THE FLASH POINT
(Flashman looks around the theater as the lights come up. With the
exception of himself, it is completly empty.)
Flashman: Where's Sakura and Trident?
Voice: They're watching Starship Troopers.
Flashman: AGAIN?! That's the ninth time!
Voice: What can I say? They like it.
Flashman:(Sighs) Then who am I reviewing with?
(Yellow, silver and blue mist swirls... and swirls... and swirls...
and swirls... and swirls.)
Flashman: Uh oh.
(Five Sailor Moons drop out of the mist and land in seats in the
front row. From left to right, they are dressed in a costume from
each season of the Anime series.)
[Christopher Angel, God of Moments, pops into the theatre. He sits in the
back row. Taking a bottle of water out of his jacket, he pours it on the
ground. Out steps Skuld. He pulls a mini-TV out of his jacket, and turns
it on. Out steps Urd.]
Urd: [looks down] FIVE Sailor Moons?
Skuld: [scowls at Chris] Are you being a hentai again? I'm going to tell
Rachel and Ami on you!
Chris: [defenesively] Flashman's idea! Not mine! Besides, I've said it
once, I'll say it again, they're jailbait! [beat] Although Sailor Moon
Eternal is kind of cute.
Skuld: [whaps Chris] HENTAI!
Chris: Ite...jeez, can't I call a girl cute without being a hentai?
Urd: Do you really want us to answer that?
Chris: No more Ranma 1/2 for you two.
SMoon:(Angrily) What the HELL is going ON?!!!
Moon:(Shivering in fright) W-where a-are w-w-weeee???
MoonR:(Curious) Dear me, this mist seems to be a means of
interdimentional transportation and thusly, has transported us to
this location.
MoonE:(Kasumiish) Oh my.
MoonS: FLASH-SAN! (Power GLOMP) It's good to see you again!
Flashman:(Turning blue) N...nice t..to see you... too. (MoonS sits
down as he looks up) Let me guess, you've been kicking around the
idea of doing the longer version of "Personality Split" again.
Voice: Yep.
Flashman:(Sighs) Okay then let's get....
Chris: Hey! Look! He's doing the 'author' and 'character' thing! Thats MY
schtick!
Urd: But you're not using it any more.
Chris: [sulking] It's STILL mine.
(The lights go out.)
Flashman: HEY! What's....
(Kanes Theme [which sounds like something out of an '80 slasher
movie] starts to play and blood red light fills the theater.)
Flashman:(Looks up) You DIDN'T!
Voice: Don't look at ME! I don't have any idea how HE got in here!
(The doors slam open and Akuma saunters in. His grin is one of pure
evil as he sits down in the seat next to Flashman and looks up
disdainfuly at the five Sailor Moons in their battle poses. [SSM in
an agressive stance. SMS in a stance designed to protect the others.
SMR in a studious pose. SME in a bouncy, hyperactive pose and SM
hiding behind SSM.])
Chris: [looks at the starry eyed Urd] Oh no. Please no. Not him. Even
Piccolo's better than him.
Urd: KAWAI!
Chris: NO WAY! You are NOT, I repeat NOT, dating Akuma!
Skuld: Oniichan, considering you have two girlfriends, you really have no
right to talk.
Chris: IT WAS NOT MY FAULT!
Akuma:(As the normal lights come back up) Oh please. I'm not here to
fight, for once. I've heard much about this MST and I am the kind
who will try ANYTHING once. (Evil Grin) Besides, this is a Lurker fic
and I know Hikaru will be watching. (Waves at the camera
sarcasticaly) Hello Hikaru, I trust my Hadoken didn't do any
perminant damage... besides the one you already have in your brain.
Flashman:(Sweatdrop) Before we get into even MORE trouble, let's get
started with the fic.
Chris: [sighs] Please..I feel a headache coming on.
_______________________________
This is an odd idea I had a little while ago, that *might* make a
good fic set in the Evangelion universe, or it might not. I don't
know. In any case, it was just too...twisted...to leave alone. I'll
let you folks decide what to make of this. Flush it? Write it? Pass
it off to someone else to write? Let me know what I should do with it.
