
      One person in Nerima seemed to be suffering from this; his name was
Tatewaki Kuno. At this moment, he was saying goodbye to his sister, Kodachi
Kuno, who lay still, eyes shut. In the next room, his father lay unmoving
also. 
      His dark eyes gazed down at her quiet, pale form. He took her cold
hands and crossed them over her chest, inserting a black rose between the
hands. "You shall join our ancestors now in heaven with Kami-sama and forever
you will be known as the Black Rose. You won't be forgotten and I'll meet
with you again, when my time comes. Till then, farewell, younger sister."
Kuno whispered softly, his voice untainted by any emotion. Taking one last
look at a link to his old life, he put the white sheet back over Kodachi and
walked calmly to the door and back out to the hospital corridor. 
      The stark, white light made his face looked paler than it was. A
peaceful, almost normal, look settled on his face; it was as if the last few
hours had never happened.... As if there had been no fire....
     Memories of the night clashed jarringly. Somehow the happier ones
dominated and the dark ones faded with time, giving in like a nervous
wallflower afraid of confrontation....
     Kuno kept his eyes wide open as he calmly strolled down the corridor,
thoughts streaming in a dignified fashion round his numbed mind. Coming to
the reception desk, he noticed a vase filled with darkly-coloured roses. 
    The memories suddenly tumbled down an unexpected waterfall,
intermingling. Sweet, aromatic flowers for Akane -The smell of smoke -The
beautiful pig-tailed girl laughing - His sister screaming - A gallant fight
against Saotome - Watching the paramedics try to resuscitate Kodachi - Being
booted through the Tendo's roof - The sad look on the doctors face -
Crash-landing in a neighbours garden - Saotome's spell on the pig-tailed
goddess keep its grasp - The smell of smoke - Akane's beautiful smile - The
darkly-coloured roses in the vase - The beautiful pig-tailed girl laughing -
Akane's enchanting eyes -
    "Mr. Kuno? Mr. Kuno? Are you OK?" A gruff voice asked.
     Kuno blinked his eyes open and let out a breath he didn't care to know
he'd been holding.
     "Yes, Dr. Megasato. I'm perfectly fine." But my family is not! A small
sting of anger almost penetrated Kuno's veneer but lost eventually. Must not
let the Kuno family name down. Must not. Kodachi and my father are with
Kami-sama now, watching me. My mother is watching me. "Do I have any papers
to sign? It's late and I still have yet to arrange the..." he stood silent
for a moment; "...funeral arrangements."   
     "Uh.. yes, you do, Mr. Kuno." The old doctor looked at Kuno strangely
for a moment and then led him along, in and out of the darkness of the partly
lighted corridor. The shadows accentuated the lack of emotion on the
Kendoist's face; no worry lines, no brows, no tears, just a cold
impassiveness. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

      Signing medical and insurance forms as if he was a wearied star signing
autographs, Kuno finally put down the black pen with a small 'tap'. The
paperwork for the hospital was over with, just funeral arrangements to make
now. He sighed deeply; too many forms to fill in for someone with as
prestigious a family name as he, too many.
     Ink from the paper had stained his hands. This would not do! 
     "This will _not_ do! This is _not_ right!!!" The kendoist slammed his
fist into the table and stood up with a start, his chair clattering
backwards. The consultants stared back at him, almost cowering. Kuno did not
notice them, his shaking fist was gripped tightly and a snarl scrunched up
his features. No-one moved for quite some time.
      He did not enjoy filling out forms, that had always been his parents
business.... had always been... his parents...
      "Look at the time, must be going." Kuno's face stiffened back into its
icy blankness -- clear yet numb -- and he strode towards the door, his eyes
opened so wide that they hurt, though he would never admit it. He opened the
door and was careful not to slam it like he felt he should. Weakness was for
those who were unworthy of being warriors. That is what his mother used to
say. It had been a long time since he had listened to memories of her... now
he had no choice but to. After all he had nothing else to do since the death
of his only family.
      A teardrop glided down his face, the heat of it stung a small scratch
on the side of his face.  The lights were obviously too bright for his eyes
-- and therefore anyone elses. He would talk to the hospital manager about it
tomorrow... for now sleep was all he needed. It had been a long night and he
would need all his strength for tomorrow.
     As he approached the exit, the early morning quiet of the hospital was
left behind for a colder silence. All Kuno could hear was the smacking,
echoing noise of his feet against the hard, smooth surface of the floor in
the disenfectant-soaked hallways.
      'Fwwwssshhhh..' the door opened before he reached it. A slight breeze
from outside skimmed across his face. He ignored it. Someone approached him.
He ignored them. There were thoughts which demanded his attention... until he
saw who it was. It was a surprise to see her here; he had not expected her
presence.
      She stared at him, an alien expression of nervousness crossing her
face. What could she say to someone who'd just lost their family in a house
fire..? Even if it was the Kuno's. Even though she had lost her mother,
unlike Kuno, she still had had her two sisters and her father to help her
through and she had been so much younger ...What was she even doing here?
      "...Hi Kuno ...How are you?" She mentally berated herself for such a
stupid question, how did she think an orphan of an two to three hours was
doing? It wasn't like she cared. A lot. She was just here as a classmate,
that's all. To keep a check on her best customer...
      "Good morning, Nabiki Tendo. I'm perfectly fine."
      Nabiki eyed him carefully; he did look fine, too fine, too composed.
Didn't he care? No reaction at all. Shouldn't there be so over-emotive
response of some kind? This was Kuno, wasn't it?
      "Is something wrong, Miss Tendo? You seem distant." 
      "Uh.. no Kuno, nothing's wrong,"a suprised Nabiki answered. He noticed
how someone else was feeling? Him? He must be in shock, or denial. The poor
guy had nowhere to go, his home completely decimated by the fire and he
didn't seem too stable either. 
      "There's no need to feel sorry for me, Nabiki, I am capable of taking
care of myself, even after this.. 'incident,'" Kuno stated with little
emotion until the last word, which seemed to stumble out with a hint of
bitterness.
       A perceptive Kuno... what next? 
      "Akane and the 'pigtailed girl' send their condolences." That should
cheer him up, Nabiki thought.
     Kuno meanwhile became enrapt with the two beauteous images and their
sweet laughter, ready to tell the world of his love for them when... the
high-pitched laughter started to scream... their faces slimmed and their eyes
narrowed... the double image becoming one, becoming one more twisted and
blurred... the screaming became louder and louder... the blurred face became
more defined... the screaming faded as silence reigned... the face settled
into the dark, stylish face of one recently departed... one he could have,
should have, saved... his sister... 
      "Hey, Kuno are you OK? Kuno!" Nabiki shouted down his ear, trying to
wake him up from whatever nightmare he was having. His face looked too solemn
for her to be comfortable with. She was only trying to help - and although a
few people would have claimed she was incapable of emotion, they were also
smart enough to keep their views to themselves. "Tatewaki Kuno!"
       The images in his mind snapped shut as his eyes opened. "What?" He
blinked a few times to get his bearings and became relieved when his sister's
face had apparently left him alone.
       "You went into a haze there. I was just trying to wake you up." Nabiki
pondered with the idea of asking him to stay at her house, because she knew
that he had little choice. For such a prestigious estate, the Kuno family
line had always been pretty small. Kuno's father, the principal, had no
siblings and neither had his mother. Nabiki still had trouble believing what
had happened _had_ happened. People fought monsters and each other, they
declared their love and they shape-shifted without blinking but they didn't
die, they just didn't... until now.
       "I'll be leaving now, Nabiki Tendo," Kuno suddenly announced in a
cold, formal manner which betrayed his arrogant tone; "I have much to do."
       "At this time? Don't you need some sleep first, it _is_ 4:30 in the
morning. You haven't slept all night, have you? I'm sure Dad won't mind you
staying at our house. So, what about it, then? I'll help you with any
paperwork in the morning." She almost added "...for a fee," but thought
better of it. Even she wasn't that cold-hearted and money-minded. She wasn't.

       "I can take care of my own affairs without any help and find my own
accomodation. I'm not a helpless weakling!" Kuno replied, though it was less
to do with ego and more of a self-reminder of self-suffiency. 
       "Hey look. I'm just trying to help. It's not like you have anywhere
else to go! What are you going to do, sleep on the streets?"
       "I'm no commoner, my family had many connections, being of such a
great line of warriors! I have no need for charity!" Kuno protested with more
vigour than he had been showing before. Realising his mistake by losing
composure, he tried to quench the rising hard, red anger inside of him. He
was so angry but he shouldn't be! He just wanted to strike out at something,
he _ needed_ a release. But his mother would disapprove. She would be
disappointed in him, watching from above. She had once said that you could
only be a true warrior if you did not foist your emotions onto others and
saved your passion for the battlefield.  But he felt _so_ mad, so mad at that
moment. Mad at everything and everyone.