[Akuma: Flush it!
Others: YOU HAVEN'T EVEN *SEEN* IT YET!!!
Akuma: Bite me.]
Urd: [sultry] Is that an invitiation?
Chris: [groans] Urd...stop that.
Skuld: Give it up, Oniichan.
Chris: NEVER!
Oh, and there's spoilers...well, sort of. Put it this way: it helps
to know what happened in End of Evangelion to understand this...
[Flashman: End... of... Evangelion?!!!
ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
SMR: Still expressing feelings of frustration over having the ending
spoiled for you?
Voice: Darn skippy. AND I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET!!!!]
Chris: BAH. I've only seen up to ep 16. Count your blessings.
Skuld: Yeah, but you actually LIKE reading synopses.
Chris: [shrugs] It doesn't spoil it for me. I rather enjoy having some
idea of what's going on.
Pre-notes: the following assumes that the...ahem, 'ultimate form' of
the human race possesses at least a small portion of the power it was
intended to in the first place...and probably takes more liberties
than I should be able to get away with. ^_^;;;
[SM: One... two... three... Three sweatdrops. (Shivers) This is bad.
]
Chris: This is Lurker. 'Nuff said.
********
No response came from the semi-artificial life form.
Puzzling. Most species encountered reacted in terror, or in threats
of violence.
Not that such threats were of any concern.
Terror, after all, is irrelevant.
Threats are irrelevant.
[All: Oh... my... GOD!!!!
Akuma: ... ess
SSM:(Bonks Akuma over the head) That's someone elses joke!
Akuma:(Rubs his head and glares at SSM) I reiterate. Bite me.]
Urd: [sighs] What a man! He's got a sense of humor, too!
Chris: [groans] It just gets worse, doesn't it?
Skuld: [shakes her head] That joke was worthy of Lurker.
Something was disturbing about this new discovery. Something
markedly different from anything previously encountered.
For one thing, the electromagnetic signature which clung to its
endostructure was nearly as powerful as a subspace field.
Intriguing.
The...object, bore markings, symbols. With a little effort, the
markings were decipherable.
Evangelion 2014. Unit-01. NERV.
The computer systems it possessed were primitive at best, easy to
crack.
[SMR: Hmmm... Hyper accelerated ability to decifer alien languages.
Ability to guage EM and subspace readings. Hyper decription ability.
Hmmm... these beings can only be...
SM: WHAT? WHAT? WHO ARE THEY???
SSM: Don't tell! You'll ruin the surprise.
SM: I WAAANA KNOW!!! WHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Flashman:(As he and the others cover their ears) You mean you haven't
figured it out already?]
Chris: Actally, I hadn't.
Skuld: But then, you're dense.
Chris: HEY!
Urd: Skuld, stop stealing 'Niichan's lines.
Chris: Yeah! [beat] Wait a second...
Would it be as easy if that electromagnetic signature was active?
This...object, called Evangelion, appeared to be half-organic, half-
machine.
The organic portions were...unusual. Composed of...
Impossible. Organic tissue could not be composed of such particles.
Chris: Huh? Is this some EoE thing I should know?
This, however, was.
Whoever built this...creature...
Indeed, technology and biology worth investigating.
And assimilating.
Data banks scanned. Strange...no star charts or references to
interstellar travel. What was this doing in deep space?
Probable origin projected. Assimilate the Evangelion, and move on.
[Akuma: Hmph. They don't waste much time.]
Chris: [Borg voice] Time is irrelevent.
********
Ikari Yuuichi Langley sighed wearily as the device he was struggling
with whirred and hummed to life.
[SMS:(Heart Eyes) KAWAI!!!
All other SMs: HEY! What about Mamo-chan?!
SMS: Well of COURSE I love him the most... just because I think other
guys are cute doesn't diminish the love in my heart for my one and
only prince charming. (Sighs)
Chris: See! She even said it!
Skuld: You're forgetting something.
Chris: Wassat?
UrD: [grinning] She's a girl. Different rules.
Chris: It's discrimination I tell you!
(Flashman and the other SMs rolls their eyes as Akuma retches.)
Flashman: I wonder what the TRIO version of her would say?
SSM: TRIO? Why would our opinion be different?
Akuma:(Evil Grin) Yes... tell them.
Flashman:^_^; Err... No reason.]
Chris: All together now...
All: USAGI AND RANMA FOREVER!
Chris: Mamoru's a chump.
"Been busy, Yuu-chan?" a female voice behind him teased lightly. He
turned, and smiled at the red-headed woman approaching him. "Hello,
Misato," he said.
Souryuu Misato squatted next to him, and peered intently at the
device he'd been working on. "Finally got this thing rebuilt?" she
asked.
He nodded. "I think so," he said. Grumbling, he said, "The bigger
question is, can we wake up the Three? Without the Three, most of
this...this...*junk*," he snorted, waving his hands disgustedly at
the ruins surrounding him, "is completely useless."
[Akuma:(Ikari impression) Just like me.
(SSM and Flashman bonk him at the same time.)
F/SSM: SHUT UP!
Akuma: Oh, bite me!]
Chris: [hand over Urd's mouth] Don't say it.
Misato smiled. "I'm sure if anyone can do it, you can. You've
managed to do more here in the last few years than anyone's done in
six hundred years."
He sighed, idly scratching his bearded chin. "Not really. I've just
been rebuilding the interfaces, and figuring out how all this crap is
supposed to work. If the last generation hadn't managed to figure out
how to put the power grid back together, I wouldn't have accomplished
this much."
"Well, I admit, things have been hectic. Especially considering that
all anyone's really been able to focus on for the last six hundred
years is making Eden City habitable. We're lucky, in a way," she said.
Yuuichi nodded. "Yeah...the ruins of Eden City make for great
building material..." They shared a laugh.
"I wonder what our ancestors did here?" Misato mused, looking around
at the vast expanse of technological ruin. Yuuichi shrugged.
[(Flashman pushes a pair of glasses up the bridge of his nose.)]
Skuld: [malleting Flashman.] Flashman no BAKA!
Chris: I could say something Lurkerish here...[Skuld glares it him]...I
think I won't.
Something beeped insistently on the console in front of him.
Frowning, Yuuichi extracted a small, worn-looking black box from his
pocket, and fumbled with a panel on one of the systems he'd been
working on. With a sharp tug, followed by a snap which sent up sparks,
he extracted a live wire from the panel, and fumbled it into a slot
on the exposed circuitboard of the box. Pressing a button on its side,
he said, "Eden Base here."
"Yuuichi," crackled a voice from the tiny speaker on the box, "This
is Kenji at Watcher Point."
"Go ahead, Kenji," Yuuichi said, sharing a worried glance with
Misato. Kenji *never* checked in with Eden Base without first being
threatened with cleanup duty in the Sea...
"We're picking up something at the perimeter with the orbitals.
We're not sure what to make of it, but it's approaching fast."
"Do you think it's hostile?"
"We don't even know for sure what it is. It doesn't look like a
natural space phenomenon."
"Wonder what it is?" Misato asked.
[Flashman:(Singing) It's the end of the world as we know it...
SMs/Akuma: Too late.
Akuma:(Grins) See, we can agree on something.]
Chris: [sighs] That joke is SOOOOO old.
Skuld: It is appropriate though, not many other songs fit so well...uh oh.
Urd: Now you've done it. He's going to go looking though his Rush stuff
again.
Chris: I was not! [beat] Good idea, though.
[Skuld/Urd groan]
Yuuichi shrugged. "Could be anything...let's just hope it's friendly.
Kenji, keep an eye on that thing."
"Yokai. Watcher Point out."
Yuuichi set the receiver on the panel, not bothering to disconnect
it. "Well," he said, "looks like we have something to relieve the
tedium now."