       Nabiki was worried, really worried. Kuno seemed to be in danger of
losing his temper... bigtime. His teeth were clenched tight together and his
fists were scrunched up till they went white. A gasp almost escaped her as
she saw Kuno's eyes darkening rapidly. This was not looking too good. She had
been careful in her choice of words and knew that he had an ego which
surpassed the likes of Ranma but she didn't think he'd turn down an offer to
stay in the same place as Akane. That wasn't like him... but then this
violently moody kendoist who had just lost his family was not exactly his
"normal" self.
       "It's OK, Kuno, if you really don't want to, it's OK."
        The fear hidden deep in her voice, the fear she tried to hide,
snapped the fire out of Kuno's heart with a sharp sting. What was he
thinking? How _could_ he even consider striking out at a defenceless woman?!
That sort of behaviour is unacceptable in anyone bearing the Kuno name!
Unacceptable... His mother would be ashamed... How could he ever have
forgotten her wise words of honour, strength and what it meant to be a
warrior?
       "I must leave, now. I shall greet you another day, Nabiki Tendo, good
bye." His cooly edged voice spoke so quietly Nabiki almost didn't hear him.
He was too self-obsessed with his supposed faults that he didn't notice
Nabiki's sad expression as he turned away from her towards the exit. 
       As the overly proud but confused teenager left the warm building for
the cold, dark night, Nabiki sighed to herself. Why did she feel so upset
over this? It wasn't like she held any warm feelings for the Kuno family...
But despite his outward appearance of arrogance and pride, Nabiki felt that
at this moment, Kuno was just a lonely little boy who was lost among his own
feelings. He would never be the same person again after tonight... She knew
those feelings.
      "I just wanted to help..." Nabiki said quietly to an empty corridor,
feeling too alone with her thoughts. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

       As Kuno trudged the snow of the winter night and as the frosty air of
early morning bit at him, he suddenly realised that he had no idea where to
go. "It has been a busy night, of course such a thought would accidently slip
my mind momentarily." He prided himself on his modesty and on being able to
point out his good points too. Not once had he had to apologise because his
behaviour had always been impeccable.
       Now, who would he choose to let have the honour of his company...? He
had already turned down the Tendos because their offer  had been out of pity
and not admiration. It was strange how perceptive he had become after...
after... the tragic passing of his family. 
      He had lost his mother barely five years ago and for some reason the
memory of her stern, impassive face had faded... until now. Who would she
recommend? Ah yes, the Okanoni's! Such a fine family, always pleasant and
polite he had heard. He would live with them....

..........Tapping lightly on the large doors of the Okanoni's not-so-humble
abode, Kuno waited for an answer. He was surprised when Mrs. Okanoni answered
the door in a nightgown and not some common servant.
       "Yes, can I help you?" She asked, blurry-eyed, grumpy, without
recognition. 
       "Uh... My name is Tatewaki Kuno, and I wish to stay the night since I
have nowhere else to go," he replied boldly, confident of rest soon.
        Mrs. Okanoni was bemused by this strange boy. He said he was... that
boy Kuno? Who did he think he was?! Going under the guise of that established
family. "You claim to be Tatewaki Kuno...? From the house of Kuno?"
       He nodded.
      "You must take me for a fool! Well. I shall not have it, street cur!!"
      "But I --" Kuno protested, unaware of his appearance. Majestic and
proud in his mind, he was actually a most miserable sight: ruffled hair,
bloodshot eyes, shadows starting to appear under his eyes, his clothes
wrinkled and slightly dusty from the smoke -- he had not changed since the...
incident, and with bare feet.
      "You think an arrogant specimen who's stupid enough to carry a useless
piece of wood around such as yourself could ever be of any noble family!"
      "I assure you, I --"
      "And that fake accent, who are you kidding?!" Being woken up early in
the morning had not made Mrs. Okanoni very friendly. "And as if anyone would
want to be thought of as belonging to those twisted, disreputable, laughable,
only-good-for-their-money Kuno's, well I never!" She got carried away on a
torrent of abuse at, to her, this stranger. "And thoses clothes, please!!