Misato raised her eyebrow. "You call all this *tedium*?" she said,
gesturing expansively.
Yuuichi shrugged. Suddenly, a young woman with intense eyes and
shoulder-length dark hair ran up to them, pausing to gather her
breath. The pair frowned. "Rei? Is something wrong?"
[SM:(Hiding behind SSM) Rei?! WHERE?!!!
Urd: Different Rei.
Chris: [frowns] That's a fusion which would be fun...lesse...Ayanami
would make a good Mercury..
Skuld: Ice-Queen in more ways that one?
Chris: [Flatly] Ha ha. [Beat] Asuka would be a great Venus. Misato
as...hmm...Jupiter.
Urd: Jupiter? How do you figure that.
Chris: [smirks] She's got the 'talent' for it. [Skuld and Urd look at him
blankly] Watch the NA dub of Sailor Moon. The one where they're going out
for a part in a play. Funniest choice of lines for a dub I've ever seen.
Skuld: [frowns] Are you being a hentai again?
Chris: I 'll plead the fifth on that. Hmm...who else to use. Maya?
Nah...Ritsuko? Hmm...Hikari and Touji. [beat] Bwahahahahahahahaha. OK,
enough of that, it's just silly.
SSM: Don't worry, I won't let her harm you!
SMS: Oooh, stop it you two! Even though we fight a lot, we all know
we love Rei.
SMR: Yes, so stop this display of emotional denial and let's get back
to the review.
Akuma:(Thinking) I wonder what would happen if I said "Chibi-Usa"?]
Urd: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! Don't say that name, she might hear you!
Chris: Who is she, Happo-mph.
Skuld: [hand over Chris's mouth] Don't say that name either.
The young woman nodded, still gasping for air. People were somewhat
uneasy around her...for six centuries, ever since the founding of
Eden City, a girl appeared once every generation, who resembled the
fabled Ascending Angel. It was customary that when such a girl
appeared, her true name was stripped from her, and she was given the
name of the legend, Ayanami Rei. The girl named Ayanami Rei was
always given one specific duty, the task which made most ill to think
about...Keeper of the Sephirotic Sea.
Now, the Keeper of the Sea stood before them, thoroughly flustered,
in a state of near-shock. "The Sea..." she said. "It's...it's awake.
"
Yuuichi and Misato gasped. "Let's go," Yuuichi said. Rei groaned as
she ran after the two, at a much slower pace.
The Sephirotic Sea...contained in a tank of the strongest materials
their ancestors were able to salvage after the Third Impact. It had
taken two hundred years to seal the sickening red mass of fluid,
especially since it had a habit of awakening every so often, and
killing off the workers. Then, it would return to its slumber, and
the work would resume.
[Akuma: I think I like this Sea.]
Skuld: You would..
For the last four centuries, the Sea had slept peacefully, never
awakening. Now, however, it was extremely awake. Yuuichi and Misato
paled as they watched the body of red liquid seethe and roil in its
vast tank. Bubbles rose and burst in the mass, sending small streams
of it skyward, only to have them return to the Sea itself,
occassionally letting loose a hiss of steam.
"What's it...doing?" Misato asked.
[Flashman: It's trying out for Volcano 2.
(Everyone [even Akuma] punchs Flashman on top of the head.)]
Chris: Now that's not fair, it was a good joke. [Skuld/Urd whack Chris]
HEY!
Skuld: Don't encourage him!
Rei shook her head. "I'm not sure. It's been unsettled for a few
hours now, but only started behaving in this manner in the last
fifteen minutes."
Yuuichi was about to speak, when the sky darkened. Everyone looked
up. The sun was no longer visible, blocked out by a massive object.
Enough light was reaching the Earth past the imposing shadow for
Yuuichi to make out the shape of a cube.
[Flashman: All those surprised?
(SM's hand goes up.)
Chris: [embarassed, his hand up] OK, so I'm dense!
Skuld: I already said that.
Flashman: Thought so.
SM: HEY! I'm from a time BEFORE people started doing crossovers with
that show.
SSM: Even "Star Trek Moon Ranger"?
Flashman: HEY! I liked that series!
Chris: O_O I may have to read that one.
Akuma: Figures, Sentai Boy.]
Chris: And just what are wrong with Sentai phrases?
Urd: 'Niichan? Two words: Crimson Brilliance.
Chris: And what's wrong with that?
Skuld: Could you be any MORE corny?
Chris: [cartoon voice] She don't know me too well, do she?
"What...what *is* that?" Misato gasped.
"It's trouble," Yuuichi said. "I can feel it."
The Sephirotic Sea churned more angrily.
The comm panel on Rei's monitoring station crackled to life. Rei
blinked at it, and started to press the respond button...
"WE ARE THE BORG."
[Akuma:(Grinning real evily) As one who has been "Borged" before, I
must
say, I like your choice of villians Lurker.]
Urd: [grinning] Better Borged than b-mpth!!
Chris: [hand over Urd's mouth] Please don't.
The voice was deep, sinister, and resonant, as though a chorus were
speaking. A shape descended from the cube rapidly. It looked to be
about forty stories tall, and humanoid. Something about it looked
very familiar...
Yuuichi gasped. "Th--impossible! Tha--that's an...."
"An Evangelion," Misato breathed. "Like the ones in the legend."
"There shouldn't be any more of them!" Yuuichi said.
The Sephirotic Sea began to glow.
"WE DISCOVERED YOUR TECHNOLOGY ADRIFT IN DEEP SPACE. IT INTERESTS US.
WE HAVE COME TO YOUR WORLD TO ASSIMILATE YOUR SPECIES AND YOUR
TECHNOLOGY. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE."
Chris: [frowns] Hmmm...[looks at Skuld] Something seem wrong here to you.
Skuld: [nods] Awfully wordy for the Borg.
Chris: Re-watch your Next Generation, you need to practice Borg-speak a
little more.
UrD: [sighs] Trekkies.
[SMR: Now the most intruiguing quarry is, just how did an Evangelion,
which to the best of my knowlage, has no capability of deep space
flight, manage to traverse to the Delta Quadrent and thus, gain the
attention of the Borg?
Flashman: I assume that, if Lurker continues this, he'll answer that.
]
Chris: Knowing Lurker, probably not.
Skuld: Why do you say that?
Chris: [pixie voice] This is more fun!
Urd: [sighs again] Now he's doing Willow.
The Evangelion took a step forward, the ground shaking beneath it.
Its eyes glowed with menace...
As a beam from the cube illuminated the golem, Yuuichi noted that it
had been augmented with mechanisms which he couldn't remember from
the legends. "I think these Borg, whatever they are, did something to
that Eva," he mused. "It doesn't look right."
The Evangelion raised its arm, and a lightning bolt streaked out,
raking the surface of the Sephirotic Sea. Rei, Misato, and Yuuichi
scrambled for cover.
The lightning never hit. It arced harmlessly across a barrier which
had appeared over the Sea. The Sea was now glowing with a fiery
orange light, as it roiled and churned in its artificial basin. A
tsunami wave of red fluid rose up, and a wall of white-hot flame
roared out of it, racing across the ground towards the Evangelion. As
it struck, the Eva was completely incinerated.
[(Flashman holds up a card that reads 9.2. The SMs all hold up card
which read 9.8.)
Chris: [holds up a 9.5] Impressive.
Urd: [8.5] Tacky.
Skuld: [9.9] Pyrotechnic!
Chris: [facefaults]
Akuma:(Holds up a card that reads 0.1) And the Romanian judge, while
impressed with the trick shot, must penalize because he's a total
bastard.
F/SMs: O_o
Akuma:(Folds his arms across his chest) Don't be surprised. I CAN be
a bad a** too you know.]
Chris: All those surpised? [No hands go up.]
A beam lanced down from the Borg cube at the Sephirotic Sea, but was
easily repulsed by the force barrier protecting it. The barrier
seemed to be straining, however, to hold back the beam.