They make you look like a girl, you deviant!" Slowing down to take a breath
as a window upstairs lighted up, Okanoni was about to turn away when she
seemed to remember something. "And another thing... Good morning!" She
slammed the door in his face, compounding his shock at the spurned
invitation.                                                            
     Insults danced round his head merrily, laughing and teasing him: -
"arrogant... stupid.... disreputable... laughable..." No-one laughed at his
family. Surely the lady was just tired and unaware of what accusation she was
making...? His family was respected and admired! But what she had said... for
some reason Kuno couldn't shake the insults out of his head with his usual
style of ignorance and ego. They just wouldn't leave him alone, just wouldn't
go!
     He shook his head in frustration as he stepped away from the house. No,
no, no, no, no, no, no! He kept shaking it till the thoughts faded away... at
least for the moment. "I have such a headache! It must go away now!
Please....!" He almost pleaded out loud but not quite, for it was still
beneath him. Head bowed down, the last Kuno plundered on, with not so much
force in his step as before...             
     Kuno thought for a long time about the "event", barely noticing the loss
of his bokken until he was too late to stop the heinous thief.  He ran after
the criminal shouting about the "injustice of it all" and how someone of his
"standing should not have deal with this sort of disrespect." The thief
seemed to laugh out loud at this comment. This riled Kuno even more; how dare
someone so lowly mock his family?! The chase became high pursuit, he was
barely dodging people along the pavement as he ran with all of his life
against this deviant.
      The aggressive wind whip-lashed his face and the snow-bogged streets
slowed him down as he ran bare-footed along the street, sense finally
abandoned. A comparison with Saotome sprung to Kuno's raging mind and it
merely drove him on further. Refusing to admit the punishing exhaustion which
was begging for him to stop by cramping his sides with fierce pain which
sliced through him and weighed down his lungs with extra-ordinary large gasps
of air, Kuno ran on. This scum had insulted his family and therefore had
insulted his whole reason for being, to carry on this noble line.      The
truth was no thoughts of "the pigtailed girl" and/or Akane ever entered his
head. 
     Kuno was gaining rapidly on the thief, who was beginning to panic. Who
was this nuthead and why didn't he just give up? It was just a stupid piece
of wood he was going to use for a fire! It was such a cold night and he was
so cold... he had eaten very little and he just needed warming up. But his
starvation was catching up with him and the thief couldn't keep going on like
this. How was he supposed to get rid of this guy?
      A cruel idea popped into the thief's head. He didn't want to have to do
this but without warmth, tonight was going to be his last night alive. That
made him very desperate. He suddenly turned sharply to his right, nearly
spinning off his feet, into a side alley where he stopped and took a few
gasps. Just as he expected, the mad guy had followed him into the dark
one-way street.
      Unable to see much but blurry shadows of bins and boxes, Kuno announced
his arrival into the alley. "I am Tatewaki " 'wheeze' "Kuno of the house of
Kuno" 'gasp' "and I demand that you" 'choke' "give me back my most sacred
weapon," he shouted with as much gusto as his pained body could allow.
      "Not on your life," replied a shadow emerging out of the shadows and
into the pale moonlight , something shiny in his hand glinting under the
night's light.
      "So it shall be, vagrant." Kuno eyeing the glinting object carefully.
Was it.. a knife? "I am a skilled martial artist and shall defeat you with
ease."
      "We'll see about that!" The man answered gruffly. He dove towards Kuno,
who easily stepped out of the way, and landed loudly in the clattering jumble
of tin bins. He lay still for a short while. Confident that his assailant had
been dealt with, Kuno went down to pick up his wooden weapon when...
       'Slash!'
       "Aaaah!" Kuno instinctively clutched his bleeding shoulder. The
commoner had suddenly recovered and had leapt up and slashed his shoulder.
This great offence on his character had dealt Kuno a large reality blow and
he didn't like it one bit. He was no weakling, he had more training and
talent than this weasel would know what to do with! He may not have been able
to save his sister and his father but he could save himself. "You think you
can beat me with dirty tricks! You think you can kill me in a dishonourable,
cowardly fashion, like those who set fire to my house! Well, take _this_!!!" 
       And with that, Kuno slammed his fist right into the man's face,
hurtling him across, where a sickening 'crack' was heard as the stunned man
collided with the wall. Not caring for the man's life, Kuno forgot about his
bokken and stormed out of the alley and down the street.  
      The torture his bleeding arm was wreaking on him brought Kuno back from
the brink of madness. He slowed down his pace, ignoring with difficulty the
stares and whispers around him. They seemed deafening but his sore, throaty
voice and throbbing, dizzy headache prevented any protests to silence the
rumours of "a madman, he is," "ain't it that bore Kuno? Can't be, would be
nice if it was, though," "deserves it, that pervert" and "let's get outta
here, he's gone nuts!" People were scared of him? Normally it was pleasing to
hear that but he felt that they were referring to his state of mind, not his
superior martial arts skill. 
       He knew he was sane. He _was_ sane, he was! The... inconvenient, no
that's offensive, the untimely death of his family had nothing to do with him
wandering around the streets of Nerima - it was Nerima wasn't it? - not
normally visited by any self-respecting citizen. He respected himself, who
wouldn't? Who wouldn't respect him, Tatewaki Kuno, the mighty Blue Thunder?
He had nothing to be ashamed of, nothing... except for -- no! He couldn't
think about that! Not _now_, not _ever_! Not that there was anything to think
about, no there wasn't. There wasn't, dammit!
      "NOO!" Kuno screamed as he whammed his fist into a nearby brick wall.
'Wham'! Extra hard. He breathed heavily as he realized his outburst. Holding
his bruised hand up to the harsh, unflattering glare of a streetlight, a
sudden wave of shame flashed briefly over him as he realised he had
embarrassed the Kuno family name once again. Tears were threatening to break
free from his eyes but he blinked them back furiously. He had shamed himself
enough, crying was an indignity he would not suffer. It would be the death of
his very character. 
      Mother would be very disappointed with him: emotional outbursts,
moodiness, lack of respect from those beneath him and the inability to sa..
sav... She might leave him again, if he ever made it to heaven, just like she
had five years ago. So unexpectedly.
      Kuno travelled on, sinking in guilt and melancholy till he reached an
empty intersection.
      Not seeming to care, he fell into a self-absorbed stupor as he crossed
the slippery street.  He never saw the car screeching round the corner. The
car never noticed the uncharacteristically unnoticed Kuno as it speeded down
the lane... 
       'Screeeeech!'
       Only when the long headlights shone over the unaware pedestrian did
the driver take action. Braking hard and fast, her car skidded helplessly
towards a potential tragedy. The pedestrian stopped and turned to look at the
speeding vehicle in surprise. He made no attempt to move, struck dumb by fear
or numbed by depression.
       "Get out of the way, kid!" the driver desperately shouted out, knowing
well that the boy could not hear her. She cried in frustation as the steering
wheel locked up on her. In less than a second, her fate would be decided. A
killer or just a careless driver. The impact of that the driver hadn't fully
comprehended. There was no time for that. She could only pray for a
miracle... 
       The car skimmed sadistically in what seemed like slow motion for both
parties. The driver tried to steer away while Kuno wondered whether to move
and save what he had left of life or to let it end and be done with this
wretched mess. He could feel the warmth of the blazing headlights on him, he
could just stand there...
        ...But no! Something inside of Kuno woke and pushed him away to the
side just as his destiny was upon him. 
      'Wham!'
      But not quick enough as one of his legs was hit by the side of the
careening car, lashing him off his feet and twisting him round in the air to
land hard on his face, where the warm dribble of blood slid from his nose. 
      Kuno slowly but determinedly picked himself up, his hands sticking
slightly to the chilled concrete. The air stung his wounds and his body
shrieked with agony as he accidently tried to lever himself up with his
slashed arm. He stood up, his legs wobbled nervously as he was being wracked
with convulsions. But conscious thought barely penetrated the senses. All he
could think of was "alive, still alive, why?" He had to keep moving. He had
to go on and he didn't even know why. He just had to. Even though the dark
cloud in his mind was slowly choking him, he knew he couldn't let it take
over him.. he couldn't.. but it wouldn't relent, it wouldn't leave him
alone...
        The driver finally managed to stop a hundred yards down after
spinning round and round. The driver, shaking with shock as her mind spun
erratically with what had just happened, wheezed with fear. The ground
beneath her seemed to shake and shift as she stepped out of the car. She had
to find that boy. She had hit that boy. Her. Stuttering down the street, the
driver looked for the boy but couldn't see him. Where did he go? She looked
on in vain and desperate guilt. What now?


* * * * * * * * * * * * *
End of chapter 1...
Any form of C&C taken with gratitude and thanks ('cept for flames : P ) and I
hope it made some sense!
I don't know what happened to the Kuno's mother, so I made a history up for
her that would fit in with this fic. And I have no idea how long this story
will go on for, either... As you can see, I know a lot! ^_^