[SM: I'm scared.
SSM: You're scared of the monsters in Jyu Ranger.]
Skuld: Hey! They're scary monsters.
Chris: [shakes his head] Nope, I didn't hear that. I'm halucinating, I
didn't hear that.
Then, the Sea settled, appearing calm, though its glow had become
yellow. Without warning, a pillar of light erupted from the Sea,
smashing into the massive cube. There was a soundless explosion, and
a hiss of white noise from the comm panel as the incoming
transmission was severed. The pillar of light thinned, and winked out,
and the Sea ceased its glow, becoming tranquil once more.
Yuuichi stood, looking from the Sephirotic Sea to the sky and back
again. "What...what *was* that?"
Chris: Very nasty.
[Flashman: POWEEEERRRRRR.... GUYSERRRRRR!!!!!
(Akuma winces.)]
Rei frowned. "The Sea...how did it generate that kind of power?"
Misato looked worried. "Those Borg...do you think we've seen the
last of them?"
[Akuma: I doubt that.]
Skuld: It'd be a short fic otherwise.
Yuuichi sighed. "I hope so...but I think we'd best prepare a defense,
just in case. The Sea might not decide to protect us the next time.
"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
You know you're eating at a bad Italian restaurant
when there's something Roman in your meal.
[All:(Wince)
Flashman:(Whining) Luurkeeeer....]
Chris: [sighs] It's not as bad as some of the one's he's had.
Urd: Yes, it is!
__________________________
Flashman: Well, that's that.
SME: I hope things will turn out alright for Rei, Yuuichi and Misato.
They seem like such nice people.
SSM: You thought ZOICITE was a nice person.
SME: Well she was.
SSM: Don't you mean "he"?
SME:(Confused) Why would I mean h... (Blinks) Oh my.
Chris: [frowns] Dubious geneder seems to be common in villians of that
show.
Skuld: Umm...Oniichan, what about Uranus?
Chris: Hey! Stop picking on her...him...oh, nevermind.
Urd: You're the one who applied the Jusenkyo effect to her.
Flashman: Anyway, keep up the good work and I'll be here to revieiw
it, hopefully, Sakura and Tri will be back by then.
SMR: That reminds me. The five of us need to...(blushes) reunify.
Flashman: Okay. Go ahead.
SM:(Blushes a dark red) We can't do it HERE!!!! It wouldn't be decent.
Akuma:(Raises an eyebrow) And just what does your reunifing entail?
SSM:(Also Blushing) None of your buisness!
(SMS whisperes something in Flashmans ear.)
Flashman: O_O (Nose bleed) Oh.
(SMS whispers something more to him.)
Flashman: X_X (Passes out)
Chris: [holds up his hand] Sensei, can I watch?
Skuld: [pounds Chris] HENTAI!
Chris: Ite...jeez, gimme a break, I'm 22, male, and being fought over by
two of my characters.
Urd: So what does that have to do with....[realization dawns on her] Oh.
My sympathies.
(The five Sailor Moons leave and Akuma stands.)
Akuma:(The blood red lights and his theme music come back on) Well,
THAT was a waste of my time. Oh well, farewell mortal fools and if
you are watching Hikaru... let's get together sometime and maybe, if
there is ever an FFML RR 2, we can work out a match. You DO want to
TRY for revenge don't you?
Chris: I think if he does a second he should allow original characters.
Skuld: Why? You want to play?
Chris: [shakes his head] Nah...Ichi would be a fun participant.
Urd: [shakes her head] Didn't he absorb that starship? That could be kind
of messy.
(Akuma laughs a dark and evil laugh as he teleports away.)
Urd: Wait for me! [hops into the mini-TV]
Skuld: Come on, Oniichan! [grabs hiis hand and hops into the puddle]
Chris: Not the puddle! NOT THE PUDDLE!
[They dissapear.]
--
Chris 'God-boy' Angel
cja124@mail.usask.ca
http://www.engr.usask.ca/~cja124